


The Shawshank Redemption - A Wayhaught AU

by CatieFerrarer17



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV), wayhaught - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-10 16:25:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 28
Words: 130,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11695452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatieFerrarer17/pseuds/CatieFerrarer17
Summary: After being found guilty for her husband's murder, Waverly Dufresne is sent to Shawshank Prison in Portland. When it becomes quickly apparent that Waverly is out of her depth, a long-timer called Nicole Boyd Redding takes the new inmate under her wing. Together they forge an unforgettable relationship as they try to survive the many trials and tribulations that time inside one of the harshest prisons in America can bring.





	1. Chapter 1

1

_I wasn’t there when Waverly Dufresne was standing in the dock in front of the judge on trial for murder, but I hear from others that she barely spoke a word. Her face never showed any emotion and every muscle in her body barely moved an inch. In fact, some say that her lip didn’t even quiver when her sentence was being read out. I can’t believe that she would be that cold, but as I said, I wasn’t there._

Folded, resting in her lap, Waverly’s hands trembled. Trying to stay it, she pushed them further in between her legs deep into the folds of her grey skirt. Waverly could feel the dozens of eyes seated around the room fixed onto her - some with great satisfaction - as the prosecution began its cross examination.

Swallowing subtly, she thought again about the question directed at her, ‘I left the house around eight o’clock,’ she told the prosecutor calmly as she met his gaze. ‘I bought a small bottle of whiskey and drove the car to the hotel. I parked the car outside of its parking lot, by the trees so I was out of sight and sat there looking at the building.’

‘And then what did you do?’ he asked in a way that gave the very strong impression that he knew exactly the answer he was looking for.

She thought for a moment before she continued. ‘I reached into the glove compartment of the car…’ Waverly went on, her hands still clasped together tightly between her thighs near her knees. ‘I took out my 38 calibre pistol and sat there.’

The prosecutor almost chuckled, ‘you just sat there?’

Waverly hated the way his thinning grey hair was slick back against his head; it shone and gleamed in the sun’s rays, which filtered delicately through the windows, as a light layer of sweat formed across his forehead. It gave the lawyer the appearance of the greasy weasel he was expertly playing the part of.

‘Yes… I just sat there,’ she nodded her demeanour remaining indifferent. ‘I took a few more draughts of the whiskey and contemplated my options.’

To this the prosecutor did laugh, ‘you contemplated your options? Well, that’s one way to put your decision to riddle your husband with eight of the bullets from your gun.’

‘Objection!’ came the cry from Waverly’s lawyer jumping quickly to his feet.

‘Sustained,’ the judge agreed. ‘Stick to the facts please Mr DeMunn, not your opinion of the events.’

DeMunn held his hands up but did not look moved or apologetic in any way, ‘so Mrs Dufresne, you sat in your car and contemplated your options?’ He sneered leaning on the bench in front of the jury, almost as if he was their friend and they were in on the joke. ‘Pray tell us, what did you do next?’ 

‘I left,’ Waverly replied.

‘You left?’ it was clear the prosecutor was not convinced.

‘Yes… I left,’ she repeated with composure despite the fear resonating within her chest. ‘I realised that it was not the right course of action to take so I put the gun down on the front seat, still not loaded may I add, and drove off.’ She stared into his eyes at this point to ensure that it had been heard. ‘Then on my way home, I stopped, threw the gun into the royal river and returned home. It was around nine thirty by the time I was in bed. Due to the drink I had consumed I fell easily to sleep… around ten I believe it was.’

The district attorney stared at Waverly as she sat small and meek in the dock in front of him almost dumbfounded at the words she had just spoken, ‘you see this is where I get hazy… as the next morning the cleaning lady goes into your husband’s hotel room and finds him lying in his bed with his lover riddled with 38 calibre bullets. Now does that seem to be an incredible coincidence… or is it just me?’

Waverly’s head dropped slightly, his point was as clear as the mousey moustache twitching on his upper lip, ‘yes it does,’ she agreed. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her lawyer squirm in his seat.

‘And yet, you still maintain that you threw your gun into the royal river, yes?’

‘It’s the truth,’ Waverly stated firmly, her voice remaining soft and reserved.

There was another cruel laugh from the district attorney; Waverly’s lawyer was quick to protest once again. ‘Mr DeMunn, your manner is starting to displease the court,’ the judge said resolutely. ‘Please refrain from adding your own… beliefs… to the proceedings of this trial.’

‘I’m sorry sir,’ his offered. ‘The reason I laugh is based on facts, Miss Dufresne here… is lying through her teeth. You see the police dragged that river for three days and found nothing, no gun, no bullets… nothing. So the bullets from the bodies of Mr Champ Dufresne and Miss Chrissy Nedley could not be compared to your gun… now I find that, just a little convenient.’

His statement was cruel, almost taunting. However Waverly restrained herself from rising to it, ‘actually… due to what I am being accused of… I find that decidedly inconvenient.’

 

_The case was concluded quickly, with the overwhelming evidence against her; Waverly Dufresne was sentenced to two life sentences, one for each of her victims. I like to think that her chilling, emotionless reaction to the guilty verdict and sentencing was due to the shock. The judge did not look kindly on her character and it was this that ensured that she would serve the longest possible sentence he could dish out. And that was how Waverly Dufresne came to Shawshank Prison in 1947._

‘Hey Red,’ called Rosita Heywood gesturing over to the metal fence near to the road that led into the prison. ‘We’ve got us another delivery.’ Looking around from her game of catch with fellow inmates, Nicole Boyd Redding - or Red as they called her - saw that another white unbranded bus had arrived with a fresh batch of guilty women. She adjusted her simple grey cap and handed her catcher’s mitt to the woman she had borrowed it from before following her friend towards the fence along with the majority of the occupants in the yard.

Instead of running to the fence with the rest of the current inmates, Nicole joined her group gathered perched up on a wall by the edge of the prison building. She’d never seen herself as the leader of a gang, but since her arrival 1927, over the years the girls gathering around the tall red head had just gravitated towards her. In a system built to undermine and destroy the inmate’s characters, Nicole had welcomed the attention and soon had formed many trusting friendships. After all, within the prison, she was the one who knew how to get things; it was most beneficial to be on good terms with her or her friend.

‘So… who’s going to offer up first,’ Nicole said pulling a small notepad out of her pocket. ‘Smokes?’

‘As I only have smokes at the moment, I’m game for that,’ Rosita agree hopping up onto the wall beside her friend. Her long brown hair was messily pulled back in a high ponytail whilst her prison shirt was rolled up above her elbows to reveal slender, toned arms. The dull grey prison uniform which consisted of grey flannel trousers, white under wife-beater and grey buttoned shirt did not offer much opportunity to be glamorous but Rosita had always been determined to change it to her liking.

‘Let’s see what we’ve got,’ Steph Floyd added taking her position to study the prison’s latest intake.

 

Inside the bus, Waverly sat quivering in her seat as she looked out of the windows at the mass of women clawing and gesturing into the air only a few metres from the bus. Her heart began to pound as the vehicle neared the gate of the prison and drove through. Relieved, Waverly saw that here the fences were doubled enabling the bus to remain separate from the hoards that had gathered. This relief was brief as the bus stopped and a guard appeared on board at the far end near the driver.

‘Out!’ she barked displaying her truncheon almost proudly.

It took Waverly a moment to react, but others slowly got to their feet she had to follow as their legs and hands chained together. One by one the new convicts shuffled off the bus and lined up in front of it. Some stared blankly at the hyenas laughing and shrieking at the fence’s edge whilst others fixed their eyes on their feet, trying to make it all disappear. Waverly’s eyes caused her to do the former as they scanned the metal fence in front of her that swayed and convulsed as the women pushed and pulled at it hungrily.

 

Up on the wall, Nicole saw her immediately. She didn’t look like the others. Most of the new prisoners were coarse and appeared as though this was just another stint in other prison. Conversely for Waverly, it was clear that this all entirely new. The young girl’s long brown hair hung bedraggled around her face and shoulders. Her once smart grey suit and white shirt were now ruffled and untucked as Waverly stood with her hands hanging limply by her sides her wrists and ankles smothered in chains. 

‘I take fat ass,’ Floyd laughed pointing at a short, middle-aged stocky woman who had to shuffle quickly to keep up with the woman in front of her as they were lead away from the bus. ‘Three smokes says she goes first…’ Nicole nodded and took this down on her notepad.

‘Put me done for a whole packet on grandma,’ Heywood called over.

‘Rosita… grandma,’ Nicole repeated with an amused chuckle. ‘Whole packet? You sure?’

‘Absolutely… look at her… thin as a twig, she can’t have any stones,’ she sniggered.

‘You’re going to eat your words Rosita,’ Steph called from across the group. ‘Fat ass is going to bring it in.’

‘Let me remind you that I’ve bagged the last three fresh fish bets…’ Rosita started…

Laughing, Nicole raised her hands, ‘okay girls… cool it… you can do your hollering tomorrow morning at breakfast once the results have come in.’

With one last playful glare, Rosita and Steph pulled back to inspect their horses again, ‘what about you Red?’ Steph asked. ‘Who you going for?’

Apart from when she was writing down the bets, Nicole’s eyes hadn’t left Waverly for a moment, ‘I think that girl with the silver spoon up her arse,’ she decided, at least that’s how she wanted it to appear. She’d decided a lot earlier, from the moment Waverly had stepped off the bus.

‘How much?’

Nicole studied the mysterious girl right up the moment the group had disappeared into the prison building by one of the front doors, ‘four smokes,’ she stated writing it down. Her eyes only left Waverly when she could no longer see her. ‘Any more bets?’ There were a few more from the rest of the group with more haggling and exchanging of playfully heated words before the matter was concluded for the day. The results would be decided that night after lights out.

 

_I remember the moment I was lead into the prison for the first time, the screaming of the main gate’s hinges as it opened and the wails from the animals beyond the fence. Even if you’re innocent and your lawyer has screwed you, there’s no going back once you’re in those gates. The prison is locked up tighter than a nun’s legs, guards in every tower, every corridor and one to every twenty in the yard. Chained to the next woman the idea of running when those bus doors are opened is completely scrapped. Even if you all decided to run together the chaos of too many limbs would lead very quickly to a humiliating failure. Something which would stay with your name for the entire time you were an inmate at Shawshank and in this prison, that’s not the attention you want to be receiving._

The chains had finally been removed as Waverly stood in line with the rest of the women. They had been commanded to stand straight with their toes just behind the white line stretching across the floor from one side of the room to the other. At least five guards were present in the room, one at each end of the line and the others securing the two doors at either end. With a loud click the door in front of them opened and one of the guards stood aside to let two figures enter the drab, darkly lit concrete room.

The first figure walked with poise as the sound of her high heels echoed around the room. Her slender body was hugged by a white silk suit dress and black cotton shirt spilling around an elegant neck complimented with neatly curled blonde hair. Although the shade of her hair might have been soft, the features of her face were in sharp contrast. Thick black eye liner accentuated piercing blue eyes and bright red lipstick drew instant attention to her harsh pursed mouth. He clasped her hands together purposefully in front of her as she examined the women standing helpless in front of her.

‘I’m Lucado,’ she spoke clearly with resolve. ‘Jean Lucado. I am the warden here at Shawshank. Think of me as your mother. A mother who is so disappointed in the disgraceful excuses for human beings that you’ve turned out to be that she has to keep you caged up like animals so you can learn some much needed discipline. Something clearly lacking in your lives so far.’ Her exacting tone cut straight into Waverly as she tried to avoid the woman’s eyes. ‘There are just a few rules that are personal to me here. One of them respect. Respect for your superiors. The second is, we do not take the name of the lord in vain here. If I ever hear any of you cursing his name, well…’ she laughed cruelly. ‘Let’s just say that you will be praying for his forgiveness very soon after.’

‘When do we eat?’ came the rash comment from a woman a little down the line from Waverly.

Unmoved and clearly unsurprised, Lucado stepped back to allow a stern woman in a blue dress suit to march forward. Younger than Lucado, the woman stood with a slighter figure and long wavy brown hair as she stared into the brazen prisoner’s eyes. ‘You eat when we say you eat. You shit when we say you shit. And most of all you speak when we say you speak and not without permission. Do you understand fuckstick!’ she cried angrily before adjusting the truncheon in her hands and ramming into the woman’s stomach. Waverly heard the woman gasp and cough as she fell to the floor. The suited woman looked back along the line through penetrating hazel eyes at the other women some shaking more at the turn of events. ‘I hope that’s clear to the rest of you.’

‘This is Willa Hadley,’ Lucado said impressed with Willa’s work. ‘She’s my Chief Guard here and trust me, she runs an even tighter ship than me and does not take even an ant’s footprint of shit from anyone.’

 

_The next part of is one of the hardest. They strip you down to the skin you were born it and throw you under showers that either freeze your skin or scold it red. I’ve spoken to inmates who have had to endure both temperatures; neither are enjoyable in anyway even for the most hardened of souls. Once this is done they throw delousing powder over you which sticks to every part of damp skin and burns the eyes if you are unlucky enough to have it find the gaps around your eyelids. They don’t tend to warn you to close your eyes; it’s just one part of the enjoyment they find in the routine. After you are showered with the foul smelling powder they do show some humanity by handing you a small towel for your face but this is only a short reprieve. I must have counted just a few seconds before the towel was ripped out of my hands before I was marched butt naked into the next room. Still covered in the thick powder cloying and itching at every part it sticks to, you are handed a uniform but not offered the decency to put it on before you are paraded still bare from head to toe into the cell block ready to be assigned your number. For some it doesn’t affect them at all, especially for those just completing another stretch inside, but for others it’s one of the most humiliating moments of your life.  I imagine that’s what it was like for Waverly Dufresne._

Clutching the bundle against her body desperately, Waverly followed the large woman in front of her as they entered the cell block. It was overwhelming. Waverly could see faces leering at them from both levels stretching for at least thirty cells from one wall to the other. She could not meet any of their eyes as she shuffled forwards and formed the line they had been commanded to do so. Wrapping her arms tightly around the clothes, with her back to some empty cells behind her, she was able to keep at least some of her dignity. Briefly glancing down the line, she spotted some of the women who had chosen to embrace the situation by leaving breasts exposed as they held their bundles just across their waist unbothered. Waverly blinked momentarily at this before positioning her eyes to look directly in front to ensure she didn’t attract any unwanted attention from Willa Hadley who stood before them studying the list assigning cells.

Gradually, the women’s names were read out and they were shown to their cells and locked in. Waverly prayed for her name to be read out quickly but to her dismay it was one of the last. Finally she heard her name and number, Tier 2, cell 245. She now had to walk away from the empty cells behind her and expose herself to some of the women very much enjoying the show as she walked past.

From cell 242, Nicole was very much enjoying the show but with more respect than she would let on to her fellow inmates. Standing by the bars of her cage, Nicole watched as the scared timid girl waddled past hugging the only thing keeping her decency. It wasn’t Waverly’s body that caught Nicole’s attention; it was the terrified girl’s eyes, deep and searching. Nicole saw innocence within them, maybe not of the crime, but of the whole situation. It was very apparent that this was something Waverly had never experienced before. Nicole realised that her silver spoon analogy in the yard had been more accurate that she intended.

‘Light’s out!’ Guard Hadley cried, her voice slicing through the silence that had descended on the cell block. The last of the individual cell doors had clanged closed as the final new inmate had entered her small chamber. With a great clunk for each one, slowly the lights switched off one by one, including those in the cells, plunging the vast room into darkness. It was then that the entertainment began.

 

It was quiet at first, just a few teasing howls and moans before the taunting really began.

‘Fresh fish, fresh fish…’ came a wailing call from one of the cell blocks occupied by a long timer.

In her cell, Rosita sat up against the bars of her door a cigarette smoking lightly in her hand, ‘hey… grandma? How you doing down there?’ she called. ‘Those legs of yours holding up old girl?’

Sitting on the edge of her bed now clothed the elderly lady sat with her hands clasped together; her impassive face fixed on the wall in front of her.

‘Shut up Heywood,’ called Steph. ‘That the best you’ve got?’

‘Fuck off Floyd,’ Rosita called back. ‘Let’s see what you’ve got then?’

Steph welcomed the challenge, ‘hey fat ass?’ she started also taking puffs of her own cigarette. ‘You’ll need friends in here… I can be a friend…’ In her cell, the new overweight lady was sitting on her bed holding her head in her hands, desperately trying to shut out the cruel heckling coming her way. ‘I know a lot of women in here that would love to get hold of that ass of yours… I can introduce them to you?’

‘Hey grandma? That heart going to hold out in here?’ Rosita continued. ‘If it doesn’t… if you have any money anywhere… we’d love to know where it is… you know, to get it to your grandchildren…’

The woman’s face remained emotionless, hands still clasped, eyes still fixed upon the wall.

Steph rolled her eyes at Rosita’s pathetic attempts, ‘no seriously fat ass… that body of yours… so much to feast on… I can introduce you to some people who would happily do that and offer protection as well of course…’ The tears were now flowing down the poor girl’s face as she failed to keep the words from going in. ‘… protection always comes at a price though…’

‘Get me out!’ screamed the girl. Steph instantly threw her head back in laughter at the cry. ‘I don’t belong here!’

‘And it’s fat ass by a nose!’ Steph called out triumphantly. In her cell Rosita groaned at the prospect of Steph gloating about this victory for the next few days. Slumping onto her bed she began to count out the cigarettes she would have to hand over at breakfast.

‘I shouldn’t be here… I’m innocent!’ the distraught girl continued to shout as the hoots of laugher continued all around her, none of them offering even a morsel of comfort. ‘Get me out of here!’ She began to pull and rattle her cell bars, but to no avail as they didn’t budge an inch.

‘What the fuck is going on?’ Willa demanded as the lights were turned back on and she entered brandishing her truncheon followed by two other officers. Once pin pointing the cause of most of the nose she marched over to the lower cell and stood opposite the hysterical girl sobbing in Willa’s face. ‘Shut up… you shut that fat mouth of yours right now.’ The girl did not as she continued to plead. ‘You better shut that fucking trap of yours or I’m dragging you out here on that fat ass.’

‘I shouldn’t be here,’ she begged gripping the bars desperately. ‘I’m innocent.’

Almost gleeful, Willa turned to one of her officers, ‘open it up… open it up now!’ As soon as the bars had slid back, Willa lunged forward with help from one of the others, dragged the girl out and dumped her on the floor in the middle of the cell block. ‘I told you to shut your fucking mouth,’ she hissed standing over the helpless girl before unleashing a tirade of brutality down on her. The other officers stood almost frozen as Willa brought down her truncheon onto the squealing girl again, again and again along with cruel kicks and stamps to her body and face. With one last vicious kick to the face the large girl fell silent sprawled out on the floor blood pouring from her nose and gaping wounds in her head. In shock, the rest of the prisoners had fallen deathly silent. Adjusting her suit to ensure it was in proper order, Willa returned her truncheon to her belt and looked up at the other cells, ‘if I hear so much as a mouse fart in here I will personally see to it that all of you visit the infirmary this evening… you mark my words.’ She watched the cells carefully to ensure that her words had sunk in. The lack of reply told her that it had. She looked back down at the bleeding girl on the floor. ‘Get this sack of shit to the infirmary,’ she snarled at her officers before turning and walking out of the block, satisfied with the work she had undertaken.

 

_We all watched as that girl was dragged out of the block leaving a trail of blood behind her. I can’t speak for the others in that cell block, but - despite our games - I don’t think any of us wished such a fate upon her. The beating sounded as brutal as it looked, as for some of it I had to look away._

_That evening Waverly cost me two packets of cigarettes. With darkness falling again and for the entire duration of the night, she didn’t make a sound._


	2. 2

2

_The next morning, life in the prison continued as normal; as though none of us had watched a woman get almost beaten to death before our eyes. That was the horrible reality of prison; it was a sight that we were far too used to. We were woken up at crack of the dawn and commanded to get dressed before filing into the dining hall to try and eat whatever shit they had prepared for us that morning. I sat with my normal group as we all prepared ourselves for the arrival of one smug Steph Floyd._

Waverly watched the grey sludge hit her tray with a very unappetising clunk. She assumed it was porridge but from its consistency she wasn’t sure. A cup of water, a piece of stale bread and some apple slices were added to her tray before she was left to find her own seat. Her eyes flicked amongst the gangs grouped together, some were deep in conversation whilst others were enjoying watching the discomfort of the ‘fresh piece of meat’. Intimidated, Waverly quickly made her way over to an empty bench and sat herself down. She checked all around her to ensure she hadn’t taken anyone’s space before turning to what could loosely be called breakfast. Picking up her fork she was just about to pick at her porridge when she saw something moving. Nausea building in her stomach, Waverly reached forward and carefully picked out the maggot and watched it squirm as she held it between her finger and thumb.

‘Are you going to eat that?’ came the bewildering question from a middle aged woman sitting just down the table from Waverly.

Waverly studied the innocence on the woman’s face but was still perplexed by the question, ‘I wasn’t planning on it,’ Waverly replied.

‘May I?’ the woman moved a little closer holding her hand out. Cautious, Waverly scrutinized the woman as she drew closer sensing this might be cruel welcoming joke. However, the women did appear to be working alone as a friendly smile remained on her face as she waited for Waverly to hand the maggot over. Slowly, Waverly leaned across the table and placed the insect in the open palm extended out to her. ‘Ah… perfect… nice and ripe.’ Unable to look away, Waverly prepared herself to see the woman do the unthinkable. However, instead the woman opened up her thick blue cardigan and fed the maggot to a baby black bird secluded in a pocket inside. ‘Bobo says thank you,’ the woman smiled at Waverly.

Blinking, Waverly slowly withdrew her hand, ‘no problem.’ It was certainly not what she was expecting when the woman had asked for the maggot.

Further down the long table Waverly’s attention was caught by a uproar of groans as Steph sat herself down at the table amongst her friends, ‘good morning ladies,’ she grinned rubbing her hands together gleefully. ‘Come on then… hand them over… I want to line them all up in front of me.’

Rolling their eyes, the group reached into their pockets and handed over the cigarettes they had wagered the day before, ‘you know there is such a thing as grace in victory,’ Nicole stated.

Steph thought for a moment, ‘why bother with that when you can gloat…’ she laughed as she arranged the cigarettes now in front of her. She leant down and took a long deep breath breathing them in happily, ‘man, smokes never smelt so good.’

‘I’ll get those back from you bitch,’ Rosita snarled with a laugh.

Red added her laughter as she shook her head at her strange companions, then her attention was taken by a woman walking past, ‘hey Browning,’ she called. The woman stopped and turned to see where the call had come from. ‘You were in the infirmary last night… how’s our rotund friend doing?’

‘Dead,’ the giggles from the girls were quickly halted.

‘Dead?’ Nicole asked unsure she heard right.

Browning nodded, ‘Hadley messed up her head pretty bad. The doctor had already left for the night and by the morning there was nothing she could do. Damn shame.’ It was clearly still a painful subject as Browning made a quick exit before anyone could ask any more questions.

‘Shit,’ Rosita breathed out. Steph looked down at her cigarettes; they now didn’t smell as sweet as before.

Down the table, just beyond the woman with the blackbird secreted in her top, Waverly had heard the whole conversation, ‘what was her name?’

Suddenly, a large group of eyes were upon her. Steph scoffed at the question, ‘what the fuck does it matter? She’s dead!’

A little taken back, Waverly cleared her throat, ‘sorry… I just thought it would be nice to know her name…’

‘And who are you to…’ began Rosita but a hand on her arm from Nicole told her to hastily stop talking. Irritated, Rosita shook Nicole’s hand off. Nicole knew that the annoyance was not about her, but at what they had just been told: another inmate beaten to death by the unforgiving Willa Hadley.

‘Sorry…’ Waverly whispered looking back at her food, now wishing she hadn’t spoken at all. From where she was sitting, Nicole continued to watch the isolated girl continued to pick at her food. Waverly’s words had only come out of a place of compassion and had been greeted so callously. Nicole wished she could stand up and join Waverly’s side to reassure her that everything was going to be alright. However, there were many things stopping her. One was the appearance Nicole had to keep up herself. Another was that Nicole knew the best way for Waverly to survive in this place, was for Waverly to find her own way.

_At Shawshank, everybody had a job, to apparently teach us skills that would help us find work in the outside world (if any of us were ever actually released) whether it was taking in the deliveries of the trucks; fixing furniture in the wood shop like me or loading and packing outgoing materials and mail onto the prison trucks. Waverly Dufresne was placed in laundry. A hot, sweaty place where the days were long and the breaks were few. Endless bales of dirty sheets and filthy uniforms, not to mention the guard’s uniforms to add to the work load so they could skim off the top and not have to pay for using a laundry in town._

Everything hurt as she made her way to the shower room. Lifting heavy bag and piles of laundry had sent pain shooting down her back and through her arms. Waverly hoped that it was simply muscle ache rather than any real damage. She looked forward to a hot shower to try and ease the tension in her body.

This was the third shower she had taken inside and was now used to the concept of being open to nudity. There were no curtains, no cubicles, just a row of shower heads jutting out of the wall. The first time Waverly had almost avoided having a shower altogether in fear of revealing herself fully to the dozens of women stood nearby. However, the harsh reality was that she was going to inside her a long time and it was something she would simply have to face. Just like that evening a few days ago, she unravelled the towel from around her body, took a deep breath and found an empty space under a shower head.

The water on her face was the perfect temperature as it soaked through her hair and fell onto her shoulders. She closed her eyes as she felt it running down her back and over her breasts. If she managed to mute the ambience around her, she could have been back home in the house she had shared with her husband. Despite being the arsehole she regretted marrying, he had done a fantastic job in upgrading their bathroom. Snapping herself out of the memory, Waverly opened her eyes slightly and reached for the soap on the tray provided. Her fingers weren’t the only ones reaching for it. As Waverly’s hand touched another, she opened her eyes to see a pair of brown eyes fixed upon her.

‘You settling in alright?’ asked the stranger allowing their fingers to linger for a moment.

It took Waverly a few moments to pull herself out of surprise at the woman’s bold move before she pulled her hand away from the touch, ‘I’m doing okay…’ she stammered.

The woman’s gaze looked her up and down, almost leering and she wasn’t hiding it, ‘you need friends in places like this…’ she went on. ‘I could be a friend to you.’

Waverly knew exactly what the woman was insinuating and was not at all interested, especially after such a brash and intrusive move, ‘I’m okay… thank you…’ She hadn’t washed nearly as thoroughly as she wanted to, but she could not remain there any longer. Hastily, she rinsed her hair through and walked out of the shower as quickly as she could.

Mercedes Diamond watched Waverly as she hurried away, ‘playing hard to get,’ she smiled. ‘I like that.’

Grabbing her towel, Waverly headed towards the door of the shower block fumbling to wrap and secure it around her. Fixed on her escape, she didn’t see another woman stepped unknowingly into her path. Neither looking to see the other coming they collided scrabbling to keep hold of their towels and their dignity.

Waverly’s stomach lurched thinking that she would now be in misfortunate situation, ‘I am so…’ she started.

‘Sorry?’ Nicole finished for her with a smile. ‘Don’t worry about it… I wasn’t looking either.’ She noticed that Waverly had dropped her soap and toothbrush on the floor. She bent down carefully holding her repositioned towel and handed it to the shaking brunette. ‘Haven’t you heard about one of the main rules when showering in prison? Don’t drop the soap.’ Still smiling to show that she was sharing a joke, Nicole ensured that Waverly had the items safely in her hand before letting go.

Waverly was still so shaken by the events in the shower that she barely looked at Nicole when she gratefully accepted her things back, ‘thank you,’ she muttered before quickly making the exit she so desperately wanted.

With a sigh, Nicole watched her go, wondering what had disturbed Waverly so badly. Looking back towards the showers she saw instantly what the cause must have been. Her eyes met Mercedes as the woman stood proudly naked in the middle of the shower room watching the same girl disappear out of sight.

 

_Mercedes Diamond, the kind of filth you see on the bottom of your shoe and flick it off with disgust. She and her sister, along with a few other miscreants made up the gang aptly known as The Sisters. Everyone avoided them as they were the lowest of the low, believing they could have anyone or anything they wanted and would use the most deprived ways of getting it._

One of the most valued times for the inmates of Shawshank was the time allowed to unwind and socialise in the concrete and gravel yard of the prison. Some of the women would busy themselves in the gym area, lifting weights or running laps, others would indulge in card games and chat whilst others like Nicole and her cohort would enjoy a game of catch to keep their bodies active and alert.

For the few weeks that Waverly had been settling into Shawshank, she’d refrained from speaking to anyone in the yard. She preferred to walk around the outskirts like the park ambles she had enjoyed when she was a free woman. Waverly had seen The Sisters watching her every move so had taken the tactic to keep moving and stay as far as way as possible and always in view of a guard. Today however was different. Today she actually had a reason to speak to someone: the only person who had uttered a kind work to her. Nervously, watching as Nicole caught the ball skilfully then calm tossed it back to Rosita did the same, Waverly made her way over to the red head. She noted how Nicole had chosen to wear her grey shirt open to the reveal the white tank top underneath. It was a warm day. The curve of Nicole’s slender body and her perfectly flat stomach was now more apparent. It caught Waverly’s attention for a moment before she raised her eyes as she approached.

‘Hi,’ she said unassumingly.

Nicole blinked at her sudden visitor, ‘hello,’ she smiled tossing the ball back to Rosita again.

‘I hear you’re a woman who knows how to get things,’ Waverly went on.

With a chuckle, Nicole nodded, ‘I’ve been known to locate things from time to time.’

‘I was wondering if you could get something for me,’ Waverly fixed her eyes on the game being played as she felt strangely awkward in Nicole’s presence.

Nicole put her hand up to Rosita to halt the game for a moment so she could give her whole attention to Waverly - the girl who was becoming more alluring by the day. ‘What would you like me to get?’

‘A rock hammer,’ Waverly replied. Even though the game had stopped and there was nothing to watch, she still couldn’t bring herself to look at Nicole.

‘A rock hammer?’ Nicole laughed.

‘Yes… a rock hammer,’ she brought herself to look up at Nicole to show the red head she was serious.

‘This might be a stupid question, but what do you need one of those for?’

Waverly bent down and picked up some of the stones in the yard, ‘I like rocks,’ she explained. ‘I like carving rocks into things, animals, symbols, I thought maybe I could make a chess set’. She stood up turning the rocks she’d collected in her hands.

‘Okay, how much does one of those go for on the outside?’ Nicole asked still a little uncertain about the request.

‘About seven dollars,’ Waverly said. ‘They’re about six to eight inches long… should be easy to get in.’ She was trying to sound tough, but realistically she had no idea what she was talking about and she got the sense that Nicole knew it.

Nicole couldn’t help but chuckle to herself, ‘well my usual mark-up is twenty percentage, but with an item like this, risk goes up, price goes up… so shall we call it an even 10 dollars?’

‘Sounds good to me,’ Waverly shrugged.

‘Should I be worried about what you could do with this… rock hammer?’ Nicole asked. Waverly giggled and shock her head. ‘What’s so funny?’

‘You’ll get it when you see the rock hammer,’ she explained.

‘Oh right…’ she studied Waverly for a moment. ‘I only ask because I know you’ve been getting some… unwanted… attention,’ she draw Waverly’s attention with her gaze over to The Sisters, who were like usual watching Waverly closely.

Waverly sighed at the uncomfortable feeling that flooded through her body, ‘I guess it wouldn’t help for me to tell them I’m not homosexual,’ she said.

This was a statement that should have stung Nicole a little, due to her interest, but it was not something that had ever deterred her before, ‘neither are they,’ she said. ‘You have to be human first, they don’t qualify.’ Nicole was desperately resisting the urge to step between Waverly and The Sister’s stares to give her some much needed advice, but if she got caught in the middle, she would be in as much danger as the new inmate and then she would be no good to anybody. ‘Just… be careful.’

Waverly broke her eye line away from the leering stares, ‘thank you,’ she smiled before pocketing the rocks she’d picked up and walked away across the yard. For a moment Nicole watched, allowing her gaze to take in Waverly’s slim figure and delicate walk, before realising her gaze had lingered too long.

‘Yo Red!’ came the cry from Rosita. ‘We playing or do you need more time for flirting?’ Shaking her head at her friend’s blunt remarks, with a smile, Nicole returned to the game.

 

_If I could have, I would have told Waverly to never be alone in the prison where other inmates or guards couldn’t see her. I would have told her that if she was sent to find or collect anything, particularly when carrying out laundry duties, she feigned ignorance and asked for assistance. That’s what I would have told her._

‘Hey Dufresne, we’re running low on hectite, can you go out back and get some?’ came the call from across the laundry. With a hidden groan, Waverly put down the clothes she was carrying and began the long walk out of the laundry room, down the corridor and into the store room in which the chemical was stored. She wasn’t far into the room when she realised she wasn’t alone.

‘Hi honey,’ came a cruel voice. Alarmed, Waverly spun round to see Mercedes emerge from the shadows. ‘I have to say… sometimes I do like the hard to get routine, but this one… this one has just been mean.’

Thinking quickly, Waverly batted the lid of the hectite off and grabbed a handful retreating backwards, ‘if you get this in your eyes it blinds you,’ she stated as calmly as she could.

‘Oh sweety… hush,’ with a nod, three women – previously unseen by Waverly - rushed forwards ducking the cloud of white Waverly threw in their faces. Once this had cleared they were able to get hold of Waverly’s flailing arms and hold her against some of the barrels. Slowly, Mercedes took up her position in front of her making a point to look Waverly up and down. ‘You know… this could be so much more enjoyable if you don’t struggle.’ Waverly couldn’t say a word, she was frozen in fear. Mercedes knelt down in front of her and pulled up her sweaty shirt to reveal Waverly’s perfectly sculpted stomach. ‘Oh wow… now this… is art,’ Mercedes breathed as she used her tongue to assault Waverly’s belly-button. Waverly grimaced at the touch and tensed as she felt Mercedes’ tongue begin to explore lower. Desperate to delay whatever was about to happen she writhed and struggled again against those that held her. Irritated, Mercedes stood back up and stared Waverly in eye. Then strangely her face softened as though she had come to some realisation, ‘you’re absolutely right, that was very rude of me… proper codes must be followed…’ Unable to stop her, Waverly tensed once again as Mercedes cupped her face and leaned in for a kiss. Waverly knew she was going to do everything she could to stop her. When Mercedes face was close enough, Waverly recoiled her head back and threw it forward her forehead connecting brutally with Mercedes nose. The ginger-haired woman screamed and fell backwards into some of the barrels behind her. When she managed to clamber to her feet blood was oozing from her nose and down her face. ‘You bitch!’ Waverly knew she was now going to pay for her actions. She found out how very quickly as Mercedes’ fist connected with her jaw causing her to crumple to the floor her face exploding with pain. The other sister’s didn’t help her get up; instead they joined in with Mercedes blows delivered with hand and foot. Waverly didn’t know how long it went on for, but soon she was in so much pain that each blow was almost numb and she took it until she finally passed out.

 

_When I heard that The Sisters were all in the hole for a week for another brutal attack, I knew exactly who their victim had been. Fear had swamped my entire body as there had been two occasions where the victims had failed to make a proper recovery. One had even been moved to a lower security prison in need of constant hospital treatment, just to allow her to eat her food. Usually I was indifferent when it came to these stories of beatings. However, this time, despite the rational thought telling me it was far too dangerous, I had to get to the infirmary._

The easiest time to sneak around the prison was during shift changes. Having snuck out of wood shop, Nicole had managed to take full use this time and made her way to the wing of the prison which held the infirmary. She had had some help along the way. Sometimes it was most beneficial to be the woman in the prison who knew how to get things… and on the odd occasion, not just for the prisoners. Giving a nod to the guard on the infirmary door, Nicole was allowed to slip inside unnoticed and uncontested.

It was late, so inside the infirmary the doctor was finishing his rounds and the nurses dismissed, leaving only the inmates who job detail had sent them there. Nicole knew most of them and they barely batted an eyelid as she snuck passed glancing at each bed to see its occupant. Finally, one of the women knew exactly who she was looking for and gestured to the bed at the far end of the room by the wall window letting the last of the day’s light in. As she drew near, Nicole gasped at the sight that greeted her.

Waverly’s left eye was swollen and closed. Cuts graced nearly every part of her face, along with a nastily swollen cheek and lip. Nicole guessed by looking at her hands and neck that her body would look similar in terms of bruising. Stuck for words, she quietly took a seat in the chair by the bed. At the sound of the wood scraping against the floor as Nicole adjusted it, Waverly opened the one eye that would allow her to do so.

She frowned at the sight of Nicole looking down at her, ‘what are you doing here?’

Nicole panicked, realising she had no cover prepared, at least one that would make sense, ‘I… er… I was called here to…’ she searched the room for any inspiration. Her eyes fell upon another chair. ‘Fix some of the furniture… lots of broken furniture in this place.’ She was almost impressed with herself. Waverly wanted to smile, she knew it was a ruse, but it was too painful. ‘Was this The Sisters?’ Despondent, Waverly nodded in reply. ‘Those bitches… scum of this place, they really are.’

‘I should have been more careful,’ Waverly said only just able to get the words out.

‘No… you shouldn’t have to be more careful.’

‘I do… it is prison after all…’ Waverly corrected her. ‘I’ll just be even more careful from now on.’

‘So you’re going to make a full recovery?’ Nicole was beginning to give away her concern through the tone of her voice. Waverly was not unaware of this fact.

She nodded again trying to avoid talking as much as possible, ‘the broken ribs will take some time… but most of its superficial.’ Nicole sighed in relief. ‘I hear they’re in solitary. I didn’t ask to put them there.’ She was worried about the ramifications.

‘Don’t worry, everyone knows you didn’t. Someone else saw them leaving the storage room before they found you on the floor. It was them that reported it. They’re the ones that should be worried. That’s the problem with this fucking place, everyone’s a nark but no one can say anything. Those that do, soon find out why it’s not the smartest move. The Sisters have so much influence here.’

‘I should thank them I guess,’ Waverly said.

‘No…’ Nicole leaned forward and gently placed her hand on Waverly’s. ‘You need to focus on getting right again. I put in the order for your…’ she checked around to ensure they were out of range of prying ears, ‘request.’

‘Thank you,’ Waverly smiled, it was pained and subtle but Nicole saw it was there.

For a few moments, their eyes met in an intense but soft stare. Waverly wasn’t sure what she was seeing or feeling, but for a few seconds she was lost in hazel eyes that were gentle, caring and honest. That was until Nicole tore hers away, ‘I better go.’ She said standing up.

‘Okay,’ Waverly was suddenly aware that she was very disappointed at this.

‘You concentrate on getting better,’ Nicole ordered lightly.

‘I will…’ Waverly agreed but as far she was concerned, being in the infirmary was the safest she had felt since arriving at Shawshank. If she could serve her sentence of two life terms in the very bed in which she was laying, she would. Just without the pain. ‘Nicole?’

‘Hmm?’

Waverly tried to restrain a giggle as she looked up at the enthralling figure that was standing at the end of her bed, ‘if you came here to fix furniture, where are your tools?’


	3. 3

 

_3_

 

_This was how life went on for a while. Waverly would do everything she could to ensure she was not alone at any time in the prison, but unfortunately The Sisters would always find a way to make things happen to their liking. Each week, Waverly would show up with new cuts and bruises. Sometimes she was able to fend them off, but most of the time I would find myself having to find ways to sneak into the infirmary. The main consolidation for both myself and (most importantly) Waverly, was that Mercedes was never able to carry the exact actions that she desired._

‘So what was the excuse this time?’ Waverly asked her eyebrow rising suggestively as she studied her cards.

Sitting on the edge of Waverly’s bed, Nicole paused as she considered her answer, ‘… I hurt my hand in wood shop,’ she placed her cards in her left hand to hold up her right. ‘See… I have a scratch…’ she held the hand closer to Waverly’s face to show the brunette that she indeed had a… scratch.

Playfully, Waverly batted it away, ‘you poor injured patient,’ she laughed.

‘Ow!’ Nicole chuckled, ‘now it might be broken.’ Waverly controlled her laughter as it hurt her current black eye and split lip and returned her concentration back to the poker game. Nicole’s smile faded as she watched Waverly brace herself against another cough causing her latest broken rib to send pain searing through her body. It pained her greatly that the ludicrous politics of prison were getting in the way of her doing the right thing. She was also aware that some degree of cowardice was also preventing her from the actions her heart was so desperate for her to do. ‘Where did they get you this time?’ Perhaps collecting all the facts could assist in Nicole convincing herself to take action.

‘The storage room again,’ Waverly said dejectedly. ‘I was so careful this time…’

‘Hey…’ Nicole reached forward and gently placed her hand on Waverly’s as she saw tears building in the other girl’s eyes. ‘You cannot blame yourself for this.’ Waverly looked down at the red head’s hand on her own. It bewildered her slightly, that such a simple touch – from a woman – was bringing her such comfort. She didn’t know if it was that someone was taking the time to console her, or the fact she felt more at ease due to who was doing the consoling.

‘I don’t blame myself…’ Waverly sighed quietly as she retracted her hand. ‘I blame the system, the complete inadequacy of the guards and…’ she paused for a moment feeling the uneasiness of the words she was about to speak, ‘those who do nothing when it is happening.’

Nicole felt the air leave her chest as Waverly spoke the words, ‘Waverly… I…’

‘It’s okay,’ Waverly said meeting her eyes. ‘I said I blame those who do nothing… I didn’t say I hated them. I may have only been here a few months, but I’m figuring out how this place works. It’s survival… every woman for herself.’ She looked away from Nicole and out of the same window she had stared out of time and time again since her arrival. ‘I wouldn’t wish my situation on anybody.’

 

_How I wished I could help her. Everything in my body screamed for me to grow some balls and take whatever came my way just ensure that Waverly would never see the inside of that infirmary again. Unfortunately, I was bound but not only self-preservation but also of those that I’d held close for so many years. It wouldn’t just be me that ended up in the infirmary fighting for my life, but also my friends, some of whom were not strong enough to deal with such an undesirable position._

_Then one day, as if sent by a greater power, an opportunity arose in the spring of 48. The roof of the licence-plate factory needed re-tarring and a handful of volunteers would be picked out, by random, to carry out the job. It was outdoor detail and May is one of the damn finest months to be working outdoors. After a ‘completely impartial’ draw of names, what would you know; me and some of my companions were chosen as part of the forty women tasked to complete the work. I, of course, ensured there was one extra name amongst the names picked._

As Waverly slopped the heavy black tar onto the roof, she basked in the feel of the warm spring sun on her back and shoulders. It was hot work, so the prisoners exposed in the midday sun had been allowed to remove their grey shirts and remain just in their white tank tops. The tar was thick and unpliable, making it hard to spread over the vast area of the roof. Waverly’s arms burned not only due to the rays from the sun but also her muscles as they struggled against the weighted mop. However, this was a pain that she welcomed. It was the most beautiful pain she had felt in weeks. Her face and body free from bruises and cuts and the gentle spring breeze cooling her skin, she pushed harder into her mop almost smiling at the discomfort she felt.

Beside her, Nicole caught the smile as Waverly worked, completely focused on her task. Subtly, Nicole allowed her eyes to scan Waverly’s body as it glistened with sweat. She too was enjoying the slender figure being free from blemishes and swelling. Other than what was not covered by a towel, Nicole had not been able to enjoy so much of Waverly’s skin and its complexion.

‘… so this shithead of a lawyer calls me up long distance from Purgatory and says that my fucking father has died…’ Willa spat as she walked passed the women.

‘Damn, Willa. Sorry to hear that,’ came the reserved tone from another guard.

‘I ain’t, the man was an asshole; always a man with an agenda that wasn’t his daughters. Ran off from my sisters and me years ago and hadn’t heard from him since. Figured him for dead anyway,’ Willa shrugged unaffected. ‘So this lawyer prick says: your father died a rich man. Which is news to me as we never saw any of that growing up… the bastard. Apparently has a net worth of nearly a million bucks!’

‘A million bucks?’ coughed the other guard. ‘You going to see any of that?’

‘Thirty five thousand, that’s what he left me.’

There was stunned silence for a moment, ‘holy shit, that’s great… like winning the lottery!’

A vicious stare from Willa instantly shot the poor woman down, ‘you dumbshit. What do you think the government’s going to do with me? Take a big wet bite out of my ass is what.’

‘Oh, hadn’t thought of that.’

Just behind them, the conversation had reached Waverly’s ears. It was a conversation she had heard many times when working at the bank. Although a simple desk girl, just greeting the costumers and sometimes handling the money, she had picked up a great deal of knowledge from overhearing talk amongst colleagues and costumers.

‘It might leave me enough to buy a new car with, but then what happens? You pay tax on the car, repairs and maintenance…’ she crossed her arms and shook her head. ‘Then at the end of the year, if you figured out the tax wrong they make you pay it out of your own pocket.’

Eyes on their work, the prisoners kept spreading the tar on the roof but it was no secret amongst them that they had all overheard what was being said.

‘Poor fucking Hadley, inheriting thirty five thousand dollars… some people get all the damn luck,’ Rosita mumbled to herself, just loud enough for those around her to hear.

At first Nicole was laughing at what her friend had said, then was horrified to see that Waverly was no longer mopping and just looking at the guards as they continued to talk, ‘Waverly, you nuts? Keep your eye on your pail man!’ Seemingly completely deaf to Nicole’s protests, Waverly threw her mop down and began to walk over towards where Willa and the other guards were standing. ‘Waves, come back… shit!’

‘What is she doing?’ asked Steph just as bewildered.

‘She’s going to get herself killed,’ Rosita said through gritted teeth. Nicole just stood rooted to the spot, frozen with fear.

Waverly however, remained abnormally calm as she approached the guards, ‘Miss Hadley. Do you truth your husband?’

Dumbfounded, the guards turned to face Waverly as Willa began to laugh, ‘that’s funny. You’re going to look even funnier when you’re back in the infirmary sucking soup out of a spoon with no teeth.’

‘What I mean is, do you think he’d go behind your back and try to hamstring you?’

‘That’s it… stand aside,’ she said pushing her colleagues out of the way. ‘This bitch is going to have an accident…’ With two strong hands, Willa grabbed Waverly by the two straps of her top and dragged her to the edge of the roof.

‘Oh shit, Hadley’s going to throw her off of the god damn roof…’ Rosita cried gripping her mop. Nicole felt nauseated terror sweep through her body.

Waverly however somehow managed to keep coherent thought reaching her mouth, ‘because if you do trust him…’ she could see the edge of the roof appearing… and the floor far down below. ‘… there’s no reason in the world that you can’t keep every cent of that thirty five thousand…’ As one of her feet dangled over the brink, Waverly closed her eyes and waited for the seemingly inevitable. Nicole felt her legs go weak at the sight expecting the same inevitability.

At the last moment, Hadley abruptly jerked Waverly to a halt. Waverly hung helpless with her shoe tips scraping at the edge of the roof balance no longer in her control. The only thing stopping her from an ugly fall was Willa’s strong grip on Waverly’s stretching white top.

‘You better start making sense,’ Willa hissed.

The rest of the prisoners watched in shock as Waverly explained to Willa how all she had to do was give the money to her husband as a one-time-only gift to comply with IRS allowances up to sixty thousand. It was clear that at first Willa couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Then it became even more ridiculous as Waverly explained how she could set the whole thing up for Hadley so that she wouldn’t have to incur the fee from employing a lawyer.

‘I know that you would have investigated this whole thing yourself ma’am,’ Waverly stuttered as the grip on her shirt and the drop below remained very real. ‘I just wanted to ensure that you knew all the facts… before you came to the right decision… as I knew you would.’

‘Fucking A I would,’ Willa agreed.

‘So, I’ll do it for you… free of charge… all I ask is three beers apiece for my co-workers, if that seems fair to you…’ despite the overwhelming fear Waverly was managing to choose her words carefully to make sure that Willa maintained the feeling of the one in control. ‘I think a woman working outdoors feels more like a woman is she can have a bottle of suds… but that’s only my humble opinion… ma’am.’

Willa studied Waverly’s face carefully, considering the idea that she was being conned. It only took a few moments for Willa to see the innocence and genuine fear in Waverly’s eyes and believe that Waverly’s intentions were honest… if just a little rash. Slowly, Willa brought Waverly back over the side so the girl could place her feet firmly on solid ground again. Behind her, Nicole remembered to breathe again. Willa looked over Waverly’s shoulder at the speechless faces all staring their way. ‘What are you bitches staring at?’ she cried finally letting go of Waverly. ‘Back to work goddamnit!’

 

_And that was how it came to pass. On the second-to-last day of the job, the convict crew that tarred the plate factory roof in the Spring of 48 would up sitting in a row drinking cold Black Label beer courtesy of the craziest damn screw that ever walked a turn at Shawshank prison. We sat with the sun on our faces and for just a few moments felt like free women. By eleven o’clock in the morning we were all on our second beer; all except Waverly, who sat in the corner beer free with the strangest smile on her face. Some would say she did it to gain favour with the guards and her fellow convicts but from having spent more time with her… I think she did it to feel some semblance of normal… if only for a few hours._

Her mind hardly on the game, Nicole looked down at the black and white pieces littered around on the board sitting on the bench between herself and her opponent. Only a few inches away from her face, Waverly leant forward determining her next move. Although tied up in a loose pony tail, her silky brown hair fell around her face and shoulders. Nicole’s eyes were following its every wave as it passed her neck, collar bone and ended just below the shape of Waverly’s breasts beneath her shirt. Shaking herself, she tried to pull herself back to the game aware that after Waverly chose the pieces to move it would be her go and she didn’t want to be caught in her distracted state.

She decided a conversation was the best way to take her mind away from what it really wanted, ‘so… why did you do it?’ she asked as Waverly jumped a white piece over a black to take it.

Waverly looked up and met her eyes, ‘I didn’t…’ she replied. ‘I’m innocent Nicole, like everyone else in here. Just like Heywood, Floyd and every other sucker… lawyer screwed me.’ Nicole chuckled to herself; Waverly had been in the prison for nearly two years and was now beginning to sound like the part. ‘What about you? You innocent too?’

Nicole looked awkward for a moment; she couldn’t avoid the truth any longer. She shook her head, ‘only guilty woman in Shawshank,’ she said hesitantly. Waverly however appeared unmoved, her expression one of curiosity rather than repulsion. ‘I was a stupid dumb kid… fell in with the wrong crowd… got myself in a situation and well… the rest is history and I wound up here.’

‘Do you regret it?’ Waverly asked taking her go after Nicole. ‘King me.’

Nicole did so, ‘every day,’ she nodded. ‘Not because I wound up in here, I mean I’m not going to lie that is part of it, but because of the lives I ruined… mine, his, his family’s… my family’s.’ Nicole’s despondent look suddenly caused Waverly to feel something towards Nicole that she hadn’t felt before… more than sympathy… a more intimate compassion, one that created a need for her to comfort Nicole… physically. Perplexed by this feeling she stuffed it down inside her and chose to ignore it. With survival on her main agenda, that was not a game she was willing to play; far too precarious.

 

_Since asking for the rock hammer in her first year at the prison, Waverly hadn’t come to me with any more requests but that all changed in 1949. I had been slightly disappointed it had been so long as when the hammer had arrived, I had finally seen the joke as I held the small item in my hand. It would take someone over a hundred years to tunnel their way out of the prison by using one of those. I had managed to sneak the hammer to Waverly via our prison librarian Gus Hatlen. Waverly had met her in the canteen in one of her first days at the prison. Gus had been the women with the baby blackbird. She was loved throughout the prison and was the oldest institution, apart from the corrupt guards, in the place. Now, I longed for the day that Waverly would come to me again with another request._

As the film rolled, the lights flickered over the heads of the prisoners reclining – as best they could – in their wooden chairs onto the wall before them. It was a film they had seen time and time again, but they enjoyed it every single time. Being allowed to watch a movie, in amongst all the hardship they were experiencing on a daily basis allowed the women to feel like they weren’t in a prison at all just for a few hours. Some took the time to chat to their companions, others to secretively exchange items and for the debauched, time to plan their next attack.

Waverly was well aware of the eyes upon her as she snaked her way through the chairs over to where Nicole and her confidants were sitting but ignored them. The room was filled, far too many witnesses for The Sisters to do anything here. She took a seat behind Nicole and moved to lean forward but took a moment to gaze at her neck and hair. Her eyes followed its shape and way the red curled hair caught the flickering of the projector. It was mesmerising and it was becoming more and more so.

Over the past few weeks Waverly had found herself looking for Nicole at every opportunity and it wasn’t just because she needed the protection and security of her company. She’d become to enjoy Nicole’s gentle laugh, her sweet smile and intriguing words. As this interest continued to build, it wasn’t just Nicole’s company she was craving, it was her touch. She’d thought back to the times that Nicole had taken her hand in the infirmary when her body ached and character lay broken. It been a long time since she’d felt such a kind touch and she longed to feel it again.

Taking a deep breath, Waverly leaned forward to whisper in Nicole’s ear so not to disturb those engrossed in the film around them, ‘I hear you’re a woman who knows how to get things.’

Amused, Nicole glanced round briefly before returning her eyes to the screen, ‘I’ve been known to locate things from time to time,’ she replied. ‘What would you like this time Dufresne?’

‘I need something to brighten up my cell a bit… it’s so depressing,’ Waverly said.

‘Like what? A poster?’ Nicole suggested.

Waverly shrugged, ‘can you get me one of those… something like…’

‘Wait…’ Nicole put her hand up to stop Waverly speaking as her eyes remained fixed on the pictures rolling above her. ‘This is my favourite part…’

Waverly looked up at the screen as the two gentlemen moved to open Gilda’s door, ‘I know… I’ve seen this one three times this month…’

Gently, Nicole put her fingers to her lips and sat back as Gilda appeared, throwing her hair back and greeting the gentlemen with a wide grin. This caused many of the women in the room to cheer. Nicole was not one to hold back either, ‘I just love that shit she does with her hair…’ Waverly studied her for a moment, as she tried to determine if this was because Nicole admired Gilda as a woman or because Nicole was actually attracted to her. It was a realisation that sent Waverly’s head into a spin. ‘Now… how about a poster of Rita Haywood? That would certainly brighten up your cell.’

Still reeling slightly from her realisation, Waverly coughed to regain her thoughts, ‘no… not her… maybe someone like Marlon Brando?’ she said. ‘I’d prefer… a man.’

‘Marlon Brando, really?’ Nicole seemed complete unaware of Waverly’s current struggle. When there was no reply, Nicole shrugged, ‘okay… whatever your desire, is my command.’

This was a sentence that caused Waverly’s brain to almost explode, ‘th… thank you…’ hurriedly she got to her feet almost falling over, clattering into some of the chairs attracting the attention of many of those seated around. An entertained cheer went up from those who had seen what had happened. It was this that finally drew Nicole’s attention to Waverly’s disconcerted expression as she made a hasty exit out of the room. Aware that Waverly had left alone, Nicole scrambled to her feet to follow.

 

‘Hey!’ Nicole called after the retreated girl as she twisted and turned down the corridors. Finally, she caught up with her and grabbed her hand to tug her back. Without speaking, Waverly looked up at Nicole’s confused yet still kind face. ‘What is it?’ Looking around, Waverly noticed one of the storage cupboards behind Nicole. ‘You left on your own… you know how dangerous that is with The Sisters watching your every…’ Nicole’s continuing concern was the last straw for Waverly. Without warning, she checked the corridor was empty one last time and pushed Nicole back into the storage room.

Once inside, she shoved Nicole back into it so she could close the door and find the light. For a few moments, as the light flickered on showering them with a gentle yellow, the two women stared at each other. Waverly looked Nicole up and down; a woman… so beautiful… but a woman. This thought however did not stay the desire that was building inside her.

‘Waverly… are you…?’ Nicole began, but she was unable to finish. By the time the first words had left Nicole’s lips, Waverly had rushed forward bringing her own up to meet them. The move caused Nicole to fall backwards against the shelves behind her as Waverly brought her arms around Nicole’s neck. It took only a few seconds before the shock passed and Nicole was able to relax into the kiss. Carefully, she brought her hands to Waverly’s waist and pulled her in hardly believing that it was even happening. Soon, the two women were gasping and moaning into their fervent kisses.

To her surprise, the embrace did not seem unnatural or wrong to Waverly. As she cupped Nicole’s face and pressed her lips into the taller woman’s repeatedly, it felt like something she had longed for her entire life but had simply been unaware of it. She sighed again as Nicole brought one hand up to Waverly’s neck to hold it tenderly and pull her in closer. Her hands couldn’t stay on Nicole’s face, they had to explore. She brought them to Nicole’s shoulders and slid them down beautifully muscular arms that held her wonderfully. Her own hands then found Nicole’s slim waist line, hidden by the unflattering grey shirt which she could now feel within her hands. She squeezed it a little excited before sliding her hands up Nicole’s back to her face and chin once again. She adored the line of Nicole’s jaw and wanted to hold it again.

Spurred on by Waverly’s actions, Nicole took a strong hold of the shorter girl and moved her backwards so that it was now the brunette being pressed up against a wall. Their lips had not parted since the moment Waverly had brought them together but now Nicole wanted to explore. One hand cupping Waverly’s face adoringly and the other on Waverly’s waist, Nicole began to trial kisses down Waverly’s neck softly. Hearing Waverly moan gently assured Nicole that this move was welcomed. With this consent, Nicole carefully pulled the top of Waverly’s shirt apart so that she could lay tender kisses across Waverly’s collar bone. Heightened by the touch, Waverly closed her eyes and arched her back. It was the most incredible feeling she’d ever had pass through her body. Lost in the delectable sensations, she completely forgot where she was.

‘I didn’t know you wanted this…’ Nicole breathed returning her kisses to Waverly’s lips.

She moved them to Waverly’s neck again, allowing Waverly to speak, ‘to be honest… neither did I…’

Nicole smiled as she brought their eyes together, ‘are you okay? Is this… okay?’

Touched by the concern, Waverly returned the smile as she ran fingers gently through the red curls that fell about Nicole’s face and brought their lips together again, ‘it’s totally okay…’ she replied as they lost themselves in another passionate embrace. The feel of Nicole’s body pressing into her own was completely overwhelming for Waverly but she welcomed it absolutely. ‘It’s so… so okay…’ She closed her eyes again as Nicole’s lips met her exposed shoulder. The touch was so affectionate, so considerate in its delivery, completely different from the relations she had had to endure with Champ. She wasn’t scared. She thought she would be. But as she melted into Nicole’s arms, she never wanted it to end.

 

_I want to blame my incoherent thought on what had occurred in that storage cupboard. Waverly had only come to me wanting a poster of Marlon Brando, a damn wrong request in my opinion, but that’s irrelevant. Instead, I had followed her seeing distress on her face after our conversation and wound up in her arms feeling her incredible lips against my own. I could have stayed in there all night and endured the time in the hole for missing count, but understandably it was something that Waverly wanted to avoid. She already had The Sisters to contend with; solitary was not something to add to the list. After waiting for the last girl to file past once the film was over, Waverly had asked me to leave the storage room first. We couldn’t be seen leaving together. My thoughts only on her sweet lips, supple body and hips that I’d felt against my own, I’d kissed her fully one last time, breathing in her taste, before turning and reluctantly exiting the room… leaving her on own._

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

Still processing the actions she had just allowed herself to participate in, Waverly watched as Nicole slipped out of the storage room, careful not to be seen. Waverly hung back, taking a few moments. She brought her finger up to her lips; she could still feel Nicole’s upon them, supple and indulgent. With a little smile to herself, Waverly shook her head and moved to leave the room, only to find her way blocked.

‘Honey… I’m hurt…’ Mercedes snarled faking that she was actually hurt as she and the other Sisters filtered into the small room. Fear gripped Waverly instantly knowing it was too late to call out for Nicole. ‘… you reject my advances for nearly two years and then Nicole comes along… and she has you… like that?’ She snapped her fingers. The harsh sound made Waverly jump. ‘This just won’t do…’ Mercedes nodded to two of her companions. As if rehearsed, at the same time they rushed forward and grabbed Waverly by the arms, forcing her to her knees. Mercedes’ sister Beth stood watch by the door. ‘Now, I’ve waited long enough for you to give me what I want… I think it’s time you delivered.’ Her heart pounding inside her chest, Waverly watched as Mercedes slowly removed her shirt in simulating some twisted strip tease. She wasn’t wearing a white wife-beater or a prison issued bra underneath. The figure Waverly saw now exposed underneath was not at all unpleasant, but it was one that gripped her with dread. Mercedes moved forward and knelt down in front of Waverly running her hands through Waverly’s hair. Roughly, Mercedes pulled out the ponytail from Waverly’s hair so it could fall loose around terrified girl’s face. ‘Has she touched you yet?’ Mercedes whispered running a finger - making use of her sharp nails - down Waverly’s face to her chest. Waverly couldn’t help grimacing faintly as the deep scratch left a dark red mark behind it. ‘Please tell me I’m going to touch you before her.’ Waverly’s face remained sullen and unmoved; she was not going to give Mercedes the satisfaction. Mercedes simply smiled enjoying it. ‘Oh I’m going to enjoy touching you.’ She stood up and motioned to the two women holding Waverly’s arms to pull her to her feet. ‘Now, I’m going to insert two fingers into your mouth and you’re going to suck them… because trust me, that’ll feel so much better when I stick them inside you…’

It was clear Mercedes was baiting Waverly, desperate for a reaction, any reaction. Waverly kept her face still and cold as she glared at the woman in front of her. ‘Anything you put in my mouth, you’re going to lose,’ Waverly found herself saying. In that moment she’d made a decision; that she’d much rather be back in the infirmary or dead before she let Mercedes lay a hand on any part of her, especially before Nicole.

Mercedes laughed and pulled a shank out of her back pocket crafted from a sharpened toothbrush and it inches away from Waverly’s face, ‘you don’t understand. You do that, I’ll ram every inch of this plastic into your ear.’

‘Okay, but you should know that sudden serious brain injury causes the victim to bite down. Hard. In fact, I read that the bite-reflex is so strong that the victim’s jaws have to be pried open… with a crowbar…’ Waverly continued. ‘I gained this knowledge from reading… you know how to read? You ignorant fuck?’

It was words that Waverly would instantly regret. The pure enjoyment of the situation vanished from Mercedes’ face as she processed the insult. With an angry cry she dropped the shank and clenched her fist to smash a blow across Waverly’s face. Waverly crumpled to the floor as she received blow after blow to the face, chest, stomach, legs; any part of the body that Mercedes and The Sisters could reach. The previous beatings seemed to be a kindness compared to the tirade that they brought down on Waverly that evening. Even after Waverly had passed out, they continued to pummel every part of her body they could. It was only when fear gripped the group that they might have killed her that the thrashing stopped. Mercedes redressed herself and the group exited the room quickly leaving Waverly unconscious and haemorrhaging blood on the cold concrete floor. She wasn’t found until three hours later.

 

_When I heard my whole world stopped spinning. The guilt took my breath away. Three hours. Three hours she had laid there on the floor… dying. Alone. I had been so engrossed in the memories of her lips that I’d forgotten the one thing I’d sworn to myself… to protect her. To protect her no matter the cost. The cost didn’t matter to me anymore._

Standing over the bed, tears poured down Nicole’s face. Beside her Hadley blinked shocked, she’d never seen the woman they called Red show even the hint of weakness in the time she’d been at the prison. Now she stood a broken mess at the foot of her friend’s hospital bed. As both women looked down at the bloodied mess of a body that was Waverly Dufresne, still unconscious, it was a sight that even caused the hardened guard to flinch. She was barely recognisable. Both eyes swollen shut, a cracked cheek bone causing one side of her face to swell profusely and deep lacerations that seemed to slice through every inch of her skin. The deep purple medley of bruises covered her skin like a collage; bruise upon bruise, leaving barely any healthy coloured skin left.

‘Who did this Red?’ Hadley asked her voice strangely soft, but arms still folded sternly across her chest.

Under any other circumstance Nicole would have remained silent, but this time she was willing to take whatever consequences came her way, ‘Mercedes Diamond,’ she whimpered in between her tears. ‘It’s been her and her cronies…’ she looked at Hadley through misted eyes. ‘Every time.’

Hadley nodded taking the information in; Nicole swore she saw almost a tinge of anger born from actual concern in the usually stoic guard’s eyes, ‘right,’ she nodded moving to leave the room. She paused at the door to study Nicole, ‘no one should see their friend like this,’ she said as Nicole’s eyes returned to Waverly. ‘No one.’

Nicole didn’t notice Hadley leave the room. The guilt boiling inside her was overwhelming. She’d left Waverly alone. If Waverly died, she would never forgive herself.

_When Mercedes Diamond got out of the hole, she sauntered back to her cell like she had not been and would not be touched by shit. Little did she that there was a welcoming party waiting for her. After flashing one last smirk at the block she turned into her cell. The smirk was quickly wiped off her of conceited, smug expression as she came face to face with one Willa Hadley and two other guards. I could hear the screams from my cell as mine stood only a few doors down. I’d like to say that it was harrowing, but I’m a little ashamed to say that I enjoyed every moment of what I heard. I even caught a glimpse of Mercedes’ hands when she fell to the floor and tried to crawl away. She clawed at the rails in front of her screaming for help only to be dragged back in by her legs for the pounding to continue. I let every sound of the beating and every despairing whimper sink in as I imagined that’s how it was for Waverly._

_Two things changed after that day, Mercedes would never walk again and Waverly would never have to fear Mercedes or the other Sisters again. After she’d come out of her week long coma, Mercedes was transferred, much to Beth’s devastation, to a minimal security prison where I hear she spent the rest of her days drinking her meals through a straw._

Such a deplorable act by The Sisters was noted not only by the prisoners but by many members of the staff. Hadley’s beating of Mercedes was wiped from the records and many of them became very lenient in their guarding of the infirmary to allow visitors to see Waverly and leave her gestures of good will around her bed. Most of the time Waverly was completely aware of their presence but was continuously touched to wake up and find new gifts at her bed side; model animals made in wood shop, a newly washed uniform from her cohorts in laundry and a brand new pack of cards decorated with symbols of peace that someone who knew how to get things had managed to source. Nicole was particularly proud of that one.

 

After a few weeks, Waverly was able to begin eating solid food and Nicole was there every step of the way. It was beginning to become no secret that Waverly and Nicole had a special bond different to some of the other friendships amongst the other prisoners but due to Waverly’s little stunt on the roof and her continued assistance with Hadley’s finances, the guards were starting to turn a blind eye to Nicole’s numerous visits to the infirmary. Most of them had never seen such a brutal beating and the victim to come out of it alive. The majority of their feelings were of respect and admiration.

 

‘You are doing so well…’ Nicole whispered. She could feel Waverly gripping her waist tightly as she struggled to put one foot in front of the other. Only a few meters from her bed in the infirmary, Waverly shook her head and collapsed into Nicole. ‘It’s okay… it’s okay… nurse!’ Two nurses rushed towards and helped to the take the weight off the red head and move the weak Waverly back into bed.

‘I can’t do this Nicole…’

‘Hey…’ she restrained herself from placing a comforting kiss on Waverly’s forehead instead taking her usual seat by the bed. ‘It’s only been a couple of weeks; you’ve still got broken ribs, a broken cheek bone and a fractured pelvis… a hairline fracture, but still…’

‘What’s this… the memory game of my injuries?’ Waverly snapped as she slowly lowered herself back against her pillows. Nicole withdrew back in her chair. Waverly caught her look. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘No… its fine,’ Nicole assured her. She had no right to expect anything of Waverly, especially in her current condition. ‘Really.’ She smiled. ‘You heard what happened to Diamond didn’t you?’

Waverly nodded regretting the tone she had used, ‘a guard told me… a little reprieve I guess.’ She placed her arm across a chest, it was one of the only things that prevented her chest from rising and falling too dramatically and keeping the unbearable pain of her broken ribs at bay. It was torture for Nicole to see her this way and was relieved when Waverly held out her free hand for her to take. ‘I’m so glad you’re here.’

Nicole felt the hair on the back of her neck stand on end at her words, ‘I’ll have to go soon,’ she sighed. ‘Hadley’s being bizarrely lenient but I don’t want to push it.’

‘Neither do I…’ their eyes met. ‘These visits are the only thing getting me through at the moment.’ Nicole looked deep into soulful brown eyes and wished she didn’t have to leave. Her eyes moved to Waverly’s lips now free of any blemish imposed on them by The Sisters. Only a light scar remained across the left hand side of the top of her mouth, something which Nicole longed to take between her own lips.

‘Yo… Redding… let’s go!’ the shout came from a guard by the door.

‘Shit,’ Nicole groaned slowly getting to her feet. ‘Until tomorrow then…’ she shot Waverly a teasing smile before trying to walk away, but fingers still gripping onto hers prevented her from doing so. She laughed, ‘I have to go…’ Waverly wished she could pull Nicole back for a kiss, but a quick glance around the room reminded her of exactly where they were and the eyes fixed upon them. Waverly returned Nicole’s teasing smile before allowing the red head’s fingers to slip from her grasp.

 

_Waverly had to stay in the infirmary for nearly six weeks to allow her body to completely heal. She’d not only suffered external injuries but internal also. One of her broken ribs had caused damage to one of her lungs. Time was needed for it to heal properly after the surgery required. It was excruciating to see Waverly in such pain on a daily basis, but we did have the comfort that with Mercedes gone and The Sisters disbanded that when she did get out of the infirmary, she would stay out._

‘How’s she doing Red?’ Rosita called looking up from the draughts game she was attempting to play against Steph. If she was completely honest, she had no idea of the rules and if Steph was also being honest, she knew it.

‘She walked the length of the room,’ Nicole smiled as she joined her friends.

‘Hey, that’s good,’ Steph called her face lighting up at the news.

‘It was shaky, but she got there,’ Nicole continued. ‘The swelling around her cheek bone is going down too… she’s starting to look like Waverly Dufresne again.’

‘And that’s what we all want,’ Rosita said moving a draught in an illegal way. Steph was just too amused to point out her incorrect move because if she did it every time, they wouldn’t be playing a game at all.

‘Is there anything we can do?’ Steph asked hiding her laughter.

Nicole thought for a moment, ‘the girl likes rocks.’

Both Rosita and Steph looked at Nicole bemused, ‘rocks?’

‘Yeah… she likes carving things out of them,’ she nodded. ‘I think we should organise a little welcome back present for her.’

The bemused look didn’t move from Rosita and Steph’s faces, but they shrugged in agreement hoping Nicole would fill them in a little more later.

‘You can’t king your draughts there!’ Steph exclaimed. She was willing to let some of the rules go, but Rosita creating kings wherever she wanted, was taking things just a little too far. Bringing her hand to her forehead, Nicole laughed at her friends as Rosita looked at the game completely oblivious to what she’d done wrong. If it wasn’t for the comedic pair, Nicole would be struggling with the latest events as much as Waverly was. She was reminded was again how important friends were to surviving Shawshank.

 

The next day, when out on detail in the surrounding fields, the group set to work scavenging for rocks. Around one hundred prisoners had been taken to the neighbouring farm’s land to help break up the ground from the hot summer ready for crops to be planted. It was work all of them enjoyed as it allowed them to be outside the prison walls, like free women looking in. They just had to ignore the large presence of guards surrounding them.

Hacking at the soil beneath her feet, Rosita saw a solid lump break free. Remembering the second, but secret, detail they had assigned themselves, she bent down and picked up. Shaking off the loose soil she held it firmly between her fingers feeling almost triumphant. It had been her first find, finally something to contribute. Glancing around, she carefully dropped it into her pocket and began to make her way over to Nicole still hacking at the ground with her hoe to certify she didn’t attract attention.

‘Hey,’ she whispered bending down next to the red head still attacking the ground. ‘I got one.’

‘Let’s see…’ Nicole smiled not pausing from her work either.

Rosita reached into her pocket and pulled it out proudly, ‘what type do you think it is?’ she asked ready for the congratulations from her friends.

Tickled, Nicole smiled first at Rosita then at the others, ‘that’s not a rock.’

Rosita frowned, ‘what? Of course it is…’

‘Nope,’ Nicole laughed returning her concentration to her work. ‘That’s horse shit.’

‘Horse shit?’

‘Yup… petrified.’ Nicole stated.

Confused, Rosita looked down at the dark brown lump in her hand. It certainly looked like a rock. However, on closer inspection she couldn’t see any sharp or straight ridges associated with the rocks they were looking for. To be sure, she took the lump in both hands and endeavoured to pull it apart. To her disappointment, and revulsion, it crumbled in her hands revealing that it was indeed what Nicole had said.

‘Ohhhh,’ she groaned disgusted dropping it instantly.

‘You dumb shit,’ Steph chuckled.

‘The horse shit or Rosita?’ Nicole quipped unable to help herself. After this, the group couldn’t help themselves easier as they exploded into laughter at the expense of their easily muddled friend.

‘Hey… you better be working over there, I shit you not!’ cried Hadley from her vantage point on the hill. This should have stopped the laughter, as although it subdued it instantly, those standing close by could hear the continued giggles escaping under their breaths as Rosita frantically rubbed her hands on her trousers.

 

_It took the full week we were out in those fields and a few mishaps along the way but eventually the girls came through. Soon we had an entire box full waiting under Waverly’s bed ready for her return, along with a new very special delivery. When the day arrived for Waverly to leave the infirmary, I couldn’t wait for her to see it and the note I had underneath the cardboard tube encasing the gift: ‘Welcome back. No charge for a beautiful lady. Red x’_

Although the majority of strength had returned to Waverly’s body, walking for long amounts of time was still difficult. So she restricted herself to short walks during yard time. She simply enjoyed being able to take the turn without feeling the leering eyes on her constantly with no break. In fact, it was only in the first few days that she had received any attention from the other inmates and to her surprise, it had been one of thanks and almost applause. It seemed that The Sisters had been a thorn in everyone’s side in Shawshank for a long time and finally, the place was rid of them making life there for the women just that little more bearable. For the few days it lasted, Waverly had enjoyed the positive attention, but now she was thankful to be able to walk through the yard peacefully and uninterrupted.

She was about to take a seat on the benches at one end of the yard when she spotted something which immediately attracted her attention. Smiling, she returned to her feet and used the fence to help her to cross around the edge to the other side of the yard. Leisurely, Nicole leaned against the wall in the far corner as Waverly approached. Waverly had in fact had eyes upon her the entire time she had been in the yard, but this gaze she welcomed.

‘Hey you,’ Nicole smiled. Waverly didn’t want to speak, she just wanted to look. ‘Come on…’ before she had a chance to protest, Nicole had taken her hand and pulled her round the other side of the wall that jutted out of the prison.

‘Nicole… wait… what are you doi…?’ Waverly whispered through gritted teeth. She stopped once she saw the method in Nicole’s apparent madness. In that small area of the yard, they were just out of sight of all other prisoners and guards. That was until the guards changed direction from the other side to walk the length the yard back to the side where Nicole and Waverly were now stolen away.

Carefully, Nicole turned Waverly around so Waverly was leaning against the prison’s stone wall knowing that she would need the support. She’d seen Waverly struggle to the benches. To ensure that Waverly could remain standing she wrapped an arm around Waverly’s waist whilst stroking the still healing face with the other, ‘it’s so good to see you like this,’ she breathed through a smile.

‘Like what?’ Waverly asked curious.

‘Out of the infirmary, able to walk, looking so… beautiful,’ she replied carefully stroking the fading bruise where Waverly’s broken bone underneath the skin had now fully healed.

Waverly broke her gaze with Nicole, ‘I’m not beautiful…’ she said despondently dropping her head. ‘I won’t ever be the same… thanks to Mercedes.’

Nicole frowned and brought Waverly’s chin up so their eyes could meet again, ‘you listen to me…’ the feelings she felt building up inside her were almost bringing tears to her eyes. ‘You are so beautiful… even when you were lying in that bed only a day after the attack… that never changed for me.’

‘Really?’ Waverly blinked.

Nicole nodded aggressively to ensure Waverly believed her. ‘Waverly I… I um… Oh man… I don’t talk like this,’ Nicole laughed embarrassed.

‘Nicole… you don’t have to…’

‘No I do…’ Nicole said wilfully, ‘… because, I nearly lost you. Waverly… you nearly died.’ She took a deep breath to calm herself. ‘It made me realise… you are one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen… ever had been so lucky to… I just,’ she searched herself for the words, but it was proving more and more difficult. ‘I don’t know what I would have done if she’d killed you.’

Waverly gazed up at Nicole feeling all the pain in her body simply dissolve away. To end Nicole’s current struggle, she placed a finger gently on the beckoning lips in front of her then replaced her finger tenderly with her own. As their lips met the two breathed deeply into the kiss. It was their first since the storage room and the attack and although not as passionate, it was still just as perfect. Waverly forgot her weak legs, sore ribs and stinging cheek as closed her eyes into the delicious embrace. That was until for just a moment Nicole forgot herself and pressed her body just a little too keenly into Waverly’s.

‘Ah!’ Waverly gasped throwing an arm across her lower chest.

‘Oh shit… sorry…’ Nicole exhaled jumping back.

Waverly ensured she kept hold of Nicole’s hand so she didn’t retreat too far, ‘it’s okay… just still a bit tender,’ she explained gesturing to her ribs on top of which, hidden underneath Waverly’s new grey shirt, lay the scar from her surgery. Despite her words, Waverly could still see guilt on Nicole’s face. ‘Hey…’ she pulled her in again for another gentle kiss. ‘I’m okay… don’t worry…’ still a little hesitant, Nicole relaxed as their lips shared another soft caress. Waverly’s yelp of pain had reminded just how delicate Waverly was and how close Nicole was to never enjoying a moment as wonderful as this again. ‘When I’m fully healed… I need to thank you properly.’

‘Thank me?’ Nicole asked between kisses.

‘For my present,’ Waverly giggled their tongues dancing.

Nicole remembered the poster and the note she had asked Gus Hatlen to leave on Waverly’s bed during one her library rounds, ‘of course… and how… pray tell me…’ she asked as she began to kiss Waverly’s neck. ‘Do you plan on doing that?’

Waverly sighed into Nicole’s touch, but was suddenly distracted by the sound of guard’s voices, ‘when this body is fully healed, you’ll find out.’ Placing a finger under Nicole’s chin, she brought her face back up so she could place one last kiss on the reappearing enticing lips. She let this loiter for a few seconds before smoothly slipping out of Nicole’s embrace just in time for the guards to appear around the corner. Waverly didn’t look back as she revelled in the way she must have left Nicole behind her.

‘Hey you… get back in the main yard!’ came the cry from one of the men outside the fence. For a moment, Nicole did not move, she was frozen to the spot, watching as Waverly walked away.

‘Jesus Christ girl… what the fuck are you doing to me?’

 

_The image of Waverly walking away from me in the yard stuck in my head and made room for nothing else. For the following days, it was all I thought about, dreamt about and could form any coherent thought about. Now that I was unable to sneak into the infirmary and she was back on laundry duty, it had become harder to see each other for long periods of time out of the leer of other inmates and guards. The hours in wood shop seemed to drag like they had never done before as I waited for meal times when I could sit across the table from Waverly and just take her in. Waverly had now been fully accepted in our group; for Rosita and Steph, it was like she was just one of us. Something I did appreciate, but this did mean they wanted to enjoy her company during the times when we could all be together. As much as I loved them, I’d never aggrieved them so much for something. When I could spend time with Waverly, I wanted her all to myself. In order to do that, I knew one of us would have to take a risk and break the rules._

Two weeks later, after only being able to enjoy more stolen and carefully timed kisses, Waverly decided it was time to take that risk and she did not care about any rules that needed to be broken. Now able to walk without difficulty, she clutched the bundle of cleanly pressed clothes tightly by their hanger as she walked briskly down the hall away from the laundry. Willa Hadley’s uniform had been washed, dried and pressed to perfection ready for someone to deliver it. Without hesitation, Waverly had volunteered for the task before any other inmate could speak up. As work duty was so highly guarded throughout the prison, the occasional inmate undertaking special tasks such as this was allowed to move through the prison unsupervised. And even if caught, Waverly held the perfect excuse in her hand.

Reaching the end of the corridor, turning left would take her to Willa Hadley’s office but turning right was the alternative direction in which she chose to go. With almost a little laugh to herself, hardly believing what she was doing, Waverly walked rapidly towards wood shop. Since this was a move of pure opportunity, Waverly had no clue how she was going to lure Nicole out of wood shop and keep her out undetected. It was only when she arrived at the entrance to the work shop that she’d finally settled on a plan.

‘Mrs Dufresne,’ came the guard’s pleasant tone as he stepped out in front of her.

This Waverly had fully expected, ‘good afternoon Eliza,’ she smiled doing her utmost to appear unsuspicious.

‘What brings you to wood shop?’ Eliza Mert looked Waverly up and down slowly. She spotted the suit clasped in Waverly’s arms. ‘I hope it’s not to fix that as you’ve come to the wrong place.’

Waverly stopped herself from rolling her eyes, some of the guards assumed that all the prisoners at Shawshank were as dumb as Heywood; it was highly insulting at times. However this was not the time to air her opinions on the subject. ‘No, I’m here for Nicole Redding.’

The guard raised an eyebrow, ‘and what could you possibly want with her?’

‘Not me… Lucado,’ Waverly replied her heart thumping in her chest as pure adrenaline rushed through her body. This was almost exhilarating.

Officer Mert crossed her arms over her chest unconvinced, ‘and why would Lucado need Redding?’

‘The investigation,’ Waverly replied calmly.

‘Investigation?’

‘Into my… attack,’ Waverly tried to appear like she was getting emotional over the subject. ‘… it’s being investigated and Lucado needs all the facts from Nicole and I.’

‘Uh huh?’

Inside, Waverly could feel a tinge of panic. This was slipping away. ‘You can ask Lucado if you like?’ A complete bluff. ‘But you know what she’s like… hates to be disturbed unless it’s completely necessary… do you want to take that chance?’ she stared the officer in the eye. ‘I wouldn’t.’ The next few seconds seemed like hours as Eliza looked Waverly up and down. It helped Waverly’s cause that the scar on her top lip was still very apparent along with the now yellow bruise on her cheek… the last evidence of the ruthless beating. Without saying a word, Eliza turned away from Waverly and entered the wood shop. When the door closed behind her, Waverly let out the breath she didn’t even realise she was holding.


	5. Chapter 5

_When I came to Shawshank Prison, I expected that I would spend my time seeing out lonely days and dark nights. During my comparatively short time in county jail, as I went through the proceedings of my trial, I’d heard things about maximum security prisons: the strict rules and routines, the severe treatment by the guards, the inedible food and the most discussed: the punishment if you disobeyed orders. In my mind, it was going to be a hard and possibly even unbearable life-term sentence and I was going to have to get through it the best I could… or take the way out that so many other tortured prisoners had done before me. However, something completely unexpected had happened. Not only had I found a place and a use at the prison that allowed me to cement a little security and some companions who I was now lucky enough to call trusted friends, but someone had come into my life that was going to make my time at Shawshank a hell of a lot more than simply tolerable._

‘Here…’ Waverly pointed at a door with the hand that still gripped Hadley’s suit. Her other hand in Nicole’s; she used this to pull the other girl after her as she entered the empty office. After closing and locking the door behind her she first ensured that she hung the suit up somewhere safe before turning to face Nicole who stood staring at her a little flummoxed. ‘You okay?’ she asked.

‘Er yeah… are you?’ Nicole blurted. Waverly hadn’t said a word to her since she had been called to the door of the work shop. Waverly had simply thanked Eliza Mert for fetching her and walked away down the corridor beckoning Nicole to follow. Nicole had then found her hand in Waverly’s as the brunette dragged her around the corridors until that had ended up in the very place they were now standing.

Waverly laughed a little coyly, ‘sorry… I guess I got a little carried away.’

‘That’s fine… but I’d preferably like to know the plan or what we’re getting carried away with before you drag me through the prison, into a room and lock the door,’ Nicole smiled her face softening a little.

‘Do you think I want to do you harm?’ Waverly asked a little flirtatiously.

Eyes fluttering, Nicole searched for words, ‘I er… um… I…’ She closed her eyes and shook her head. When she opened them, Waverly had crossed the room and was now standing directly in front of her.

‘I assure you Nicole Redding,’ she smiled sweetly. ‘I intend you no harm.’

‘I believe you… but what are we doing…’ she stopped talking as she met Waverly’s longing eyes. ‘Oh…’ she took a moment to process her realisation. ‘Oh…’ She watched as Waverly walked her fingers up Nicole’s arm. ‘Oh…’

‘I’m assuming that, it’s okay?’ Waverly asked a little nervous.

‘Oh it’s more than okay,’ Nicole nodded. Grinning, Waverly rose up on her toes to kiss Nicole, but gently Nicole stepped back preventing her from doing so. Waverly frowned for a moment confused at the move. ‘I just… are you sure?’

Waverly’s frown disappeared, ‘yeah,’ she said maybe a little too eagerly. ‘I mean… yes, of course.’

Nicole acknowledged this eagerness and so did her body as it shuddered in anticipation… ‘is your body…?’ Her mind flashed back to all the injuries that it had endured. It was an image that would forever be branded into her memory.

‘Nicole…’ Waverly chuckled. ‘I’m fine…’ she moved in closer again. ‘I am… so much more than fine…’

It was all Nicole needed to hear as she accepted Waverly’s lips on her own. At first the kiss was soft and delicate as they soaked in the touch. After a few meetings, Waverly’s tongue protruded deliciously allowing Nicole to engulf it with her lips returning the gesture with her own. As their tongues caressed each other, a faint moan escaped Waverly’s mouth her pulse beginning to quicken.

At this sound, Nicole took control and gently pushed Waverly back against the wall. This allowed her to lean in more firmly, bringing their bodies and hips together, a move that would have previously caused Waverly to cry out in pain. However, now Nicole was able to press her hips decisively against Waverly’s revelling in the gratifying sensation it caused both of them. Excited, Waverly’s hands fumbled with Nicole’s shirt trying to undo the buttons. Endeared by the move, Nicole took hold of them gently and guided them to snake around her neck. She had waited two years for this; it was not going to be rushed. Waverly understood Nicole’s meaning and used the new position of her hands to pull her in closer. For a few more indulgent minutes their lips and tongues continued to explore the other’s.

Satisfied with the new pace, Nicole broke their kisses and slowly lowered herself to her knees unbuttoning Waverly’s shirt as she went. Once all released of their fabric binding, Nicole pushed the shirt open and gazed adoringly at the figure revealed underneath only hidden by a thin white tank top which hugged every curve of Waverly’s torso. Continuing to ensure things proceeded slowly, Nicole took hold of the hem of the white top and lifted it to reveal Waverly’s abdomen which still bore some of the scars of her attack and lifesaving surgery. She felt Waverly stiffen as more of her skin was revealed. Nicole looked up affectionately into her eyes, ‘it’s okay…’ she whispered. ‘You are so beautiful.’ When her look was returned by a reassured smile, Nicole returned her gaze to Waverly’s stomach. Lightly with her fingers, Nicole traced each scar, each mark, before kissing it tenderly wanting to show that she was accepting it as part of the Waverly’s breath taking beauty. Waverly sighed into each touch and kiss. It was so simple, so innocent, but also so completely heightening.

Sensing the yearning building in Waverly, Nicole rose to her feet bringing their lips together again. Carefully, she pulled Waverly’s shirt from her shoulders and body whilst shrugging off her own. Waverly took the opportunity to run her hands over Nicole’s exposed arms savouring the feel of toned muscles and silky skin. Nicole allowed Waverly to enjoy this exploration for a few moments before taking both of Waverly’s hands in her own she raised them above Waverly’s head pressing them into the wall. She allowed her own to remain there as their fingers tangled and untangled continuously as their lips and tongues did the same.

‘You sure?’ Nicole breathed again. ‘You absol…’

‘I’ve never wanted anything else more in my entire life…’ Waverly whispered kissing her fervently.

Nicole knew she wouldn’t have to ask again. She passed Waverly’s left wrist over to where the other still remained pressed into the wall so that Nicole could grip both wrists with her left hand. Tantalizingly, and achingly slow, she ran her now free hand down Waverly’s face, tracing her profile, over her collar bone, around and over both of Waverly’s breasts, down to the waistband of Waverly’s trousers. She broke their kisses as she unbuttoned them, wanting to hear Waverly’s impatient breathing. As soon as they were open enough, Nicole slid her hand inside.  

Waverly cried out at the sudden touch. Her legs buckled, but Nicole’s strong grip on her arms, still above her head, helped her to remain standing. Nicole bit her lip as she began to deliberately massage the wetness she found inside.

‘Oh my god…’ Waverly exhaled leaning back into the wall as pleasure began to sear through her.

Nicole began to circle in more deliberate motions returning her lips to Waverly’s then to the panting girl’s neck. She wanted to hear Waverly’s enjoyment of every touch her fingers were indulging in. Arms now aching, Nicole let go of Waverly’s wrists allowing them to fall. Waverly used both newly free hands to grip Nicole’s neck ardently as her moaning became shallower. Waverly wanted to kiss Nicole again but the need to breathe was overpowering as her legs continued to weaken at the measured strokes.

‘You feel incredible…’ Nicole whispered.

Waverly was unable to reply as she felt the pleasure rising inside of her. Almost involuntarily, her right hand gripped Nicole’s from the outside of her trousers willing Nicole to continue. Burying her head into Waverly’s neck, Nicole waited for the moment to come.

‘Oh Jesus Nicole…’

The sudden shudder of Waverly’s body and her barely controlled scream told Nicole when it had. She gripped Waverly close wanting to feel the pleasure course through her body. Her hand remained working in place to ensure she prolonged the moment for as long as she could. Waverly’s body had endured so much pain and suffering, now it deserved to relish the feeling radiating out from between her thighs reaching every limb and extremity.

It took a few moments, but finally Waverly’s breathing calmed and her grip on Nicole’s shoulders and hand relaxed. Waverly slumped back against the wall as Nicole slowly withdrew her hand thoroughly satisfied with her work. After gathering her thoughts, Waverly moved her fingers to start buttoning up her trousers.

‘No…’ Nicole whispered mischievously. Surprised, Waverly looked up and met Nicole’s gaze. ‘I’m not done with you yet…’

 

Lying with her legs draped over the desk, its contents now scattered, discarded onto the floor, Waverly gripped the edge tightly not quite believing that Nicole was taking her there again. Using her tongue masterfully, Nicole knelt between Waverly’s legs gripping the breathless girl’s thighs with her hands. She only pulled away when Waverly’s body had stopped convulsing. Smiling she returned to her feet so she could pull Waverly to sitting and bring their lips together tenderly.

‘You… are so good at that…’ Waverly breathed between kisses. Nicole giggled proudly as she took her hands away from Waverly’s thighs, over her breasts to her chin so she could cup Waverly’s face affectionately. Waverly pulled out of the kiss so she could place their foreheads together, ‘I want to do it to you…’

‘It’s okay… it was enough for me to…’

‘No…’ Waverly placed a finger on Nicole’s lips to quieten her. ‘I want to.’

Nicole was hardly going to continue to protest, ‘okay…’ there was an excited laugh with her words.

‘I just… I don’t… this is my first…’

‘Hey…’ Nicole kissed her to still Waverly’s thoughts. ‘It’s enough to be here with you. I’ll enjoy whatever you do…’ she stroked Waverly’s face. ‘I promise.’

Boyed by Nicole’s words, Waverly seized Nicole by the waist and turned her round so Nicole was now standing with her legs against the desk. Waverly bit Nicole’s lip lustfully as she pushed her back. Obeying, Nicole sat back on the desk welcoming Waverly between her legs. The sight of Waverly’s naked body was enough, even before Waverly pushed her hips and groin further in so Nicole felt the contact. With slightly shaking fingers, Waverly found a grip on Nicole’s underwear and pulled it down. As the material hit the floor, Waverly took a step back to look at Nicole’s freshly unclothed body. Unlike her own, there was not an imperfection on it. With one finger, she traced every shape and curve. Nicole closed her eyes and leant back the touch increasing her sensitivity, particularly between her legs. She opened them once she felt Waverly stroke the inside of her thighs teasingly. She drew circles with her fingers as she studied Nicole’s face. She was so nervous.

Sensing Waverly’s apprehension, Nicole calmed her with another sweet yet passionate kiss and guided Waverly’s hand to the desired location, ‘have you ever… done this to yourself?’ Nicole asked breathing deeply as she helped Waverly’s hand create the effective movement.

‘Myself?’ Waverly asked a little taken back. She allowed Nicole to continue to lead her hand as she took in the feel of Nicole’s moist skin on the tips of her fingers. ‘You mean…?’

‘I mean,’ Nicole nodded. Waverly avoided Nicole’s eyes as her face changed to a bashful expression. ‘I’ll take that as a yes then…’ she chuckled making certain that Waverly’s fingers did not leave their current location. ‘… just do whatever you enjoy… to me…’

Understanding Nicole’s instruction, Waverly relaxed. She removed Nicole’s hand from her own wanting to be solely in control. The bold move impressed Nicole as she moved both hands to Waverly’s waist gripping it as she leant forward to explore Waverly’s breasts with her tongue. After a brief pause to enjoy this, Waverly began to move her fingers again, just as Nicole had advised. Her own body still hummed with the pleasure she had received. It was the memory of how this occurred that assisted Waverly in forming her own actions. The sound of Nicole’s more hurried breath and deeper panting increased her confidence and in turn the motions of her fingers as they circled and stroked just as Nicole’s had.

‘That feels perfect…’ Nicole gasped into Waverly’s ear. She was clutching Waverly tight now as her body braced against the sensations throbbing through it.

Waverly kept their bodies apart slightly so she could look down and observe what she was doing. She wanted to remember this; her first time with a woman... her first time with Nicole. She wanted to take everything in: the feel of Nicole’s slender legs around her, the rising and falling of Nicole’s supple, engorged breasts as they both panted heavily, the sweat which glistened on Nicole’s smooth stomach and most of all, the appearance and feel of the folds that her fingers continued to rub, every move as deliberate as those that Nicole had exacted on her. Nicole knew what Waverly was doing and Waverly’s desire to watch was only intensifying the pleasure that was growing inside her.

‘Is this…?’ Waverly whispered.

‘Don’t change anything you’re doing,’ Nicole commanded breathlessly. Keeping one hand cupping Waverly’s face the other had to reach down and grip the edge of the bench. As Waverly quickened her motions, the throbbing between Nicole’s legs built to its pinnacle. ‘I’m going to…’ she couldn’t finish her sentence. Arching her back she gripped Waverly’s wrist with one hand and steadied herself with the other against the desk. Stunned, Waverly’s fingers paused for a moment, ‘don’t stop… oh god don’t stop’ came the cry. Waverly continued instantly allowing her to take Nicole through every second of ecstasy possible. Nicole slumped forwards and held Waverly tightly as her body quivered through the last pulsations. ‘Fuck me,’ she breathed. A little surprised, Waverly thought this was another command and moved to place her fingers inside. ‘No… no…’ Nicole smiled stopping her whilst still catching her breath. ‘No, I’m done. Just using the expression baby… of how fucking amazing that was.’ A little embarrassed at her haste, Waverly diverted her eyes from Nicole’s. ‘Hey…’ Nicole brought Waverly’s face back. ‘You can certainly do that… when we next… do this.’

‘Oh, you assume there’ll be a next?’ Waverly laughed provocatively her hands now resting on Nicole’s thighs.

‘Well… I hope so…’ Nicole nodded also smiling. ‘Do you…?’

‘Absolutely,’ Waverly kissed her fully, wrapping her arms firmly around Nicole in a tight embrace. ‘For as long as I’m still in here… I want this… I really want this,’ she said as she buried her face into Nicole’s neck, still perspiring from their actions.

‘I love you.’ Waverly didn’t move for a moment, she wasn’t sure she’d heard it correctly. With her face buried in Waverly’s neck, Nicole blinked. She couldn’t believe she had said it. Slowly, Waverly pulled away from Nicole and stared at her. ‘Shit. I always know how to ruin a moment…’

‘Say it again.’

‘Say it again?’ Nicole repeated amazed.

Waverly nodded unable to keep the grin from appearing on her face, ‘say it again.’

The tightness from Nicole’s worry instantly began to unwind from her chest as she looked up into a face filling with happiness, ‘I love you.’

Waverly inhaled sharply, almost as if she still didn’t believe it. She brought both hands up to Nicole’s face and cupped it lovingly. She shook her head as she took in its radiance. Leaning down, Waverly softly traced her tongue around Nicole’s lips before gently pushing it inside.

 

_I was terrified she wasn’t going to say it back to me. That kiss seemed to go on forever. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing I like doing more than kissing Waverly Dufresne, but I’d just said something to her that I’ve only said once in my entire life. And this time, I felt it even more. After leaving me dangling for a good few seconds, Waverly pulled out of the kiss and, her eyes glazed so beautifully with tears, she said it back. It took my breath away hearing it escape those lips. As I kissed her again, we forgot where we were and I tell you, I think we both could have gone again. I could have gone on for the rest of the day. However, as my hand drifted down to lose itself between her legs again, we heard voices down the corridor. Reality hit us like a blow to the face as we both threw ourselves to the floor._

‘Shit… what do we do?’ Waverly breathed almost frantic.

‘Shhhh… come here…’ she wriggled across the floor so that she was right up against the interior wall of the office. Waverly followed dragging her naked body over to where Nicole was now huddled. Facing each other they pressed their exposed skin as close to the wall as they could.

‘What if they…’ Waverly started.

‘I don’t know,’ Nicole admitted. ‘They might not be headed here.’

‘It’s a guard’s office,’ Waverly said in a hushed tone. She looked round at the papers they had thrown to the floor. She picked one up and almost cried out at the name which the letter was addressed to. ‘Officer Eliza Mert’s… oh fuck me!’

‘Just did that,’ Nicole quipped. ‘Twice.’

Waverly glared at her, ‘not helping Nicole… not helping.’

Nicole stifled her laughter and took the letter, ‘what’s the big deal with it being Mert?’

‘Because… she’s the one I told that the reason I was getting you was to go and see Lucado…’ Nicole still wasn’t catching on. ‘If she finds us in here… she’s going to know I lied.’

‘Baby… it doesn’t matter who catches us… no guard is going to think that we’re here because we told the truth.’ Waverly’s face fell knowing Nicole was speaking the truth. As the voices came again, even louder this time, as the guards continued their conversation. Terrified, Waverly moved closer to Nicole so she could attempt to disappear in her arms. Protectively, Nicole wrapped her arms around the trembling girl and if it wasn’t for the inevitable and impending situation, she wouldn’t have changed where she was for the world. They braced themselves to hear the key in the lock.

 

As they scrambled their clothes back on, it hardly seemed real that the voices hadn’t stopped for a moment outside the office, not even to observe that the blind was drawn over the door’s window. Nicole watched a little entertained as Waverly searched for her shirt clearly still panicked. She was a little disappointed that so much of Waverly’s skin had disappeared underneath the unflattering uniform. Once she found it, Waverly snatched it up from the floor and pulled it on.

‘Careful, you’ll rip it… then they’ll definitely know what we’ve been up to…’

‘This isn’t funny Nicole,’ Waverly snapped doing it up. When reaching the top, she realised she’d gone wrong. With an angry groan, she tugged the buttons apart to do them up again.

‘We weren’t caught Waverly,’ Nicole said a little taken back.

Waverly caught her look and realised she had been a little severe, ‘I’m sorry. I just… this was just so amazing…’ she explained. ‘We could have lost it.’

Realising the tender reasons behind Waverly’s tone, Nicole walked over to Waverly to wrap her up in a soothing embrace. Waverly buried herself her face into Nicole’s chest, also slightly disappointed that material now lay in the way of skin she’d relished just a short while ago. ‘We won’t ever lose this… I’ll make sure of it… We’re just going to have to be a little… creative…’

Tickled, Waverly smiled, ‘I like the sound of that.’ She leaned up and kissed Nicole fondly before breaking away to regather Hadley’s suit from where she had left it. ‘Now, I really should deliver this…’

‘Waverly…’ Nicole moaned jutting out her bottom lip sulkily. ‘We weren’t caught…’

Waverly felt her resolve beginning to buckle at Nicole’s look, ‘that’s not fair…’ Triumphant, Nicole began to move forward but Waverly took a determined step back towards the door. ‘But I must insist. I was supposed to deliver this suit…’ she glanced at the clock. ‘Fuck… two hours ago! Two hours?’ She almost sounded impressed. ‘Wow.’

‘Better than sex with men huh?’ Nicole laughed trying to sneakily close the gap between them.

‘Oh so much better,’ Waverly agreed. She was on to Nicole and due to this turned the lock on the door. She went to open it but stopped just processing Nicole’s words. ‘Wait… have you?’

‘Slept with a man? Unfortunately…’ she noted Waverly’s baffled look. ‘I had to survive… not easy to be a lesbian living in a small farming town. The only lesbian in a farming town. I still had needs…’

‘How many did you…? No… wait… I don’t want to know.’ Waverly said cringing at her own question.

‘Enough to know,’ Nicole replied anyway. ‘Enough to know… that it’s only women for me. Or… I guess… one woman now.’

Waverly stared into her eyes so hypnotising, especially with the last three words that left Nicole’s achingly enticing lips. She knew that if she didn’t leave now, she never would and they would both definitely spend time in the hole. Their absence must have been noted over the past two hours.

‘You don’t have to leave…’ Nicole said suggestively.

With her hand on the door handle, Waverly looked up to meet Nicole’s eyes one last time before she reluctantly turned the handle and opened the door. ‘Give me a few moments head start,’ she said before flashing one last loving smile at Nicole and disappearing down the corridor.

Nicole needed more than a few moments. Standing along in the office she looked around. Together, Waverly and Nicole had replaced everything where they found it. It was as though nothing had happened. However, as she continued to look around Nicole could still hear Waverly’s gasps of pleasure and feel the pleasure that had flowed through her own body. A little breathless at the memory, Nicole sat back on the desk again. Closing her hand around its edge just as she and Waverly had both done at the ultimate heights they’d reached; Nicole allowed an overjoyed smile to creep across her face. She was in love. Completely unexpectedly and totally bewildering, but somehow in the dark and lonely place that was Shawshank Prison, she was in love.

 

‘Thank you Dufresne,’ Lucado stated taking the suit. She then examined it as Waverly walked away. ‘Er… wait Dufresne… this isn’t my suit.’ Waverly stopped in her tracks realising her mistake.

‘Oh shit…’ she grimaced to herself before turning back to face the uncompromising warden trying to keep her composure. ‘It’s Hadley’s… I must have got mixed up.’ She took the suit from the suspicious woman. ‘It’s been hard for me… since… I get mixed up easily…’

The lie seemed to work as Lucado softened, ‘how are you doing?’ she asked.

‘It’s been hard… but I’m healing… thank you.’ Waverly was a little surprised by the warden’s concern.

‘Any lingering side effects?’

‘I still get headaches,’ Waverly replied. That was the truth. ‘But I’m finding ways to alleviate them.’

‘Well, whatever is working… keep it up,’ Lucado advised, entirely unaware of what it was that Waverly was referring to.

As Lucado turned back into her office, Waverly allowed a contented smile to appear on her face as she muttered under her breath, ‘I most certainly will ma’am.’


	6. Chapter 6

 

_It wasn’t easy but we made it work. In a building riddled with guards watching your every move, stealing away to spend time with the woman you love, becomes more of an art than a habit. Sometimes we were able to revisit that office, other times our heated exchanges took place in the storage rooms of the laundry and wood shop, if we were able to find an excuse to be there. It was very useful that Waverly was using that impressive brain of hers to help some of the guards with their finances just as she had done Hadley’s. She was quickly becoming very popular with them and this allowed for certain privileges._

Lying amongst the scattered and hanging sheets, almost like parachutes dangling in an air hanger, Waverly gripped onto Nicole as the red head, back arched and breathing heavily, slowly came back down to earth. Her hand buried deep inside, Waverly gradually withdrew to watch Nicole fall backwards completely into the material surrounding their entangled bodies. Nicole had been true to her word, allowing Waverly to continue what she’d wanted to start during their first time. Mesmerized, Waverly continued to hover over Nicole, her eyes taking in the other girl’s quaking body. Her eyes settled on Nicole’s face, delicately using her middle finger to trace Nicole’s features, her sculpted light brown eyebrows, her slight but angled cheek bones, finishing on Waverly’s favourite, the beguiling, succulent lips that she loved to feel against her own. Despite the urge to take them again, Waverly held back as Nicole continued to breathe deeply her mouth slightly falling open to assist her need for air.

‘Oh god Waverly…’ Nicole put a hand to her forehead in some effort to gather herself. She swallowed heavily and brought her eyes around to meet Waverly’s. Releasing her other hand from its grip on the sheets, she played with the locks of brown hair that fell around Waverly’s face. ‘Have I said I love you today?’

Giggling, Waverly looked mischievously thoughtful, ‘… um… nope.’

Nicole raised an eyebrow, ‘Waverly Dufresne?’

‘Fine, you have…’ cupping Nicole’s face she leaned down to kiss her. ‘I just want to hear it again.’

Nicole rolled her eyes playfully as she enjoyed the tickle of Waverly playing with the curls of her red hair behind her neck, ‘I love you.’ She managed to keep a straight face as she said the words despite Waverly’s adorable laughing.

‘I love you too.’ Waverly replied successfully controlling her giggling. Once she had, she took the opportunity to gaze down at Nicole for a few seconds. ‘How long have we got this time?’ Waverly whispered, her fingers continuing their adoring exploration of Nicole’s face.

Nicole looked over at Waverly, eyeing up the body she saw between the prison shirt still on Waverly’s shoulders but falling open just enough, ‘not enough…’ she placed a hand between the open sides of the shirt so her fingers could skim across Waverly’s stomach. ‘Never enough.’ Waverly gasped at the touch her eyes closing almost involuntarily. Encouraged by this reaction Nicole sat up and pushed Waverly back gently so they had now swapped places. She positioned herself between Waverly’s legs and knelt down so lips could explore where fingers have just been. As she laid gentle kisses on Waverly’s stomach, over the remaining marks that were steadily continuing to fade, she pushed the shirt away so she could enjoy the full sight of Waverly’s exposed upper body. ‘But I’ll make it work…’ she breathed as her fingers moved to unbutton Waverly’s trousers. With a satisfied beam, Waverly closed her eyes and relaxed back into the sheets.

 

Feeling a satisfied serenity falling over her body and mind, she sat contently reading a book in her cell or more accurately attempting to. She’d been stuck on the same page for nearly ten minutes. Her eyes kept falling on the word _delectable_ and there was only one thing that kept entering her mind. _I love you._ It still brought goose bumps to every part of her body.

Down below the cells, one of the cell block’s inmates was methodically mopping the grey, concrete floor. A noise behind her drew her attention to Hadley and ten other guards marching into the block, followed by Lucado and her own harem of officers.

‘Head’s up… they’re tossing the cells,’ the inmate call out as quietly as she could. She repeated it as many times as she could before the new arrivals were within earshot hoping it had reached the ears of the ladies still behind their bars.

‘Cell 224… 239… 241…’ Lucado barked as she passed them. At her word a pair of officers broke off from the group each time. The occupant of the cell named was displaced, along with all the items in her cell. A myriad of crashes, bangs and thumps could be heard all through the cell block as the guards upended tables, swiped objects off shelves and ripped mattresses from their holdings.

‘Finally… 245… this one’s mine,’ Lucado instructed as she climbed the stairs to the second tier of the block. Standing by her bars, Nicole watched as the group strode past her cell to the end of the row.

‘Open cell 245!’ Hadley ordered standing by Lucado’s side. Nicole knew this was Waverly’s cell and remembered some of the items she had acquired for her. Instantly, she prayed that Waverly had found a good way of hiding them.

At the sound of her cell door clanging back as it opened, Waverly closed the book she was reading and stood to her feet as a serving member of the army. Lucado nodded to Hadley who proceeded into the cell and give it the same treatment as the other’s that had been tossed. Carefully organised books on the shelf very quickly ended up in a heap on the floor. Historical photographs Waverly had collected from magazines brought in by Nicole swiped off a small table with ease. Hadley then turned her attention to the bed. As if it were a feather, she tore it from the bed and threw it against the wall so she could inspect underneath and rungs of the metal bed itself. When she placed it back, the once neatly made bed sheets lay dishevelled. The entire time, Lucado never took her eyes off Waverly as the brunette remained calm and her face unmoved. Hadley nodded to Lucado to indicate the search was over and had found nothing of concern.

Lucado’s eyes fell to the book in Waverly’s hand, she leaned forward and took it from her, ‘good to see you reading this,’ she said her hand running over the black leather cover of the Bible. ‘Any favourite passages?’

Waverly thought for a moment, ‘watch ye therefore, for ye know not when the master of the house cometh.’

Lucado smiled impressed, ‘Luke, chapter 13 verse 35. I’ve always liked that one. But I prefer, I am the light of the world. He that followeth me shall not walk in darkness but shall have the light of life.’

‘John, chapter 8, verse 12.’ Waverly stated.

Studying her, Lucado allowed herself to smile again. She always hoped that inmates would take up reading the bible when entering her prison. She made the point when making her introductions on their first day. However rarely did any of them heed her words; Waverly continued to surprise her.

‘I hear you’re good with numbers. How nice. A woman should have a skill.’

Taking one of the carved rocks from the small windowsill, Hadley held it up to show the warden, ‘want to explain this?’ she coupled this with a small green piece of cloth.

‘It’s a cloth blanket,’ Waverly explained. ‘For shaping and polishing rocks… a little hobby of mine.’

Hadley turned the rocks over in her hand and sniffed one suspiciously, but after a few moments but them back where she had found them, ‘some contraband here, but nothing to get in a twist over.’

Lucado nodded in agreement then drew her attention to the poster on the wall. Marlon Brando stared down at the people before him, eyes sullen and cigarette hanging from his mouth. ‘Can’t say I approve of this,’ Lucado said gesturing to it. ‘… but I suppose exceptions can be made.’ She nodded to Hadley who followed the warden out of the cell. As they did so, the cell door began to close behind them. ‘Oh I almost forgot…’ Lucado turned and passed the bible she was still holding back to Waverly through the bars. ‘I’d hate to deprive you of this…’ Waverly took it. ‘Remember… salvation lies within.’

 

_Tossing the cells was just an excuse. Lucado had used it as a way to size Waverly up. She wanted to see the real workings of the mind that was Waverly Dufresne, the girl who had stood up to The Sisters and remarkably lived to tell the tale. She was spoken of highly amongst the prison guards and officers as although now slightly hardened by her ordeals, still one of the politest and most well-mannered prisoners in Shawshank. An opinion which I, of course, agreed with whole heartedly._

Entering the office, Waverly looked down at Lucado vigorously signing papers at her desk. Although she seemed irritated her signature remained calm and controlled as she sifted through page after page of the paper work. When she realised Waverly had entered, she looked almost relieved to have an excuse to leave her current task. Out of the corner of her eye, Waverly saw a stitched pattern lying in a mahogany and glass frame on the wall. The needle-point sampler spoke the words loud and clear, ‘his judgement cometh and that right soon.’

Lucado caught Waverly’s gaze as she stood up from her desk adjusting the skirt of her white suit, ‘my daughter made that in church group.’

‘It’s lovely ma’am,’ Waverly said.

Lucado smiled. Sometimes prisoners would say what they thought Lucado wanted to hear, but she believed that Waverly’s statement was entirely genuine. It was refreshing. ‘You like working in the laundry Dufresne?’ she asked clasping her hands together and leaning back against her desk.

‘No ma’am, not especially,’ Waverly replied a little nervously.

‘Well… I think it’s time we found something more befitting of a woman with your intelligence.’

 

Still a little stunned by Lucado’s suggestion, Waverly slowly climbed the stairs until she reached what appeared to be a rather dilapidated and seemingly abandoned part of the prison. As she entered the first draughty room, her eyes fell upon stacks of chairs and unwanted furniture. Old book cases and filing cabinets lay dust ridden and discarded against the grey stone walls. For a moment, she wondered if she’d taken a wrong turn.

‘Gus?’ she called out. She waited a few moments and tried again. ‘Gus?’

‘Well hey there Waverly.’ Gus’ sudden appearance from behind one of protruding walls caused Waverly to jump. ‘Sorry there, didn’t mean to startle you.’

‘It’s okay… I thought I was in the wrong place… so quiet up here,’ Waverly replied catching her breath.

‘I know… they’ve stuck us as far away as possible. It’s almost like they want to keep the prisoners dumb and illiterate.’ Gus chuckled with a stain of distaste on her tongue as she turned beckoning Waverly to follow.

‘I’ve reassigned to you,’ Waverly told her as Gus lead her through another junk filled room.

‘I told they told me. Ain’t that a kick in the head? Well come on in and I’ll give you the dime tour.’

Gus led Waverly into the bleakest back room of all. Rough plank shelves are lined with numerous different sized books, most covered with a thick layer of dust.

‘Well here she is… the Shawshank Prison library. Along this side, we have National Geographics. That side, the Reader’s Digest condensed books. Bottom shelf there, some Louis L’Amours and Erle Stanley Gardeners. Every night I pile them into the cart and make my rounds. I write down the names on this clipboard,’ she picked it up to show Waverly. ‘And well… that’s it. Easy, peasy, Japeneasy. Any questions?’

After flitting her eyes over the clipboard for a moment, Waverly looked around the dark room. Gus had been able to give the tour all from the very spot on which she was standing. It was one of the gloomiest libraries Waverly had ever seen.

‘Gus? How long have you been librarian?’ Waverly asked. Something about this whole situation was making her feel very uneasy, but she couldn’t put her finger on what.

Gus thought for a moment, ‘oh let’s seen… I came here in 05 and they made me librarian in 1912, so that makes it around 37 years by my counting.’

Waverly nodded still casting her eyes around the room, ‘have you ever needed an assistant?’

‘Nope, can’t say that I have… not much to it is there?’ She gestured to the small cart filled with about fifty books and the clipboard resting on the top.

‘So… why now?’ Waverly asked trying to solve the mystery that might even be there. ‘Why me?’

Gus shrugged, ‘I have no idea my girl, be nice to have some company around here for a change though.’ She smiled sweetly at the younger girl. It was a smile genuine and kind. Other than Nicole, it was a smile that wasn’t often evident on the faces of prisoners, each hardened to the daily grind. However, there was something different about Gus, an untainted gentleness that was a hard thing to find within those walls.

 

‘Dufresne!’ the cry came loud and exacting. Both Waverly and Gus poked their heads out from the library room to see Hadley standing at the top of the stairs with another officer. Gus looked at Waverly worried. Waverly shrugged as clueless as Gus. Hadley pointed directly at Waverly, ‘there… that’s her. That’s the one.’ These words did not ease the concern rising up in both numbered women.

As quickly as she had appeared, Hadley disappeared as the guard walked forwards looking almost as nervous as Waverly and Gus did. There was something ominous in her approach but Waverly determinedly stood her ground to wait for whatever was to come next.

‘I’m Dekins,’ the officer finally said. ‘I’ve been thinking about setting up some kind of trust fund for my kids…’ both Waverly and Gus instantly allowed themselves to breathe again. ‘I hear you’re the woman to talk to?’

Blinking, Waverly looked at Gus who was smiling a little amused, ‘Oh I see… you know I was just a desk girl right?’ she said. ‘I didn’t actually handle the finances of any of the customers… just the money.’

‘Yes I do,’ Dekins nodded. ‘But you helped Hadley didn’t you?’

‘Yes I did,’ Waverly agreed. Something which still caused her to check herself every now and again because she still couldn’t believe she had done what she did on that roof. ‘… okay… I will see what I can do,’ she suddenly took on a role she never thought she’d slip into. She’d seen the way the manager of her bank had acted many a time when welcoming new customers or chairing a meeting. She got to work sourcing a table and a couple of suitable chairs. ‘Have you got a paper and pencil Gus?’ she asked gesturing for the guard to take a seat. Gus checked the pockets of her prison shirt and large blue cardigan before spotting some blank bits of paper and a pencil lying on the table just inside the library. After fetching them she placed them on the table in front of Waverly, who instantly started shuffling them, even though they were still blank, just as she’d seen of the bankers do in her branch. It was mainly to calm her nerves. Inside she was panicking, searching for any faint memory of key policies and products her bank offered. ‘What did you have in mind? A weekly draw on your pay?’

‘Yeah, I figured just stick it in the bank but Hadley said to check with you first,’ Dekins said. He couldn’t believe he was sitting in front of a convicted criminal asking for financial advice, but if it was good enough for Hadley, it was certainly good enough for him.

‘She was right… you don’t want your money just in a bank,’ Waverly stated. Now that she had got going, everything was flooding back to her. It might have been nearly three years, but it was almost as if she’d only left the bank a few days ago.

 

‘She didn’t say that!’ Steph laughed almost spitting out her stew.

‘As God as my witness,’ Gus nodded. ‘And Dekins, just lapped it all up like a dog and after the meeting, he actually shook Waverly’s hand.’

‘My ass,’ Rosita scoffed.

‘She shook Waverly’s fucking hand. I just about shit myself. All Waverly needed was a dress suit and a pair of solid heels and a jiggly little hula gadget and she would have been Madam Dufrusne, if you please.’

‘Making yourself some friends huh Waverly,’ Steph said a little impressed.

‘I wouldn’t say friends. I’m a convicted murderer who provides sound financial planning. That’s a wonderful pet to have,’ Waverly chuckled. ‘When I say sound… I mean made up in the spur of the moment based on what I used to overhear at the bank, but it’s probably straighter than anything else these guards have heard from any of their bankers.’

‘Got you out of the laundry though didn’t it,’ Nicole smiled beside her. Undetected, she slipped a hand under the table and squeezed Waverly’s thigh gently. ‘Well done baby,’ she whispered careful that no one else could hear as the others continued to laugh amongst themselves. ‘It’s going to be so much easier to sneak up to the library to see you than the laundry.’ The thought alone and Nicole’s lingering touch on her thigh caused Waverly to audibly inhale sharply.

‘You alright there Dufresne?’ Steph asked hearing the gasp.

Amused, Nicole looked away trying to hide her laughter but kept her hand stroking Waverly’s thigh enjoying what she was doing to the girl, ‘yep…’ Waverly adjusted herself on the bench, but did not want to remove Nicole’s hand. She didn’t want to. ‘… bone…’ she coughed and pointed to the congealed muck on her fork that was being passed as food. ‘nasty…’ she pretended to pick a bone out of the stew and throw it onto the floor behind her. Nicole glanced at Waverly impressed. Waverly had declared a challenge.

‘What did you think of the library?’ Rosita asked.

Waverly pondered the question as Nicole’s hand began to slip upwards, ‘small…’ she said quickly. ‘Very small… but kind of what I expected really.’ Loitering at the top of Waverly’s leg, Nicole began to stroke the inside of Waverly’s thigh. ‘I was thinking…’ Waverly desperately tried to keep talking. ‘… that my little… position with the guards could do more…’

‘Like?’ Nicole chimed in. She was thoroughly enjoying Waverly’s struggle as her fingers continued to tease.

Waverly shot her a look. She was very much aware of what Nicole was up to and her satisfaction of it. ‘I thought about maybe expanding the library. Get some new books…’ she paused and cleared her throat to cover the gasp that wanted to escape. ‘… up there…’

‘Up there?’ Nicole enquired with a hint of mischievousness her eyes widening slightly.

‘Yes… there…’

‘And how to expect to do that, Madam Dufresne, if you please?’ Rosita asked trying to sound like how someone would speak to another in a bank.

Slowly, Waverly moved her unoccupied hand down to grip her other thigh to control herself against how aroused she was becoming by Nicole’s simple motions on her leg. ‘Ask the warden for funds.’ She said this a little too bluntly. This caused an eruption of laughter around her, which Waverly actually welcome as it allowed her to gasp a few times against the continued caresses.

‘Girl, I’ve seen six wardens through hear during my tenure and I have learned one immutable truth of the universe, ain’t one of them born whose asshole don’t pucker up as tight as a snare drum when you ask for funds.’ She shook her head entertained at Waverly’s idea. ‘Good luck to you.’

‘Well… I think I might go and ask her right now,’ Waverly declared getting to her feet.

‘Right now?’ Nicole questioned feeling her attempts had been thwarted.

‘While I’m thinking about it… yes.’ Waverly nodded picking up her tray. She went to leave but turned back, ‘Nicole, I still get nervous walking around this prison on my own… do you mind…?’

‘What you need me to…’ she began to laugh at this idea, only for the penny to drop a few seconds later. ‘Oh…’ She dropped her fork into her food and swept the tray up from the table. ‘Right… of course…’ Her haste in getting to her feet almost caused her to trip over the bench and land flat on her behind in front of the whole canteen. ‘I will… help you… do… that…’ Thankfully, she corrected her balance and was able to leave swiftly after Waverly.

‘Those two are fucking weird…’ Steph stated watching them go.

‘I know,’ Rosita agreed. ‘Especially together.’

 

_She didn’t forgive me straight away. Once we were out of sight of the canteen and found a little pocket of the prison to make out own, I got a right ticking off for my actions. I made the point that she had every opportunity to stop. However, Waverly was good with words, she made her point very clear, but as the breath passed through those lips, I didn’t hear any of the ones she spoke. I had to quiet her and did it the best way I knew how. As soon as I kissed her, I felt her relax in my arms. She was mine again. I knew she was stirred from what I had done so very deliberately in the canteen and I was going to take advantage of it. We hadn’t gone far from other prisoners and guards this time, so I knew it had to be quick. Luckily, I knew just what she desired to ensure it would be. My hands went instantly to her trousers and this time I didn’t even take the time to undo them._

Having told the others that she was going to see Lucado, Waverly knew that she would have to carry out this self-set assignment. After being thoroughly satisfied by Nicole and returning the favour, Waverly had somehow managed to gather her thoughts enough to find her way through the halls to Lucado’s office.

‘Not a dime,’ Lucado said not looking up from her desk. ‘Budget is spread thin as it is.’ She was once again immersed in paperwork.

A little despondent Waverly hung her head. When she did so she noticed that her shirt was still untucked from her latest tryst and quickly corrected this – if there was one thing Lucado did not like in her office it was a scruffy inmate - before an idea entered her thoughts. ‘Perhaps I could write to State Senate and request funds directly from them?’ Waverly suggested.

‘As far as them Republican boys in Augusta are concerned, there’s only three ways to spend the taxpayer’s hard-earned money when it comes to prisons,’ she looked up. ‘More walls. More Bars. More guards. I’m sorry Dufresne, there’s nothing I can do and there’s nothing they will do.’

‘Still, with your permission, I’d like to write them a letter once a week… they can’t ignore me forever.’

Lucado restrained a smile, she admired Waverly’s resolve, ‘you write your letters and I’ll even mail them for you. How’s that?’

‘I’d appreciate that very much ma’am, thank you,’ Waverly smiled.

Waverly nodded her head to leave, ‘Dufresne…’ Lucado called. Waverly stopped in the door to look back at the warden who was now stood up. ‘I thought you might want to know… Diamond, well actually both of them, they’re dead.’ This was a shock to Waverly, then as she recalled, she hadn’t seen Beth around the prison. She hadn’t noticed because she hadn’t had to be scared of it anymore. ‘Mercedes died of… complications… from the surgeries she required after…’ Lucado stopped herself talking. By this reaction, it was suddenly clear to Waverly that maybe Lucado had ordered the attack Hadley had exacted on Mercedes which left the sister so greatly disabled.

‘And Beth?’

‘Suicide… she took a shank to her wrists two days ago, after she heard about her sister,’ Lucado replied. ‘I don’t want to dwell too much on the details Dufresne. These are horrific and… unfortunate events....’ As she spoke, Waverly wondered who Lucado was trying to convince. ‘… which are now over. We can now put this little… period… behind us.’ She looked Waverly straight in the eye. ‘And never speak of it again. Right?’

‘Right.’ Waverly agreed. Her voice might have sounded convinced but her thoughts were not. It was now beginning to dawn on Waverly just how far the people at this prison would go to ensure it ran smoothly and they could gain financially from its inmates, particularly Waverly Dufresne.


	7. Chapter 7

 

_So that’s exactly what Waverly did, over the next year she wrote a letter a week to the State Senate asking them for funds and just as Lucado said, week after week, she got no answers. Despite this, she kept on, determined not to give up. The following April, Waverly did tax returns for half the guards at Shawshank. The year after that, he did them all… including the warden’s. Then the year after that, they rescheduled the start of the intramural season to coincide with tax season. It was quite extraordinary to behold. If she wasn’t wearing the dull grey uniform, you would think that Waverly was just another member of staff working in their financial management department. Most of us cons thought she should be as she sure did know a lot more than the actual dimwits that ran the place. Yes sir, Waverly was making a bit of a name for herself and in fact, she got so busy at tax time, she was allowed a staff…_

‘Hey Red,’ Waverly called from her table by the window. ‘Could you hand me a stack of those 1040s? The room had now been half cleared so that Waverly had room for a bigger desk and two chairs on the opposite side to herself. To her left she had her own little cabinet with forms, films, paper and pencil along with the equipment she needed to do her calculations.

From just around the corner in the next room but within eyesight and earshot, Nicole looked around the table that had been set out for her and found the pile of papers Waverly had asked for. With a smile she passed these to Gus who handed them over to Waverly to allow Nicole to continue sorting and filing the papers into folders to put away in the drawers she had positioned next to her. Due to the substantial amount of custom that Waverly was receiving around tax time, the three-drawered cabinet was nearly full and Nicole had to keep reorganising it to ensure the make-shift tax office ran smoothly.

 

_I was more than happy with this situation, got me out of wood shop a month out of the year and of course, spending more time with Waverly was not something I was not going disagree with. During that month, Gus was expected to run the library and do her delivery rounds on her own, leaving Waverly and I some very welcome alone time. We did, however, have to wait until all customers had left the office and some did like to make use of every second of Waverly’s time. Something which I felt, only I was allowed to do._

Even after nearly four years, the want and passion between Waverly and Nicole had not diminished. Amongst the tedious routine of prison life where nothing ever seemed to change and the prisoners were given little opportunity to add any spark of interest to their days, their secret moments kept each day very much worth living.

‘I thought he would never leave,’ Nicole breathed as she pushed Waverly back against book shelves.

Waverly happily accepted the hungry kisses Nicole placed on her neck and chest, ‘I had to make sure I gave him good customer service…’ Waverly said, sighing into Nicole’s attention. Arms wide, she rested them on the shelves extending away from her opening up her body.

‘The only good customer service you should be giving… is to me,’ Nicole giggled as she pushed Waverly’s shirt up to lay kisses on her stomach. It was now completely clean of any marks and or scars from the almost life-ending attack nearly four years previous. The only reminder of that appalling incident was the faint surgical scare running down the middle of her upper chest.

‘Customer service?’ Waverly laughed pushing Nicole away playfully. ‘Is that all I am to you? Someone to serve you?’

Nicole smiled coyly, ‘oh no madam Dufresne…’ she ran her hand down to stroke Waverly between the legs, running her fingers along the seam which joined the two halves of Waverly’s trousers. ‘I am definitely here to serve you.’

‘Good answer,’ Waverly exhaled.

 

Catching their breath, both girls searched the floor for their missing articles of uniform. Sometimes they aired on the side of caution and kept as many items of clothing on as necessary but others, the moment got the better of them and they gave into the urge to see each other’s bodies.

Sweeping her grey flannel cap off the floor Nicole caught sight of her desk and groaned, ‘I’d organised all those Dufresne.’

Waverly looked over at the desk as she did up her shirt and smirked, ‘I would apologise but…’

‘Well, are you going to help me pick them all up?’ Nicole asked. The papers which had been perfectly organised and piled were now disorganised, mixed up and some were even on the floor.

‘What will you do if I don’t?’ Waverly flirted.

Nicole hated it when she did that, it made it so difficult for her to keep up the façade, ‘I won’t take you on a desk again…’ she threatened.

‘Well shit… how will I survive?’ she folded her arms stubbornly. ‘You are here to serve me remember?’

‘Oh really?’ Nicole laughed.

The two stared at each other, trying to out glare the other. Nicole was determined not to break. So was Waverly. Breaking eye contact for a moment, Waverly feigned being interested in a book nearby picking one at random from the shelf. Nicole watched her with steely eyes. With a dainty finger, Waverly tipped a book towards her and slid it off the shelf. Without checking its subject she opened the book and pretended to be read.

Upon seeing the cover, Nicole knew she had won, ‘fisherman’s digest?’ Looking up from the book, Waverly’s eyes met the amused pair belonging to Nicole. The coquettish expression on Nicole’s face broke her resolve. Dropping the book on the floor, Waverly crossed the room and threw herself in Nicole’s arms. Delighted to reap the benefits of her victory, Nicole wrapped her arms around the brunette as their lips explored each other’s ardently amongst smiles. This time it was Nicole’s back to hit the shelves as the pair indulged their desires. This could have continued, if it hadn’t been for a shocked gasp from someone who had entered the room behind them.

‘Well that makes a fuck lot of sense…’ came Gus’ voice from behind them. Instantly, Nicole pushed Waverly away before realising it was a pointless exercise.

‘Gus we… um…’ she started. Waverly was too scared to speak.

‘Giving each other a tonsil examination?’ Gus asked as she wheeled her creaky library cart in. ‘You know we have nurses for that?’ She parked the cart and proceeded to unload the books stacked inside it.

Waverly and Nicole exchanged looks, nothing about Gus’ reaction gave the impression that she was surprised or even appalled by what she had just seen. ‘… um…’ Nicole couldn’t find words.

Smiling, Gus turned to face the two dumbfounded women, ‘girls, I’m nearly seventy, I have seen a shit ton of stuff in my time… two fine girls such as yourselves finding some semblance of pleasure in this place with each other… is not one of the strangest. In fact, I say… more of us should be doing it.’

Waverly allowed herself to smile, ‘did you know?’ she asked.

‘Not for sure…’ Gus told them as she moved the cart along to the next shelf to unload it. ‘but… I knew there was something I didn’t know… if you get me?’ The two nodded in reply. ‘Always sneaking off and strangely missing during film nights and yard time… those dumbasses Rosita Heywood and Steph Floyd wouldn’t know shit if it hit them in the face… but old timers like me… we see things.’ She tapped her nose with a smile before unloading the last book and ticking it off her list. Looking back at the women, she saw the fear in their eyes despite her understanding words. ‘Oh don’t worry you two… I won’t tell.’ She watched them both relax immediately. ‘What do I care if you want to screw each other’s brains out? Just make sure they don’t catch you…’ she pointed a finger at them in an almost motherly fashion. ‘If they ask me, I don’t know if I could lie. Too fucking old for the shit that would bring me. Never been to the hole and I ain’t starting that game up for you.’

‘Oh no… we won’t… this told us we need to be more careful,’ Waverly assured her. ‘We just…’

‘Got a little carried away?’ Gus finished. ‘You might not believe this as I appear before you old and haggard, but I was in love once… I remember what it’s like.’

Now calm, Waverly and Nicole found themselves interested in the woman who continued to surprise them, ‘who was that?’

‘Not a woman,’ Gus laughed. ‘I may have the hair some of you lesbians but oh no… just men for this old girl.’ Nicole and Waverly laughed, first at Gus’ words, then at her actions as Gus, in blissful unawareness, began to pick up the papers on the floor that they have playfully argued over.

Feeling suddenly guilty, Waverly rushed forward and began to help Gus pick them up, ‘who was he?’

Gus straightened and let out a long sigh at the thought of him, ‘Curtis McCready… straight as a ruler for all those that thought they knew him, but bent as a rusted nail to those who knew him best.’

‘Is he the reason you’re in here?’ Nicole asked as she too began to help reorganised the papers.

‘Oh no… Curtis knew how to fuck up his own life good… but the one thing that man did right, was how he treated me,’ her voice became despondent as she continued. ‘I was his princess he used to say.’ She sighed again and shook herself. ‘But the fucker got himself shot during a robbery. Wouldn’t have been there if it weren’t for his dumb pride. He promised me he wouldn’t go, but his friends goaded him… and I suspect, threatened me. So I figure he felt compelled and well… that was it. The bullet went through the idiot’s heart… and mine at the time when I found out.’

Stunned by the story, the papers were forgotten as Nicole and Waverly stared at the unassuming woman in front of them, ‘Gus… we’re so…’

‘Ah shit… don’t you worry about it… I made peace with the bastard a long time ago.’ She smiled through her sadness. ‘Plus I’ll give the git what for when I finally kick the bucket and join him.’ She placed the last remaining papers in her hand on the table. ‘Now, I’m going to finish for the evening and tidy up next door. You girls have got five minutes… FIVE… so no pants down, hands or tongues doing whatever nonsense you dykes do… because in five we all should be heading to canteen for dinner.’ Speechless once again, Nicole and Waverly watched as Gus left the room. ‘FIVE!’ she shouted again from the room next door.

‘I think I actually love her…’ Waverly stated breaking into an astonished but delighted grin. ‘To think that she has been through all that and is still the wonderful, amazing… per…’ her thoughts so focused on the wonder that was Gus Hatlen she had not noticed that Nicole had crossed the room to place another kiss on Waverly’s chattering lips.

‘She did say… five minutes,’ Nicole said between their lips meeting. ‘Are you going to talk through them all?’ Shaking her head, Waverly smiled before closing her mouth around Nicole’s.

 

_Having another ally amongst the prison’s walls was of huge benefit. Not only was Gus was the wielder of one of the sharpest wits amongst us inmates, but she was also one of the shiftiest bitches that Waverly and I knew. The shit she pulled for us could be the stuff of legend and when Waverly and I thought about, we thought that secretly she enjoyed every moment of it. There was life and character in the old girl again._

‘Red! Red!’ the scream almost knocked Nicole of the bleachers as Steph came charging across the yard. ‘You gotta come quick… its Hatlen, she’s lost it man… completely lost it.’

‘Okay,’ Nicole nodded. ‘Waves!’ Not far from where they were standing Waverly was taking up with one of her most favourite past times, taking a turn around the yard whilst foraging through the thin pickings to see what rocks she could find. She looked up at the call. ‘Waves… come on!’ The moment she saw Nicole and Steph’s panicked faces she dropped the rocks she was examining and tailed them into the building.

 

Rushing into the library, Nicole and Waverly’s eyes fell on an unnerving sight. In the middle of the room Waverly used as an office, Gus had her arm around Rosita’s shoulders as she held a knife to the gasping girl’s throat. Terrified, Rosita’s eyes were fixed on the knife as her hands gripped Gus’ arm which held onto her tightly. Gus was clearly determined not to let her go. The older convict’s eyes were wild and desperate, but also stained with the hint of tears.

‘Stay back goddamn it!’ she cried as she saw Nicole, Waverly and Steph enter the room.

‘What the fuck Gus?’ Nicole asked. She looked to Steph. ‘What is this?’

‘You tell me,’ Steph replied throwing her arms up in the air. ‘One minute she was fine, then out came the knife. I better get the guards…’

‘No… shit no…’ Nicole blurted. ‘No… that won’t help. We’ll handle this.’ She turned back to Gus, who looked more scared than she did dangerous. ‘Gus… just settle down and we’ll talk about this okay?’

‘Nothing left to talk about… it’s all gone down…’ she wept. ‘All that’s left to do is to cut her fucking throat.’

Nicole’s eyes widened with panic, ‘why… what has Heywood done to you?’

‘It’s what they want… it’s the price I have to pay.’

Confused Nicole turned to Steph for answers as Waverly stepped forward her heart breaking at the desperation of the woman in front of them. ‘Gus… you’re not going to hurt Heywood. We all know that, even Heywood knows that… right Heywood?’

Petrified, Rosita brought herself to nod, ‘sure… I know that…’

‘You know why we know that?’ Waverly asked keeping her distance. ‘Because ask anyone and they’ll tell you. They’ll say that Gus Hatlen is a reasonable woman, one of the best is this whole goddamn place.’

‘Yeah…’ Nicole agreed cuing nods from both Rosita and Steph. ‘That’s what everybody says.’

‘You’re not fooling anybody, so just put the knife down and stop scaring the shit out of people.’ Waverly went on.

‘But it’s the only way they’ll let me stay,’ Gus sobbed. The knife was beginning to tremble in her hand as it remained pointed at Rosita’s throat. As it continued to do so, it grazed Rosita’s neck causing a little blood to come to the surface.

‘Gus… let her go… look at her neck… look Gus, Jesus… it’s bleeding…’ Waverly put her hand out to indicate that she meant her no harm and only wanted to help. Bursting into tears, Gus let the grip around Rosita’s neck go allowing her captive to squirm free and retreat to the other side of the room. Clasping a hand to her neck she took refuge behind Nicole. ‘Take it easy… it’ll be alright.’ The knife falling from Gus’ hand clanged into the silence that had now fallen on the room after Waverly’s words.

A silence quickly ripped apart by Rosita as she looked at the blood on her fingers. ‘Her? What about me?’ She exclaimed. ‘Crazy old fool, damn near cut my throat!’

‘Oh shut up, you’ve had worse from falling off the bleachers so many times,’ Nicole snapped at her. ‘What did you do to piss her off?’

‘Nothing!’ Rosita protested. ‘I just came here to say fare-thee-well.’ Confusion spread through the other three women. ‘Haven’t you heard? Her parole came through.’

Waverly felt her heart fall as her eyes drifted to Nicole’s. She was met with a similar look as Nicole gazed back. The new ally, friend and confidant that they had just found and only had for a few months would no longer be among them. This weak, vulnerable and amenable elderly woman would soon be free and outside the bars and walls of the prison she had known for such a long time.

 

‘I just don’t understand what happened in there,’ Waverly said as she stared out at the gravel earth in front of her. Still in shock, the group had gathered themselves back out on the bleachers in the yard. Gus had been led back to her cell, the guards notified that she wasn’t feeling well but they had all agreed to not disclose what had actually happened to protect Gus. One word about her using a knife on a fellow prisoner would mean time in the hole, a reputation they were not going to tarnish for her.

‘The old girl’s crazy as a rat in a tin shithouse, is what,’ Rosita sulked as she checked her neck again to see if it was still bleeding.

‘Will you knock it off,’ Nicole spat her way. ‘Gus ain’t no animal, she’s just institutionalised.’

‘Institutionalised, my ass,’ Rosita sneered.

‘Do you even know what that means?’ Steph asked annoyed at her tone.

‘Yeah… it um… it totally fucking means…’ she had nothing. ‘Well do you?’ She shot back. She knew the response was pathetic but Steph had no reply.

‘The woman’s been in here fifty years… fifty years,’ Nicole stated firmly irritated by them both. ‘This place is all she knows. In here she’s an important woman, an educated woman. A librarian with a place and purpose. Out there, she’s nothing but a used up old con with arthritis in both hands. Probably couldn’t even get a library card if she wanted to. You see what I’m saying?’

‘Red, I do believe you’re talking shit again,’ Steph chimed in from behind her. Waverly couldn’t help shooting her an unimpressed look. This entire conversation was breaking her heart.

‘Believe what you want. These walls are funny. They do things to you.’ As she spoke, Nicole looked up at the towering walls above them on one side half blocking out the late afternoon sunlight. ‘First you hate them, then you get used to them and after a while, you kinda depend on them. For some… you might even come to love them.’ She glanced at Waverly momentarily, who met her eyes in full understanding. ‘That’s institutionalised.’

‘Fuck… I could never end up that way,’ Rosita scoffed again as she threw bits of stone to the floor.

‘Say that once you’ve been in here as long as Hatlen has.’ Steph said now understanding Nicole.

‘Goddam right,’ Nicole agreed relieved someone was finally getting her point. ‘They send you in here for life and that’s exactly what they take.’

 

As the sunlight gently streamed in through the barred window, Gus gently cradled her precious black bird in her hands. Now dressed in a smart black trouser suit, Gus walked into the stream of light and brought her hands up to the window. ‘Go on Bobo, I can’t take care of you no more.’ She opened her hands slightly to allow the bird to stand and almost look back at Gus in confusion. ‘You go on now, you’re free.’ Due to its seeming reluctance, Gus gave the bird a little encouragement by awkwardly tossing the bird out of the window. After a few nervous moments and beats of its wings, the bird found its away and slowly flapped out of sight. In only a couple of hours, Gus too would find her freedom, with her small suitcase of very few personal belongings, as the gates would be opened for her and she would be able to step outside of the prison’s land and for the first time in over fifty years.

 

_We couldn’t be there to see the old girl off, despite our requests. We heard she was lead out by two guards to the outer gate. A little unnecessary for a woman of her age and stature. She was hardly going to be able to out muscle them to somehow do something insane before she left. Procedure they told us. Once at the gate, Mert had told us that Gus looked back at the prison with tears in her eyes. Despite her pain, she had thanked the guards kindly and wished them a good day before watching the gate close behind her and make her way to the bus station a little way down the road._

_We heard nothing from Gus for nearly a month as we continued with our lives at the prison. Her absence was evident immediately as we missed her gentle smile and kind ways around the place. It was hardest for Waverly as she was now on her own in the library, solely in charge. It wasn’t the demands of the job as it was damn easy; I knew she missed Gus’ company. She could have asked for an assistant just like with tax season, and I’m sure she would have chosen me, but I think she wanted to keep her mind busy and ensure she took on the whole work load. I think Waverly felt it would have been disrespectful to Gus somehow, if she was replaced. Even by me. Every time she went down to the mail room to mail her letters to the State Senate and see if any replies had arrived, she had also checked to see if there had been any word from Gus. It worried us all, an elderly woman such as Gus, suddenly released into a world that would have changed so much since the day she left it and came to Shawshank. She didn’t even have Curtis to go back to. It’s a cruel world for most of us to live in, for Gus Hatlen, it must have been terrifying._

_Finally, after five weeks of asking and waiting, Waverly was told there was a letter waiting for her._

 

_Dear ladies,_

_I can’t believe how fast things move on the outside. I saw an automobile once when I was young. Now they’re everywhere. I couldn’t believe how fast the bus went that took me back to town. I held on to the chair in front the entire way. I almost shit my pants. The world went and got itself in a big damn hurry._

_The parole board got me into this sorta halfway house called The Brewster. The main landlord is a gruff and nasty sort of bloke who smells something awful. He never smiles or says hello to me as I come and go. It makes me wonder where the simple pleasantries of life went._

_I also got this job bagging groceries at The Foodway. They have food there from places I didn’t even know of. The world has become so damn close all of a sudden. It’s hard work, bagging. I try to keep up but my hands hurt most of the time, I don’t think the manager likes me very much. He shouts at me a lot of the time for not double bagging especially when customers complain. You see I just forget; my mind is not what it used to be._

_Sometimes after work I go to the park and feed the birds. I keep thinking that Bobo will show up and say hello, but he never does. I hope that wherever he is, he’s doing okay and making new friends. I have trouble sleeping at night. I have bad dreams like I’m falling. I wake up scared and it takes me a while to remember where I am. A lot of the time I can’t get back to sleep, so I just lie there in the dark until morning. Even at night the sounds outside don’t stop, no one seems to rest anymore._

_Sometimes I think about getting a gun and robbing The Foodway, so they’d send me home. I’m sure Waverly has made one big mess of the library since I’ve been gone. I could shoot the manager while I was at it, like some sort of bonus._

_I don’t like it here. I’m tired of being afraid all the time. This place is not a world for a worn-out crook like me, so I’ve decided not to stay. I doubt they’ll kick up any fuss. Not for someone the world ain’t going to miss. At least I’ll see my Curtis again. I’m hoping he’s been waiting for me all these years._

_I hope you girls make it. The world deserves women like you who can make a difference one day. Stay strong and look out for each other, especially you Dufresne, you’re a good one._

Gripping the letter with trembling hands, Waverly wiped a tear from her eye as she tried to read on.

 

_P.S. Tell Heywood I’m sorry for putting a knife to her throat. No hard feelings._

Using her sleeve, Rosita wiped the tears from her cheeks as the group fell into a long stunned silence. The only sound was the crinkling of the paper as Waverly slowly folded it back up and held it between her fingers.

‘She should have died in here,’ Steph said quietly watching the other prisoners milling about the yard.

For them nothing about the day was different. Life was going on as normal. For the group, time stood still.

Nicole nodded glumly, ‘she deserved more.’

‘So much more,’ Waverly brought her hands up her face and allowed herself to fall apart in them. Not caring about any possible consequences, Nicole slid her arm around Waverly’s shoulder and pulled her in so Waverly’s head could fall onto her shoulder. She urgently wanted to slip her other arm around the crying girl’s body and kiss her head consolingly, but the attention they would attract would be exactly what neither of them needed as they dealt with the blow they had just been dealt.

‘How did she…?’ Rosita started forgetting herself temporarily. Then she remembered what warden Lucado had told them when handing over the letter addressed to Waverly.

In the second month of her release, after being absent from The Foodway for two days, Gus had been found hanging from the beam in her room. She was dressed in her best suit, personal effects packed and stored in her small black suitcase which was resting on top of the perfectly made bed. It was as if she hadn’t lived there at all for just over thirty days. Just for three simple words scratched into the wood of the beam from which she hung, ‘Gus was here.’


	8. Chapter 8

 

_Things weren’t the same for a few weeks for our little band of misfits after Gus’ death. It soon filtered through to the rest of the prisoners and they showed their respect in their own way; some with a simple nod of the head when they passed the cell Gus used to occupy whilst others took the time to write a letter or make a drawing. My favourite was a beautiful pencil piece of her trusty black bird Bobo. For most of them however, she was insignificant, just the old lady that brought round the books once a day. For a few days we would also get a nod and a sympathetic smile around the prison, but a place like Shawshank can’t dwell on these things. It’s already disheartening enough to be in prison in the first place. Rosita and Steph moved on the quickest out of the four of us. Rosita is too dumb to hold any really deep and meaningful thoughts. I actually envied her sometimes. For Waverly and I on the other hand, especially Waverly, it hurt for a long time._

Standing in the doorway, Nicole watched as Waverly carefully placed the books back on the shelves from the cart. Looking around the room, Nicole had never seen the place so tidy and organised. She smiled to herself; Gus would have been proud. Her eyes returning to Waverly, Nicole observed as Waverly seemed to stop at a book she had just seen on the shelf whilst returning another. Slowly, she pulled the book off the shelf and held it in her left hand stroking its cover with the other. It was a moment that seemed to have completely overcome her as she almost became a statue staring at the book.

‘Hey you,’ Nicole said walking forward, wondering what had captivated Waverly so completely. From behind, Nicole slid her arms around Waverly’s waist and placed her chin on the brunette’s shoulder so she could also see the book. Waverly leaned back into Nicole’s embrace still clutching bound literature. Her eyes falling upon its title and beautiful decorations on its cover, Nicole could see what had consumed Waverly. The red book was all about bird watching with a gorgeous gold outline of a bird on the front. ‘She would have loved that one.’

‘I still can’t believe… she’s gone,’ she choked on her words as they broke in her grief.

‘Hey... it’s okay baby,’ she ran a hand through Waverly’s hair to move it away from her neck so she could place a loving kiss on the newly exposed skin. Waverly closed her eyes at the touch. ‘She’s with Curtis now.’

‘How do we know that?’ Waverly asked eyes still closed to Nicole’s delicate kisses.

‘Faith I guess…’ Nicole said returning her chin to Waverly’s shoulder to hold her closer.

Keeping the book in her right hand, Waverly moved her arms to cover Nicole’s and welcome the tighter embrace, ‘you’re not religious.’

‘I know… but for so many people to believe there must be some truth in it surely? And… I know in my heart… as much as I know I love you… that Gus is in a good place and whether that’s with Curtis or not, and I’m sure that it is… she’s at peace now.’

Waverly nodded, she loved how Nicole knew exactly how to put things, ‘I just wish I knew for sure.’

‘Baby, if either you or I could answer that question, we would be rich women as we would have answered one of life’s biggest questions.’ She broke their arms entanglement so that she could turn Waverly around. ‘I like to think that… if something happened to you or me… we would definitely see each other again.’

Waverly’s eyes widened at these words, ‘what are you…?’

‘Figuratively…’ Nicole reassured her stroking her hands as Waverly still gripped the red book to her chest with both her hands. ‘I’m not going anywhere. The way my fucking parole hearings have been going, I’m never getting out of here.’

‘Have you got one coming up?’

Feeling suddenly awkward, Nicole dropped her hands from Waverly’s arms, ‘yes… yes I do.’ Tears started to fill Waverly’s eyes. Nicole smiled and stepped forward to cup Waverly’s face and wipe the tears away with her thumbs. ‘And I plan to fail the fucking thing…’ Leaning forward she kissed Waverly softly. Waverly closed her eyes almost squeezing them shut wanting to feel every millimetre of contact their lips made. Pulling away, Nicole placed her forehead on Waverly’s, ‘if you think I’m going to leave you now, you’re as dumb as that brick Heywood.’

This retort caused Waverly to laugh. Releasing her arms Waverly placed the book to one side so her arms were free to wrap around Nicole’s neck as their lips entangled again.

 

_Things cooled for Waverly and I for a while as she continued to process her grief. It’s hard to be interested in the sensual pleasures available when your heart is aching for someone you’ve lost. It was difficult for me to see her this way and I have to admit sometimes it grew a little tiring. This was merely because every time I saw her she would take my breath away and she was all I wanted. When I was entangled in her arms, the prison melted away and we could be making love anywhere. Even though my body ached for her all the time, the truth of it thought was that it didn’t matter if we ever made love again. I simply loved her too much to ever leave her._

_In the fall of 56, a very interesting character arrived at the prison. Her name was Alexandra Dolls and Jesus did that broad stand out. She stood nearly six feet tall with some of the widest shoulders I had ever seen on a woman. I swear she probably had to stand sideways to get through some of the prison’s doors. This was due to her most striking feature, the athleticism of her body defined by her extraordinary muscles. It seemed as though there was not an inch of fat on her body. As she settled in, it soon became very clear that she was quite the charismatic act and planned on making herself known around the prison very quickly._

‘’So my father screams at them waving his torch, how about you see how God can burn you you filthy heathens!’ Dolls demonstrated by waving her knife above her head for the prisoners that were sitting entranced by her story. ‘And I shit you not… those white hooded motherfuckers hot tailed it and ran right out of there. I tell you, I don’t believe in the son of a bitch, but for fucking old Dad… God well and truly turned up that day.’

‘Shit man… did they not turn up the next day and burn the place down?’ one prisoner asked.

‘No… and good thing too as my father would have taken all of the fuckers on,’ Dolls laughed as she stuffed some of the day’s finest cuisine into her mouth.

‘If your father was a man of God… how did you wind up in here?’ asked Steph as she the rest of the group were sitting close by and able to listen. ‘Aren’t you religious people supposed to live the straight and narrow?’

Dolls studied her for the moment trying to read the meaning of the question, ‘I didn’t want to live straight and narrow.’ She replied matter-of-factly whilst still chewing her foot methodically.

‘Did you have to study the book?’ came another question.

‘Unfortunately,’ Dolls nodded, her black hair scraped back into a tight ponytail dancing as she did so. ‘Got so much of that muck in my brain sometimes I don’t have room for my own thoughts.’

‘For some it’s not muck you know,’ came a distressed voice from a small group of prisoners sitting nearby.

Dolls looked at them and saw they were harmless, each with a bible on the table beside their trays, ‘I mean no disrespect ladies,’ she raised her hands in the hair to make the point. ‘It’s just not for me. I was just forced to read it and got the belt if I didn’t… you do that enough to a child and they kinda go against everything about the way you want them to turn out.’ She turned back to those on the immediate table with her. ‘Father even had me practising some of the ceremonies, so if any of you want your holy communion, baptism… hell even your marriage vows renewed if any of you have husbands on the outside. It won’t be proper like, but it’s the thought that counts right?’

As the group around Dolls continued to laugh and listen to Dolls enchanted, Waverly and Nicole sat back watching the strange new scene play out. ‘She’s quite something,’ Waverly stated studying the new arrival.

‘I know… she looks more like a man than a girl…’ Nicole commented. ‘I mean… look at those arms. Maybe she’s an athlete?’

‘Who knows… all I can say is I’m going to make sure I stay on her good side…’ Waverly gathered up her tray to carry it over to the required station. For a few minutes Nicole sat and watched the new arrival as she continued to tell tales of her life animatedly to all those that were listening. New arrivals were always popular as they brought something new to the prison, something other than the same drab subjects to talk about day in and day out.

 

_Yes, that Dolls successfully made a name for herself very quickly. People loved to listen to her stories and she loved to tell them. For some, she was just a little too larger than life but for most she brought a little colour to our grey prison world._

_It only took six years and 312 letters but finally, Waverly got a response from the State Senate. A very unimpressed Willa Hadley had come to collect Waverly from library duty to tell her she had a rather unexpected delivery._

‘What’s this?’ Waverly asked as she entered Lucado’s office. Eliza Mert was sitting next four crates all broken open to reveal they were filled with books, magazines and in one of them some records.

‘I don’t know fuckstick, they’re all addressed to you.’ Willa snapped as she handed Waverly a letter.

Bewildered, Waverly took the letter, ‘Dear Ms Dufresne. In response to your repeated inquiries, the Senate has allocated the enclosed funds for your library project…’ Stunned, Waverly turned the cheque over to read. ‘This is three hundred dollars.’ From her chair, Eliza grinned at Waverly. An unimpressed glare from Hadley caused the grin to quickly disappear. ‘In addition, the Library District has generously responded with a charitable donation of used books and sundries. We trust this will fill your needs. We now consider the matter closed. Please stop sending us letters. Yours truly, the State Comptroller’s office.’ As she finished reading out the letter, she looked around at the riches that lay at her feet.

‘Way to go Waverly,’ Eliza said under breath.

Waverly smiled at her still trying to take it all in, ‘only took six years. From now on, I’m going to send two letters a week instead of one.’

‘I believe you’re crazy enough,’ Eliza nodded returning her attention back to the magazine comic she was flicking through.

‘I expect all of this cleared out of here in the next hour,’ Willa barked. ‘You get me… all of it… gone by the time I get back.’

‘Yeah sure… of course…’ Waverly spoke slowly still in shock.

Eliza placed the comic back in the box and took out another one, ‘you better get all of this stuff downstairs like the Captain said. I’m going to go pinch a loaf. When I get back, this is all gone right?’

Waverly nodded as the guard walked past her to the nearest bathroom just outside the main door of Lucado’s office. Alone with the donations, Waverly looked down at them all, eyes wide like an excited child. Her eyes fell on the box containing a variety of records, something she hadn’t seen for such a long time. Other than that she heard in the movies during film night, she couldn’t recall the last time she listened to music. Sitting down on the now empty chair by the boxes, Waverly dextrously flicked through the records until her eyes rested on one in particular. Blinking, she pulled the record out of its tight encasement with the others and turned it over in her hands a smile creeping onto her face.

Her thoughts then turned to something very unexpected and a little out of character. Glancing up she spotted the record player in the corner of Lucado’s room. Looking back at the main door to the office, Waverly hastily got to her feet and bolted it shut, Mert still in the bathroom just down the hall. Returning to the record, Waverly shook the cardboard case so the record fell into her hands. She took a moment to take in its smell, the feel of it between her fingers. How she loved music and how she had missed it. Switching on the record player, Waverly clicked the record into place and flicked the button which sent glorious notes into the air around her. Audaciously taking a seat in Lucado’s chair, she closed her eyes to let the serene sounds wash over her. Apart from being entangled in Nicole’s arms, she could think of no better bliss inside those walls than what was taking place in that moment.

After a few moments, Waverly realised she was being very selfish by enjoying the music on her own. Just to her left stood the microphone that allowed the warden to talk to the entire prison through the tannoy system. She could hardly believe the thought was going through her head as Waverly picked it up and placed it next to the record player still spinning gracefully. She looked over to the door to check it was still locked, then with a little intake of breath pressed the button which sent the notes of ‘Duettino sullaria’ from the opera ‘The marriage of Figaro’ currently only floating around in Lucado’s office soaring into the air of the entire prison.

In her toilet stall, Eliza looked up from the comic she was reading confused at the sudden music she could hear, ‘Dufresne, can you hear that?’

Hands behind her head, Waverly sat back in Lucado’s chair reclining blissfully as she revelled in her little stunt and the music continuing the flow around her. All around the prison all work had stopped as the prisoners listened to beautiful voices of the women singing. It was as if someone had pressed pause on the daily life of Shawshank and all those who dwelled within it. Even the guards had stopped their duties to listen.

 

_I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don’t want to know. Some things are better left unsaid. I like to think they were singing about something so beautiful it can’t be expressed in words and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared. Higher and farther than anybody in a grey place likes to stream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made the walls dissolve away… and for the briefest of moments… every last woman in Shawshank felt free._

_It did however… piss the warden off something rotten._

From her chair, still taking in the melodic voices, Waverly watched as a crowd of guards led by Hadley and Lucado began to gather around the locked door. Usually a sight such as this would have sent fear coursing through her body, but instead she remained perfectly calm just staring back at them like nothing in the world could touch her.

‘You turn that off Dufresne,’ Lucado shouted through the glass. Her voice was slightly muffled but her sentiment perfectly clear. ‘You hear me Dufresne you fucker, you… turn… that… off.’ Like a teacher telling off a misbehaving student she pointed furiously at the convict reclining in her chair. Slowly, Waverly took her feet off the desk and leaned forward to flick the switch that would stop the sudden madness. However, like she was somehow not in control of her actions and the music was telling her to do it, she reached for the volume and twisted it to turn it up. Lucado recoiled where she stood stunned then nodded to Hadley.

Taking her truncheon from her belt, Willa tapped it gently against the class looking almost pleased that she was now in charge to ending this little exploit, ‘you’re mine now Dufresne.’ Still with her hand on the volume Waverly simple watched as Willa used her weapon to smash the glass of the door and reach inside to unlock it.

 

Tracing the cement between the bricks, Waverly sang to herself softy as the darkness encompassed every inch of the small room. Only a slither of light squeezed between the tiny gaps of the workings of the solitary room’s door. She knew every single word and song to The marriage of Figaro and had replayed it over a dozen times in her head as she served out her week in the hole. When Willa had rushed into the room after unlocking the door she had held her truncheon up to strike Waverly down, but Lucado had acted quickly and ordered her captain to stand down. The warden was not going to expose Waverly to yet another beating. She thought that sending Waverly to the hole for her first experience of solitary for a week would be enough. Waverly had not fully grasped the situation until Hadley and a very annoyed Mert had thrown Waverly into the very room in which she was now imprisoned. Time definitely passed a lot slower with nothing to do except stare into the empty space and walls around you, but Waverly’s mind was very much occupied. As she lay on the hard thin mattress graced with only an uncomfortable woollen blanket and a sorry excuse for a pillow, her mind drifted to Nicole. Closing her eyes, she could hear the heavenly music as she and Nicole danced. Waverly rested her head on Nicole’s shoulders as she felt Nicole’s hands stroking her back lovingly. They weren’t inside the prison; they were in the middle of a country field with the sun on their faces and bird song above their heads. Completely alone, the world was theirs as Waverly gripped onto Nicole’s back feeling the definition of her spine and shoulders under her fingers. Waverly could stay here, in her mind, in this moment for the next three days with the music replaying over and over in her mind. As long as she could see Nicole, remember what it was like to hold and kiss her, the time would actually pass very rapidly.

 

‘Four days without Waverly,’ Steph said as she joined Nicole on the bleachers. Without it meaning to, it had become their place to hang out during yard time and the other prisoners seemed to understand that it was theirs. The group had not intended it, but they certainly welcomed having a little space of the prison that was their own with no confrontation from the other inmates. ‘How are you coping?’

Nicole threw one of the small stones she had been studying for Waverly Steph’s way. It stuck her lightly on the arm but she feigned that it had caused her great harm. Nicole smiled at her friend knowing that Steph was doing it for her benefit. ‘I am surviving you know,’ she laughed.

‘Okay… and now the honest answer…’ Rosita chuckled.

‘Fine!’ Nicole rolled her eyes knowing they knew her far too well. ‘It’s fucking agony okay.’

It had taken a lot longer than Gus, but finally Steph and Rosita had caught onto the true nature of Waverly and Nicole’s relationship. Just like Gus, Steph hadn’t been surprised at all and was actually happy for them. For Rosita however it was if a world’s largest bombshell had been dropped. A simple girl, she struggled to understand how two women could be in love. Then to add to the information filling the capacity of her brain, how they had been getting away with it for so long. With a little help from Steph, Nicole had explained as much as she could as clearly as she could. Rosita’s reaction was not one of repulsion but of honest befuddlement. She simply could not understand how two women would be together. After hours of exasperating attempts to explain Rosita had surrendered and asked a very simple question, ‘are you happy?’ to which Waverly and Nicole had replied the obvious answer. That had been enough for Rosita and once Steph and Rosita had sworn to secrecy, though Nicole and Waverly had their concerns about Rosita’s ability to do this, life had returned to normal like nothing had been revealed at all.

‘Missing that gentle touch eh?’ Steph smirked kindly.

‘Keep your voices down,’ Nicole slightly laughing and slightly gritting her teeth.

‘Sorry Red, we can’t help it,’ Rosita grinned as once again she completed an illegal move in the game of draughts with Steph.

‘How after all these years are you still playing this game wrong?’ Steph chuckled. Rosita just looked down at her draughts pieces like all the times gone before confused as to how her move was illegal.

Entertained by her friends, Nicole looked back down at the rocks in her hands. She had been collecting them again ever since Waverly had gone into the hole. It was something to keep her mind busy as she dealt with Waverly’s absence and the knowledge that her parole board was in only seven days. She was a little irritated that Waverly had chosen now of all times to be thrown into the hole. If she was successful, she would be released and separated from Waverly. Unfortunately, Waverly was only nine years into a forty to fifty year sentence so it would be a long time until she would sit in front of a parole board. The thought of being separated from Waverly for that long was simply unbearable.

‘Well if it isn’t my favourite quartet,’ just as always Dolls wore an almost disgustingly positive expression on her face as she came over to sit with them. She took a position beside Nicole. Dolls was still trying to find where she fit in the prison and for most not having affiliates would make prison very daunting but not for Dolls. She seemed to relish the opportunity to flit between groups and associate with pretty much everyone in the prison, including the guards. ‘Rock collector huh?’

‘Not me… Waverly.’

‘Ah… your girl,’ Dolls laughed nudging Nicole knowingly. Horrified, Nicole looked up and stared at her. ‘Ah calm down girl. It’s not general prison news. A fellow dyke can always spot another… or two…’

Nicole was stunned at Doll’s brashness, ‘so you’re…’

‘Oh yes,’ Dolls nodded. ‘One of the only perks of being stuck in here… look at the pickings.’ She gestured to all the women in the yard.

‘You know they’re not all… I mean… I don’t even think Waverly is…’

‘She’s banging you though isn’t she?’ Dolls asked.

‘Yes true… but I think it’s just… me,’ she smiled at the idea.

So did Dolls, ‘so she was straight as an arrow when she came here?’ Nicole nodded to reply. Dolls looked impressed. ‘Red, you dog.’

‘Not many people know though…’ Nicole started.

‘And it’ll stay that way… fuck… we don’t need these bitches taking something else away from us,’ Dolls said pointing to the guards pacing the fence all around them. ‘It happened to me, not going to let it happen to anyone else.’ She caught Nicole’s questioning look. ‘Dear old dad caught me… nose up in… well… you know. To say it didn’t go down well would be putting it nicely. I landed on my ass in the dirt when he threw me out.’

‘Shit.’

‘Shit is correct. Love thy neighbour clearly has some restrictions to it,’ Dolls went on. ‘So I ended up on the streets, no money, wrong crowd… same dumb pitiful story. This is not a world for women like you and me Red. It actually works better for us to be in this dump.’

Nicole hung her head, ‘I might not be for much longer…’

‘Parole board coming up soon huh?’ She studied Nicole’s despondent face. ‘Fuck me girl you have got it bad. You would much rather stay in here to be with Waverly, than be free? Shit. Well… I’ll tell you what. With those damn parole boards as corrupt as a politician, you tell them everything you think they want to hear. Make it sound as rehearsed as possible, they won’t buy it and you’ll keep your place here and beside that hot little thing on some mighty fine legs, can I just say?’

‘No you cannot,’ Nicole laughed playfully but a tinge of seriousness.

‘How long have you guys been together?’

‘Nearly eight years now I think… maybe nine…’

‘Is she the one?’ Dolls asked. Her face suddenly looked as though it was hatching a shrewd plan.

‘The only.’ To this reply, Dolls broke out into an enormous grin.


	9. Chapter 9

_It was one of the craziest ideas that had ever come into my life and I didn’t think it was even possible to – sort of – do this. Yet somehow Dolls was insistent that she was going to make it happen. She knew all the things to say and how it all had to go. Rosita and Steph had been brought up to speed and they seemed as excited as Dolls. Out of the four of us, I was the one bricking it. What if she said_ no?

‘We need to find somewhere nice,’ Steph called back to Rosita as they walked the endless corridors of the prison scanning every room they passed. ‘Also, secret.’  
‘What about here?’ Rosita asked stopped and pointing at a cupboard with no windows.  
‘That’s a laundry cupboard… what do you think?’  
‘It’s certainly secret with no windows,’ Rosita protested to argue her rather foolish suggestion.  
‘No windows no light dumbass,’ Steph laughed as she continued down the corridor.  
Their resumed pace did not last long as Rosita stopped again, ‘what about this one? It’s a nice office with windows?’  
Steph retreated back to see what Rosita had found, then smirked as she saw the name on the door, ‘nope… oh nope…’ she giggled. Rosita frowned confused. ‘That’s Mert’s office… that’s where they….um… had their first time.’  
‘First time what?’ Stephen stared at her. Sometimes Rosita’s endearing lack of intelligence still managed to astound her. ‘First time they met or….’ She looked for answers in Steph’s face but she found none. After a few moments she finally got to the conclusion herself. ‘Oh… oh… first time they… did… the nasty.’ She stopped in her tracks and looked genuinely perplexed. ‘Can they do that? I mean… they’re both women…’  
‘Please… for the love of God and all that’s holy… stop talking. I am not explaining it you.’ Steph groaned exasperated.   
After thinking again to herself for a few moments, she pulled herself back to the problem at hand. ‘Wouldn’t that be kinda sweet though?’  
‘For them yes, the rest of us would be thinking, that’s where they…’ she pointed to the wall. ‘And then that’s where they… y’know… well actually you don’t… but still….’ as she moved her finger to gesture at the desk. ‘Would ruin the atmosphere a bit.’  
‘How do you know all this?’ Rosita questioned her eyes fixed on the desk as she tried not to vision what had happened there.  
‘I have my ways of getting information out of people,’ Steph grinned. ‘Come on… we don’t have much time and we have to find somewhere this afternoon…’ she grabbed Rosita’s arm and dragged the still distracted convict after her.  
‘Y’know, when you say, they y’know… I don’t know… so maybe you should explain it to me y’know.’

The book open in her hands, Dolls read the passages carefully. It had been a long time since she had said any of the words or even have the inclination to do so, but there was something about Waverly and Nicole that made her want to do this. She’d dismissed God and his love a long time ago, but after a little prayer she’d told him that she wanted him back in her life – temporarily - so that could do this for two people she’d quickly grown to care about.  
‘Is that it?’ Nicole asked as she sat opposite Dolls on the bleachers.  
Dolls quickly snapped the book shut, ‘you can’t see that,’ she laughed.  
With a smile, Nicole studied the book lying on the bench between them. Its cover was dirty and worn. It certainly wasn’t one of the copies the prison held, ‘is that yours?’  
‘Yes,’ Dolls picked it up and turned it over in her hands stroking its cover.  
‘I thought you gave up on him?’  
‘I did,’ Dolls nodded. ‘But my mother gave me this.’ She opened the cover to show Nicole the message scribbled inside ‘To my dear Alexandra, always keep this and my love for you close. Let it be your light in times of darkness. All my love my darling girl, your doting mother’. As Nicole read it, she saw why Dolls had chosen to hang onto the book for so long, even after her father had literally thrown her out of the family home.  
‘I can’t thank you enough for doing this,’ Nicole told her reaching over and placing her hand on Dolls’.  
Doll’s eyes softened, touched by the gesture, ‘I can’t think of two people who deserve it more.’  
‘I’m so nervous Dolls,’ Nicole admitted.  
‘Why? She loves you doesn’t she?’  
‘I mean… she’s said it… but this is… different’  
Now it was Dolls turn to offer Nicole support. She took Nicole’s hand in both of hers, ‘life is full of fleeting moments. Shit, most of mine have been fleeting moments inside doing time. If you’re released in five days, Waverly will be your fleeting moment but we’re going to make it a fleeting moment that neither of you ever forget.’ She bent down to catch Nicole’s eyes as the red head’s gaze focused down. ‘Right?’  
‘Yes…’ she shook herself and raised her head. ‘I just hope she wants it too.’  
‘Oh she will, I’ve seen the way she looks at you.’ Dolls smiled.  
Nicole returned it before spotting two figures running across the yard towards them, ‘oh look… its dumb and dumber,’ Dolls raised an eyebrow at this remark. ‘Oh you know that’s what I love so much about them.’ Nicole laughed.  
‘We’ve found somewhere,’ both Rosita and Steph cried unable to hide their excitement. ‘And it’s perfect.’  
Dolls looked at Nicole in anticipation, ‘we better go check it out.’

When the door opened and the light streamed in, Waverly felt it hit her almost as hard as one of Mercedes’ blows to her face. She had become accustomed to dark and had almost enjoyed it. It allowed her mind to wander more easily to the places she imagined visiting with Nicole. Not just fields in the middle of the country, but cities, beaches, islands, mountains, there was so much out there. In her imagination, they had made love in places all over the world. Most she’d only seen in books or movies, but she could see them as clearly as her being there in reality.   
‘Times up Dufresne,’ Hadley growled into the dark. Gingerly Waverly got to her feet holding her hand up to the light as her eyes adjusted to it. ‘God, look at the state of you… you’re going straight to the showers.’ With only a toilet in the room, Waverly hadn’t had any opportunity to wash for seven days. She was relieved that she wouldn’t be going back to join the prison society before she had a chance to wash up, there was no way that she would let Nicole see her this way for the first time in a week.

_As soon as I heard Waverly had been let out of solitary was in the shower block, I headed straight there. My feet almost couldn’t carry me quickly enough. I pretty much ran through the prison. When I got to the shower block I was surprised to see Rosita, Steph and Dolls already there guarding the door. Confused I tried to read their faces, but they gave nothing away until a smile simultaneously broke on all three of their faces. Dolls stood aside and gestured for me to enter quickly. I heard her close the door behind me and say to another inmate, ‘sorry love, showers are out of order for a while. Something to do with a blocked pipe. Trust me, it’s a sewage pipe, you don’t want to go in there.’ I understood what they were up to and it reaffirmed my love for every single one of them. If Dolls was still looking for a group to join in the prison, as far as I was concerned, she was already one of us._

As Nicole walked through the steam filling the shower room, she could feel her heart beating heavily in anticipation. She could hear the trickling of water change sporadically as someone ran their hands through their hair to rinse it. Turning the corner, her eyes fell on the most delicious sight. Water filtered through Waverly’s long brown hair then ran down her naked body following every perfect curve. She tipped her head back and closed her eyes to allow the hot water to run over her face and into her hands. Soapy bubbles still foaming on her face and hair, Waverly ran her hands over her face and through her hair once again to remove them. As her hands moved to her breasts and stomach to ensure they were clean, Nicole almost felt her legs collapse underneath her.   
As Waverly’s eyes remained closed, she turned her back on Nicole to lean her hands against the wall and enjoy the feel of the water on her back. Her presence still not noticed, Nicole took the opportunity to begin to remove her own clothing. This was more difficult that she expected as her eyes could not leave the exquisite sight in front of her. Her fingers were almost shaking as she fought with every lace, button and piece of cloth that she was wearing. Finally, the last item of her uniform fell to the floor next to her and she walked slowly forwards. She did this gradually so her eyes could soak up every inch of Waverly’s body before carefully stepping into the water.  
Without a word, Nicole took position behind Waverly placing her hands gently on the brunette’s hips. The fact that Waverly was not startled by this told Nicole that she was in on their companions’ plan. Waverly had been expecting her. Smoothly, Nicole moved her hands up to the top of Waverly’s back and slid them down following the path of the water. Waverly kept her hands against the wall as she braced herself against Nicole’s touch. Nicole repeated the move several times, sometimes using her nails carefully to vary the contact, ensuring that all remnants of soap had been washed away. This allowed her to lean forward and begin leaving trails of kisses down Waverly’s back. The water from the shower now hit Nicole’s face and wetted her hair as she did so. She welcomed the water and its luscious feel and the gentle sighing she could hear coming from Waverly. Once she’d reached the small of Waverly’s back and lingered for a few moments, Nicole made her way back up to Waverly’s shoulders and neck slipping her hands around Waverly to fondle her defined stomach. Now Waverly really did have to brace herself against the wall as she felt Nicole’s moist body press into her back.   
The kisses on Waverly’s shoulders and neck became hungrier as Nicole moved her hands up to Waverly’s breasts, cupping and adoring them as water fell over them and between her fingers. Unable to help herself, Nicole lightly ran her teeth over Waverly’s left shoulder leaving tender bite marks. Waverly gasped at the new move, her fingers against the tiled wall beginning to curl. Nicole loved to tease her and the majority of the time Waverly worshipped it but after seven days in solitary with only her imagination, it was nearly too much. The yearning just too great. Almost desperately, Waverly grabbed one of the hands on her breasts, entwined their fingers and guided it down between her legs. Nicole complied immediately, moving her fingers back and forth, the way she knew Waverly needed. Waverly’s head dropped as she felt the desired sensations hit instantly. Gradually, Nicole increased the intensity of her strokes but not the pace as she felt Waverly begin to tremble. Feeling the heat rising up within her own body, she dropped her head so it was leaning on Waverly’s back the water splashing over her face as the two women gasped and writhed together.  
Despite the overwhelming vibrations coursing through her body, Waverly was aware of Nicole’s panting against her back. Pushing herself away from the wall slightly, keeping one hand in place to maintain much needed balance, she brought the other up to Nicole’s neck. Squeezing it hungrily she tipped her head back and round so their lips could meet for a moment. Water flowed down their faces and into their mouths as they parted and continued to gasp for air. Waverly looked up into Nicole’s eyes as the red head continued to pleasure her masterfully. Slowly, still holding one hand against the wall, Waverly moved her other from Nicole’s pulsing neck, over her chest catching one of the breasts, down her stomach to the place where Nicole craved it most. Nicole buckled slightly as Waverly found the correct spot. Waverly too moved her fingers back and forth, slowly and deliberately the way she knew Nicole needed.  
They remained here, completely entangled in desire, love and adoration. They hadn’t said anything to each other for seven days but when they were like this, they didn’t need to. Their deliberate actions and enjoyment of the pleasure it brought the other said it all as the hot water continued to stream down their writhing bodies. As Waverly struggled to maintain rhythm Nicole knew that she was bringing her close. Not frustrated in the slightest by Waverly withdrawing her fingers to cope with the feelings overtaking her entire body, Nicole gripped her tightly just relieved to be holding her close again. Knowing that they were alone in the shower block, Waverly allowed herself to scream. Nicole smiled contently as she heard her name echo around the walls.

‘Fuck me…’ Rosita laughed with Steph and Dolls, still positioned outside the door, as they heard the cry.  
‘How am I always the douche bag standing outside?’ Steph groaned.

Regaining strength in her legs again, Waverly took control and pushed Nicole against the wall. Enjoying the new aggressive Waverly she allowed her back to hit the cold tiles. She grimaced for a moment but the unpleasant feeling was soon gone as Waverly knelt down and eagerly kissed her stomach. With her height Nicole was able to reach up and hold onto the neck of the metal shower. She needed to grip tightly as Waverly’s kisses trailed down and found the spot where her fingers had been only a few minutes before. Water fell between their bodies down onto the place Waverly’s tongue now meticulously stroked heightening Nicole’s sensitivity. Leaning her head back the wall, Nicole’s knuckles turning white with her grip, she absorbed the feel of Waverly’s tongue and the squeeze of devoted fingers around her hips. Her stomach, glistening in the water, rose and fell rhythmically as she felt the throbbing deepen. She wanted it to last but she could stay the inevitable any longer and she too allowed herself to cry out into the empty room. Upon feeling Nicole’s body tremor, Waverly returned to her feet, loitering on Nicole’s heaving chest for a few moments as she passed them, so she could lap up Nicole’s panting lips,. Waverly kept pausing to allow Nicole to catch her breath just as Waverly had had to do before her.  
It was a few moments before Nicole was able to let go of the shower and wrap her arms around Waverly as they continued to enjoy soft and loving kisses. The ones they had missed the most during their absence from each other’s arms. In that moment, all Nicole’s worries melted away. She knew that when she asked, Waverly would definitely say yes.

A whole myriad of thoughts running through her mind, Waverly followed Steph up the stairs towards the library. The warden had told her that the inmates would just have to deal with no books whilst she was in solitary and she would get right back to it the next day. Waverly had actually apologised for little stunt, blaming it on grief and missing Gus. She’d just wanted to feel something different than the hurt inside never seemed to cease. Cautiously, Lucado had forgiven her but told her if she ever pulled anything like that again she would say goodbye to the library altogether. Waverly was certain she would never pull anything like that again and had promised the warden this.  
‘Come here,’ at the top of the stairs Steph stopped Waverly and seemed to be examining Waverly’s hair much to the brunette’s befuddlement. ‘We need to do something about this.’ From its position tucked into her trousers, Steph pulled out a small hair brush and began to readjust Waverly’s currently loose hair. She took two strands from either side of Waverly’s head and brought them to meet behind her head using the hair itself to hold the new style in place. She checked her work from the front but was not done. From her pocket she pulled out what must have been a fake flower but was so realistic in appearance. Waverly recognised it as a white daisy before Steph tucked it into where the two strands met behind her head.  
‘Are you going to tell me what’s going on at any point this evening?’  
‘Nope…’ Steph grinned reappearing in front of her. ‘That is for her to do.’ She gestured towards the arch that led to the next room. Her confusion continuing, Waverly left Steph at the top of the stairs to walk through. Her hands instantly came up to cover her mouth when she saw what was waiting for her.  
Standing in the middle of the room surrounded by more of the fake daisies scattered around her stood Nicole. In her hands was a larger bouquet that on closer inspection had been cleverly crafted from paper. Her hair was styled in a similar way to Waverly’s with a solo daisy in place. The smile on her face was of both pure adoration for the woman who had entered the room but also sheer nerves at what she was about to ask Waverly to do.  
‘Nicole… what?’ Waverly looked around the room. She swore it even looked tidier.  
‘Shhhh,’ Nicole put a finger to her lips and beckoned Waverly over. She was barely holding it together as her heart beat uncontrollably in her chest. ‘Come here.’ She held out her hand for Waverly to take which Waverly did, slowly walking forward to enter the ring of daisies. The two took a moment to gaze at each other, completely unaware of the three excited faces trying to peer in as inconspicuously as possible from around the corner. They should be on the lookout but none of them could bring themselves to miss this as their plan begun to show fruition.   
Nicole shook her head in wonder as she gazed down at Waverly, ‘I love you,’ she breathed. ‘So much.’  
‘I love you too,’ Waverly replied breaking into a smile but was still trying to piece together what was going on. A thought had entered her mind, but seemed absolutely insane.  
‘Before you came to Shawshank, life was… well, pretty shit actually,’ Nicole went on as she took Waverly’s hands in her own putting the bouquet to one side. ‘It was boring and hard and it was a struggle to look forward to anything. But when I saw you get off that bus… I don’t know… something changed in that moment and I knew that everything was going to be different. A bit presumptuous you might think, but something inside me, just knew.’  
‘Nicole I…’ Waverly started.  
‘Please… let me finish,’ Nicole laughed gently. Waverly made one of her playfully awkward expressions which caused Nicole’s heart to flutter even more. ‘These last eight years when I’ve been lucky enough to call you mine… I’ve never been so happy… really, so happy. And I don’t want it to end, so… with my parole hearing coming up… which I am going to do my best to fail… but just in case…’ She took a deep breath and took Waverly by the hand. Slowly, she pulled Waverly behind her to the library which had been loosely transformed. Paper daisies were scattered over as many surfaces as possible and along the floor in two lines. These two lines lead to Dolls standing at one end of the room underneath a simple arch which had been constructed out of wood and decorated somehow beautifully with white toilet paper. The arch had been a little project of Nicole’s ever since she and her companions had decided that they were going to do this. It was that one thing that Waverly had thought too ridiculous, not because didn’t think Nicole would ever ask but because she thought it was dream that could never happen realistically within the walls of a prison. Or indeed, for two women. Yet somehow, quite miraculously, Nicole and their friends had made it happen. Taking another deep breath, Nicole stopped Waverly at the end of the two rows of daisies which formed the aisle. ‘Waverly Dufresne, will you marry me? Sort of…’  
Waverly didn’t even hesitate, ‘oh my god… yes!’ Ecstatic, she jumped into Nicole’s arms throwing hers up around Nicole’s neck. She’d made up her mind the moment she had entered the room.  
‘Yay!’ came a shriek from behind them. Rosita instantly realised that she’d probably ruined a very special moment so threw her hands over her mouth and darted hastily out of the room. ‘I’m so sorry!’ she cried as she made her quick exit.   
‘Heywood!’ Nicole laughed. ‘Come back you dim wit … this is the bit when you enter!’  
‘Oh yeah,’ came the reply as she and Steph entered the room. Steph looked considerably calmer but just as excited.  
‘So happy for you,’ Steph smiled squeezing Nicole’s arm as she and Rosita took their places either side of the daisy aisle near Dolls who hadn’t stopped grinning the entire time.  
‘Nicole… Waverly…’ she said her voice suddenly a lot more feminine than it had been before. Waverly and Nicole looked at each other a little unnerved. ‘I know… it’s weird. Sorry, I won’t do it. That’s my priesty voice. Dad used to have one… terrifying.’ She shook herself and cleared her throat. ‘Nicole… Waverly…’ her voice was now the normal slightly gruff one the group were used to. ‘Please come forward.’ She gestured down the aisle. Smiling uncontrollably, the pair looked down at their hands and watched their fingers entwine before making the short walk down the ‘aisle’ towards Dolls.  
‘Dun nu nu nu,’ came the soft and strange tune from Doll’s left hand side. ‘Dun nah nah nah…’ As proceedings had stopped and everyone was staring at her, Rosita abruptly stopped her attempt at the wedding march. ‘Sorry… thought it would be nice…’ although there were amused smiles on her friends’ faces, Rosita got the hint. ‘nope… okay.’  
Now that quiet descended over the room Nicole and Waverly arrived to standing in front of Dolls, who still had not stopped beaming. ‘Hi,’ she said not breaking her smile.  
‘Hi,’ Waverly and Nicole giggled.  
‘So… you ready to do this? I hope so because I am so excited!’  
‘Yes Dolls, we’re ready,’ Nicole chuckled.  
‘Now before we proceed, just a few terms and conditions… first, you know this isn’t a real marriage. I was never ordained to actually be a priest and also, your kinda both women. Second, I may make mistakes; I’ve only ever seen my father do this a few times. Third…’ she looked directly at Nicole. ‘You better fail that fucking parole board after all the effort me, Heywood and Lloyd have gone to for this? You hear me?’  
‘I fully intend to,’ Nicole promised. ‘Can I just?’ She gestured to Waverly as she asked for permission to speak to her.  
‘Er not in my order of proceedings, but this isn’t a real marriage ceremony… so sure go ahead,’ Dolls shrugged.  
Nicole turned to face Waverly again, bring their hands together, ‘Waves, this isn’t a real marriage ceremony, nothing lawful, nothing that will be recognised by anyone here, present company excluded, or outside the prison but… it’s my commitment to you. If that parole board does what we absolutely do not want it to do, I just wanted you to know that I will wait. I will wait for however long it takes for you to get out. Even if that’s thirty or forty years from now. I won’t love anyone else. I couldn’t love anyone else.’ Tears began to build in her eyes as she spoke. ‘Because it’s just you Waverly because I love you, so much. More than I can say.’

_After those words, it was in the hands of ‘priest’ Alexandra Dolls. We went through all the same words and lines that would be in a normal marriage ceremony, except I’m sure Dolls got the order wrong a few times and might have made some of them up. However, this did not matter to Waverly and I at all. To be honest I didn’t hear most of what she actually said as I was too busy staring at the wonder that stood in front of me holding my hands. I loved what Steph had done with her hair. I didn’t care that we stood there is a shitty grey uniforms in a prison library. The location picked by Steph and Rosita was actually perfect. It felt like Gus was there with us. Propped up against the wall, visible between the arch, was the red book that Waverly had found. The beautiful golden outline of the black bird on the front was the perfect reminder of Gus’ presence in that room._

Finishing her final words, Dolls quietly closed her eyes and closed her bible. Both Nicole and Waverly both swore they could see tears trying their best to hide in Dolls’ eyes.  
‘So… you fucking adorable love birds… I now pronounce you wife and well… wife… sort of,’ everyone in the room laughed happily. ‘You know what to do next.’ Both Nicole and Waverly were crying and were not ashamed of it. Taking a step closer, with their lips, they sealed their commitment to each other. 


	10. Chapter 10

_Things felt a little different after that day. Whenever I looked at her, I was filled with more confidence and serenity. The love we made in the library was different too. I suddenly felt closer to her, more connected. The way that she looked me as we lay there in the sheets laid out on the floor entangling ourselves in each other told me that she felt the same. It was incredible. She was my wife, in every way, except how the law and the rest of the world would accept it. No one needed to know except those that we held most dear. And after all their efforts we most certainly held Rosita, Steph and Dolls close our hearts. It was our little secret, theirs, mine and Waverly’s._

‘We have to thank them,’ Waverly said as she and Nicole sat across from each other in the dining hall.   
‘I know… but how? I’ve been known to locate things from time to time, but I want to make it special…’ she looked thought for a moment. ‘Jesus, I’ve in this place with Heywood for nearly twenty years and I don’t feel like I know that woman at all… apart from the fact she has that huge empty space between her ears.’  
Waverly laughed at her wife, it still felt strange to think it, but she was certainly enjoying it, ‘what about a game? She can’t play droughts for shit.’  
Nicole nodded as she chewed what was pretending to be a chicken pie with vegetables, ‘good idea… except she probably wouldn’t be able to play any game we got her if she hasn’t been able to pick up droughts in all this time.’  
‘You make a good point there,’ Waverly agreed pointing her fork at Nicole. ‘Well Steph loves to do hair, she did yours and mine beautifully for our… wedding.’ She paused for moment and giggled. ‘Sorry, that still sounds weird.’ Her face softened as she gazed into Nicole’s eyes. ‘But amazing.’  
‘I know what you mean,’ Nicole beamed coyly as she gazed back.  
‘Oh my god… do you guys practice those goggly eyes in the mirror every morning or is it just natural talent?’ laughed Dolls as she Rosita and Steph sat down to join them.  
‘Shhhh… they’re in their honeymoon period…’ Steph chuckled.  
‘How? They’ve not gone on their holidays?’ Rosita asked the last to clang her tray down on the table and slide onto the benches.   
‘It’s a figure of speech you absolute moron,’ Steph sighed exasperated. ‘Seriously, I love you mate but are there any brain cells in your head at all?’  
‘Mum used to call me her little genius when I was a child,’ Rosita shrugged.   
‘Yeah right,’ Steph scoffed shaking her head.  
‘I got good grades at school… but it never got me anywhere,’ Rosita continued. ‘…all the dumb bitches were the ones getting the guys and getting married or whatever which was what was expected… so I guess I kinda forgot about being clever and became what everyone thought I should be.’  
‘Are you trying to tell us that in that great mystery of a brain of yours, you might actually have some intelligence?’ Nicole asked stunned.  
Rosita shrugged again, ‘I don’t know, been so long since I tried to do anything to do with education. Think I lost it.’  
Dolls studied her pleasantly surprised, ‘you never lose it kid… you just need to be reminded that it’s there.’  
Nicole and Waverly exchanged a knowing look, that was Rosita’s present idea sorted.  
‘So Waves, you never told us how your time went in the hole,’ Steph said changing the subject, not to ridicule what Rosita had revealed but to take time to process it. She’s was actually feeling very guilty for calling Rosita a moron and for all the things she had said to her over the years.  
‘It was okay, had music to keep me company… and my imagination,’ she shared a mischievous look with Nicole. The others pretended not to see it.  
‘So they let you take that record player down with you huh?’ Rosita asked.   
‘Don’t be…’ Steph stopped herself. ‘Sorry… no, she means she had it in her head.’  
‘Yeah, that’s what I meant,’ Waverly nodded. She could see the turmoil in Steph’s mind written all over the blonde’s face. ‘Music is a wonderful thing as it gives us the one thing we need in here which is more than bars and walls and guards and each other.’  
‘What’s that Dufresne?’ Dolls asked.  
Waverly looked at Dolls to show her that she had acknowledged her question but returned her eyes to Nicole, ‘hope… hope that everything will be okay. Hope that no matter what, no matter how far anyway anyone is.. or we are from each other… it’ll be okay.’ She lingered a moment in Nicole’s saddening eyes before looking at Steph wanting to help ease her obvious guilt. ‘Hope that no matter what you’ve said and done… it will be okay.’ Steph smiled at the kind words.  
‘Hope is a dangerous thing Waves,’ Nicole said staring at her food. ‘Hope can drive a woman crazy and that has no use on the inside.’  
‘I can’t let go of hope Nicole,’ her voice sounding pained at her wife’s reaction. ‘I nearly died in here remember and the wonderful little ceremony that we had just yesterday, made possible because of the amazing people that sit with us now, could never have happened.’ She looked around to ensure that her words were not being heard by anyone except the immediate company. ‘We would not be married if it wasn’t for hope. I hoped and wished that one day it would happen… and it did. Hope got me out of that infirmary, through solitary and now I’m lucky enough to call you my wife.’  
The words meant so much to Nicole and wished in the depths of her heart that she could take them in and properly appreciate them. However since the moment she had woken up that morning, her whole body had been filled with dread and one heartbreaking thought. With tears in her eyes she looked up at Waverly, ‘you might need to let go of that hope baby… because you might need to let go of me.’ Dropping her cutlery onto her tray with a loud clatter, she smoothly swept it off the table and disappeared across the room. Waverly watched her go feeling like every part of herself was coming apart.  
‘What just happened?’ Rosita asked.  
Steph turned to her friend sadly, ‘it’s Nicole’s parole board this afternoon. If she’s successful she’s free…. ‘ Rosita began to look confused why this was a negative thing, but before Steph could begin to explain, her face changed to show she understood, ‘but Waverly won’t be.’ She sighed.   
Steph nodded despondently as she, Rosita and Dolls watched as Waverly too dropped her cutlery onto her plate no longer hungry and dropped her head into her hands.

_They all stared at me like I was some dumb animal that had been let out of its cage. Usually this would have insulted and upset me but that day, it’s exactly what I had wanted them to think. Walking away from Waverly in that manner had crushed me. It felt like a sucker punch to the gut to think that I’d upset her but the reality of what could happen had over powered any rational actions I could be in control of. Just as Dolls had advised, I kept my face calm and as expressionless as possible._

'Sit down,’ commanded the middle of the three people staring at Nicole. Two women sat either side of an arrogant looking man who held himself higher than them through the appearance of his posture and expression. They sat almost hunched like they knew their place in his presence. Nicole felt his eyes boring into her as she took the solitary seat before them. The man looked away to study the piece of paper in his hands. ‘It says here you’ve served nearly twenty five years of a life sentence, is that correct?’  
‘I guess if you say so…’ Nicole shrugged impassively.  
For a moment the man looked a little unsettled by this reply, before gathering himself, ‘well do you feel like you’ve been rehabilitated?’  
Nicole took a moment to consider her words and how she would speak them carefully. Other than marrying Waverly, this was one of the most surreal situations she had found herself in. Here she was, sitting in front of the people who ultimately could set her free, something nearly every woman in Shawshank Prison craved, and she was thinking of every possible way she could prevent this from happening. As she continued to consider, for a split second she asked herself what she was doing. When she looked up, she was reminded immediately exactly why. The two women either side of the man chairing the hearing had morphed into Waverly. Both of them stared at Nicole with pained wanting eyes their beautiful faces shining in the late afternoon sunlight that tumbled into the room. It was the look Nicole knew she would see if this parole went through. It broke her heart.  
‘Yes,’ she said emotionless so she sounded like she was reciting a script. ‘I can honestly say I’m a changed woman. No danger to society here. That’s God’s honest truth.’ She sat back in the chair and finished her little act with a smirk. The three figures across the table from her exchanged baffled looks. After a few moments, the man reached forward to pick up his stamp…

'You okay Dufresne?’ Rosita asked taking a seat next to her in the yard. This wasn’t in their usual place on her bleachers. Waverly had not wanted to sit there, it reminded her too much of Nicole. She couldn’t bear the thought of sitting there without her. Waverly tried to nod, but she couldn’t hide the distress she was feeling and shook her head. ‘Ah mate… it’ll be okay. Even if she is released, which will suck at first, you’ll have us…’ she placed a hand on Waverly’s knee. Through bleary eyes, Waverly looked up at Rosita a little taken back. It took a moment but Rosita soon got her meaning and removed her hand quickly, ‘oh not like that… fuck no… I mean, no offence… but…’  
‘It’s okay,’ Waverly smiled weakly. She took Rosita’s hand as it offered her some comfort. There wasn’t an unkind bone in that girl’s body. Rosita had never revealed why she was in prison, but Waverly had a hunch it was because she had been taken in by something she didn’t understand. Her desperation to please people and be what they expected had not only cost her the chance to be an educated woman, but also her freedom. ‘You don’t need to act dumb you know,’ Waverly told her still gripping onto her hand. ‘Not with us.’  
‘I know,’ Rosita agreed. She knew. ‘I’m just stuck y’know. Been this way for most of my life...’  
‘Well… ‘ Waverly begun smiling a little. ‘How about we help you go back a bit… would you want that?’  
‘How would I go back? It’s all gone Dufresne, I’m telling you… all gone.’  
Waverly shook her head as she studied Rosita, ‘no it’s not, I don’t believe that for a second and I’m going to help you get it back.’ Her face fell as it returned to other thoughts. ‘I might need the project if Nicole…’  
‘Dufresne…’ Rosita interrupted her eyes staring at something across the yard.   
Letting go of Rosita’s hand, Waverly followed the line Rosita’s eyes had settled on and she felt her breath catch in her chest. Nicole was tearing across the yard grinning from ear to ear.  
‘Oh my god…’

_I want to scream it at the top my lungs as I cut that yard in half. I want to scream it to the world. However, for others to hear that I was happy I failed my parole board, especially on purpose, would raise suspicions so I just set the fastest pace I could to get to Waverly. The last few hours must have been as much agony for her as it was for me, especially after the last words I said to her. How I wanted to erase those to tell the woman I loved I was staying, staying where I could be in her arms, when prison routine and keeping up the secrecy allowed it._

Now Nicole was closer, Waverly and Rosita could read the elated expression on her face.  
‘Fuck me, she did it,’ Rosita beamed. Waverly didn’t speak, she didn’t want to believe it until she heard it.  
Rosita stood but Waverly remained seated looking up at Nicole almost terrified as she panted and caught her breath for a moment. The fact she couldn’t stop smiling didn’t assist her in being able to breathe more easily so she could speak.  
‘Oh come on… you’re killing her!’ Rosita cried pointing at the frozen Waverly.  
‘I failed,’ she nodded still gasping. ‘I’m staying.’ She bent down and put her hands on her knees. ‘Shit, I’m so unfit!’  
Still not saying a word, Waverly grabbed Nicole’s arm and dragged her into the nearest door of the building. Checking behind her, Waverly yanked it open and shoved Nicole inside. Once inside, she took a few moments to check where they were. The coast clear she shoved Nicole up against the wall with aggression that took Nicole a little by surprise.  
‘Is this your way of saying yay?’  
‘Don’t you ever do that to me again!’ Waverly said with real rage in her voice.  
‘Do what?’ Nicole now understood that Waverly was genuinely upset.  
‘Make me feel the way you did in the dining hall this morning,’ Waverly spat. ‘Do you have any idea how crap what you said made me feel?’  
‘Yes…’ Nicole nodded hating the distress she was seeing on her wife’s face. ‘Because as much as it made you feel bad, baby it made me feel worse.’ Waverly couldn’t speak anymore as tears began to flow. ‘When I walked away from you this morning my legs barely worked… I thought I was going to throw up and fall down I’m that canteen right there.’ She took a cautious step towards Waverly. ‘I said those things because I was terrified Waves. Terrified I was going to be leaving you.’  
‘What if you had been successful huh?’ Waverly croaked. ‘Those might have been the last words you said to me.’  
‘But they weren’t,’ she cupped Waverly’s face with loving hands. ‘I’m here… I’m staying.’  
Waverly let all the anger dissolve out of her body as threw herself into Nicole’s arms. Their lips crashed together passionately, so violently that it almost hurt.   
‘Just don’t ever do anything like that again,’ Waverly breathed.  
‘I won’t… I promise,’ she looked deep into Waverly’s eyes to show her she meant it. ‘I’m so sor…’ she couldn’t finished as Waverly brought their lips back together but more gently this time. Nicole found her back against wall again but with controlled force. She leant back into it so Waverly could lean into her allowing more of their bodies to find contact. Waverly’s hand moved to grace the skin on Nicole’s stomach but the sudden sound of voices caused her to jump back.  
‘Dufresne, Redding, what the fuck are you doing inside?’ Hadley barked as she turned the corner with another officer.   
‘We… um… er… she…’ Nicole stuttered. Waverly didn’t do much better as she ensured there was ample room between them to avoid raising any suspicion.  
‘Wanted to share the news of your failed parole huh Red?’ Hadley smirked nastily.  
Nicole swallowed down her annoyance, ‘yep ma’am, that’s exactly it… Dufresne was just… consoling me.’  
‘How nice of her,’ Hadley sneered. ‘Now both of you back out to the yard before I write both you fuckers up.’  
‘Yes ma’am,’ Waverly nodded. She could tell Nicole wanted to linger a while to share glares with Hadley, but it was a battle she was not going to win. She took Nicole by the arm again to pull her away. ‘Come on Red, we should go.’ Nicole gave Hadley one last unamused stare before following Waverly back out of the doors to yard.  
Hadley watched them go then turned to her colleague, ‘something is up with those two… I can’t put my finger on it… but something is not right.’  
‘They sure do hang out a lot,’ the other woman agreed.  
Hadley shook her head, ‘no it’s normal for these miscreants to forge alliances, survival of the fittest amongst these animals. It’s something else… I’m going to find out what it’s is. Because I’ll put good money on it, that I’m not going to like it when I do…’

_Waverly was as good as her word and wrote two letters a week to the State Senate instead of one and in 1959, they realised they couldn’t buy her off with a $200 cheque. That year, to everyone’s astonishment, they sent a cheque for $500 for Waverly to make use of - as she pleased - to expand the library. You would be amazed how far she stretched it. The old storage room, in which Waverly had sustained many of her brutal beatings was knocked through to make a brand new library and with the rest of the money, she managed to buy books by the pound. She also made deals with book clubs, charity shops and the local community to try instil some of that hope she was always talking about to give us cons another chance at an education._

In just a few weeks the storage room had been completely transformed. All the junk that had collected and piled itself up over the decades had been moved or broken down into trash. That was after Waverly had inspected everything to see if it could be reused. During the scavenging, plenty of chairs and old tables had been found. Some were good as new, just a little dusty, some needed a little repairing in wood shop and others, if broken down, could have their parts used for shelves and in other ways. Now the spacious room was filled with new bookshelves and reassigned chairs and tables on which enlisted inmates were stacking books being sorted by the five women sitting around the central table.  
‘Treasure island,’ Rosita stated pulling the book out of the box. ‘Robert Lewis Stevens.’  
‘Fiction, adventure, over there,’ Waverly pointed with her pen before writing it down on her clipboard.  
‘I got… auto repair and soap carving,’ Nicole read out from her box. She puzzled over that title for a moment. ‘Soap carving… really?’ This was met by a few sniggers from the group as they agreed it was slightly odd.  
‘Everyone’s got their own thing I guess,’ chimed in Steph as she sorted the books handed to her into organised stacks.  
Waverly smiled at her friends, ‘skills and hobbies… under education… stack behind Dolls.’  
‘When the fuck do you need to know about soap carving?’ Dolls laughed.  
‘My mum used to it,’ Rosita said as she dragged another box towards her. ‘You could get dirt cheap stuff where we lived and if you carved out something people wanted, they would pay good money for it. The men liked a good pussy and the women loved the dicks. She taught me, I could show you one time.’ As she spoke she carried on sorting books like what she was saying was completely normal. She hadn’t noticed that the other four had stopped what they were doing to stare at her dumbfounded.  
‘Well you’re just full of surprises aren’t you,’ Dolls spluttered with her eyes wide.  
‘Okay, what we got here…’ she squinted to read the old fashioned font. ‘Count of monte crisco…’  
‘It’s Cristo you muppet,’ Steph chuckled shaking her head. A while ago that would have been something harsher, but Steph now made a promise to herself that she would take it easy from now on and trust Rosita’s claim that she wasn’t as dumb as she appeared.  
‘Oh okay…’ she opened the book to read the name. ‘By Alexandree Dumbass?’ She looked at again. ‘Dumbass?’ At her lovable and innocent stupidity, the group fell about in laughter. Steph was now questioning that trust. Smiling amused as well, And held up the book to show Waverly that it did indeed say Dumas.  
‘Doomar,’ Waverly giggled pronouncing it correctly. ‘Alexandre Dumas.’  
Catching her breath from laughing, ‘you’ve got your work cut out for you with this one,’ Steph smirked through her giggles. ‘If you’re going to rescue any of those brain cells she claimed to have.’  
‘Do you know what’s it’s about?’ Waverly asked Rosita.  
Rosita studied the book for a moment, ‘isn’t it about a prison break?’ She asked. The giggling stopped immediately and everyone stared at her in astonishment. ‘I remember we might have read this at school.’ She was so pleased with herself for recalling the memory. For the others it was utterly endearing.  
‘Well surely we should file that under educational too?’ Nicole suggested. ‘Shouldn’t we?’

_The new library definitely inspired a lot of inmates to rediscover their educational sides. It was always full of women reading a large collection of books, magazines, newspapers and listening to audio books. For some, like Steph it helped her rekindle her love of music and her idol Marilyn Monroe as she was often found singing away at the record player and Waverly and I did notice her reading a lot of hairstyle magazines. For others it was a quiet place to hang out and relax. Waverly even organised a quiet games corner: chess, droughts, poker and others such as scrabble. Although sometimes the words some of the women chose could to play did air on the side of unsavoury, it did no one any harm.  
Waverly also used the library to launch a high school equivalency program. Many of the cons amongst our midst were either drop outs or had failed the exams even if they took them. I was so proud of her as she ran classes and group reading sessions so that they could retake the exams ready for when they were released from prison. The warden even supported it offering any reasonable support she could as there was no way they could foot the bill to reeducate the women and Waverly was doing it for free. In truth, I think Waverly got a real kick out of it. And Rosita? Well, she was lucky enough to get private lessons._

As Rosita scribbled answers down on the piece of paper, Waverly watched the stop watch tick down in her hand. With ten seconds to go she could see that Rosita was near the end. Waverly smiled as Rosita finished the last question.  
‘With three seconds to spare,’ she said showing Rosita the proof.  
‘Bet I’ve got like two out of twenty though,’ she sighed pushing her paper over to Waverly.  
‘Don’t be so hard on yourself, you knew this once remember,’ she picked up the pen and began to mark. Rosita couldn’t look, but if she had she would have seen next to everyone except two. Trying to hide how proud she was, Waverly slid the paper back over to Rosita right under her nose. ‘And you still do…’  
Rosita stared at it staggered, ‘fuck me… eighteen out of twenty?’ She picked up the paper and ran her eyes down the answers. ‘Just can’t get that shitty six times table.’ She groaned.  
‘You will,’ Waverly beamed at her. ‘Now… I think you deserve to go and play with the other children.’ The two laughed as Rosita stood up, tucked her chair in and left the library with the hint of a skip in her step. The chair was quickly pulled back out again and filled by Nicole.  
‘How’s she doing?’ She asked.  
Waverly shook her head in amazement, ‘brilliantly, I mean, she wasn’t kidding when she said she had this once. It’s there and slowly coming back. It’s so sad that her life took the turn it did, she really could have been someone.’  
Nicole checked around her for a moment, they were pretty much alone in the library. It was usually quiet during yard time, especially when it was good weather. ‘Y’know, I could get a little jealous over how much time you’re spending with our dear Heywood.’  
Laughing, Waverly snuck her hand under the table so she could place it on Nicole’s leg, ‘there’s nothing for you to worry about. You know I love you.’ She squeezed Nicole’s leg and stood up, collecting the papers on the table. She looked around again to see that the only people in the library were out of sight in the games corner. ‘Married you didn’t I?’ She bent down to place a quick kiss on Nicole’s lips before returning to the many duties that came with running a brand new library.

_Later that evening as we returned to our cells for the night, you might have thought it was Christmas. It had come to our attention that Waverly had now been inside for ten years, so when she returned to her cell she found a new poster waiting for her. I had picked this one out myself. I had retrained myself from choosing a woman and done the boringly sensible thing. Bob Dylan was the choice, as discussed with my confidants as we had heard Waverly talking about his music once. She showed me the next day that she was pleased during one of our blissful stolen moments.  
That evening Waverly wasn’t the only one to be receiving presents as when Heywood returned to her cell she found a book waiting for her titled, ‘Rediscovering lost genius’ by some hot shot, but I’d reached out to my sources on the outside and they’d recommended it. Waverly and I had both signed it thanking her for all she did for our wedding to to say we believed in her. Thanks were also sent to Steph in the form of a some carefully smuggled hair items which would allow her to experiment and maybe find some inspiration and for Dolls, we struggled there but in the end we chose to get her a new bible. The one from her mother was so worn and haggard. We thought carefully about the letter we wrote inside._

‘Dear Dolls,  
Although we have not known you long, you have become a very special person to us. This bible is not because we are pushing you back towards religion, but to always remind you of the wonderful thing you did for us and how we will never forget it. Maybe one day, when you feel ready, you might rediscover what you and your mother believed in as we feel that it means more to you than perhaps you let on. If God made you the way you are and brought us all together, if he exists, he can’t that bad eh?   
Yours, Waverly and Nicole’


	11. Chapter 11

_Yes sir, my Waverly turned that old library which used to smell of rat poison and turpentine into one of the best prison libraries in North America. The rest of us tried to do our part. I was tasked with making the sign for the library and we all agreed that there was only one name it could be given. So carefully and methodically over a couple of days I carved a sign out of the best piece of wood I could find and it was hung over the entrance in a way that we hoped would make the late girl proud. By the the year that Kennedy was shot, the Gus Hatlen Memorial Library was a thing of beauty and Rosita was continuing to surprise everybody._

‘Full marks again and you didn’t even use half the time,’ Waverly said once again sliding a paper displaying full marks across the table. ‘That’s times tables, word groups, fractions, calculus and completely beyond my comprehension, some chemistry knowledge too.’  
Rosita looked so pleased, it caused a flutter in Waverly’s heart that was nearly as strong as the one she had felt on her wedding day. Not the one to her dead husband. ‘I don’t man… I just… I can feel it…’ she gestured to her head. ‘It’s there, I didn’t believe it was, but it is…’  
‘Well you can tell that best friend of yours Steph Lloyd she can no longer call you a dumb shit anymore… and that goes for the rest of us too,’ Waverly laughed. ‘You girl… you have got a whole new future now.’  
‘Fuck me… and I have no idea what to do with it.’ Rosita blinked. There a lot of joy on her face but also a great deal of panic.  
‘You’ve got plenty of time to decide,’ Waverly smiled. ‘But, I’m a little sorry to say, I don’t think you need me anymore. You’ve taken the exam and got A+ average which is just extraordinary. There’s nothing more I can teach you now. Which sucks a bit because I’ve really enjoyed working with you.’ This was reflected by a slightly dejected expression on her face which was mirrored by Rosita who had thoroughly enjoyed rediscovering old self with Waverly’s help. ‘But… This library is yours to now study for whatever you want to do. The world is your oyster.’  
‘Death of a salesman,’ Rosita pointed out.  
‘Okay now you’re just showing off.’  
‘You know who won’t be sad that this little partnership is over?’ Rosita went on looking a little more serious. Waverly looked away. She did. ‘You do tell her don’t you? That there nothing going on.’  
‘All the time…’ Waverly nodded. ‘It’s not you… I’ve just been spending so much time on this library. A bit like you, I feel like I’ve rediscovered myself. I was never meant to be a desk girl at a bank…’  
‘You were meant to teach,’ Rosita finished for her. ‘Definitely agree with that. You are freakin good at it.’  
‘I do love Nicole, so much, but… this is the new spark I needed y’know?’   
‘Does she not still give you that spark?’  
Waverly stared at Rosita almost like she didn’t want to say the words, ‘no…’ she admitted. ‘It’s this fucking place… it’s stifling us.. it’s stifling me. I kinda hate having to sneak around all the time… I just want to make love to her in a bed for god’s sake. Not against walls, on sheets on the the floor or in dirty cleaning cupboards… I just want… normal.’  
‘Oh honey… ‘ Rosita took her hand again. ‘That’s the price of being in prison… it fucking sucks.. normal is so far away from here it could be a Timbuktu.’  
‘That’s what makes it worse… I shouldn’t even be here…’ Waverly wiped a tear from her cheek. ‘I’m innocent. I wish I had taken that gun and shoot my cheating scum of a husband but I didn’t.. I walked away. 16 years Heywood, 16 years of my life… gone.’ Rosita knew that nothing she could say would make Waverly feel better so instead she took both of Waverly’s hands in hers. They gazed at each other for a moment completely understanding the other. The people they were supposed to be had been taken away from them by forces neither could control.   
That current realisation was tearing Rosita apart as she found herself again more and more everyday. She spent her evenings in her cell wondering what she could have been, what she could have achieved. So angry at herself, she had got to the point where she felt like she was going to explode. Sometimes she found herself slapping her cell wall in anguished frustration with so much force the searing pain made her feel like she’d broken her fingers. It was the embarrassment of just how enraged with herself that she was that stopped her from clenching her fists and punching, the evidence of her distress would be too evident. Other than Waverly, it was her secret. She felt like she only had herself to blame. Whereas for Waverly, she felt like it was different. If Waverly really hadn’t shot her husband and his lover, then her situation was far more unjust.  
‘Oh you’ve got to be fucking kidding me,’ Waverly tore her eyes away from Rosita to see Nicole staring at them destroyed.   
‘No, Nicole…’ Rosita started.  
Nicole wasn’t interested in her, her eyes were fixed on Waverly, ‘we made vows.’ She couldn’t say or see anymore. Choking back the tears she turned and ran out of the library. Luckily the library was pretty empty that afternoon as it was another warm day, otherwise those occupying it would have been most perplexed by what had just happened. Those that were there were either too absorbed in what they were doing or had heard the disturbance but not its meaning.  
‘What are you doing!?’ Rosita said slapping Waverly lightly across the cheek snapping her out of the frozen state she was in. ‘Get your damn butt after her.’

‘Nicole!’ Waverly cried as Nicole continued to walk away. Waverly checked around for any eager listeners but was relieved that the current corridor was clear. ‘Nicole… will you stop?’  
‘Why?’ Nicole shouted spinning round. ‘So you can make yourself feel better by talking yourself out of this one?’ Her tears had turned from those of sadness to those of anger and betrayal. ‘I’ve seen you two… that day when I failed my parole… for you… then all this time she’s spending with you in the library… no wonder she’s getting so clever all of a sudden.’  
There was real bitterness in Nicole’s voice as she spoke, it was scaring Waverly, ‘how can you say these things to me? How can you accuse me of what?… having an affair? With Rosita?’  
‘She’s hot Waverly… I would,’ Nicole couldn’t quite believe what she was saying.  
Waverly stared at her staggered, ‘oh you would?’  
‘Well actually… no I wouldn’t because to me Waverly, vows... mean something!’ She was sobbing now and the words were not coming easily. She creased up unable to hide how distraught she was.  
‘Well neither would I!’ Waverly almost screamed through her own tears. She let that linger for a moment before quietening her voice. ‘I can’t believe you’re saying this to me. Do you not trust me?’ Nicole couldn’t say anything, she seemed to have lost her voice to emotion for a moment. ‘If you don’t trust me then this marriage has a major fucking problem.’  
Nicole slumped back against the wall, ‘I don’t know.’ Bringing her hands to her head she began to pull at her hair. ‘When it comes to you, I can’t think rationally…’  
Waverly gazed at the woman that seemed to be completely breaking down in front of her. She moved to reply but voices at the end of the corridor distracted her. Searching around, Waverly spotted one of those cupboards she hated that they had to use so much. Grabbing Nicole’s hand she entered and pulled the weeping woman in after her.  
‘Now you listen to me Nicole Redding and you listen good because I am only going to say this once. One because I am your wife, I don’t care what the law says as far as I’m concerned that’s what I am and that’s what you are to me, meaning ultimate trust, but mainly two because this is going to be so unbelievably difficult for me to say,’ she took a moment to take a breath. Nicole waited terrified, barely breathing herself, expecting the worst. ‘I’m drowning. I’m drowning in this place, it’s walls, it’s fucking routines, bloody awful food, watching the same wretched movie again and again, all of it. I feel so overwhelmed sometimes I’m find it difficult to breathe. And what’s making it worse is that I’ve figured out who I should be. I should be a teacher. Teaching the other women, yes Rosita included, has made me feel… real again. Like I have a purpose in this shitty world. And if I’d made that damn realisation twenty years ago, I would have never worked in the bank, never met and married Champ and wouldn’t be here. I’ve lost 16 years Nicole, 16 years. That fucking hurts.’  
Nicole took it all in, but there was one much more painful question burning, ‘but what about me? Don’t I help you survive this place?’  
Waverly smiled at her wife but it was done through anguish, ‘that’s what’s hurting so much right now. It’s almost making it worse.’ She felt sick as she said the words knowing what it would be doing to Nicole. ‘We’re so constrained in here Nicole. Chaste kisses here, a fuck in a cupboard there. What kind of marriage is that? Or if not a marriage, a relationship of two people in love? In fourteen years, we’ve never made love in a bed… not once. It reminds me how trapped I am… that I can’t make love to the woman, who means more to me than anything in the world, the way I want to. I dream about it, all the time. You’ve become this reminder of everything we don’t have… and you have no idea how much that cuts me up inside.’ She met Nicole’s heartbroken eyes with her own. ‘And I don’t know what to do about it…’  
‘Nor do I…’ Nicole breathed lost.  
‘I know I love you Nicole… that hasn’t changed… but it hurts.’  
‘Yeah, I got that Waverly… loud and clear.’ Her tone was one of beaten woman. ‘So what? Do you want to cool this for while? Because if you do then then I’m going to take a knife to a guard and have myself thrown in solitary for a month because to see you around this prison and know I can’t have you the way I crave every second of every day it will kill me.’  
‘Can you give me a couple of days?’ Waverly asked sadly almost pleading.  
Even that felt like too much, ‘Waverly… I can’t…’  
‘For us,’ Waverly brought her hand up to Nicole’s cheek and stroked it lovingly. ‘Can you give me a couple of days… for us? I want save this… I do.’  
Nicole knew she had no choice. She leaned down to kiss Waverly, but she soon found out that Waverly needed that to start immediately as the hand on Nicole’s cheek stopped their lips from meeting. With one last pained smile Waverly let go of Nicole’s cheek and left the cupboard. As soon as she was gone, Nicole crumpled to the floor.

_I_ _felt like I’d died. It’s a cliché, but it truly felt like someone had rammed a hot spear into my stomach and was twisting it slowly. I sat there in that dark, dingy, foul smelling cupboard and didn’t care if I never left. I didn’t care if it did become my tomb. There was a chance that Waverly was going to leave me and if she did, I was done._

_The same year as the library was finished and Waverly had asked for those few days, warden Lucado set up her famous Inside Out program. Designed to rehabilitate us cons with an honest days labour, it sent us outside of the prison walls apparently using tax payers’ money to save the community money as a whole. Of course, with some help, Lucado found every way possible to skim off the top. It earned herself and Hadley a pretty penny and devastated the local trades meaning they had to bride Lucado just to get their contracts back. The despicable irony. What was worse, this little scheme of Lucado’s got her into all the local papers and magazines as a true hero to the community. If I wasn’t twisted and bitter already I would have had plenty to say. But as it materialised I had no energy to be bitter about anything. As the hours went by without Waverly, I found I had no energy at all. So I was one of the first to sign up to Lucado’s little project, I had to get out of the prison._

Had they been men, the women would have been put to work clearing forests and building new highways, able to truly enjoy being outside the constraints of the prison, but apparently that labour was too intense. So instead they were sent to the local clothing factories. It was dull demeaning work that the women weren’t getting paid for making the clothing line a pretty penny and worst of all, meaning Lucado could pocket the tax payers money supposedly paying for the whole thing. In order to cover up her little lie, some of the clothes were being donated to the homeless and poor. A pathetic attempt at a façade if the prisoners ever did see one.

'These inmates will be properly supervised and sent to work outside these walls,’ Lucado had cooed to the journalists that lined up in front of her as their cameras flashed and their pencils ferociously scribbled down every word. They were all lapping every tainted word. Even Hadley had visibly swallowed down a little bit of repulsion as she spoke. ‘They will learn a great sense of self worth and give back to the community under my true belief in rehabilitation.’ To that Hadley had secretly scoffed. She however made sure this was completely unseen as she was to gain as much out of this has the warden.

_It was such a relief to get out of the prison. We filed onto the bus wondering where we were going and what work we would be doing. For some it was a deep topic of conversation but for me, it didn’t matter. I just stared at the roads that stretched out away from the bus as it trundled into town, wondering where they were going and how far away they went. I was having thoughts I hadn’t had in fourteen years, since the day Waverly Dufresne kissed me for the first time telling me she felt the same way I did. I was wondering what it would be like to be free._

_He smelt foul, leering at us as we walked past, like we were his possessions that he’d managed to acquire due to his great skill as a man. Each and everyone one of us shuddered as we walked past him. His stomach stuck out and hung over his trousers, whilst his balding head shone due to the thick layer of sweat dripping from his brow. He was disgusting in every way that a man could be disgusting, in appearance and demeanour. It hit me instantly as I looked at the man we would be working for that this was not going to be the escape from the shit back at the prison that I needed it to be._

All morning, the women had endured the repulsive obese manager standing over them or breathing into their faces at horrendously close proximity. It was as though he thought that because they were convicts they were less than human and he could do anything to them. He fondled their new blue addition uniforms and smelt their hair as they tried to work and Hadley did nothing. Different to where some of the other women had gone around the town, this man had actually bribed Lucado. So the papers thought that was doing this for free to help the community, but instead she had been paid by this man who was so far from a gentleman so he could do anything he wanted.

From her sewing machine, Steph looked over at Nicole sitting only a few benches away. She’d barely picked up her material or sewn a single garment all morning. Every time she did, a thought would strike Nicole and she’d have to stop. The manager, devious and nasty, had already barked at her a couple of times but it had clearly fallen on deaf ears. Being carefully not to sew her own fingers into her lingerie material, Steph was keeping a close eye on Nicole and the manager as he paced among the women, unashamedly lingering to occasionally to peer down any shirts open wide enough.   
It wasn’t long before she would have to act.  
‘You!’ The balding man shouted from the line has was currently patrolling as he spotted that Nicole had barely moved. ‘You haven’t finished one set… what do I have to do to light a fire up your arse?’   
‘Sorry,’ Nicole said barely audibly as her trembling fingers found the cloth again.  
He clumsily wove his way through the work benches so he was stood right beside hers towering over her clearly with the intention of intimidating her. ‘What the fuck’s wrong with you eh?’ He cried shrugging his arms being deliberately patronising. ‘You might be free labour due your incarceration but at least my paid girls actually worked and met deadlines. Do you not want to be rehabilitated?’ Steph grew increasingly more concerned as she saw rage begin to build in Nicole’s eyes. Spit flew from his mouth, some drops landing on Nicole’s face, as he threw out the words. ‘You’re just a bunch of useless animals you women… intent on wasting time. Good for nothing except fluttering your pretty little eyelids.’ He mocked them by holding his hands over his eyes and miming eye lids fluttering ensuring the entire room could see it.   
Sniggering to himself, he went to walk away but Nicole wasn’t going to let him, ‘I think you need to shut up you fat arrogant prick.’  
The entire room fell silent, every woman stopped what she was doing, as the man slowly turned to face the seething redhead aghast, ‘what did you call me?’  
‘Oh Jesus,’ Steph was watching it happening in front of her eyes. Nicole had snapped.   
Nicole rose to her feet, ‘it’s masogynistic dickheads like you that are the reason why half of us are in this position in the first place… ‘ it was like she was baiting him. ‘Throwing your weight around like you’re the big man, but I bet under all that disgusting fat skin you can barely find your tiny little dick…’  
‘Oh god Nicole please stop talking,’ she rose to her feet knowing she would have to do something, fast.  
His face filling with fury, the manager clenched his fist, swung and drove it into Nicole’s chin sending her flying back towards her desk. Nicole managed to catch herself on the desk to stay upright. Her chin was throbbing in pain but she wasn’t going to show it. In fact, she actually welcome it. This pain felt so much better than the one churning in her gut since Waverly said she needed a break. Meeting his eyes, Nicole sneered at the manager willing him on. Humiliated his first punch had not had the impact he intended, he came again. As she flew over her desk, scattering the sewing machine and cloth that had laid upon it, and hit the floor. From the full force that he put behind the swing, items from the man’s trouser came flying out across the floor. One in particular skidded like a stone being skimmed on water and landed beside the dazed inmate. As she scrabbled to regain her balance, her face ringing from the pain, Nicole’s hand fell on the pair of scissors that had landed beside her. The scuffle had now also drawn the attention of the guards, Captain Hadley, Mert and a brand new recruitment who watched on bewildered as all three saw the manager punch Nicole to the ground.  
Steph knew exactly what Nicole was going to do as Nicole wrapped her fingers around the cold sharp metal, ‘shit!’ She launched herself forward through the desks using them to quicken her pace. ‘Nicole no!’ Steph had to beat Nicole and the guards to it. It was as if her legs weren’t her own anymore. Across the room the three guards were also hurtling themselves through the watching inmates.   
‘I’m going to enjoy every moment of these burying in your grotesque body,’ Nicole hissed as she she got up hiding them from sight to keep the unsuspecting manager in the dark. He was already preparing for the next punch as the red mist had well and truly descended over his eyes. Picking herself up from the floor she closed the gap between them jabbed her arm forward. The rest took place in slow motion.

All Nicole heard was a scream and saw the manager stumble forward as Steph fell into Nicole’s arms the scissors buried deep in her stomach. Nicole could feel Steph’s warm blood flowing over her hand as she still gripped the scissors in complete shock. It took a few moments for it to register, to everyone as well as Nicole, what had happened. As Steph crumpled in her arms, realisation hit Nicole as she let go of the scissors leaving them protruding from Steph’s body. Gasping, Nicole held Steph’s head on her knee as her hands shook uncontrollably.   
‘Oh fuck and holy hell,’ Hadley cried as he reached the scene.  
‘I didn’t… I didn’t mean to…’ Nicole stammered as Steph grimaced against her leg.  
One of the other women pulled herself out of shock and fell to her knees placing her hands over the wound. She looked at Steph who was going as white as a sheet as she clung onto consciousness.   
‘Did you see that?’ The manager raged. ‘The stupid bitch came at me with scissors.’  
‘Call an ambulance,’ Hadley ordered at her new recruit. The poor girl didn’t move for a moment her eyes on the blood pouring between the inmate’s fingers as she tried to stay the flow. ‘Did you hear me you moron, go!’ The girl snapped out of it, stumbled and disappeared out of sight.  
‘Are any of you fucking bitches listening to me?’ The manager went on. ‘She tried to…’  
‘It… was… self… defence…’ Steph breathed out glaring at him.   
The man recoiled staggered, ‘you what?’  
‘That’s what I saw,’ Jeremy, the girl with her hands on Steph’s stomach, agreed. ‘He attacked her.’ She nodded at Nicole.  
‘Are you insane!?’  
‘See what he thinks about women,’ chimed in another. ‘Red hasn’t been feeling well all day and all he’s done is belittle and insult her. So when she asked him, quite politely I think, what his problem was… that was it… he just went for her.’ One by one all the women in the room rose to their feet in agreement. They’d of course heard every word she had said to him, but all day he had patronised and insulted every single of them, and Nicole was one of their own.  
‘It’s true, I was protecting her,’ Steph said her voice becoming weaker and her breathing shallower.  
Understanding the full picture now, Hadley turned to face the manager furious, ‘you fucker,’ she spat. ‘We give you free labour and this is what you do.’ She pointed to the mess on the floor. ‘I really loathe men and your patriarchal bullshit. Arrest him.’ She ordered at Eliza Mert.  
‘Ma’am I can’t..’  
‘Put the fucker in cuffs now!’ Hadley screamed. As Eliza obeyed, Hadley’s eyes turned to the returning new recruit. ‘Well?’ She demanded.  
‘They’re on their way,’ she replied breathless.  
‘Well get back out there so you can lead him here when they arrive.’ This time the young girl obeyed with no hesitation.  
On the floor, still frozen but able to cling onto Steph’s head Nicole stared as the life slowly began to drain out of her friend’s face.  
‘Stay with us Steph,’ said Jeremy her hands still firmly in place around the scissors. Like Steph’s clothes and the surrounding floor, Jeremy’s hands were completely soaked red with blood. ‘You can’t leave us this way… she didn’t mean to do it.’  
With the faintest of smiles, Steph looked up at Nicole who was staring straight back at her, ‘I know…’ she used all her remaining strength to reach up and touch Nicole’s face. ‘And I won’t hold it against you. I promise.’ Nicole couldn’t smile or react. ‘Give my love to… Rosita…’ her words and breath were fading quickly. ‘… tell her that… I think she’s the cleverest woman in…’  
‘She knows,’ Jeremy assured her as Nicole still couldn’t speak.  
‘Nicole… don’t… please don’t… blame… your…’ the last words never came as the fingers touching Nicole’s cheek now fell limp on the floor. Jeremy’s face creased as she looked down at the pool of blood her hands were buried in and slowly withdrew them.  
‘Shit!’ cried Hadley to the air as she turned away disgusted to face the manager. ‘Holy fucking hell… to all you sodding shitty mother fucking arseholes. I’m so going to thump your skull until it becomes a different shape.’ Marching towards the manager now cowering in his place, Hadley drew her truncheon.  
‘Hadley!’ Came the strong tone of Lucado who had entered the scene at reports of an ambulance and a disturbance at the location where her guards were working. Having been only a few roads away doing press conferences about the very event, she’d been able to make it over quickly. Now as she stared at the bloody sight, she wished she hadn’t. ‘Does someone want to please tell me in sweet Jesus’ name what is going on here?’  
Throughout it all, Nicole had not said a word. She remained exactly where they had left her, silenced by shock, cradling her dead friend’s body.

 


	12. Chapter 12

'I don’t know… she hasn’t said anything.’  
‘Nothing to anyone?’  
‘Not even when the medic asked if she was okay. She was covered in blood. Did you see all that blood?’  
‘Was she hurt?’  
‘No, it was all Lloyd’s blood. Now she’s completely shut down poor girl.’  
‘Shit what a fucking mess. Does Heywood know?’  
‘No because no one has gone back to the prison yet. They’ll tell her when we get back. Everyone will know something is up because we’ll get back early and Red is in a hospital van behind us. Heywood and Lloyd were close man, this is going to tear Heywood up.’  
‘Did Red mean to do it?’  
‘Not Lloyd, she was going for that pathetic excuse for a man… she never meant to kill Lloyd.’  
‘But she did…’  
‘I know… To be honest, if that were me… I’d be bloody catatonic too.’

She could feel them cleaning her hands, but that’s all she could feel. It felt cold and slightly uncomfortable, but there was nothing else. Only the empty space of the wall on the infirmary cubicle in front of her.   
‘What the fuck do we do with this?’ Hadley asked the doctor as he busied himself at his desk looking through papers having cleaned the last of the blood off Nicole’s hands.  
‘Right now ma’am, I’m just ascertaining whether she herself is hurt,’ his bushy moustache twitched as he spoke. He picked up his pen torch and tapped it on to ensure it was working then shined it in Nicole’s eyes which did not react or even flinch. The doctor took time to examine both eyes then stood back up shaking his head. ‘Physically she’ll have one nasty bruise on her chin and there’s some swelling around her eye,’ he pointed to show Hadley and Lucado as they listened. ‘But that’ll heal in a two or three days…’ he studied the unmoving, unresponsive woman who continued to stare vacantly into thin air. Her eyes were puffy and swollen, along with the two areas of her face where the manager had struck her. ‘… it’s her mind I’m worried about.’  
‘Henry just speak plainly,’ Lucado said irritated.  
Henry’s eyes didn’t leave Nicole as his fingers stroked his moustache for a few moments, ‘when the mind experiences great trauma, sometimes it’s so much it cannot cope, so it shuts down. It leaves them in a catatonic state as the person retreats into themselves for self preservation, just like you see before you.’ He explained. ‘Jean, Miss Redding here saw one of her friends killed before her very eyes and even worse that friend died in her arms. To be quite honest, I don’t blame her for going somewhere in her mind that isn’t here right now.’  
‘But can you do anything dimwit?’ Hadley snapped annoyed he still hadn’t got to the point.  
Sadly, ignoring Hadley’s rude impatience, Henry shook his head, ‘my knowledge of these matters is not comprehensive I’m afraid, but I will do some research and contact a fella I know.’ He picked up his notepad and began to make some notes. ‘In the mean time I wish to keep her here for observation. I will give her something to calm her…’  
‘Calm her?’ scoffed Hadley. ‘How does that need calming?’  
‘On the outside… ‘ Henry said subdued getting slightly annoyed with the tone the two women were using on him. ‘I can only imagine what’s going on in her mind. If she can’t control them or convey them so she can begin to process what happened… her mental state will only decline.’ He picked up a syringe and a small vile of liquid. Skilfully he prepared it and walked over to Nicole who still had not moved an inch. None of them had even seen her blink. Sitting on the edge of the bed her legs hung limply over the side with her hands resting motionless in her lap. Her shoulders were slumped but she still maintained some posture. ‘What this girl needs right now is rest and a break from the thoughts that must be tormenting her... to such a degree that her mind felt it had to take this drastic action.’ Carefully he pushed up Nicole’s sleeve and gently inserted the needle into her forearm. He looked up so see if there was any recognition or hint of discomfort, but there was nothing. ‘This will help… we’ll see how she is in a couple of days. I will keep her in this solo room because if she does come out of this, we need to keep her and everybody else around safe.’  
Hadley’s eyes widened, ‘are you saying she’s going to go bat shit crazy?’  
Henry shrugged his shoulders, ‘it this point ma’am, it’s hard to tell.’ Slowly, he walked round to stand behind Nicole and as though it was rehearsed, Nicole’s tired puffy eyes closed and she fell backwards as the drugs began to work. Henry caught her by the shoulders and ensured that she lay back gently onto the bed. Once she was lying down, he removed her shoes and tucked her legs under the blanket. There was something very caring about him as he made sure that she was comfy.  
‘Do you think we need to restrain her?’ Lucado asked.  
Sighing, Henry studied his sleeping patient, ‘usually ma’am I hate to take such harsh precautions, I feel they are invasive and unnecessary but I’m this case…’ he nodded stroking his moustache again. ‘… it might just be one those unavoidable precautions we need to take. For her own good.’  
Lucado nodded at Hadley, who took out two leather buckled straps which she carried on her belt, often used for restraining disruptive or violent inmates. She used these to strap both of Nicole’s arms to the bars of the hospital bed. She buckled them tightly but careful so as to not wake her.  
‘Don’t worry about going easy,’ Henry said. ‘That dose I gave her was pretty potent, she’ll be out until at least the morning.’   
‘When will you contact your colleague?’   
Doc went back to his desk and began to flick through some cars in a small box. When he found the one he wanted he picked it up to show Lucado he’d found it. ‘Right away ma’am, I’d say this is of upmost urgency.’  
‘What if she doesn’t snap out of this John?’ Lucado continued to question. Henry studied Lucado for a moment, she only ever used his first name when she was genuinely concerned and it seemed that in that moment, she was.  
‘She will… it’s just what state she will be in when she does…’

It appeared like another normal day in the library. Waverly ran through the numbers on her clipboard no Rosita sat in the corner scribbling down notes from science books. Ever since rediscovering she had a talent for numbers, science had really interested her. How everything came together and how everything worked. Now she couldn’t stop her mind from churning over it all. She had helped Waverly unload another donation from a charity, but once her eyes had fallen on something by Albert Einstein, Waverly knew Rosita was already lost to her. Now she was rapidly flicking through the pages and scribbling down his ideas. It was when the door clanged open and Dolls rushed in, that Waverly instantly knew that that this was not going be another normal day at Shawshank prison. Turning round from her shelf and Rosita looking up from her book, they could see the sheer devastation in Dolls’ eyes.  
Breathing deeply, as a trickle sweat moistened her brow from her run through the prison, Dolls wide eyes darted between Waverly and Rosita. The words were completely lost to her and her heart was pounding with overpowering panic. Overwhelmed she took a few deep breaths and moved towards Rosita first.  
‘I…’ she started. ‘They um… I…’ she looked to Waverly for help but knew that none could be provided. Waverly had already placed her clipboard on the table and was walking over. ‘There’s been an…’ she swallowed to regain her composure. ‘There’s been an accident.’  
Rosita now rose slowly from her chair, ‘an accident?’  
Nodding, Dolls swallowed again, ‘at the factory… the um… Inside Out prog…’  
‘No…’ Waverly’s stomach lurched.  
‘She was…’  
‘Oh no…’ The colour drained from Waverly’s face. ‘Don’t you tell me… no… please…’ her hands shaking violently Waverly brought them up to cover her mouth in horror.  
‘Not Nicole…’ Dolls said. She looked at Rosita. She paused a moment to deal with the tears streaming down her face and the nausea building in her stomach. ‘Heywood… Lloyd… Steph… she died.’  
Now Rosita’s position mirrored Waverly’s but with one hand so that the other could help her balance as she sunk back into her chair. Waverly tried to ignore the overwhelming sense of relief that flowed through her body. Dropping her hands from her face she stared at Dolls bewildered. ‘What?’ she asked barely audibly. ‘How?’  
Dolls had dreaded this moment. She stared into Waverly’s eyes hoping that somehow Waverly would understand and she wouldn’t have to say the words. Again she knew that Waverly could be of no assistance.  
‘She was stabbed.’  
‘Stabbed?’ Waverly glanced at Rosita, she hadn’t moved. She had taken up the same expression as Waverly as they both stared at Dolls.   
Dolls nodded as she wiped the tears from her cheeks, she’d promised herself she’d stay strong, but she cared for these girls far too much. ‘It was an accident… but it was…’ her face creased in pain. ‘Oh god Dufresne, it was Red…’

Throughout the prison, everyone’s day had stopped in shock. For those who knew the story seemed so far fetched it couldn’t be real, for others piecing together the fragments of information they were getting was making the story just as ridiculous. Steph been known throughout the prison for nearly twenty-five years and liked by most. Although sometimes a little brash and sarcastic, the women enjoyed her honesty and frank approach. You always knew where you stood with Steph Lloyd and if you needed an opinion you could certain you would get, not necessarily the one you wanted, but the one you needed. Now she was dead and at the hand of one of their own. Accident or no accident, the prison and its occupants would be shaken by this for a long time.

'Nicole!’ Her scream pierced the air as she tore down the corridor. ‘Nicole!’  
When Waverly reached the infirmary she was met by two firm hands which shoved her back mercilessly. ‘Sorry inmate you can’t come through.’ Came the stern voice.  
‘No… please…’ Waverly threw herself forward but the hands shoved her back once again. ‘Please… you have to let me see her!’  
‘No one is entering the infirmary,’ the guard barked irritated securing her position in front of the day. Hands on her best, the guard drew attention to all the weapons she had at her disposal.  
‘You don’t understand, I’m her…’ Waverly stopped herself. ‘Best friend… she needs me.’  
‘I don’t care if you’re fucking tooth fairy or mrs santa clause, you are not going in here,’ she shouted. ‘Now fuck off.’  
Waverly glared at her furiously before trying to see round her through the small window in the infirmary door to catch any glimpse of Nicole. ‘Nicole!’ She screamed as loudly as she could. ‘Nicole!’  
‘Listen Dufresne I’ve had about enough of this shit… you can keep shouting all you want, but you are not going in there and if you carry on I will probably throw your arse in the hole for a week just to shut you up!’ she pointed her finger intimidatingly right in Waverly’s face. ‘She probably can’t hear you anyway.’  
‘What why?’  
Rolling her eyes, the guard sighed, she’d said too much. ‘she’s a fucking mental case is what… the doctor thinks she may never come back from this. So if you really are her best friend… you might need to think of yourself as one best friend down from now on. Now… get out of my sight inmate!’  
The words burning in her ears, as if in a daze, Waverly turned and walked away fresh tears mixing with those that had congealed on her cheeks. Once round the corner her legs could not support her and she collapsed to the floor against the wall. All she could think about was the last thing she had said to Nicole and how she had refused Nicole’s kiss. How she wished she could go back to that moment and feel Nicole’s tender lips on hers.

As Rosita continued to stare at Dolls in complete shock, Dolls gripped Rosita’s hands tightly in her own. The accustomed silence for a library had once again fallen over the room. The rain outside tapped lightly on the windows. The perfect pathetic fallacy to the events of the day. Dolls knew that Rosita and Steph had been friends for a long time, something so vital to the survival of serving a prison sentence, and this would be absolutely killing her.  
‘So how did… why did…?’ Rosita stammered.  
‘Dickhead manager attacked Red, punched her… twice.. in the face,’ Dolls explained, keeping her voice gentle. ‘So when a pair of scissors fell from his pocket, Red picked them up to stab him… Lloyd saw this was going to happen and wanted to stop her, she got there just too late… she got in the way…’  
Rosita tried to take this all in. ‘But why would Red react like that? She shook her head. ‘She would be one of the first people to try and calm a situation down… she’d never go for violence.’  
Dolls was as lost as she was, ‘I don’t know,’ she replied honestly. ‘Many of the girls said that the manager was a proper bastard and one nasty piece of work… maybe it just ground her down. They said she insulted him so that tells me that maybe she wasn’t standing up to him because he was being an arsehole to one of the girls. She was probably standing up for them… now that’s the Red we know and love.’ There was the hint of a smile on Dolls’ lips, but it faded quickly.  
Rosita nodded, ‘and Lloyd… was trying to save her…’  
‘Fucking awful situation of unfortunate circumstances.’  
Gently, the door swung open as Jeremy entered. Though her hands were clean, her blue uniform was covered in blood stains on both the shirt and trousers . She had clearly tried to wash them off but to no avail leaving smears still very visible. She looked down at them apologetically as she walked over. The sight of Jeremy’s clothes smeared in her best friend’s blood, only made it more real to Rosita.   
Jeremy, her nickname for Jemima, was a slight of stature Asian women with gentle features and kind brown eyes. Her curly black hair was always beautiful straight, worn naturally hanging around her face down to her shoulders or up in a high ponytail. She was popular amongst the prisoners for her kind nature and polite attitude though sometimes her strange quirky sense of humour would baffle the inmates.  
‘Heywood… I’m so sorry,’ Jeremy’s eyes like Dolls’ and Rosita’s were puffy from crying. ‘I tried to… I tried to save her…’ Rosita nodded showing acknowledgement. ‘She told me to tell you… sorry… excuse me…’ she took a deep breath to gather herself. She was clasping her hands together and Rosita could see they were trembling. ‘She told that she thinks you’re the cleverest women in the whole world…’  
‘Fuck off…’ Rosita retorted.  
Jeremy’s eyes fluttered shocked, ‘excuse me?’  
‘No way did Stephanie Lloyd say that I was clever,’ Rosita explained.   
‘No she did…’ Jeremy assured her. ‘She wanted you to know. She’s so proud of you.’  
Rosita looked at Dolls who smiled despondently then back at Jeremy, ‘really?’  
‘I promise… she totally believed in you,’ Jeremy knew she was embellishing the words that actually left Steph’s mouth, but the sentiment in Steph’s eyes and words were there. Jeremy was sure Steph would have said, had she had the chance before her final breath left her.  
It was this that was the final straw as Rosita as she collapsed sideways and fell apart in Dolls’ arms. Burying her face in Doll’s muscular frame Dolls and Jeremy watched on helpless as the girl sobbed uncontrollably gripping the sleeves of Dolls’ prison shirt. Jeremy looked at Dolls her face filled with regret but without making a sound Dolls assured her it was alright. Dolls mouthed the words ‘thank you’ as even though Jeremy’s words hurt Rosita unbearably in this moment, she knew that one day when the devastation had subsided, they would bring Rosita great comfort.

Pacing his small holding cell, the manager’s flabby face was red with rage. His suit top had been discarded on the floor and his shirt sleeves rolled up as he tried to the deal with the heat of the dark room. His head now dripped with sweat which he moped ineffectively with an old white handkerchief. Like a lion trapped in a cage, he was waiting for the correct audience in order for him to pounce.   
With a mighty clatter of metal and screech of rusted hinges the door to the cells was opened. Leading a small party was a short, stocky police officer, followed by Lucado and Hadley. The manager had now stopped pacing but he was clearly unimpressed with the audience he had received after all his waiting. He glared at him watching them approach.  
‘You fucking whores,’ he hissed spit flying from his mouth. ‘I will send you down for this… you wait.’  
Lucado and Hadley were unmoved. Not even mildly insulted. ‘Well Mr Gardener… your reputation proceeds you.’ Lucado began arms folded as she stood before him. Behind her, Hadley assumed a similar stance wearing a satisfied smirk. ‘A masoginystic prick who abuses women. And after years of being frustrated about not being married or maybe having any sex at all, except what you pay for, and working in a quite frankly shitty and depraved job as a lingerie factory manager… you snapped didn’t you?’ Gardener went to speak, but Lucado did not let him. ‘All those women working for you, everyday… but you couldn’t touch any of them, because they would much rather go home with anyone but you.’  
Gardener pushed himself right up against the bars and bore his eyes into Lucado, ‘when I get out of here, you mark my words, I will…’  
‘You finish that sentence and you won’t live to get out of here,’ sneered Hadley.  
Without looking at Hadley, as she kept her eyes fixed on Gardener, Lucado smirked at the words. ‘So when an inmate stands up to you, because she has the stones to do so,’ she continued at the silenced man. ‘…you snapped and attacked her, maybe even wanting to kill her, by repeatedly punching her and she did the only thing she could… and that was to protect herself.’ She stopped and studied him carefully as his eyes widened. ‘Sounds like a plausible explanation doesn’t it?’  
‘You’re cooked,’ he said rearing back from the bars and putting his hands to his head. ‘You’re all bloody cooked.’  
‘No… ‘ Lucado took a step forward towards the bars to stare him right in the face. Apprehensive, Hadley followed, hand on truncheon ready. ‘You’re cooked you fucking leech. You sponge off our prison system, then have the audacity to assault one of my girls.’  
‘She attacked me!’ He cried exasperated holding his hands in the air.  
‘Not according to everyone else in that room,’ Lucado stated plainly. ‘You abused her verbally, repeatedly, then when she stood up for herself your pathetic ego caused you to react with violence and now, Stephanie Lloyd is dead because of you.’  
‘Also Mr Gardener, what was a pair of scissors doing in that room?’ Hadley asked sounding like a detective. ‘We advised, no commanded, that there be no sharp objects in that room, as these were convicts you had working there. You took a pair of scissors into that room. Why?’  
Lucado smiled at her captain impressed, ‘excellent point Willa.’ She turn back to Gardener. ‘Would you like to enlighten us?’  
‘Too use!’ He spluttered. ‘I’m the manager in a fucking lingerie factory!’  
‘But even after we demanded for everyone’s safety that there be no sharp objects, including scissors, in that room,’ Lucado went on. ‘You disobeyed, I think, because you wanted those scissors to feel big, to be a big man among convicts, like you owned them… maybe even to threaten them with… just like you did Nicole Redding.’  
‘I meant no inmate any harm,’ he continued to protest.  
‘You punched her you fucking animal… twice!’ hissed Willa, still gripping her truncheon showing that as she twisted her hands around it, she was pretending it was his neck.  
With a satisfied smile, Lucado leaned in closer to the bars, ‘we’ve got you… you fat, pathetic excuse for a man… assault, attempted murder, abuse… I wish you could come to Shawshank when convicted because I’d put you in solitary for your entire sentence so no one had to look at your disgusting face agai…’ she couldn’t finish as before she knew it, Gardener had closed the gap between himself and the bars, reached through and had his full large sweaty fist gripped around Lucado’s neck.  
‘I’m going to kill you, you bitch!’ He seethed squeezing tightly. Coughing and spluttering, Lucado reached up and tried desperately to unlock his hand. She scratched and clawed at the skin as the skin on her face began to flush but he gritted his teeth through the pain to continue holding on. However, it was soon unlocked for her. Once fully registering what was happening in front of her, in the blink of an eye, Hadley had ripped the truncheon from its tether in her belt and brought it up above her head as she reached Lucado’s side. Slicing the air, Hadley brought down the truncheon onto Gardener’s hand. As soon as metal met flesh and bone, both a sickening crack and scream pierced the air. Lucado stumbled backwards gasping for breath whilst Gardener fell down on the concrete floor of the cell cradling his broken and bleeding hand tightly to his chest whimpering like a child. The officer who had led them in tried to attend to Lucado, but livid she pushed him away and approached the bars again. This time she kept her distance. ‘You can add assaulting a police officer to your offences you fucking bastard.’ She gasped whilst still holding her hand to her throbbing neck, now red where he had gripped her. ‘You are going down for such a long time… and I will personally see to it that you will spend your life in prison, never to be released, never to see any of the outside world again, never for any woman to be subjected to your cruelty… and die there.’ Still whimpering pathetically from the pain, the man watched as Lucado adjusted her dress suit and turned to march out of the door. Before replacing her truncheon, Hadley tapped it against the bars menacingly staring into his eyes. Gardener stopped sobbing for a moment to meet Hadley’s eyes. This time the gravity of the situation really hit him as the what colour was left drained out of his face. With a smirk, she too turned and followed Lucado out of the holding cells not looking back as the holding cells door was clanged shut behind them.

 


	13. Chapter 13

'Come on love,’ gently Henry held the spoon to Nicole’s mouth but she did not adjust her gaze or open her mouth. ‘Shit…’ he dropped the spoon back into the bowl of soup and stroked his moustache as he tried to think. With a shake of the head he looked at her again bewildered. ‘You gotta eat… I’m not going to let you starve yourself to death… this is no way for a person to leave this world.’  
Nicole remained in the solitary room in the infirmary. She was now in hospital scrubs and her hands still bound to the bed. She had been asleep under Henry’s careful regiment of medicines for two days. He’d woken her up carefully and slowly under the supervision of himself and two of the nurses, actually hoping she would be hysterical and need restraining. Unfortunately, she’d woken up just as unresponsive as she had been when she was put under. He studied her eyes and saw that there was so much sadness in them, so much confusion. He wished he could read her thoughts. ‘If you don’t eat… you know what we have to do…’ he looked down at the bowl and carefully filled the spoon with the hot vegetable soup and held it before her mouth once again. ‘Come on Red… otherwise I have you force it down again… you know this…’ he hesitated a few moments but she didn’t even flutter an eyelid. Despondently, Henry dropped the spoon into the soup once again and turned to the door. ‘Nurse!’

As the rain smashed against the high library windows, Waverly sat amongst piles and piles of books. They had arrived three days ago but Waverly had not picked up one of them. Her clipboard was redundant and forgotten on her small desk in the corner. The open and closed sign on the door had not changed from closed for four days. This was the only space that she could come and think on her own. Like Nicole, she stared out in front of her blankly as her mind completely took control.  
As her eyes fixed on the spines of the books in the middle of her gaze, she was suddenly no longer in the library. As she lifted her head to look around, she was in the middle of a field. Corn grew around her on all sides as it swayed gently in the afternoon breeze. She could tell it was sunny but could not see the rays due to the height of the crop. Looking around her she remembered this very field from her childhood.  
‘Mum? Dad?’ She called out as she had done once as a child. ‘I can’t find you…’  
‘Sweetheart, we’re over here…’ came a gentle reassuring female tone.  
Waverly turned towards the sound and using her hands to part the corn she began to make her way through the field. Small enough at only twelve, she slipped between the plants easily. ‘Mummy?’  
‘Over here darling?’ Now the voice had changed its location. Stopping, Waverly spun around perplexed and scared.  
‘Mummy?’ It came again from the same direction so Waverly changed her path to go towards it.  
‘We’re waiting for you my love!’ It was in a different direction again.  
A now fifteen year old Waverly, stopped again. Her face was filled with overwhelming fear. The corn had become thicker and more dense, it was harder to push apart with her hands. The light from the sun seemed to have been dimmed as the sky grew grey and foreboding. ‘Mummy, where are you!?’ She screamed beginning to cry.  
‘I’m over here… this way sweety… we’re waiting for you… just keep going straight… Mummy’s here darling…’ the continuous cries filled the air and Waverly’s head as she struck her from all directions. She twisted and turned as she tried to react to them all but soon they became a blur of deafening noise to the point it became difficult to pick out of distinctive call. Covering her head with her hands, Waverly crouched down to the floor and tried to block out the deafening cries. She almost began to scream as they got louder and louder. The tears falling down her cheeks seemed almost the same count as the cries from all around her.  
‘Stop it!’ She screeched. Then as she rocked back and forth, more quietly, ‘please… make it stop…’  
Suddenly, two gently hands ran themselves along Waverly’s arms. The touch was soft and comforting as it started at the shoulders down to the forearms. Resting on her wrists they carefully closed around them and pulled Waverly carefully to her feet.  
‘It’s okay baby…’ startled, Waverly dropped her arms from over her head and gazed up into a young Nicole Redding’s eyes. Waverly was now seventeen with the same beautiful long brown hair. Nicole’s hair however was longer, beyond her shoulders and her youthful looks showed her to be not much older than Waverly. Whilst Waverly’s hair fell in gentle waves, Nicole’s was sleek and straight. Looking up, Waverly found solace once again in tranquil brown eyes.  
‘How are you…?’ Waverly started amazed.  
Nicole smiled as she stroked Waverly’s hair as it fluttered I’m the breeze and ran an adoring finger over Waverly’s bottom lip to quieten her, ‘I’m always here if you need me…’ she said tenderly. Watching her own hands, Waverly reached up and placed them on Nicole’s upper arms. With the tips of her fingers she traced their line, up to Nicole’s shoulders and round her neck where her hands came to rest. ‘What’s going on in that brilliant head of yours?’ Nicole tucked the hair she had previously been stroking behind Waverly’s ear and slid her arms around Waverly’s waist to hold her close.  
‘You,’ Waverly replied taking in every feature, every distinction that made Nicole the vision that she was.  
‘Me?’ she raised an eyebrow. ‘I like the sound of that…’ she pulled Waverly in a little closer but Waverly’s pained expression did not change.  
‘I don’t know where you are.’  
Nicole frowned, ‘I’m right here,’ she ran her hands up and down Waverly’s back to prove it through touch.  
Waverly closed her eyes for a moment to take it in, ‘you are… but where’s your mind?’  
‘In the same place it always is…’ Nicole told her. She took one hand off Waverly’s back to run a finger delicately over Waverly’s bottom lip again. ‘On you Waverly Dufresne, always on you.’  
Every part of Waverly wanted her to enjoy these words, but her body felt uncomfortable and her mind uneasy, ‘then you need to come back.’  
‘Come back?’  
‘To me…’ Waverly explained. As Nicole’s hand rejoined the other, Waverly took the opportunity to stroke Nicole’s face with hers. ‘I need you… I will always need you. I’m so lost.’  
Smiling again, Nicole bit her lip so endeared by the radiant girl in her arms, ‘you are strong enough to do anything on your own… this place doesn’t own you, you own this place… all of it.’  
Looking around, Waverly suddenly realised that they were no longer in the corn field, but in a large grey brick labyrinth, and unknown to them, stretching for miles. Scared, Waverly let go of Nicole as she spun around, taking in her new surroundings. Above her the sky was dark with black and dark grey clouds mingling and swirling.  
‘How do we get out of here?’ Waverly asked panicked.  
Nicole remained calm. Despite being in the same clothes as the corn field, they were now in their twenties. Waverly’s hair was still the length of her back but Nicole’s shorter, almost a bob cut.  
‘You can do this Waves,’ Nicole reassured her, not looking fraught or remotely worried.  
‘I can’t!’ she cried starting to cry. ‘Not without you.’ She stopped looking at her surroundings and stared at Nicole. After a few moments she rushed forward to hug Nicole tightly, burying her head in the taller girl’s chest. ‘I am so sorry baby… so sorry…’  
‘For what?’ Nicole asked wrapping her arms tightly around Waverly, kissing her head.  
‘I pushed you away… I was so stupid…’  
With a gentle laugh, Nicole used a solo finger to lift Waverly’s chin, ‘you will never push me away… no matter what you do… ever…’  
‘But… I can’t get to you…’ Waverly argued gripping Nicole as tightly as she could. She loved the feel of warmth coming from Nicole’s chest and the feel of her breath on the top of her head.  
Suddenly there was a flash almost like lightening from the tempest churning in the sky. Startled, Waverly closed her eyes but when she opened them they had changed location again… to Mert’s office. They were back in their thirties and in their grey uniform, at least some of their uniform. Various pieces were scattered on the floor leaving the two in just their underwear and figure hugging white tank tops.  
Nicole was standing by Mert’s desk with her hand on it. The top completely bare of objects, Waverly’s mind shifted back to their first time. Almost like a projected image, she could see herself clinging onto the desk whilst Nicole knelt between her legs. The image flashed and flickered but Waverly remembered the moment so clearly as the Waverly before her arched her back at the sensations coursing through her body.  
‘You’ll always find a way,’ Nicole said as the image disappeared. Waverly brought her eye line back to Nicole’s. ‘I’m waiting to be found… I’ll always wait for you to...’ Nicole reached her hand up to take Waverly’s ‘… find me…’ but as Waverly brought hers up to take it suddenly she were back in the the cornfield and Nicole was gone.  
‘Nicole!’ Waverly screamed searching around. She was a young teenage girl again, she had been looking for her mother, looking for herself, now… she was looking for the woman she loved. ‘Nicole!’

Although she still had not said anything for over a week, Nicole was still able to fight with her body. As Henry held her shoulders firmly and two other nurses held her feet and arms, Nicole writhed and struggled against them with everything she had. Not a scream or groan left her body as the third nurse forced her mouth open to force a tube skilfully down her throat. Once it was in place, they were able to pass some liquidated food through the tube and down Nicole’s body. It had been the only way they had been able to get any food inside her for ten days. In those ten days, Nicole was already beginning to show worrying signs of weight loss. Her skin was pale and grey, her eyes red raw from always staring ahead at the same spot on the ceiling. Her wrists were now wrapped in bandages from where her restraints had dug in and cut during her struggles. Despite Henry’s intervention and that of experts he had asked, nothing seemed to be working to bring Nicole out of the psychosis she was trapped in. No one knew exactly what Nicole was thinking but the one thing Henry was sure of, was that she was in a great deal of pain.

‘The trial date has been set ma’am…’ Lucado looked up as her secretary placed a black paper folder on her desk. ‘Would you like to look at the file now?’  
‘Fuck…’ Lucado hissed looking up from her work. The secretary looked a little taken aback. Lucado registered this. ‘Not you… I’m just so furious about this.’ She dropped her pen and picked up the file to place it in front of her. ‘I’ve got an inmate dead and one in a psychotic state who will die if she doesn’t eat something properly soon… do you have any idea the shit this is raining down on me?’  
‘I’m so sorry ma’am,’ she wanted to touch Lucado’s hand for reassurance but she knew it would be the last thing the warden wanted.  
‘I can’t even get Dufresne in here to continue helping me with my finances as she’s so cut up about it,’ Lucado looked thoughtful for a moment. ‘Hadley seems to think there’s something going on there…’  
The secretary looked puzzled, ‘going on?’  
‘Romantically…’ Lucado went on. She stood up from her desk and went to the window. Her office looked out across the prison and in one corner of the view the prisoner’s recess yard was visible. As it was yard time, the yard was scattered with blue uniforms as the women busied themselves in the sunshine. ‘… like they are involved.’  
‘As in…?’  
‘Yes girl… romantically, in love… fucking… or whatever depraved thing it may be…’ Lucado spat as she watched the women.  
The secretary almost laughed, ‘surely not… I mean… that would be wrong.’  
‘And certainly nothing I would put up with in my prison,’ Lucado said firmly as she returned to her chair. ‘It’s a sin against God.’ She looked at the file in front of her. ‘I think Hadley is wrong anyway, I have no doubt that Redding is probably one of those… dykes… but Dufresne was married to a man so… maybe just good friends. At least, I fucking hope that’s the case. On top of this…’ she gestured to the file. ‘I don’t need any other shit on my plate right now.’

As the prisoners continued to bustle around in clusters in the yard, two solemn figures sat watching them. What was once a thriving group of friends, was now just a pair, shoulders hunched, heads down. One leaned against the other, her head resting on a broad shoulder welcoming the comforting feeling of a strong arm around her shoulders. They could both remember the sound of laughter around them. The clarity in their eyes made it feel like it was happening around them at that very moment. The gentle teasing of a blonde about her friend’s supposed stupidity and the innocent and oblivious retorts that were sent back not helping her cause. The sweet and gentle smile of a red head to her beloved wife as they secretly exchanged suggestive expressions thinking about when and where their next hidden tryst would be. A brunette stolen from the world outside and placed in an intimidating and unfamiliar existence made almost enjoyable due to the love she felt from hands that subtly stroked her back as the woman she loved moved to sit beside her on the bleachers. All the while, wise and observant eyes watching on from a woman who felt her place was now truly among the endearing group that had once so happily graced the very spot on which they sat. Now the laugher was gone and all there was left was silence.

The debris of tears still stinging her eyes, Rosita wandered up to the infirmary door more in hope more than expectation. However, she was surprised when she saw there was no guard at the door. Checking around, Rosita placed her hand on the door handle and went inside. The place was dark and quiet as she glanced around. Only a few of the beds were occupied and the room she required was at the end of the long room before her. She knew Nicole was not in the general wing, but in a solitary room to provide her privacy and quiet as the doctor attempted to help her recover. Looking up, Rosita took a deep breath and began to walk towards the window but a tall figure stepped out of nowhere to block her path.  
‘I’m sorry there ma’am, but you cannot proceed,’ wearing his white coat, Henry stood with his hands on his hips in a questioning manner. ‘How did you get past the guard?’  
‘There wasn’t one,’ Rosita told him.  
Rolling his eyes, Henry went to the door and looked out to see for himself, ‘Jesus, do I have to do everything around here?’ despite his anger his voice remained hushed so he did not disturb the other patients. ‘Please miss, I need you to leave.’ Holding the door open he gestured for her to go outside.  
Rosita looked back at the far window, ‘I really need to see her.’  
‘Only the warden is allowed to see her at the moment, her orders I’m afraid.’ He looked at her sad eyes and it pained him to say the words. ‘But I can fill you in a bit if you like?’ Rosita brightened slightly as she looked into his kind eyes. Looking back one more time she nodded and walked out of the door. Waiting for him in the corridor, she heard him close the door. ‘Are you a friend of Miss Redding?’  
‘No… I mean… yes… a good friend.’ She turned back to face him. ‘She, Lloyd, Dufresne, me and now Dolls are kinda a group now.’ She smiled sadly. ‘One of the best… or we were…’ tears began to stream down her face again.  
‘You were good friends of Steph Lloyd’s were you not?’ Henry asked gently. To this Rosita nodded. ‘Then can I ask the meaning of your visit?’  
She could hear the concern in his voice as her eyes fixed on his neatly clipped moustache, ‘not to hurt her Doc,’ she replied.  
‘Then what?’ He went on. ‘I mean, you can understand my suspicion? Although it was very much an accident, Miss Redding’s actions did lead to the death of a very good friend of yours.’  
‘I can…’ she sighed sadly and leaned back against the wall behind her. Her appetite had been not much better than Nicole’s over the last week or so.  
‘You alright?’ Henry stepped forward concerned placing his hands on her arms to help steady her. Rosita brought her hand to her head as the dizziness took hold. All she felt were strong arms wrap around her weak body and march her supported back into the infirmary. The next thing she knew, she was in his office sitting in the chair opposite his desk. ‘Here… have this…’ he offered her a sweet and some water. Although she did not want it, she took it. ‘And this…’ he offered her some chocolate before busying himself with his stethoscope. She gasped as the cold instrument touched her chest then her back as he lifted up her shirt careful to keep her dignity. As she chewed on the chocolate, she became very aware of his breathing, the touch of his fingers and the dexterity of how he went about his work.  
‘Sorry,’ she whispered suddenly very embarrassed.  
He appeared again before her. She gazed into his deep, caring eyes, ‘for what?’ he asked wrapping up the stethoscope and placing it back on his desk. ‘You’re massively under nourished and dehydrated… I’m sorry, I don’t believe you told me your name?’  
‘Heywood, Rosita Heywood,’ she answered popping the last piece of chocolate in her mouth.  
‘I know grief is a horrible time Miss Heywood, I myself have been through it recently, but you must take care of yourself,’ he leaned back against his desk just a few metres away from where Rosita sat.  
‘What happened?’  
With a sad smile, he folded his arms, almost defensively. ‘My mother,’ he replied. ‘Stroke, poor woman. Nothing any doctor could do. About three months ago.’  
‘I’m sorry,’ Rosita said as she looked up at his melancholy face. He gazed back down and for a moment, their eyes met in a lingering understanding of the pain the other was feeling,  
He smiled again to show that he appreciated her words, ‘no need ma’am, she lived a good life… loved my father and me. Now she waits for him in heaven.’ He looked up at the ceiling before returning his eyes to meet Rosita’s. There was something so alluring about the dark haired woman that sat before him. He hoped it wasn’t her vulnerability but her ability to still care and ask about another whilst dealing with her own heart ache. ‘Like your friend does for you.’  
‘I’m not sure I believe in that…’  
‘Well, know that I believe it… ‘ he leaned back against the desk placing his hands on it either side of his legs. ‘I believe that, no matter what you do in this life, you are given a second chance in God’s kingdom… and that’s where she’ll be.’  
In her chest, her heart began to pound as she listened to his extraordinary words, ‘you really believe that?’  
His bushy moustache curled as he smiled once again, fixing his eyes of the beautiful woman in front of him. His chest was pounding also. ‘With all my heart.’  
The remaining water in the cup flew into the air as Rosita launched herself out of the chair and into Henry’s arms. Pressing her body against his, she brought their lips together in a hungry kiss, full of both passion and empathy on both sides. Despite being a little shocked, Henry soon relaxed into the embrace, wrapping his strong arms around her frail body. Heat soon flowed into the kiss as Rosita cupped his face indulging her tongue in his. Soon their breathing became heavy and wanting as hands began to explore and grasp at their clothes. Very quickly it was not enough.  
Reaching up, Rosita’s hands found his doctor’s coat and pulled it off his body. Underneath she found a pressed white shirt and blue tie. With slightly trembling hands she clawed at the knot to loosen it so she could release him from it. They broke the kiss so they could simultaneously undo the buttons of each other’s shirts. Henry knew that he was risking everything he had worked for in this one moment. If caught, he would lose his job and license, but Rosita’s kisses were so fervent and delicious that he couldn’t stop himself. He had already gone too and he had to have her. As their shirts fell to the floor, hands explore newly exposed skin. Henry’s toned chest was now bare, whilst he soaked in her elegant figure, hidden only by the prescribed white tank top. Placing his hands on her waist, Henry spun Rosita round so that she was now against the desk and pressed her back into it as he placed eager kisses on her neck. Closing her eyes, Rosita welcomed every touch that Henry placed upon her. It hadn’t yet… but maybe, if he continued, she would start to forget.

‘Hey you,’ Waverly reached out and placed a loving hand on Nicole’s hair, brushing it away from her face.  
‘Hey,’ Nicole smiled back. ‘You came.’  
Waverly frowned, ‘why wouldn’t I?’  
Tears appeared in Nicole’s eyes, ‘because I did a really bad thing…’  
‘Oh baby no…’ Waverly continued to stroke her wife’s face adoringly as she leaned over Nicole’s hospital bed. ‘It was an accident…’  
‘I know… but I still killed her…’ Nicole croaked with the tears.  
‘Shhhhh,’ tears were now also in Waverly’s eyes as both hands cradled Nicole’s face. ‘You have to forgive yourself.’  
Nicole’s eyes lingered on Waverly’s for a moment, ‘do you?’  
Waverly was puzzled by this question, ‘of course I do… why wouldn’t I?’  
‘Because… I don’t think you love me anymore…’ Nicole explained.  
‘Oh baby no… no no no…’ she leaned down and kissed Nicole gently on the lips but let the touch loiter for a moment before straightening back up. ‘I love you so much… I never stopped. I was such an idiot…’  
Nicole reached up and held onto Waverly’s arms as the younger woman’s hands still cradled Nicole’s face, their noses only a few inches apart. ‘So you love me?’  
Waverly placed their foreheads together, ‘more than I can say…’  
‘Good… because right now I don’t believe you…’ stunned Waverly flew back from Nicole as the red head looked up her with a devastated eyes. ‘And I’m falling apart because of it…’ Her eyes widened in horror as she watched Nicole’s hand dissolve into dust before her. ‘Soon… there won’t be anything left…’  
‘Baby… baby no!’ Waverly rushed forward, wanting to grab Nicole’s hands, but soon there were none left, just piles of dust. ‘You can’t leave me… I love you.., so much… please… don’t leave…’  
Soon there were no arms, no legs, no torso, just a face suspended, resting on the pillow, slowly disappearing. ‘I need to believe…’ Nicole whispered. ‘You have to make me believe…’  
With the last few words, Nicole was gone. All that was left was dust being blown away by a breeze. Stepping back from the bed, Waverly felt there was only one thing left to do. She crumbled to her knees and screamed her wife’s name so loud it hurt her throat.

In her cell, almost as if her own scream had been an alarm, Waverly sat bolt up in her bed gasping her air, ‘fuck me… I am getting into that damn infirmary, even if it’s the last thing I do.’

 


	14. Chapter 14

Hands on hips, Henry stared down at Nicole completely stumped. Nothing had changed. It had been nearly two weeks and her eyes were still fixed on the same spot on the ceiling above her. It was as if she were a mannequin. Her weight was falling away fast, her face gaunt and pale. Although Henry had managed to force feed her on numerous occasions, it seemed as though none of the nutrients being sent to try and preserve her life were taking hold.   
‘What do I do?’ He asked her shaking his head. ‘How can I help you?’ He went round to the side of her bed and placed a gentle hand on her head. ‘How can I get you out of that mind of yours?’ With his thumb, he stroked her forehead lightly, as if trying to quieten the thoughts churning in her head. ‘Rosita doesn’t blame you… if I could, I would bring her in here to tell you herself… but I can’t.’ He sighed as he thought of Rosita. ‘I’m already in big trouble there Redding…’ he shook himself realising that he was confessing to something that could ruin his career. ‘… what a mess eh?’ He looked down her bed at the slimming figure almost disappearing in front of him. ‘Well… when you’re ready… I’ll be right here… here to help. You just let me know.’   
With one finger, he tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and studied her vacant, sad face again for any sign of any response but the expression staring back at him was the same as it had been for the last thirteen days. He didn’t see the women of the prison was inmates. To him they were no different to any other woman in any other hospital. He wasn’t going to let Nicole slip away, he had made that promise to himself every time he stood at the side of her bed.

‘You did fucking what?’ Dolls gasped her eyes widening,  
Biting her finger, Rosita looked almost proud, ‘fucked the doc… yup…’  
Dolls couldn’t help but laugh, ‘well he is pretty hot…’ they took a seat in the canteen, careful to be far away from anyone else and prying ears. ‘… except that moustache… couldn’t kiss a man what that moustache… who does he think he is anyway Doc Holliday?’ Rosita giggled as she picked at her food. Dolls noticed this instantly. ‘You know that’s the first time I’ve seen you smile in two weeks.’  
Rosita avoided eye contact coyly, ‘well… he makes me feel… something…’  
‘I bet he makes you feel a lot of things…’ Dolls chuckled.  
‘He really cares you know,’ Rosita went on. ‘He’s not some big shot doctor who came here for a challenge… he actually cares about us, this job… he’s doing everything he can for Red.’  
‘Does he think he can save her?’  
Rosita’s expression saddened, ‘he doesn’t know… he’s never seen a case like this.’  
‘Shit, that’s not good…’ she dropped her fork onto her plate. ‘Poor Waverly.’  
‘She’s not even allowed to see her,’ Rosita said with anger in her voice. ‘Because no one knows they’re married, she’s got no legal access.’  
‘And no one can know,’ Dolls reminded her firmly.  
‘I know,’ Rosita assured her. ‘I just think it’s fucked up is all.’  
‘So fucked up…’ suddenly her eyes brightened strangely. Rosita frowned as a smile crossed Dolls’ face. ‘However… something is in motion my friend…’  
The frown on Rosita’s face deepened, ‘what?’  
‘To get Dufresne into see Red… and thanks to yours truly… the next stage should be happening… right about now…’

Standing outside the room, a large wooden door barring her way, Waverly took the biggest breath she had ever taken in her whole life. Slowly, she brought her hand up to knock, but as soon as her knuckles brushed the wood, she turned away terrified. A little way down the corridor, she desperately attempted to collect herself. Leaning against the wall, she placed her forehead against the cool cement and tried to collect herself as her breathing quickened.  
‘Come on Dufresne,’ she whispered to herself. ‘This is for Nicole.’ As the radiant smile she used to adore so much flashed through her minds she used her hands to push herself away from the wall. Keeping that smile in the forefront of her mind, she found a new wave of strength to return to the door. This time, when her hand found the door, she knocked.  
‘Come in!’ came a calm but strong voice. Taking another deep breath, Waverly opened the door and walked in to find Eliza Mert at her desk filing paperwork. That same desk that Nicole had taken Waverly for the first time, the memory only spurred Waverly on. ‘Ah Dufresne…’ she closed the file she was working on. ‘This is a bit of a surprise…’  
‘I know…’ her chest was beginning to pound with her heartbeat again. Awkwardly, she fumbled with the door to close it, then approached Mert at her desk.  
‘What can I do for you?’  
‘I need to tell you something…’ With a furrowed brow, Mert gestured to the chair opposite her desk. Waverly took it and knew there was no going back now. She inhaled deeply and looked Mert in the eye. ‘I need to see Nicole… Red… Nicole Redding.’  
Met almost laughed, ‘oh really… and why’s that?’ She said. ‘No one is allowed to see her except the Doc, Lucado and Hadley… what makes you so special?’  
This was the moment Waverly had been dreading. This is where it could all fall apart and she could be separated from Nicole for forever. Something she knew she could not bear. She looked down at her trembling hands to gather her thoughts for moment, before looking up to meet Mert’s gaze. ‘We… we’re married.’  
She studied Eliza Mert’s face carefully. At first there was no reaction until a look of complete shock and confusion appeared slowly. ‘Married?’ She slumped back in her chair. ‘Are you having me on?’  
‘Nope,’ Waverly stayed strong. ‘Dolls married us… not legally, but in every way, she means the world to me and I am completely and utterly in love with her.’  
‘But she’s a woman… and you’re…?’  
‘A woman,’ Waverly nodded. ‘Trust me, it was as much of a shock to me as it is to you now that I’m not only in love with a woman but also now married to one… and all in prison.’ She stopped for a moment and almost laughed herself. ‘Actually it sounds pretty insane.’ She took a moment before looking at Mert again. ‘But I do… I love her so much and to know that she’s in that amount of pain and I can’t help her is absolutely killing me. So I was hoping you can help?’  
Mert sat for a moment just staring at Waverly as if it was all a joke, ‘you married a woman… do you have any idea how wrong that is?’ Waverly’s heart sank. This is exactly what she hoped wouldn’t happen.  
‘How is love wrong?’ She asked sadly. ‘Does it matter who it is or who you are?’  
‘Yes it fucking does Dufresne,’ Mert spat sitting up straight again. ‘The bible teaches that homosexuality is wrong… that word is gospel around here… women do not just go around fucking other women… it’s not right!’  
‘So I guess you’re not going to help me then?’ Waverly said, but the fact she was not upset about it instantly bewildered Mert.  
‘No I am not… I don’t care if she’s your illegal and depraved wife… it’s not recognised here and it never will be. I should march you over to Lucado right now…’ she began to get up out of her seat.  
‘Oh I wouldn’t do that…’ Waverly was strangely calm as she sat still in the chair with her hands in her lap that were no longer trembling.  
Mert blinked perplexed and sat back down, ‘and why’s that Dufresne?’  
‘Because… if you tell Lucado about Nicole and me… you’d have to tell her about you too.’  
Stunned, Mert scoffed awkwardly, ‘about me?’  
‘Oh, I think you know…’ Waverly’s tone was almost nasty. Nasty but necessary. Eliza didn’t answer. She was desperately trying to read Waverly’s face then suddenly, like a ton of bricks, it hit her.

Two days ago

From her usual spot in the canteen, Dolls watched her. She loved how the guard held her hands on the prison belt. It gave the guard a sense of power and purpose. Dolls like that. She didn’t make it a secret when she was eying a woman up. Just as she didn’t make it a secret who she was. As the guard came closer, Dolls glanced around then with her elbow knocked her spoon onto the floor at the guard’s feet.  
‘Oh shit,’ she exclaimed as genuinely as possible. She waited until the guard had turned and begun to bend, then she herself mirrored the other woman’s actions so their hands connected on the metal object. ‘Sorry…’ Dolls said the word but meant none of it as she looked up into Eliza Mert’s face.  
Mert met them for a moment, then cleared her throat and took the spoon out of Dolls’ grip, ‘your spoon inmate.’  
Amused, Dolls took it, ‘you know, I do like it when a girl offers me a spoon… I’m always the big one… how about you?’  
Dumbfounded, Mert just stared up into Dolls’ deep brown eyes. She cleared her throat with difficulty, ‘I think that’s highly inappropriate inmate,’ she stammered.  
‘But… not… a complete shot in the dark eh?’ Dolls smiled ensuring to keep a safe distance between them, aware that they were in the canteen.  
‘I’m not sure what you mean, but I think that you should retake your place and finish your food,’ Mert said backing away returning her hands to her belt to retain a professional stance.   
‘Oh I think you know exactly what I mean…’ Dolls shot her one devilishly cheeky smile before smoothly sitting back down. Mert clearly didn’t know where to look as she clumsily turned around and walked quickly down the aisle between the benches and out of the room. Dolls waited a few moments before she swept up her tray, returned it to its correct place then trod Mert’s path out of the canteen. Walking the corridors, Dolls knew that Mert’s office was not far from here and guessed it would be where she would retreat to. When she reached the location, looking through the window in the door she saw she was indeed right as she looked in on Mert at her desk with her hand on her forehead. This posture of distress told Dolls that she had had the desired effect.   
She didn’t wait to knock, instead she just entered. Much to Mert’s displeasure. ‘What the fuck are you doing in here?’  
Dolls put her hands up, ‘I just wanted to say I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to alarm you.’  
‘And what about that behaviour in the canteen… that’s not on inmate.’ She stood up from her chair to feel in a more powerful position.   
‘Again I’m sorry…’ Dolls kept her hands raised. ‘I just can’t help it when I see something I like…’  
‘There you go…’ Mert cried. ‘Do you have any idea how inappropriate this is…’  
Dolls grinned and lowered her hands, ‘completely…’ she moved closer to the desk. ‘… but what I want to know is… why does it upset you so much?’  
‘It doesn’t…’  
‘Oh really?’ Dolls chuckled. She began to make her way around the desk. Rooted to the spot, Mert couldn’t make her legs move away. ‘Any other guard would have had me in solitary by now… but something tells me you don’t want to do that…’ she was now standing only a meter in front of Mert behind the desk.  
‘This is…’  
‘I think you’re intrigued…’ Dolls went on inching closer. ‘I think a little of you sees a little something in me that is a little bit familiar…’ Mert dropped her head. ‘… a dangerous want… a forbidden desire… the touch of someone that should be completely out of the question…’ Cautiously, Dolls brought her hand to Mert’s chin and lifted it. ‘People have always told me I can see it in others… I think I’m right…’ their eyes met. ‘Just tell me if I’m wrong…’  
She got the answer instantly as Mert practically jumped into Dolls’ arms bringing their lips crashing together. A little surprised, Dolls fell back against the back wall of the office as Mert gripped her face as the two indulged in passionate kisses. Dolls brought two strong arms up to Mert’s back to increase the passion, before she did pick Mert up and lay her down on the desk. She leaned over the guard for a moment. This was only supposed to be for Waverly, but ‘since she was here, she may as well enjoy it. She giggled as Mert fumbled with the buttons of her shirt, before removing it herself and beginning to do the same to Mert. With shirts removed the two melted together for more passionate kisses, forgetting the world around them.

Present day

‘How the fuck do you know about…?’ Mert blurted out.  
‘Does it matter?’ Waverly replied calmly. ‘The fact is you fucked an inmate.. a FEMALE inmate. Surely that’s just as disgusting as me being married to one?’  
Another ton of bricks hit her as more realisation sunk in, ‘she did it for you… this was a set up…’  
‘Yes… but she told me she thoroughly enjoyed fucking you… on this desk…’ she put her hand on it and remembered the adventures she and Nicole had enjoyed on it also.   
Eliza was trapped and she knew it, ‘what do you want Dufresne?’  
‘To see my wife…’ Waverly said with all sincerity. Her face softened. ‘I did not want to blackmail you… I hoped you would be more understanding but clearly you have so much homophobia in you, you can’t even accept yourself.’   
‘It’s wrong Dufresne…’ Mert looked almost heartbroken.  
‘With so much hate in this world… does it matter who loves who in this world and who you both are when you’re in love?’ Waverly went on. ‘There’s more damage in hating yourself and who you are, than accepting something good…’ she suddenly felt sorry for Mert as she sat there slumped and despondent. ‘… and she actually likes you y’know… Dolls… she really does.’  
Eliza brightened a little, ‘she does?’  
‘Yeah…’ Waverly nodded. ‘When I asked her to do this for me… she wasn’t exactly appalled.’ The hint of a smile appeared on Eliza’s face. ‘All I want is to see the woman I love and I just want you to help me.’  
From her chair, Eliza examined Waverly’s face. She could see that Waverly was not a manipulative person who had come in here with bad intentions. Prison was a harsh place and to survive, the women would have to get creative to get what they wanted. The situation had driven Waverly to these actions and for one person to be able to see the person they loved, was not an unreasonable request. It was only made unreasonable due to where they were.  
Eliza drew in a long sigh and leaned forwards so her arms could rest on the desk, ‘I will see what I can do… I can’t make any promises… but you have to promise me…’  
‘If I get to see Nicole…’ Waverly interrupted. ‘I won’t say a word.’

‘So?’ Dolls asked as Waverly approached in the yard. When she reached her friend, Waverly simply threw herself into strong comforting arms, burying her face into Dolls’ shoulder. ‘I take it she said yes then.’  
‘I had to use the back up though,’ Waverly replied.  
Dolls sighed into their embrace, ‘that’s disappointing… but I’m glad it worked.’  
‘Well… we shall see…’

As Henry led her into the room, Eliza’s heart sank when her eyes fell upon Nicole. It almost only a shell of a person, scrawny and white. She approached Nicole’s bedside whilst Henry closed the door behind them.  
‘Shit…’   
‘I know…’ Henry joined her by the bed. ‘I’m running out of ideas…’  
Eliza paused for a moment and thought of a desperation in Waverly’s face when she sat in the chair in her office. She turned to look at the doctor. ‘I have one.’  
Henry frowned, ‘please elaborate because I am open to all suggestions.’  
‘Waverly Dufresne…’  
Eliza had barely spoken the words when both she and Henry noticed that Nicole’s eyes flickered. It was only a moment, but it was enough to cause Henry to whip out his pen torch. ‘Say that again…’ he ordered Eliza.  
‘Waverly Dufresne,’ Eliza related just as shocked. She watched as Henry shone the torch in both eyes looking almost elated.  
‘It’s not much, but there was a little reaction… Nicole… Nicole Redding… can you hear me?’ He continued to switch the torch from one eye to the other but Nicole gave them nothing more. Henry looked up at Eliza. ‘Why Waverly Dufresne?’  
Eliza looked back through the window in the door then back at Henry, ‘you mustn’t say anything…’ she stated firmly. ‘Because it’ll ruin a lot of lives, including mine if you do…’  
‘I’ll imagine you’re my patient and a doctor is as good as his vow of confidentiality,’ he said.  
Eliza looked back at the sad sight of the red head in the bed, ‘they’re in love,’ she told him. Henry’s eyes widened, but he didn’t seem alarmed. ‘Married even… according to Dufresne.’  
‘Married… they can’t…’  
‘I know… but this could be the only thing that helps… no matter how… strange it may seem,’ she pointed to Nicole’s almost lifeless body. ‘We have to try…’  
‘What about the warden?’   
Eliza stared at Nicole, unmoving, unresponsive, looking so unwell and far from the world. This wasn’t just about the secret Eliza was so desperate to keep, it was about saving a person’s life. ‘You leave that to me.’

Her heart had never pounded so hard as Eliza opened the infirmary door in front of her. At first she had been relieved when Eliza had approached her in the yard and told that she could see Nicole, but now as she drew close she recalled all the things she had heard about Nicole’s condition. She tried to remember the beautiful face she had fallen so in love with, the radiant smile, adoring eyes and gorgeous red hair that fell about her delicate complexion. She told herself that this was not what she was going to see and she had to prepare for it. She also remembered the last words she had said to her wife and they stabbed her deep in the stomach. She was almost disgusted with herself that she had ever said them at all and that it had taken these two weeks without seeing Nicole to make her realise just how much she meant. The fear and concern was obvious on Waverly’s face as she looked up to greet the doctor waiting for them.  
‘This way miss,’ he said gesturing to the door. As Waverly followed him down, she glanced to the side at the very bed she had spent so much time in, especially after the last attack. She recalled how Nicole had stayed by her side and how Nicole and pulled her out of one of the darkest places she had ever been. When she had been so close to death, Nicole had been there for her and now she hoped she could do the same. Henry paused at the door and looked down at Waverly, ‘prepare yourself,’ he said gently. ‘She’s not the woman you knew…’ Unable to process this information, Waverly gazed into his eyes for a moment before nodding. She put her hands on her stomach as it churned. ‘You okay?’ She could not find the words due her anxiousness so simply nodded again. ‘Okay.’  
Turning the door handle slowly, Henry opened the door to show Waverly inside. She closed her eyes for a moment to gather herself before stepping inside. As soon as she did, her hands flew up to cover her mouth as her eyes fell on the sight before her. Seeing Waverly’s hands tremble so violently, Henry rushed to her side to support her, fearing that Waverly might collapse. However, after a few moments Waverly steadied herself and put a hand up to his chest to assure him she was alright. She had to be for Nicole. After a few more deep breaths, and wipes of her cheeks to clear the tears she walked to Nicole’s bedside. As she did so, Eliza gestured for Henry to leave the room. With a little trepidation he did so, leaving the couple alone.  
As Waverly came to Nicole’s bedside, she looked down at the shadow of the woman she loved and took in her weak frame. With her hands still trembling slightly, she brought them up to Nicole’s cheeks to cup her face gently, ‘Nicole? Baby?’ she whispered holding her face close to her wife’s. She stared deeply into Nicole’s vacant eyes hoping for some reaction. ‘Baby it’s me, Waverly.’ She kept one hand on Nicole’s cheek whilst the other began to stroke Nicole’s hair. ‘I’m so sorry…’ she was unable to stop the tears now. ‘I am so sorry… I love you so much and you have no idea how much I’ve missed you. These last two weeks… all I’ve done is try to get to you… I promise…’ she continued to study the brown eyes that seemed to still just stare past her, fixed as they had been for fourteen days. ‘Baby? You in there?’   
Outside, Henry and Eliza watched through the window, desperate to see a reaction as much as Waverly. As they looked in on the tenderness and love that Waverly was showing the woman lying in the hospital they came to the same conclusion that there was nothing wrong with love between two women, especially one that meant as much as this.   
‘Come on baby… come back to me… please…’ Waverly’s voice became more strained as she felt more desperate. ‘I can’t do this without you… I cannot be here without you…’ she brought her face closer to Nicole’s. ‘It shouldn’t have taken this for me to realise… but I know now… you are the only thing I love for now… in here or out there… you are my life now…’ she placed her forehead against Nicole’s but kept her eyes open to study her still motionless wife. ‘Please… otherwise I may as well die too…’ she sniffed back tears before placing a tender kiss on Nicole’s lips. At first there was nothing and Waverly went to pull away but then, only just, Waverly felt Nicole press back. A little startled, Waverly pulled away and saw that the two puffy red eyes had left their fixed spot and were now looking at her. ‘Baby?’ Waverly didn’t know whether to smile or cry. ‘Oh my god… baby?’ Nicole could not speak, but her eyes fluttered over Waverly’s face as she too began to cry. The first time since Steph’s death. Outside, Henry and Eliza watched on stunned. ‘Are you my Nicole? Give me some sign… please.’   
Still voiceless, Nicole looked down at her bound hands. Waverly understood immediately and fumbled with one of the bindings careful not to undo the bandages around Nicole’s wrists from her struggles to avoid food. As soon as her right wrist was free, slowly, Nicole reached up to stroke Waverly’s cheek as a frail smile tinged her lips. Relief washing over her, Waverly almost laughed through tears as she brought a hand up to cover Nicole’s. After letting the moment linger, whilst they gazed into each other’s eyes, Waverly leaned down again to kiss Nicole fully and lovingly. This time, she felt Nicole respond immediately.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I made a slight error and uploaded chapter 15 as 14, so if you got in quick the story might not have made sense and you got a bit of a preview.  
> This has now been corrected and both chapters 14 and 15 are up.

_She was as beautiful as I remembered in my dreams. I wish I could explain where I went after that awful day in the factory but to be quite honest, I was so lost that I can’t remember at all. From the fragments I have, I can only recall Waverly, blood, the weight of Steph’s body and more Waverly. Also so much darkness, engulfing me constantly. Darkness clawing at my body, my mind, my thoughts, even my memories. But, most of the time, there was nothing. It’s was the most prominent memory, the nothing. Now, as much as I was elated to see my beautiful wife again, I was not ready for the thoughts and reality I had to face either._

Anyone in her way went flying as Dolls flew down the corridor. She had to use every door frame to help her move between rooms and keep from falling over. Once she reached the library, she spotted Rosita in her favourite place, in the corner by the science section. Admirably, Rosita had tried to focus her mind on her studies. She saw it as a way to honour Steph, since Steph’s last words had been how much she believed in her.  
‘Rosita!’ The cry disturbed every other person in the room but Dolls ultimately did not care. ‘Oh my god girl…!’ With a start, Rosita looked up from her books. ‘She’s awake!’ Rosita simply blinked in shock. Dolls lowered her voice so the next part would only be heard by them. ‘Waverly got in and she responded.’ Rosita dropped her pen and lowered her hands to the table as tears of relief began to form. ‘I know,’ Dolls agreed sitting down beside her. ‘The plan worked, we got Waverly in through Mert and Nicole came out of her psychosis…’ she took Rosita’s shaking hand. ‘We can start to rebuild now… start to heal…’ Nodding, Rosita simply fell forward into Dolls’ arms. Now all the pain could really begin to flow. She had been unable to properly grieve her best friend as she had been so distracted by Nicole’s condition. Now, it really and truly began to sink in.

With Eliza guarding the door once again, Henry showed her in. This time, Nicole’s eyes were now fixed on Waverly instead of the blank space on the wall. Her hands were unbound and she was sitting up. In her hands, Waverly carefully carried a steaming bowl of soup. She used the plate to support it as she approached Nicole’s bedside.  
‘Hey you,’ she smiled. Respectfully, Henry did not watch the couple. Instead, he busied himself, checking Nicole’s drip which she had now allowed him to attach and her vitals. ‘The doc says you have to eat something… so will you for me?’ She filled the spoon halfway and brought it up to Nicole’s mouth. A little reluctantly, Nicole opened her mouth allowing Waverly to slip it inside. As soon as she Nicole tried to swallow, the heat hit her mouth like fire and she had no choice but to spit it back out again. Henry immediately rushed forward and helped Nicole sit forward and cough. ‘Shit… I’m so sorry…’ she placed the bowl to one side and helped to clean Nicole up as Henry lay her back down.  
‘Not your fault Dufresne… you did nothing wrong…’ he assured her. ‘She hadn’t eaten anything naturally for nearly two weeks… just a little at a time…’ Waverly nodded but still looked flustered as she gently patted Nicole’s mouth and chin dry. As her eyes found Nicole’s, she saw only a loving expression gazing back. ‘Try again.’  
Nodding, Waverly picked up the bowl again, but this time filled the spoon only a little and blew on it to cool the liquid down, ‘try again okay?’ Nicole managed a nod before closing her mouth around the spoon. The swallow was awkward, but successful. Buoyed by this, Waverly filled the spoon a little and blew on it again allowing Nicole to take on more much needed nutrients. Waverly was able to repeat this a few more times before Nicole shook her head, unable to take anymore.  
Concerned, Waverly looked at Henry, but he was smiling, ‘you did really well… that will really help.’ He touched her arm gently before taking the bowl and heading to the door. ‘I’ll give you two some time.’  
Waverly watched him go before returning her eyes to Nicole whose were looking back, ‘I like him,’ Waverly smiled holding Nicole’s left hand in her own and bringing the other to stroke Nicole’s face and head lovingly. ‘You’re looking better… although, you’ll always be beautiful to me…’ she traced her fingers over Nicole’s forehead, first in lines, then in waves to soothe her. ‘I wish I knew what was going on in there…’ Nicole’s faced creased showing obvious pain. ‘No no no… I don’t mean…’ she kissed Nicole’s hand to comfort her. ‘I just wish I could help… I hate seeing you like this…’ her face saddened. ‘But I know I’m to blame… so… I’m going to make it right… I’m going to be here, everyday, right here… to help you through this… no matter how long it takes.’ She leaned down and kissed Nicole, overjoyed to feel Nicole kiss her back. ‘In sickness and in health remember.’ They both smiled as they gazed at each other.

_I loved her hands. More than I had ever before, as they stroked me, caressed me, loved me. I thought all that was gone. I thought she’d already all but left me but there she was. I was too weak to speak but if I had been able to I would have reminded her how amazing I thought she was. Instead, I took in every touch, every kiss she offered me. When she left, the night were unbearable. Knowing she still loved me was more medicine that Henry could ever have given me, but now I was able to remember. Remember what I did and it was only Waverly that was keeping me going. Some of the days, they were only able to sneak her in for a few minutes and when they had to pull her away, I felt like I could retreat into my head all over again._

Waverly placed the mostly empty bowl of soup on the table next to Nicole’s bed. ‘So proud of you,’ she smiled. After a quick glance to the door where Eliza and Henry stood in conversation, Waverly carefully clambered onto Nicole’s bed. A little awkwardly, Nicole shuffled over to make room so that Waverly could lay on her side next to her wife. Their heads laying on the same pillow they stared into each other’s eyes as Waverly used her index finger to trace the features of Nicole’s face as she loved to do. As Nicole continued to gaze at the brunette opposite her, it was evident in her face that she was improving, even in just a few days. Her eyes were still sunken and tired but there was more colour in her cheeks. She was now able to take on more food and had eaten soup not only from Waverly’s hand but also Henry’s. Due to his involvement in and continued secrecy of Waverly’s visits, she trusted him implicitly.  
‘I dreamt about you so many times,’ Waverly told her. ‘Once we were in a cornfield… other times we were in Paris… never been, but my mind made up what I thought it would be like,’ she enjoyed the hint of a laugh from Nicole’s lips. ‘I dreamt we made love under the Eiffel Tower… with no one else around of course. Then we were in my home… no Champ of course, just you, me and an ordinary life…’ she shuffled closer to Nicole so that they could feel each other’s breath. ‘No bars, no walls, no guards… just you and me. Just as I wish it to be. I don’t care what anyone else says. I love you… and that’s all I want, just you…’ Carefully, she buried her head into Nicole’s shoulder loving the feel of the warmth from her skin. After a few moments, she suddenly felt Nicole turn so that she too was laying on her side. Lying face to face, Waverly kept her eyes closed as Nicole touched the small of Waverly’s back and ran her fingers up Waverly’s spine to her shoulders and up to her neck. It was the most affection she had been able to give in the few days that had passed. Waverly could hardly believe it was happening. Eyes still shut, she sighed into every touch. Soon, Nicole’s fingers were stroking Waverly’s face and cupping her cheek and chin. A soft finger traced Waverly’s lips before Waverly felt Nicole’s on them. It was the strongest kiss she had felt yet. She returned it, relishing the feel of Nicole’s mouth over hers. The kisses remained delicate, not lustful, just perfect.  
However, Waverly couldn’t help but feel her love for Nicole take over. Wanting a little more, she pressed her tongue against Nicole’s lips and leant over to wrap her arm around Nicole’s body to bring them closer together. As soon as she did so, Nicole pulled away shaking her head. Bewildered, Waverly watched as Nicole brought her hands up to her face starting to cry.  
‘Baby?’ Waverly tried to take hold of Nicole’s arms as she rocked on the bed. ‘Baby what is it?’ She was terrified she was losing Nicole again as Nicole seemed unresponsive, just as she had been for two weeks. ‘No… please don’t do this… I’m sorry, that was too much… I should be going at your pace… I just…’  
‘I don’t…. I don’t… deserve to… be… happy…’ the words were croaky and barely audible, but they were there. Waverly was frozen for a moment as Nicole rolled away from her to return to lying on her back.  
‘What? What do you mean?’ Nicole was now staring at the ceiling again, her fixed expression back. Waverly could feel the panic rising inside her. ‘No… baby… you are not doing this…’ she propped herself up so she was leaning over Nicole so that the red head could not see the spot she had fixed on. Waverly wanted to be the only thing she was fixed on. However, it was as if Nicole was staring right through her. ‘You listen to me, you unselfish, amazing, beautiful woman…’ she gripped Nicole’s face with both hands. ‘You deserve everything… because what happened was an accident… do you understand me?’ Nicole didn’t respond. ‘Do you understand? You are not doing this!’ She shook Nicole gently and made sure Nicole was staring up at her. ‘I love you… I wouldn’t love you if I thought you weren’t a good person,’ the tears fell on Nicole’s face as she began to cry. ‘I love you, because you saved my life… because you made it worth living… even in this shitty place and I was the moron for every doubting that…. If anything, baby, this is my fault… I pushed you away… I should be the one lying in this hospital bed.’  
At these words, Nicole eyes fixed on Waverly once again, ‘I stabbed her…’ she whispered.  
Waverly couldn’t help but break into a relieved smile, ‘… it was an accident… you have to remember that…’  
‘But… Rosita?’ Nicole whimpered almost inaudibly.  
‘Doesn’t blame you at all…’ she stroked Nicole’s face and hair once again. ‘She came in to tell you that the other day, but wasn’t allowed into your room. She’s forgiven you Nicole… and no one else in this prison holds you responsible… so please, you have to forgive yourself…’  
Nicole’s expression showed so many levels of anguish, ‘I don’t think I can…’  
‘Yes you can… and I’ll be here, every step of the way,’ Waverly placed their heads together again. ‘I will never ever leave or even think about leaving your side every again.’

_My heart believed her, but my mind did not. It was a tangled mess of the events that had preceded that awful incident. All I could remember was how muddled Waverly was and how she felt about us before I got on that bus. I could still feel the ache in my chest and sickness in my stomach and how that had boiled over into such hatred for a man that I would have normal dismissed as an arsehole and not given him a second thought. Instead, I had snapped and one of my best friend’s was dead. Everyone told me it wasn’t my fault, but the scissors weren’t in anyone else’s hands but mine. I felt like I needed someone to be angry, someone to hate me, someone to scream at me and tell me that I didn’t deserve to be alive, didn’t deserve to have so many people willing to help me… someone who didn’t deserve a wife like Waverly._

Exhausted, Waverly slumped down at her desk. The library was a complete mess: returned books piled up, untidy shelves and games not correctly out back in their place in their corner. She ran her hands over her face as she tried to un-see it all. For the first time in five days she had not been allowed to see Nicole as the warden was spending time with her to get the story straight ready for Gardener’s trial. Eliza didn’t want to risk it that day and after everything she had done already, despite having no choice, Waverly agreed with her choice of caution. If they were discovered, it would all be over. Now she had to avoid suspicion by continuing her routine, which meant getting the library back into order. A task which seemed so completely overwhelming that she didn’t know where to start. Then, as if they sensed her fatigue, three figures appeared through the door, each wearing comforting smiles.  
‘Dear me Dufresne,’ Dolls quipped as she marched over. ‘Look at the state of this place.’  
‘Yeah… I mean… how the hell am I supposed to learn anything in this?’ Rosita added.  
‘She’s right you know and she needs all the help she can get,’ Jeremy continued as they all gathered in front of the stunned brunette who just stared at them all. Since Steph’s death, Jeremy had taken it upon herself to keep an eye out for the splintered group as they reeled from the events nearly three weeks ago. Also being relatively new to the prison, she hoped it could be a way for her to form some bonds and find a sense of familiarity. ‘What can we do?’  
‘Guys… shouldn’t you be at your jobs?’ Waverly asked.  
Dolls suddenly looked a little mischievous, ‘there’s so many perks to banging a guard,’ she giggled.  
Waverly’s eyes widened, ‘still?’ Then she remembered the presence of Rosita and Jeremy. ‘And they know’  
‘Oh yes… to both,’ Dolls grinned. ‘I don’t know what you said to her, but Eliza cannot keep her hands off me.’  
‘Seriously, we’ve barely seen Dolls over the past couple of days,’ Rosita laughed. She allowed her smile to linger before turning her face serious as she looked down at her tired friend. ‘We mean it Dufresne, how can we help?’ Waverly looked behind her at the piles of books that needed to be shelved. ‘These huh?’ Rosita walked round to the piles and checked their spines. ‘I know where these go…’  
‘Sounds about right… become a right little book worm ain’t yah,’ Dolls chuckled as Rosita set to work.  
‘Steph would be proud,’ Waverly smiled gently. Rosita met her eyes for a moment to show that she appreciated the comment.  
‘She really would,’ Dolls agreed as she began to help Rosita shelve the books in the right places. ‘We should do something to remember her.’ The women all looked at each other in agreement. ‘Any ideas?’ They all looked thoughtful but also ultimately blank. ‘We don’t need to decide straight away… as soon as anyone thinks of anything, we can discuss it.’  
‘What can I do?’ Jeremy asked.  
Waverly looked down at the box full of returned books and at her blank clipboard. ‘Help log this lot back in?’  
‘Sure thing,’ Jeremy smiled. She took a seat near Waverly and got to work picking up each book and writing down its number, then ticking it off from the names that had borrowed them.  
Waverly watched her for a moment, then moved from her desk to sit nearer, ‘Jeremy?’  
‘Hmmm?’ She did not look up from her task as she wanted to make sure she did it properly for Waverly.  
‘You were there… weren’t you? At the factory? When it happened?’ Waverly asked cautiously. Jeremy met her eyes for a moment, then nodded. ‘Did you see what happened?’  
‘Not all of it… but, I saw… ‘ she took a deep breath knowing it was the truth Waverly needed. ‘I saw Red stab Lloyd.’  
The words stung Waverly’s chest as she heard them, ‘why did she… I mean… what was her demeanour like, when she…?’ she stopped unable to say it but Jeremy understood her meaning.  
‘Being honest… and I don’t know her well at all… it was like she was possessed. I don’t think she was really in control of her actions, like something else was driving her. I could tell there was something else behind it. She really did over react to something that could have been avoided. Something was definitely on her mind.’ She watched as Waverly’s eyes fell to the table. ‘Do you know what that could have been?’  
‘Me,’ Waverly answered simply, beginning to cry.  
‘You?’  
Waverly nodded as her tears began to hit the table lightly, ‘I told her I needed a break.’  
‘Oh,’ Jeremy’s eye brows lifted in realisation. ‘Yeah… that might have done it.’  
‘Oh my god… this is all my fault,’ Waverly buried her face in her hands as she continued to weep. ‘If I hadn’t been so fucking selfish, Nicole would never have been in that state and Loyd wouldn’t be dead.’  
‘You cannot say that,’ the sound of Rosita’s voice brought Waverly’s pained face out of her hands. ‘Dufresne, so many things lead to what happened and you were not in control of all of them.’ She leaned across the table and took Waverly’s hands. ‘Evidence one, Nicole was picked to go out on the program. Did you pick her? No. Evidence two, Lucado chose that factory because Gardener bribed her. Did you bribe him to bribe her? No. Evidence three, did you make Gardener the biggest arsehole towards women on the planet? No. Evidence four, were you the complete and utter moron that took scissors onto a floor full of convicts when you were explicitly asked not to? No. Evidence five, did you make Gardener punch Nicole, twice? No. All those things had to happen to combine with Nicole’s anger for that incident to have happened… out of about six or seven things, you caused one… that’s it.’  
‘But, I made her angry,’ Waverly croaked.  
‘Oh Waverly, if it wasn’t Red, it would have been someone else,’ Jeremy assured her. ‘That man was a prized prick and someone was going to do him in at some point. One of the saddest excuses for a human being I have ever seen.’  
‘It’s just unfortunate it was our girl,’ Dolls said with a sad smile.  
‘What’s important here, is that Red needs you to be strong and truly believe that it was not your fault because she needs to believe that it wasn’t hers either.’ Rosita went on. ‘You know how much she loves and cares for you. If she thinks you’re blaming yourself she’ll be worried and we can’t have her thinking about that, she needs to focus on herself right now, she has a lot of mending to do.’  
‘And you’re going to help her whilst we help you,’ Dolls agreed.  
Waverly gazed at them all in wonder, ‘how did I get so lucky eh?’ Their faces were filled with so much genuine love and care. She returned her focus to Rosita. ‘Steph really would be so proud of you. Like we all are.’ Carefully, Waverly rose to her feet and crossed to the other side of table so that she could embrace Rosita. As she did so, Dolls moved in so that she could wrap her large arms around the pair to hold them together. A little awkwardly Jeremy hung back but smiled as she looked on at the three finding solace in the huddle. Then, sensing her awkwardness Dolls reached over with by her shirt pulled Jeremy into the embrace so that she knew that she really was one of them.

Proudly, Waverly watched as Nicole took a bite from the piece of bread that Henry had given her with her soup. It did turn to concern for a moment as Nicole seemed to struggle to chew, but she managed to swallow and go back for another bite. Despite her gaunt and dishevelled appearance which still masked her, to Waverly, Nicole was still the most beautiful person in the world. They remained in silence, Waverly just tenderly stroking Nicole’s hair and face as she ate until Nicole signalled she’d had enough by giving the bowl and plate of bread to Waverly. Waverly placed these to one side and took the opportunity to grasp Nicole’s how empty hands.  
‘How you feeling baby?’  
Still chewing the last mouthful of bread, Nicole shrugged, ‘stronger…’ she replied after swallowing.  
‘That’s good… Henry says your vitals are good and you’re putting some weight back on… you’ve just got to keep eating okay,’ she looked down at Nicole’s wrists. With a gentle finger she traced the scratches that had been left from Nicole’s struggles against food. ‘I hate seeing you so hurt.’  
Nicole reached across with her left hand to stroke Waverly’s arm, ‘I will… I promise…’  
Waverly smiled, but it was weak, ‘I am sorry… I know I’ve said it… but I really am…’  
‘I know…’ Nicole whispered.  
‘I’m your wife… and I always will be… no matter what.’  
Smiling, Nicole gripped Waverly’s arm and pulled her closer to the bed, ‘come here… get in.’ With hesitation, Waverly took up her position on the bed next to Nicole as the red head shuffled over. As the back was tipped up to help Nicole eat, they both sat back stroking and playing with each other’s hands, watching their fingers entwine.  
Waverly stroked the place on Nicole’s left wedding finger where a ring would be, ‘I wish we had rings… I know we couldn’t in here… but outside one day… we could.’  
‘I’d like that,’ Nicole nodded as she did the same on Waverly’s finger.  
At this, Waverly shuffled closer to Nicole so that she could lay her head on Nicole’s shoulder whilst they continued to stroke each other’s arms and hands. ‘I’d like us to have a house, not a big house but comfortable y’know? In the country so we could have some privacy. We could have a cat maybe? Call her something really silly like… I don’t know…?’ She looked at Nicole for ideas.  
Nicole had one, ‘Calamity Jane?’  
Raising her eyebrow, Waverly couldn’t help but smirk, ‘Calamity Jane?’ Nicole nodded stubbornly pleased with herself for her idea. This spark of the old Nicole caused Waverly to grin and laugh, ‘okay then… a ginger cat called Calamity Jane.’ Nicole smiled pleased. ‘And if Calamity Jane would allow it, maybe a dog and some chickens… for eggs and cute chicks running around… in our big back garden, that looked out over a corn field…’  
‘You’d want all that with me?’  
Waverly looked deep into her eyes, ‘I want it all with you…’ she reached up and stroked Nicole’s cheek. ‘I don’t blame you for anything and I never will. We have to start healing baby, so we can get there… one day.’  
Nicole’s despondent, yet slightly less sunken, eyes flitted between Waverly’s until they settled on Waverly’s lips as she leaned in to bring theirs together. Waverly instantly closed hers so that she could use her senses to enjoy the feel of Nicole’s nose brush past hers as their lips met. She could feel Nicole’s warm breath on her lips as their mouths parted for a moment, only to meet again just as tenderly. Nicole’s nervous hands remained on Waverly’s arms but after their lips caressed a few more times, the brunette craved more contact. Cautiously, she moved a little closer and turned onto her side so she could press her body against Nicole’s rigid right arm. As she moved her hand from Nicole’s face to her neck and shoulder she felt Nicole grimace and pull away.  
Concerned, Waverly studied her wife’s conflicted expression, ‘you okay?’  
It took a moment, but Nicole looked back up at Waverly and nodded, ‘I’m sorry… I just… um…’  
‘Hey… it’s okay…’ Waverly shuffled back so that the weight of her body was not leaning on Nicole. ‘We’ll…’  
‘No…’ Nicole stopped her moving away any further. ‘I want to try…’ Waverly looked hesitantly at the anguished woman before her. ‘Please.’  
Hesitantly, Waverly nodded and moved closer again. This time, slower and more lightly. She kept a little distance as she placed a soft kiss on her wife’s lips. She allowed Nicole to lead, keeping her hands to Nicole’s arms, just allowing Nicole to bring their lips together and explore. The tender caresses were powerful enough in their meaning to satisfy her. But then to her surprise, Nicole leaned over to cup Waverly’s face and use this to pull Waverly closer. Despite her apprehensions, Waverly felt herself comply. Gently, she allowed her weight press against Nicole’s body again. She fought desperately to keep her hands on Nicole’s arm but the urge was too strong and she carefully lay a hand on Nicole’s stomach. She ignored the unpleasant feel of Nicole’s overly slight figure to enjoy the feel of Nicole’s body below her palm and fingers. As she did this, Nicole’s kisses became more fervent and hungry. They breathed deeply into the meeting of their lips as the passion flowed through them. Unable to help herself, Waverly allowed her hand to find the edge of Nicole’s patient scrubs so that she could feel the skin of Nicole’s stomach on the end of her fingers. So sooner as she felt a moment of its silkiness, Nicole gasped and grabbed her wrist to stop her. She was panting heavily, almost as if she felt dizzy and sick.  
‘Nicole? Baby?’  
Nicole took a few moments to gather herself as her hand still gripped waverly’s frozen wrist tightly. Nicole moved it away from her stomach but didn’t let it go. Waverly realised Nicole was using it for comfort, more than of rejection. ‘I’m sorry… I can’t…’ with her other hand she pointed to her head. ‘I can’t un-see it… I kiss you… but…’ her voiced cracked with tears. ‘… it’s still there…’  
‘Oh baby…’ Waverly wiggled her hand free of Nicole’s grip so that she could take Nicole into her arms. Nicole fell against Waverly so that her head rested on Waverly’s chest and her arm could wrap around Waverly’s stomach to deepen the embrace. ‘It’s okay…’ she kissed Nicole’s head firmly but lovingly repeatedly, wishing somehow she could take the memory away. Wishing she could stop it haunting Nicole as it caused her so much pain. Instead, all she could do was hold her as Nicole wept into Waverly’s arms. It tore into Waverly to hear Nicole cry so deeply but then something Henry had said flashed into her mind.

‘She hasn’t even cried yet… it’s like it hasn’t happened… that’s the thing concerning me the most. When she does and accepts the pain she needs to feel, then I think she’s truly back with us and ready to start moving through this…’

Waverly let the memory sink in as she listened to Nicole’s uncontrollable sobs and realised that for the first time since that horrendous day, Nicole was beginning to recover.

 


	16. Chapter 16

_I loved how she tried. She came to me everyday that she could and told me how I was not to blame and how much she loved me but it didn’t matter how many times she did or how many kisses she laid on my lips, whenever I closed my eyes, I saw it. I saw how I gripped the scissors, felt the rage within me and how I went to drive the metal into him and how ultimately because of this, my friend had died in my arms, her blood all over my hands._

‘You okay to do this?’ Waverly asked stroking Nicole’s hair as she and Henry looked down at her.  
Vulnerability seeped into every part of Nicole’s face. She gazed up at Waverly with eyes pleading for a way out, ‘I don’t know…’ she admitted.  
‘You can do this Red,’ Henry smiled. ‘You’ve come so far. I think this will help you heal… to talk about it I mean…’  
After listening to his words, Nicole returned her vulnerable stare to Waverly, ‘I… do I have to?’  
Waverly bent down so she could cup Nicole’s face with her hands, ‘it’s going to help put that arsehole in jail and then most importantly, help you to process it… I think you should.’  
‘Can you be here with me?’ Nicole asked.  
Waverly looked at Henry with a wanting expression but Henry’s apologetic face already told her the answer, ‘I’m sorry… if Lucado found out…’  
No sooner had the words left his lips, Nicole began to panic, ‘Waverly, I can’t…’ Holdimg Waverly’s tightly, she began to squeeze. The pain Waverly felt in her fingers indicated just how scared Nicole was by her grip.  
‘It’s okay,’ Henry leant down and placed a comforting hand on her arm, ‘I’ll be right here… does that help?’  
He could tell from Nicole’s eyes that it wasn’t anywhere near enough, but for Nicole it was better than nothing so she swallowed and nodded. ‘Okay… he’ll be here soon so I’ll give you both a few minutes okay, but they must be quick.’   
They both watched him go before turning their eyes back to each other, ‘you’re so brave,’ Waverly smiled down at her. ‘I’m so proud of you.’  
‘I don’t know if I can do this,’ Nicole whispered.  
Leaning down, Waverly placed a soft loving kiss on her lips, ‘I know you can…’ reaching forward she placed her hand over Nicole’s heart. ‘I’m right here…’ Nicole looked down at the hand before holding it in her own loving the feel of it against her chest. The frame below Waverly’s palm was fuller and healthier with more strength than there had been for nearly a month. Nicole just had to believe that her mind had it too.

The reassuring hand on Nicole’s shoulder from Henry wasn’t nearly as comforting as having Waverly’s hand over her heart, but she had to take it and remember that Waverly was with her. Henry had become a very dependable ally and she trusted him completely, therefore she did take some solace in his presence.   
Trying to keep her hands relaxed on the bed, Nicole’s eyes fixed on the door as the clock struck three. The time that she was told he was coming. As it did so, she could here muffled voices making their way through the main infirmary, until they were outside her room’s door. There was a little more conversation before the door handle turned and three figures walked in. Hadley preceded the other two as Lucado entered followed by a good looking man with dark gelled air and a trim grey suit. He couldn’t have been much older than Henry, in his late thirties with a kind face. Under his left arm he carried a black leather briefcase. Respectfully, he stood next to Lucado, waiting for her to make his introduction.   
‘Hello Red, how are you feeling?’ Lucado asked with a surprisingly caring tone.  
‘Doing better,’ she replied cagily.   
It was clear that Lucado wished for Nicole to elaborate but so compelled by her nerves, she was unable to go on. To her relief, Henry jumped in. ‘Her vitals are stable, she’s eating and her mental state is stabilising… but this is going to be very difficult for her.’ He told them. ‘I do believe she is suffering with Post Traumatic Stress disorder which can be very overwhelming.’  
‘Post traumatic stress fucking what?’ Hadley asked in the same harsh tone lacking any empathy that she was renowned for throughout the prison.  
Henry chose not to react to her disrespectful tone, ‘what she went through was highly traumatising which has meant her mental state is very vulnerable… we cannot push this today,’ he looked at the man stood next to Lucado. ‘I’d ask that you take it easy on her and stop on my advice if we have to.’ The man signalled with his hands and facial expressions that he had no argument with this. ‘I’d also ask that I stay…’  
‘I’m sorry Henry, but this is a law matter… you can’t…’  
Beginning to panic, Nicole reached up and grabbed the hand that was resting on her shoulder. Understanding her, Henry placed his other hand on top of it, ‘if you want any access to my patient, I must insist that I am present, otherwise you will not get any of the answers you want and I will ask you to kindly walk back out of that door.’  
Lucado laughed stunned, ‘I think you forget your place John.’  
‘No ma’am, I think you forget yours. Miss Redding is my patient and this is my infirmary, I must insist on behalf of the well being of my patient.’ Nicole could feel his hands trembling as he spoke, but he stood his ground and his face did not waver.   
For a moment, Lucado and Henry’s eyes looked in a steely glare until she sighed and broke their stare, ‘very well… the doctor can stay, but you must remain silent throughout the proceedings,’ she commanded clearly irritated by his insolence.  
‘Yes ma’am, I will only step in if I feel this is harming my patient,’ he agreed.   
With this understanding met, Lucado stepped back allowing the lawyer to step forward, ‘hello Nicole… is it okay to call you that?’ he asked with a caring tone.  
‘Red… please.’  
‘No problem, Red,’ he extended his hand. Nicole stared at it for a moment then cautiously shook it before he sat down on the seat provided by Nicole’s bedside. He opened his briefcase and took out a notebook and brown file. He opened it and began to quickly study some of the witness statements he had collected then pulled a shiny silver pen from his pocket. He clicked it open and began to scribble the date in his notebook before looking back at Nicole. ‘I’m Perry Crofte, I’ll be acting on the Prosecution side to try to ensure that Mr Gardener is convicted of assault and attempted murder of yourself which ultimately led to the accidental death of Miss Stephanie Lloyd… before I begin, is there anything you’d like to ask me?’ Nicole simple took a long inhale of breath as she dealt with the words that made it so very real. Perry smiled sympathetically, ‘I know that will be hard, so I’ll go easy okay.’ Nicole nodded, still gripping Henry’s hand. He remained steadfast at her side. Perry went to continued, then looked back at Lucado and Hadley, who sold arms crossed and imposing. ‘I think it would be easiest if you waiting outside…’ Lucado looked at him astounded. ‘I think too many people in the room will be too much for... Red…’  
‘But what about fucking him…’ Hadley scoffed gesturing at Henry.  
‘Please,’ Perry asked politely.   
With another irritated look with a hint of anger, Lucado nodded and signalled for Hadley to followed. ‘I expect a full report when you’re done,’ she hissed before closing the door behind her.   
Perry raised his eyebrows and let out a long breath before returning his focus to Red, ‘right… let’s get started.’

_Most of it washed over me. It was details about where I was, who was with me, why I was there, all the dull necessary stuff. It was a robot was answering it. Like my mind wasn’t really letting it in. I guess it was preparing for the stuff I was really dreading. I hadn’t properly spoken about it, even with Waverly. My mind had retreated into its psychosis to avoid this very moment and now I had to face. I had to face it without my wife without my side and I didn’t know how the fuck I was going to do it._

‘So he insulted how many?’ Perry asked scribbling away.  
‘Nearly everyone…’ Nicole replied recalling every demeaning word Gardener had said.  
‘Can you recall what he said?’  
Nicole thought for a moment but her mind was blank, ‘I’m sorry… I…’  
‘It’s okay… just tell me what you can…’ he finished the current note. Then looked at a page in his file. ‘So when did he approach you?’  
Nicole’s heart began to beat faster, Henry registered this on the monitor behind her and squeezed her shoulder to remind her of his presence, ‘when he saw I hadn’t done much work.’  
‘Why was this?’  
‘I… wasn’t feeling well.’  
‘Can you recall how?’ He looked up when he was greeted by silence. He noted Nicole’s scared expression. Little did he know that she was trying to figure out how to dodge the question. She couldn’t tell him the truth. ‘Any detail is helpful.’  
‘Headache… nausea…’  
‘Okay… so after he insulted you…what did you do?’  
‘I insulted him… I was sick of how he was talking to us and because I wasn’t feeling well… I snapped.’  
‘Okay…’ he jotted this down. ‘Were you aggressive towards him?’  
‘No… I don’t think so…’ her heart rate continued to increase as her confliction of how to answer the questions intensified. ‘I’m sorry… this is where it gets muddled in my head… it’s hard…’  
‘That’s okay Red… all of these witness statements corroborate that you were not aggressive towards him.’  
Nicole brow furrowed stunned, ‘really?’  
‘Why do you remember it differently?’  
She took a moment and looked away from him, ‘I don’t really remember it much at all… this bit anyway…’  
‘Can you take me through the next part?’ Perry asked softly thinking it was best Nicole lead the story than him constantly stabbing questions at her.   
Nicole looked up at Henry who sent her a reassuring smile before looking back at Perry, ‘it’s hazy… but, after I insulted him… he hit me…’ she saw Perry check his notes and continued writing new ones but he ensured he made eye contact with her to indicate he was listening. ‘… twice… on the second, I hit the floor… he sent me over a table… then when I looked up… all I could see is him…’ she began to gasp for breath as the memories flooded back.  
‘It’s okay Nicole,’ Henry assured her. ‘You’re okay… you’re safe here… do you want to stop?’   
‘No,’ with one hand still on Henry’s she gripped the white sheets with the other. ‘I have to do this… for Steph.’ Perry looked at Henry to check, reluctantly he nodded. ‘He came at me… that’s so clear and underneath my hand as I tried to get up… I felt them… I felt the scissors…’ tears began to build in her eyes. She gritted her teeth to hold them back. ‘I was so… angry…. right here…’ he put her hand previously gripping the sheets to her chest. ‘… and scared… then… I…. oh god… I….’ she gritted her teeth but there were no words. ‘Oh fuck. I can’t… Henry I can’t…’ she began to squirm as though her entire body was in pain.   
‘We have to stop…’ Henry told the lawyer firmly. ‘We have to stop now.’ She took a defensive stance between Perry and Nicole. Even though Perry was not being aggressive or rude in anyway, Henry felt that Nicole needed to see that buffer.   
‘Would it help if I described what the others saw?’ Perry suggested gently standing up. ‘Red, would that be okay?’ Still crying, Nicole’s squirming body came to a rest but she could not stop breathing deeply. ‘Yes?’ She managed a nod. Perry retook his seat and flicked through his witness statements, ‘most say the same thing… after he punched you the second time, you hit the floor and a pair of scissors that he should never have had on the factory floor fell out of his pocket onto the floor next to you. You then picked these up and held them in front of you for defence. Despite this, he then lunged at you so you held them out further for protection and that’s when Stephanie Lloyd got in the way. The weight of Gardener’s body coming for you pushed her onto the scissors… is that what you remember?’  
Nicole stared at him, ‘I don’t know…’  
‘Well… ‘ he flicked through numerous sheets of paper in his file counting them. ‘Eighteen witness statements say the same thing…’  
‘Eighteen?’  
‘All women that were there when the incident happened,’ he nodded. Nicole’s eyes widened completely aghast at what she was hearing. ‘I also have a character witness…’ he found the piece of paper and began to read from it. ‘Nicole Redding is one of the most genuine people you will ever meet. Sure she’s a con, but those days are far behind her. Now she’s just like the rest of us cons, just wanting to get by, do her time peacefully and get out with enough life left in her legs to enjoy the outside world. In here, she doesn’t ask for trouble, she’s sees us women right. No trait of Red would ever have stabbed Lloyd. She’s not a violent person out for blood. I believe that if she wanted to hurt that bastard, she did it purely out of self defence because she was terrified and Lloyd just got in the way. This will cut her up until she dies because she’s that kind of person, she cares. She loves and she cares. I for one forgive her for what she did because I know that woman and I love her. She is not to blame for this. I will maintain that until I go to my grave.’   
The room fell into silence as Nicole let the words sink in. They didn’t seem real. She couldn’t believe that Perry has spoken them, ‘who…?’  
Perry checked the top of the form, ‘Rosita Heywood.’  
Overcome, Nicole covered her mouth with her hand, ‘Rosita…’ she took a moment to try to breathe. ‘Heywood… said that?’  
Perry smiled and nodded, seeing how much the words meant. For the first time, they meant vindication. Something Nicole would never have found on her own. ‘She did… she was Stephanie Lloyd’s best friend wasn’t she?’ Her hand still over her mouth, Nicole nodded her answer. ‘She must really believe it then… and really forgive you…’  
‘Oh my god…’ Nicole allowed herself to collapse into sobs. To hear those words and to know that every single woman that was witness to the event had banded together to support her, allowed her believe, just for a second, that maybe… she could start to forgive herself.  
‘I think we’re done for today,’ Henry said softly but Perry had already begun to collect his things and sort things into the file.   
Before leaving, Perry stepped forward and placed a hand Nicole’s arm, ‘you were the innocent victim to an unfortunate chain of events… everyone thinks so, the other inmates, your friends, Lucado and Hadley. They have already forgiven you… and are in this with you, with me, to send that sad excuse for a man down for Lloyd’s death. Now it’s time you start to forgive yourself.’ Slowly, Nicole took her hands away from her face so she could look up at him with bleary but thankful eyes. Perry gently squeezed Nicole’s arm one last time before nodding at Henry and leaving her room.   
Once the door was closed, Nicole looked up at Henry, ‘they forgive me… she forgives me?’ she still couldn’t believe it.  
Henry smiled, ‘they all do Red… they all do… now you have to forgive yourself.’ Sensing her need for it, Henry leaned down and embraced Nicole as she continued to sob into his arms. As she held onto his strong arms, the image that had plagued her mind for so long began to fade and change. Instead of the blood on her hands and Steph’s limp body in her arms, she recalled Steph’s last words… those telling Nicole she was not to blame… the blood was gone, the scissors were gone… it was just Steph and her smile… and her forgiveness.

_It was the best night’s sleep I had had in weeks. Although splintered by some of the unpleasant memories, they were much less graphic than they had been and his face had faded into the background. Now I could see Steph and where she was now. I saw her cutting and styling the hair of the president and all his family… I saw her doing the entire of bloody Hollywood and she was loving every minute of it. She wasn’t angry with me anymore. She didn’t hate me. Just like Waverly and Rosita, she forgave me. Waverly… that name… I could hear it again, properly… and she loved me. I believed it again._

The afternoon could not come quick enough as Waverly watched the clock. Four o’clock she had been told as Nicole was clearing up some last bits of the witness statements now that she was able to talk more openly. Since hearing Rosita’s character statement, Nicole’s demeanour had completely changed. Although still slightly subdued, Nicole was more back to herself than she had been in weeks.   
As soon as the clock struck four, Waverly flipped the sign on the library door and locked the door behind her. There always seemed to be too many corridors when she was on her way to se Nicole. They’d never felt like such a labyrinth but Waverly could now do the route with her eyes closed. Passing other inmates as they proceeded with their usual chores Waverly had to mask the excitement on her face in order to avoid attracting suspicion. Finally, she reached the infirmary corridor. Eliza was waiting for her as arranged. The animosity between them since the desperate blackmail had long passed. Waverly had become a reliable confidant for Eliza as she dealt with her feelings for Dolls. It had become clear that what had started as a favour for Waverly, was fast becoming something with meaning between the guard and prisoner. With a smile, Eliza nodded at Waverly and opened the door to let her in.  
Once inside, Waverly had it in her mind to go straight to Nicole, but instead wanted an update on her progress. She also enjoyed talking to Henry, he was a good man who truly cared. Changing direction, Waverly headed to Henry’s small office at one side of the infirmary which was unusually quiet. Generally, it wasn’t ever full but there were at least three or four patients but instead just one elderly woman lay sleeping.   
As Waverly approached the office, she noted that the blinds were pulled which was also unusual. Once she arrived at the door, she soon found out why. Henry and Rosita had forgotten to close the door’s window blind and Waverly saw that their romantic trysts were well and truly continuing. Her eyes falling upon their passionate embrace on the desk, she spun around, eyes wide and stifling a giggle. Covering her mouth to prevent noise escaping, Waverly quickly retreated away from the door towards Nicole’s room. After she’d entered its sanctuary she allowed herself to laugh.   
‘Er… hello?’ Nicole smiled looking up from her book as Waverly closed the door behind her and leaned back against it, still trying to erase the image from her mind. ‘What?’  
‘Turns out we’re not the only ones that make good use of desks…’ Waverly chuckled making her way over to Nicole’s bed. Nicole frowned confused. ‘… you know… desks…’ she said suggestively. Nicole frown remained. ‘Henry and Rosita…’   
‘Ohhhhh,’ she nodded knowingly. ‘What… right now?’   
‘Yup… right now…’ from the end of the bed Waverly climbed on and crawled her way up to lie down next to Nicole. At her arrival, Nicole closed her book to give Waverly her full attention. ‘It’s good though… they deserve some happiness… in this place anyway.’ She took Nicole hand and entwined their fingers. She loved how it felt. ‘How are you today?’  
‘I’m good,’ Nicole replied, her voice stronger. Waverly noted it straight away. ‘Henry thinks I should be able to leave this room soon. He still wants to monitor me in the infirmary, but he wants me to start integrating myself back into prison society… slowly though…’  
‘That’s so good baby…’ Waverly grinned. ‘Slowly though… I kinda like having this room with you…’  
‘I know…’ Nicole agreed. ‘We can actually lie on a bed…’ she shuffled down so that she was lying closer to Waverly. ‘When you were in here in the main infirmary, all I wanted to do was this… lie next to you…’  
Waverly gazed up into her eyes, ‘it would have really helped…’  
‘We’ll have to make the most of it… while we can…’ Nicole whispered her voice turning husky. Waverly studied her for a moment, wondering if she was hearing Nicole right. She barely had a moment to contemplate the thought before Nicole’s lips were on hers. She felt Nicole’s hand on her neck pulling her closer into the kiss as it became more hungry. A little surprised, Waverly lay motionless, except for her mouth, as their lips and tongues continued to explore. She allowed Nicole to lead before her right hand moved carefully to Nicole’s back, ensuring that it stayed on the outside of Nicole’s hospital scrubs.   
Minutes passed as they enjoyed exchanging tender kisses between the odd smile and giggle. Then Nicole moved to progress things along. She pushed Waverly back on the bed so that could lay her body down on the brunette. Waverly sighed as she felt Nicole’s hips press against hers, their stomachs and chests connect deliciously. Reaching down, Nicole grabbed Waverly’s legs so that she could initiate her wife to wrap her legs around her. Waverly complied cupping Nicole’s face adoringly as they continued to share indulgent kisses. Soon, their breathing deepened as the passion rose between them.   
Waverly gasped into Nicole’s mouth as the red head slipped a hand underneath Waverly’s blue shirt and tank top to explore the abs which lay below it. The fingers were gentle and tender as they stroked the skin they found, continuing to move up as their lips continued to crash together. Waverly returned the touch by finding the bottom of Nicole’s scrubs top and running her fingers over the skin of Nicole’s lower back. Nicole soaked in this touch for a moment before her hand moved further up under Waverly’s shirt. Waverly longed her it and arched her back breaking their mouths momentarily as Nicole cupped her breast, massaging it softly. Unable to reach Waverly’s lips as Waverly drunk in the intimate touch, she focused her kisses on the brunette’s neck, heightening the sensations between them as their hips remained in full contact. Her eyes closed, Waverly felt every movement of Nicole’s hand under her shirt as it caressed and explored all the skin it could find. After a while, Waverly desperately wanted to feel the same parts of Nicole’s body that her wife was currently exploring on her’s.   
With a mischievous smile, Waverly pulled Nicole’s hand out from under her shirt and slowly flipped Nicole over pressed her back on the bed. Waverly carefully straddled her, then leant down to bring their lips together again. Skilfully, Waverly flicked her long hair to one side as her hands and kisses simultaneously explored Nicole’s face, lips and neck whilst Nicole gripped Waverly’s legs. Soon, Waverly’s kisses made their way down Nicole’s neck, over the hospital scrubs to the small area of Nicole’s stomach that was already revealed. Smiling, Waverly leant down and kissed it. She looked back up to check Nicole was enjoying it. The fact that Nicole’s eyes were closed and she was breathing deeply, told her what she needed to know. Reassured, she returned to placing clusters of kisses all over toned stomach whilst slowly pushing the top up to reveal more skin. Her mouth followed the top as she neared the area she craved.   
Waverly allowed her hands to go first, pushing them up under the material to cup and massage Nicole’s chest just as Nicole had done before her. The touch brought as much pleasure to her as it did Nicole. She adored Nicole’s body, every part of it and it aroused her greatly that she was able to explore it again.   
Suddenly and unexpectedly, a sad whimper from Nicole halted Waverly’s actions. Concerned, she withdrew her hands and brought her face up to see Nicole’s. She was unnerved to see that Nicole was now crying and covering her face with her hands.   
‘Baby?’ Gently, using her own Waverly pulled Nicole’s away so she could see her wife’s face. ‘Baby, what is it?’  
‘I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… I can’t…’ Nicole wept.   
‘It’s okay…’ Waverly assured, though she felt sick with worry. She would be heartbroken if it was something to do with her, but she knew she had to remain calm and fight her thoughts for Nicole.  
‘No… it’s not…’ she said shaking her head. ‘I want to make love to you, so badly… but my head… it’s still…’ she used her fingers to tap the sides of her head. ‘… I can’t get rid of it Waves…’  
‘Hey…’ these words calmed Waverly’s mind immediately. She moved up so she could lie next to Nicole again. ‘You do not need to apologise… this was amazing… just this…’ she looked at Nicole’s top which was still pushed up revealing one of her breasts. Using the hem, Waverly drew it down to restore Nicole’s modesty and to help soothe her troubled mind. ‘There is no rush…’  
‘Just with the trial soon… I have to testify… I’m terrified Waves…’  
‘I know…’ Waverly smiled lovingly and brought her hand up to caress Nicole’s face to comfort her. ‘And you have every right to be… but know that I’m right here. I will wait… no matter how long it takes… no matter how long you need. I love you Nicole Redding… and everything that comes with it…’  
Relieved, Nicole moved forward to bury her head in Waverly’s chest gripping onto her tightly. Waverly wrapped strong and loving arms around her wife trying to hold her as tightly as possible. She couldn’t deny in her head that she was a little disappointed that proceedings had stopped but this disappointment was short lived as she remembered just how far Nicole had come. Only a few weeks ago, Nicole was catatonic and Henry had explained how he feared she may never recover from her severe trauma but here Nicole had almost been able to make love her wife again. Waverly would wait, for however long it took. Right now, she just loved the feel of Nicole in her arms again. There was a trial to come, in which Nicole would face a testing and uncomfortable cross examination. Also, she would have to sit in the same room as Gardener again. When thinking about all of this, Waverly was actually surprised that Nicole had been able to be as intimate as she was. With this thought, Waverly continued to appreciate just how special her wife was.


	17. Chapter 17

_I could feel his eyes on me as he sat like a caged animal in the dock. He knew as well as I did that not all elements of the trial discussed over the past eight days in court had been completely true. However, the bare essentials were that this man was patriarchal shithead who had insulted me and so many of my friends that day in the factory. It was clear from the prosecutions research that this was a man who thought of women as nothing but objects that he could abuse and use for his own satisfaction. Three counts of rape, two of attempted, four counts of assault on women and then the fifth on me. Although Steph died at my hands - a truth that will never leave me - many women in the future may have died at his. He was a time bomb ticking, waiting to explode and we were going to put him away._

_When the judge read out the sentence, it felt like all the pain and tightness in my body just slipped away. With Henry beside me for medical support, I gripped his hand as the jury’s verdict was read out as… guilty. Guilty for all charges that Perry had brought before the court. In the dock, just like an animal would do when angry, Gardener exploded. He threw himself against the front of his glass cage, banging his fists menacingly against it. His rage was first directed at the judge and head juror, who read out the verdict and answered the questions out to him. Then, I felt his eyes move once again to fix on me. It was unjust, how he had ended up in the dock that very day, but I sensed that his anger was more that he had been caught at all. He was finally foiled and foiled… by a woman._

Nicole could hardly believe it was happening as she walked through the prison gates to rapturous applause. Still handcuffed with Hadley’s firm grip around her arm, she was walked in more gently than those who entered the prison for the first time. It felt surreal and a little inappropriate but it helped to quiet the thoughts that she was still hated for what had happened and that she would somehow become a prison pariah because of it. As she passed them, the faces and waving arms blurred until four stood out. Standing near the wall of the prison, risen slightly above all the rest, were her three friends and in the middle of them, Waverly. Even with the distance between them, Nicole could see the tears of happiness and relief in her wife’s eyes.   
‘You fucking legend Red!’ came a cry from the crowd.  
‘That bastard got what he deserved!’ agreed another.   
Nicole registered the words but didn’t take them in. Her only interest was on the four kind faces that stood apart from the rest. They weren’t cheering or screaming, they stood close, Dolls’ arm around Waverly just simply clapping. Applauding their girl’s bravery and strength. Nicole kept her eyes on them the entire walk through the yard, still behind a separating fence, until darkness hit her face as she led into the prison once again. Once inside, Hadley turned her to remove her handcuffs. Lucado and Henry were waiting.  
‘Well Red, some show… well done,’ Lucado said arms folded and stern. Nicole looked up to study her face as she could not read the tone. ‘No one hurts any of my inmates… looks fucking awful on my record.’ Nicole refrained from rolling her eyes at Lucado’s selfish admission. ‘That aside, he was a dickhead that deserved to be put away. As a woman, listening to what he has done to our kind over the years… he fucking deserved every day on that twenty one year sentence. As far as I’m concerned he can rot in whatever jail cell they lock him in.’ Nicole nodded in agreement. ‘Now regarding you, Henry seems to think that we can start to reintroduce you back into the prison, which I think is best… however, he has advised that we do this slowly. So you will be moved from the solitary room in the infirmary to the main wing and for two weeks you will work at least two days in the wood shop. If you feel you can increase this, we can go to three. Once you are settled, we will move you back to your cell. If I had my way, you’d be back in your cell and working full time already, but unfortunately Henry is very persuasive.’ She shot him what appeared to be a playful glare, but Nicole sensed that she was not best pleased with him. Henry however, looked unmoved. ‘Okay, now that’s sorted, I will leave you in Henry’s care…’ Henry nodded respectfully and took Nicole’s arm gently as they moved towards the door. ‘Oh and Red,’ Nicole looked back. ‘Let’s put this whole fucking business behind us.’  
Nicole studied Lucado’s stern face for a moment and saw that there was a hint of affection for her, in recognition of everything she had been through. Nicole’s lips curved into a subtle smile before she nodded in agreement. She knew exactly how she was going to do so.

_I looked around the room that had been my solace for nearly six weeks. I didn’t remember three of them but at least those I do remember were those I had spent with Waverly by my side. The room looked like someone had almost been living in it. Beside the bed where newspapers and crosswords, some solved and others frustratedly thrown aside. Presents from around the prison were scattered about: clean handkerchiefs with sewn messages from laundry, small carvings from wood shop and my favourite mints snuck in from one of my competitors. Dolls had even managed to get me grapes as that was the custom for when someone was sick in hospital. I guess she wanted to help me feel normal._

Nicole heard the door open and close behind her. Turning, she grinned when she saw Waverly leaning against it smiling at her. With a slow shake of her head, Nicole rushed forward and enveloped Waverly in a passionate embrace pressing the smaller girl against the door. Waverly sighed into the touch and wrapped her arms around Nicole’s neck to pull her down closer. Leaning a little past Waverly, Nicole shut the blind to the door’s window and turned the lock in the door. It clicked satisfactorily.  
A little surprised, Waverly broke the kiss and looked up into tranquil brown eyes, ‘are you sure?’  
Breathing deeply, Nicole placed her forehead against Waverly’s as her hands stroked and gripped at Waverly’s neck, shoulders and arms, ‘so sure…’ she replied. ‘I just want to move past this...I don’t mean ever forget Steph but…’  
Smiling tenderly, Waverly stroked her cheek, ‘we’ll never forget Steph,’ she assured her. ‘In fact… we’re going to try and open up a hair salon in her name…’   
Nicole’s eyes widened with delight, ‘oh my god, that’s perfect.’   
‘We thought so,’ Waverly smiled proudly. ‘So she’ll always be a part of this place… a part of us.’   
After enjoying the thought for a few moments, Nicole slowly, leant down and brought their lips together again. Waverly tipped her chin up to allow Nicole full access to her lips. She felt Nicole’s weight against her again as she was pressed back into the door. She welcomed this completely, feeling Nicole’s fully returned curves against her own. The excitement built in her as Nicole’s ardent movements caused their hips to grind together. Nicole knew exactly what she was doing and knew exactly what it would be doing to Waverly. She brought her hands to Waverly’s and entwined their fingers so she could lift Waverly’s arms above her head. This caused their hips to move together with even more intensity, Waverly had to break their kiss to catch her breath. Loving the sound of Waverly’s excitement, Nicole dropped her arms and slid them around Waverly’s slender thighs so she could lift Waverly off the ground. Her physical strength wholly restored, she wrapped Waverly’s legs around her waist and pushed her back on the door again. Waverly used this new position to lose her fingers in Nicole’s hair, particularly behind the red head’s neck entangling them in her silky curls. They exchanged more gasping breaths as their lips collided firmly but sensually.   
Feeling secure in Nicole’s arms as she remained off the ground, Waverly began to unbutton Nicole’s white shirt. She had been dressed up for court in a simple white shirt and black trousers. ‘This look… is so sexy…’ she exhaled reaching the bottom button and pushing the shirt apart to reveal Nicole’s bra and abdomen inside. ‘I fucking love this look…’ carefully with her nails, Waverly gently scratched lines from Nicole’s collar bone, over her chest and down her stomach. She loved the feel of Nicole’s fuller stomach and the layer of healthy fat that coated her body once again. To Waverly, she was the most beautiful she had ever been.   
As Waverly, began to tug at the shirt to remove it, Nicole placed her down slowly and helped to shrug the shirt off her shoulders. It fell to the floor without a sound as Nicole did the same with Waverly’s blue prison uniform. She stepped forward her hands moving to the hem of Waverly’s tank top, but Waverly stopped her. ‘We shouldn’t be doing this here…’ she smiled biting her lip and looked past Nicole to the bed behind them. They chuckled together with the same thought as Nicole led Waverly over to it. Waverly leant back against it as their lips came together again. This time, Waverly allowed Nicole to pull the white top over her head. As Nicole discarded it onto the floor, Waverly kicked off her shoes and moved herself back so she was lying face up on the bed. She did not break eye contact with Nicole as she did so, her eyes fixed into Nicole’s in both love and lust. Propping herself up on her elbows she beckoned Nicole suggestively with her finger. In awe at the sight in front of her Nicole took a moment to admire it before making her way on her hands and knees bringing her body to hover over Waverly’s. She denied the woman beneath her contact just for a few painstaking seconds as their lips met in bother lustful kiss. She then craved the contact just as much as Waverly, so dropped her body down so their embrace could melt into the soft bedding. It was the first time they had ever felt this together, a pillow, soft covers and true privacy with the door locked and blinds drawn, on a bed.   
Waverly pulled away from their kisses to gaze up at Nicole, ‘am I dreaming?’ she asked almost tearful. ‘Please tell me this is not a dream.’  
Nicole beamed at the words, ‘you’re not dreaming… this is real… if it is a dream…’ she placed their foreheads together. ‘Let’s not wake up…’   
Waverly could only nod to reply as she connected their lips again. Their tongues caressed as their hands explored, over shoulders, necks, stomachs, ribs and cheeks. They clawing at each other’s skin was hungry but loving, just in true adoration. The desire rising inside her, Nicole carefully slipped her thigh in between Waverly’s legs. As soon as she pushed up to make contact at the top of where the legs met, she felt Waverly shudder deliciously. It broke the kiss for a moment, but Waverly reconnected them once she’d caught her breath. Her hands moved to the small of Nicole’s back pushing down wanting the red head to press again. Nicole complied and began to find a rhythm. As the throbbing between her legs intensified, so did Waverly’s breathing. She had intended that this would be all about Nicole, to indulge Nicole’s needs but Nicole had made it very clear that this was what she wanted to do and for Waverly, it would be far too frustrating to stop.   
‘Shit…’ Waverly couldn’t believe how fast it came but it did. She muffled her cries into Nicole’s shoulder almost biting down onto it. Nicole loved the feel of Waverly’s trembling body and watched her as she relaxed again into the sheets. Waverly took a few seconds to gather herself. ‘I came in here to make you do that…’ she gasped bringing her hand to her head as she processed the vibrations still flowing through her legs and groin.   
Nicole giggled before kissing Waverly’s neck sweetly, ‘well… I love making you do that…’ she whispered. Waverly giggled as the use of her legs returned. She used this to sit up, pushing Nicole up with her. Their bodies pressed together as they held each other tightly, breasts against breasts in an indulgent kiss. Waverly traced her fingers up Nicole’s back lightly before they came to rest on her bra clasp. She unhooked it skilfully me let the soft material fall away from Nicole’s skin. Their bodies parted so Waverly could remove it completely and gaze down at the breath taking sight before her. She leant down and began to explore the exposed skin. She used her hands to cup each breast and tongue to arouse each in turn. Nicole licked her lips slowly and arched her back into each movement of Waverly’s tongue. With fingers struggling to focus on their task, Nicole attempted to remove Waverly’s bra but was too involved in the pleasure Waverly’s work was bringing. With a proud smirk, Waverly reached behind her back and removed the material herself. Letting it slowly roll her arms and flicked it off to one side. Nicole moved to lean forward to treat Waverly’s body with as much adoration as Waverly had just given her but Waverly stopped her.  
‘Absolutely not…’ she giggled seductively. ‘Your turn.’ With a surprisingly strong arm, Waverly wrapped it around Nicole’s waist and flipped her over to lay her gently back into the succulent sheets. Nicole raised her eyebrows impressed as Waverly straddled her. Starting from Nicole’s collar bone, Waverly wanted to adore every inch of Nicole’s shoulders, collar bone, chest, stomach and arms. She’d almost lost them and was now not going to take them for granted. They were perfect and she was going to drink it all in. Nicole rested her hands on Waverly’s legs as she closed her eyes to the tender caresses. Particular kisses continued to heighten her, especially those that allowed themselves to indulge in Nicole’s breasts again and then her lower stomach. Her breathing began to intensify as she felt Waverly begin to unzip her black trousers and pull them down her legs. She opened her eyes to watch Waverly push them off the bed, along Waverly’s own prison issued trousers.   
Waverly took her time to make her way up, laying kisses up Nicole’s shins and thighs. As they grew close to the apex of Nicole’s legs, the red head’s arousal deepened. She whimpered as she felt Waverly place several kisses on the outside of her underwear before there was a pause and their mouths met again. They gave in to more eager kisses as hands gripped and stroked the available skin. Nicole lost her hands in Waverly’s hair then moving them down she gently pushed them under the soft material covering one of her favourite curves usually hidden and untouchable. One hand on each cheek, Nicole loved the warmth she felt in them.   
‘What do you want?’ Waverly breathed in between kisses.   
‘What do you mean?’   
Waverly smiled, ‘what do you want me to do to you?’   
Nicole now understood and moved her hands back up to Waverly’s back, ‘touch me…’   
With another delighted smile, Waverly kissed her again and ran her fingers slowly and teasingly down Nicole, neck, in between her breasts, over her abs to the edge of Nicole’s underwear. To increase Nicole’s desire, she did not immediately dip inside. Instead, using two fingers, she softly began to rub the outside of the white material. It was enough for Nicole as she almost cried out. Waverly kept their lips parted as she watched her wife’s eyes close tightly and crease with pleasure. She kept the movements slow and deliberate, enjoying what it was doing to the beauty underneath her. After using circles for a few moments to tease Nicole for a little longer, she desired the feel of Nicole as much as Nicole needed her touch. Grabbing Nicole’s underwear she pulled it quickly down and off her ankles. She allowed her gaze to linger on the vision that was Nicole’s naked body before pulling the top cotton sheet up over their legs.   
Their modesty partially restored in case of any interruption, Waverly returned her fingers to the spot desperate for her attention. As soon as her fingers touched it and began to slowly stroke, Nicole could not contain herself. In order to quieten her, Waverly covered Nicole’s mouth with hers so that it could absorb any cries that escaped. She kept her movements deliberate and slow. She used the sounds coming from her wife to gauge the effectiveness of her fingers’ work. Sometimes the most sensitive area changed and Waverly was more than happy to explore to find it. She knew she’d found the right spot and rhythm as Nicole’s head was tipped back and her breath husky and shallow.   
Soon, Waverly longed to taste where her fingers worked. Placing another kiss on Nicole’s lips she began to kiss her way down Nicole’s neck, but when they moved over Nicole’s breasts to move further, Nicole cupped Waverly’s face to stop her. ‘No…no… stay here with me…’ she wanted to feel Waverly’s breath on her face. She needed the feel of Waverly’s breasts pressing into her body. The solace of having Waverly so close to her is what caused the pleasure to rise so overwhelmingly between her legs. Waverly was only too happy to oblige and returned to placing chaste but hungry kisses back on Nicole’s mouth.   
For Nicole, the throbbing was so intense as she grabbed at Waverly’s arms and back she was going to explode and she hadn’t even reached the summit yet. It wasn’t long until she did. Just like Waverly, it came quickly. Waverly had barely quickened her strokes before she felt Nicole’s whole body shudder and ascend. To avoid screaming, Nicole buried her head into Waverly’s chest as she gave in to the pleasure throbbing through her. Waverly removed her hand and wrapped her arms around her quivering wife, wanting to feel Nicole enjoy every moment of it. Eventually, feeling Nicole’s body finally relax they were able to collapse back onto the bed. Nicole remained on her back, her body limp, but Waverly remained on her side looking down at the panting red head.   
‘Fuck I love you,’ Nicole panted. As she caught her breath, Waverly used a single finger to explore her skin, moistened with a thin layer of sweat. ‘This… this is what got me through that trial… the thought of this… again… with you…’ She took Waverly’s hand and placed it between her legs. ‘See how much?’  
Waverly raised her eyebrows, ‘I hope you didn’t think about it too much… if this… is the result?’ She loved the feeling of how much she had pleasured Nicole.  
‘No… only your touch… does this to me…’   
‘Same to me…’ Waverly whispered bringing their lips together. She wiped her fingers on the bed sheets before cupping Nicole’s face lovingly.   
‘Well… I… better get to work then…’ Nicole with a half-suppressed laugh. Forcefully, but gently, Nicole turned Waverly round so that the brunette had her back to her. Kissing Waverly’s back and the tops of her shoulders she brought their bodies closer pressing hers against Waverly’s skin. She remembered how much Waverly loved this position from their reunion in the shower. Now it was easier, lying on a bed with their legs entangled and relaxed. Waverly showed her approval by bringing her left arm back to Nicole’s lower curves to urge Nicole to press their bodies together even more firmly. Nicole answered the request and added her hand grasping and massaging the inside of Waverly’s thighs. Waverly’s right hand took hold of the pillow their both lay on tightly. She knew she would need this to restrict her screams. Pleasure was rising inside her body already. Especially when simultaneously, Nicole began kiss the back of her neck and push her hand inside the only material left on Waverly’s body. For a few agonising moments, she barely let her fingers make contact with the folds inside. Waverly could feel the fingers were there but not enough, not nearly enough. Nicole stretched the material away so that she create more distance. Waverly groaned as she longed for the contact. Nicole loved what she was doing to Waverly, without even touching her.   
Knowing she had to end the torture, she placed her mouth to Waverly’s ear, ‘take them off…’ Waverly understood instantly and wiggled them down her legs and free from her feet. Just as Waverly had done, Nicole restored both their modesty with the sheet then resumed pulling Waverly close to her.   
‘Touch me please…’ Waverly pleading huskily. Nicole was finished with teasing her. Immediately she gave   
Waverly what she was so desperately wanted. Using only two fingers she made contact and began to move them back and forth. First she explored the full area, then listening to Waverly’s gasps she found the spot that brought Waverly the most satisfaction. Despite knowing full well how skilled Nicole was with her fingers in a situation such as this, the sensations created from a simple touch still astonished Waverly. To process them without notifying the entire prison as to their current actions, her knuckles turned white as she gripped both the pillow and Nicole’s leg. Together, their bodies writhed again, lost in the moment, ready to forget the world outside and for it to be just them, their bodies and their love.

‘They’re totally doing it in there,’ Rosita giggled as she looked out of Henry’s office through the blinds.  
Henry chuckled as he did his belt up, ‘well, unless I’m mistaken, we just totally did it in here,’ Rosita spun round and glared at him playfully. ‘Your brassier I do believe.’ With one careful finger he picked it up by its strap and it it out to Rosita.  
‘Are you saying you want me to get dressed?’ She put her hands on her hips so that her body was displayed proudly in front of him.   
Henry blinked absorbing the sight before him, ‘no ma’am I do not,’ he showed his appreciation of her figure with a devilish wink, ‘but we are in a prison and you are an inmate. With my office closer to the entrance to the infirmary than that there room in which you believe Red and Dufresne are involved in similar acts to our own, we need to ensure that if Lucado or Captain Hadley drop in we greet them fully dressed and stall them so that our friends are not discovered.’ He threw the bra to Rosita who caught it and began to put it on. ‘Also, it would not be a happy day if we are indeed discovered.’  
Rosita knew he meaning and it was that if they were discovered it would be stopped immediately and she or Henry would be transferred. Neither of them wanted it to stop. Rosita greatly admired Henry’s resilience against Lucado in his support for Nicole and her well being. It was thanks to Henry’s diligent work and his understanding of what Nicole needed that had seen her out of her psychosis and back into Waverly’s arms. Rosita didn’t want to admit it to herself and definitely not to Henry, but she believed she was falling in love with the doctor and it terrified her. This wasn’t the love for a man she believed could further her standing in society or how people saw her. Because it was secret, it was just for her and that’s all she needed. She truly wanted to be with him. What scared her the most, is whether he felt the same.

With the sheet thrown over their heads, Waverly and Nicole lay facing each other in their make shift tent. Their bodies still naked they lay giggling and tickling each other, seeing who could last the longest without laughing. It was Nicole’s turn. Waverly began at Nicole’s stomach, drawing circles which got larger and larger until her fingers brushed Nicole’s side. Nicole’s face began to crease. She turned her head down to bury it into the sheets under their bodies.  
‘Hey… that’s cheating!’ Waverly exclaimed.   
‘Oh… you know that drives me mad,’ Nicole raised her face but now turned her hands into fists to try clench and deal with the slightly unpleasant feelings. Waverly continued the circles until Nicole couldn’t cope any longer. Grabbing Waverly’s hand she had to put a stop to the torture. ‘Fucking hell, I’m shit at this.’  
Smiling, Waverly shuffled closer so she could reach more of Nicole’s body to stroke and explore with her finger tips, ‘I just know how to get to you…’  
Rolling her eyes, Nicole nodded, ‘yes… yes you do…’ she took a few moments to catch her breath. Calm descended over their little haven once again. The only movement was Waverly’s fingers on Nicole’s arm, tracing it up and down. ‘Hey Waves, how did you get in here today?’  
‘The doc…’ Waverly replied. ‘I asked him if we could have one more afternoon… before you’re moved to the main infirmary…’  
‘Did you tell him why?’ Nicole asked amused.  
‘No… but he guessed,’ Waverly laughed. ‘I saw his moustache twitch awkwardly. Plus Rosita was with me… I think they were going to have a little bit of intimate time of their own.’  
‘So basically, while poor old Maggie lies dying of cancer in the main room, two couples are fucking each other’s brains out in the other two rooms…’  
The realisation was obvious when Waverly’s eyes widened, ‘oh my god… poor Maggie!’ she covered her face with her hands horrified.   
‘Baby it’s okay… we’re giving her a good send off…’   
‘Well she would have definitely heard you,’ Waverly said poking Nicole.  
‘Oh shut up, you’re so much louder,’ Nicole shot back.  
‘We were both pretty bad… we need to work on that as we won’t have this again…’ she gestured to their little space under the sheet where it was just herself and Nicole, who’s body she could stare at all day every day.   
‘I can’t wait until I can really hear you scream,’ Nicole said suggestively but then her face melted into sadness. ‘However, we might be in our sixties by the time we’re both released.’  
‘I’d still want you,’ Waverly smiled sweetly stroking her face.   
‘I’d still want you…’ they sealed the moment with a gentle kiss and touch of their foreheads. Waverly’s face then turned thoughtful. Nicole noted this. ‘You’re thinking… that scares me.’ Waverly shot a playful glare at Nicole’s retort. Nicole received it with a giggle then wondered what was on her wife’s mind. ‘What is it?’  
‘I was just wondering… what’s next for us now?’ She saw worry enter Nicole’s face at the question. ‘No… not us as in our relationship. Oh fuck no… I’m here with you… whatever… I mean, us, Heywood, Dolls, Jeremy… you… with this prison.’   
‘What other than setting up Lloyd’s hair salon?’ Nicole asked. Waverly nodded. ‘Do we need to know? I mean, after everything that’s happened these last few weeks… to be honest, I just want boring. I want the mundane back… I want wood shop, the canteen, watching Heywood struggle with draughts in the yard, hell even count in the evening… and those moments which make it all bearable, those moments when I slip away with you.’  
‘Here’s to the mundane and boring then…’ Waverly laughed.   
‘No… Waverly Dufresne… ‘ Nicole corrected with a look of pure love in her eyes. ‘Here’s to knowing exactly where I can tickle you to drive you insane…’ without any warning she pounced, throwing her body on top of Waverly’s. As Nicole’s hands attacked, Waverly squealed and wriggled but it was no good. For as long as they had left in the room, she was Nicole’s victim. 


	18. Chapter 18

_It wasn’t long, thanks to the warden before I was removed from the infirmary all together and out back into mainstream society in the prison. Integrating at first was pretty hard. The stares and the questions bothered me, but after a few days then weeks they slowly fizzled out. I also had a hand team of body guards watching my back, including Eliza Mert and Doctor John Henry. A pretty handy team to have around. I found wood shop to be the ideal work, they out me on easy jobs so that I could busy my mind and complete tasks easily. I made the odd mistake but they told me I was doing a great job. I saw through their bullshit. It meant a lot though._

_Thanks to a quiet word from Henry, Lucado also put me part time in the library with Waverly. He knew how much her support meant to be so framed it in a way that it was good for my mental health to be doing work in a quiet space. I thought Henry was fucking brave to ask after all the shit he had pulled for me already. Yet, somehow he got her to agree so two days a week I worked in the library, putting away books, checking in new donations, and making sure people were looking after it for Gus. All whilst trying desperately not be too distracted by the beauty that ran the place._

They tried to keep their faces serious as they walked in parallel either side of the tall shelves between them placing books back in the right places. Since Nicole’s return to the mainstream of the prison, Waverly had been able to focus more fully on Lucado’s expectation of her regarding the financial management of the prison. Despite the lingerie factory incident which had shaken them all so violently, Lucado’s greed had seen her maintain the Inside Out program which meant continued opportunities to make money mainly for herself. Using her experience from working in the bank and her work doing taxes for the guards, Waverly had become quite skilled in her abilities to bend the system and make Lucado a very rich woman along with the majority of the prison guards.  
‘Sounds like Lucado has her fingers in a lot of pies at the moment,’ Nicole said as she checked the spine of the books he was holding then slotted it in between two others.  
‘So much she’s swimming in it,’ Waverly did the same on her side then simultaneously they pushed their carts to the next section.  
Nicole bent down so she could see Waverly, ‘the problem with having all that money though, is that you have to explain where it came from.’  
To this, Waverly smiled proudly, ‘that’s where I come in.’ She also bent down so she could see Nicole as the shelf at their eye level was too congested. ‘I filter it, funnel it, channel it… stocks, securities, tax havens. I send that money out into the real world and it comes back…’  
‘Clean as a virgin’s honey butter…’ Nicole said with realisation.  
Waverly giggled at the remark, ‘cleaner,’ after replacing a few more books, they moved into the next shelf. They could see each other more easily through this one as most of the science books were on a table surrounding Rosita as she dived in and out of them discovering new theories. When watching her, the group honestly thought she was trying to solve the mystery of the universe. ‘By the time Lucado retires, I will have made her a millionaire.’  
‘If they catch on,’ Nicole said pointing at Waverly. ‘She’s going to wind up in here wearing a prison number herself.’  
Waverly checked there was no one in earshot and leant forward through the shelf feigning disappointment, ‘oh baby, I thought you would have a little more faith in me than that.’  
Raising her eyebrow, Nicole leant forward so their faces were merely inches apart between the shelves, ‘I know you’re good Waves, but all that paper leaves a trail. If anyone gets curious, IRS, FBI, it’s going to lead to somebody.’  
‘Sure it is,’ Waverly said straightening to continue shelving the books in her cart. ‘But not to me and certainly not to the warden.’  
Nicole stared at her, stunned by how calm Waverly appeared, ‘then who?’   
Waverly waited for Nicole to appear between the next shelves, ‘Roseanne Stevens.’  
‘Who?’ The name clarified nothing for Nicole.   
‘The silent silent partner. She’s the guilty one, the one with all the bank accounts. Everything leads back to her.’ Waverly explained.  
‘But who is she?’  
‘A phantom and apparition,’ Waverly shrugged gesturing to the air. ‘A ghost… second cousin to Harley the rabbit.’ Nicole smirked at the comment. ‘I conjured her up… she only exists on paper.’  
Shaking her head, Nicole tried to process what she was hearing, ‘baby… you can’t just make someone up.’  
‘Sure I can,’ Waverly grinned. Her pride was very endearing to Nicole. ‘It’s amazing what you can achieve these days with a little knowledge. Miss Stevens has a birth certificate, social security number and even a driving license.’  
‘You’re shitting me.’  
‘Nope,’ Waverly assured her. ‘If they ever do get curious they’ll be chasing a figment of my imagination.’  
Nicole stared at her impressed, ‘did I say you were good? You’re my fucking little genius.’ Although she said it in a hushed voice, Waverly felt the meaning of it. The pride continued to shine on her face.  
‘The funny thing… on the outside I was an honest woman, straight as an arrow…’ she thought for a moment amused, ‘in more ways than one,’ to this Nicole chuckled. ‘… but Red, your wife had to come to prison to be a crook.’  
Unable to help herself, Nicole let out a single crack of laughter. A few of the women sitting nearby looked up, but soon saw that it was nothing of interest as Nicole and Waverly pretended to look busy. Once the women had returned to their books or games, the couple shared another amused look before returning to the actual task at hand.

Once again surrounded by all the other women in the yard, Nicole and her gang gathered on the bleachers during their time outside. She and Waverly where playing droughts, whilst Rosita had her nose in another book and Dolls and Jeremy looked like they were discussing how to box. A notion very comical to all those around due to Jeremy’s slight and not so tall figure.   
‘Does it ever bother you? Nicole asked moving one of her pieces.  
‘What’s that?’  
‘Handling all this tainted money,’  
Waverly paused as she considered her move, ‘not really,’ she replied after she’d made it. ‘You just have to think about everything it’s done. It got us the library we have now and I’m working on bending the warden to allow us to build the salon. She has the money, she’s just being a tight bitch…’  
Almost as if it was reacting to Waverly’s comment, the prison alarm sounded loudly throughout the prison yard. To anyone not accustomed to what the alarm meant, might have thought it signalled an escape or that a fight had broken out, instead it signalled the arrival of another bus load of new inmates.

_Wynonna Williams arrived in Shawshank Prison in 1965 on a two year stretch for B and E. That’s breaking and entering to you. A young punk in her mid twenties she saw herself as Miss Rock and Roll. She had the hair alright, long and black and the leather jacket with tassels, visible on arrival. This would have been confiscated until her release upon her arrival of course. But without it, she was still as cocky as hell. She would give us shit in wood shop if we worked too slow, telling us to ‘move it like molasses as we were making her look bad.’ We liked her immediately._

It was always exciting for the inmates to have a new character among them. Gathered around Wynonna, who showed her character by wearing her sleeves rolled up up, they listened to her stories. All that was missing was a packet of cigarettes tucked into one of them. A charismatic girl she told her tales of crime and adventure with great vigour.   
‘So I’m coming out of this joint I just busted, with this fucking tv about this big,’ she spread her arms to show a length of at least a meter. ‘Johnny, my so called boyfriend has already legged it leaving my with my arse in the air, when I hear this voice go…’ she deepens it for effect. ‘Hey there girl, drop what you’re holding and put your hands in the air. So I say, sorry sir, I kind of have my hands full at the moment. Now he gets pretty pissed at this.’ She dropped her voice again. ‘I don’t care if you’re holding a fucking baby, I have a gun pointed at your back. I want you to turn around slowly and drop what you’re holding and out your hands in the air. So I turn round still holding this fucking thing and say to him, yes sir, I get what you’re saying but if I drop this tv, you’ve got me on destruction of property too.’   
A wave of laughter rippled through the table as they continued to chew on the latest horrendous muck from the kitchen. Over the years, the food had improved in its texture but still very much lacked in taste. ‘So I hear you done time all over?’ Rosita asked.  
‘Yup… if you name a joint, I pretty much been to them all, so I could tell you all about it. I’m just waiting for them to send me to the same one twice… they must be running out of new prisons by now…’ Wynonna laughed, almost impressed with herself.  
‘Perhaps it’s time you tried a new profession,’ Waverly suggested from her end of the table.   
‘What?’ Wynonna asked confused.   
‘I mean… you can’t be a very good thief if you keep winding up in prison,’ Waverly shrugged casually.   
Wynonna was clearly not amused by the comment, ‘well what the fuck do you know about it?’ She spat. ‘What are you in for?’  
‘Me?’ Waverly said pointing to her chest. She then shared a knowing look with those around her. ‘Lawyer fucked me.’ They began to nod as well, they knew where Waverly was going with this. ‘Everybody is innocent in here Wynonna, didn’t you know that?’   
Everyone on the table burst into laughter again and very slowly Wynonna got the joke. Once she had, she began to laugh as well and Waverly sent her a kinder smile knowing that despite how much attitude Wynonna showed them she had, it was never easy being the new girl.

_As it turned out, Wynonna had a husband and new baby girl called Alice on the outside. Maybe it was the thought of them being out on the streets or the idea that her daughter would grow up without her mummy that scared her. Whatever it was, it lit a fire under that girl’s ass._

Wynonna entered the library. The strut has gone a little from her step as she looked around nervously. Her eyes fell upon Waverly, who was busying herself sorting some of the National Geographic magazines on one of the shelves. Swallowing, Wynonna pushed her hand through her hair as if to remind herself of her own self confidence and sauntered her way over.   
‘Hey,’ she smiled leaning against the shelf, trying to look cocky once again.  
Waverly looked at Wynonna, surprised to see her in the library, ‘well hello Miss Williams… what an honour for you to grace my library… I didn’t think you knew where books came from.’ She smirked to show her joke, Wynonna rolled her eyes playfully. ‘How can I help you today?’  
‘I’m thinking of getting my high school equivalency. Hear you been helping some of the ladies out with that?’  
Waverly studied her for a moment, then turned away unimpressed, ‘I don’t waste time on losers, Wynonna.’  
Annoyed Wynonna followed Waverly over to the librarian’s desk, ‘I ain’t no goddam loser.’  
‘Could’ve fooled me with your B and E skills…’ Waverly said as she sat down at her desk. ‘Exactly how many stretches have you done again?’  
‘Look…’ she slumped into the chair opposite the desk. ‘I know it looks shit… I am aware… but I gotta do this… I have people counting on me.’  
Waverly studied her carefully, ‘and what do those people mean to you?’  
‘The world.’  
For the first time since meeting her, Waverly saw vulnerability enter Wynonna’s eyes, ‘well that’s a good start… but if we do this… we do it all the way. One hundred percent. Nothing half-assed. Got it?’  
Wynonna thought about it for a moment, then nodded. ‘Thing is… I don’t read so good…’  
‘Well…’ Waverly corrected her. ‘You don’t read so well…’ Wynonna started at her confused. Waverly couldn’t help but smile amused. ‘We’ll get to that.’

_So Waverly took Wynonna under her wing and started walking her through her ABCs. Wynonna took to it pretty well too. Girl found brains she didn’t realise she had._

Hunched over the book, Wynonna moved her fingers over the book intently. Waverly sat opposite on the bleachers watching as Wynonna puzzled over the work. ‘The cat… shh…shim… shimmied up the tree and crept… ste… stel… stealthily out on the limb…’  
‘Well done… that’s really good,’ Waverly smiled. Wynonna looked really surprised at herself then leant back down to carry on with the next line.  
‘I still can’t believe you’ve got her doing this,’ Nicole said from behind Waverly.   
Waverly leaned back to whisper to Nicole, ‘me neither.’ She laughed. Subtly, Nicole squeezed Waverly’s side before returning to her poker game with Dolls, Jeremy and Rosita. Having looked up from the book for a moment, Wynonna caught the slip of affection.

_After a while, you couldn’t pry a book out of her hands._

‘Hey!’ Nicole. Called over to Wynonna who was sat rooted into a book whilst wood piled up behind her on the conveyer belt behind her. ‘Ass in gear girl, you’re putting us behind.’ Quickly my Wynonna snapped the book shut and stuffed it into her pocket before spinning round to unload the wood. Once she’d done so she looked over at Nicole as she continued to work on the task she’d been given.   
After a little hesitation, Wynonna walked over, ‘Red…?’ She leaned back a little awkwardly against Nicole’s bench. ‘Can I ask you something?’  
‘Sure thing Williams,’ Nicole nodded as she began to sand down the chair leg in her hands.  
‘Are you… you and Dufresne? Um…’ she started. Nicole looked up immediately to see where Wynonna was going with this. ‘… doing the nasty?’ She laughed with her comment.   
Nicole’s face however, remained unmoved, ‘and how is that any of your business?’  
‘Sorry… I just…’ she put her hands up to show that she meant no harm. ‘I caught a moment between you two and I just… wondered.’  
‘Well girl… you can stop wondering…’ Nicole said sternly. ‘A relationship in this place? Fucking impossible.’  
Wynonna nodded understanding, ‘okay… gotcha.’ She went to walk away then turned back. ‘If you are… you know, with Dufresne… it’s cool. I got three sisters and one of them ran away with a girl. My mum went fucking ballistic but… just so you know… doesn’t bother me… love is love right?’ she met Nicole’s eyes for a moment and smiled before returning to her work station. Nicole watched her go surprised, but relieved to know that there were people like Wynonna that thought that way.

_Before long Waverly had started Wynonna on her course requirements. She really liked the kid and that was part of it. Gave Waverly a thrill to help a youngster crawl out of the shitheap. But that wasn’t the only reason. Prison time is slow time. Sometimes it feels like stop-time, so you do what you can to keep going. Some ladies collect stamps, others built match stick houses, some fuck the brains out of their secret wives… and whilst Waverly was very good at the last one, she also built a library. Now she needed a new project and Wynonna was it. It was the same reason she spent years shaping and polishing rocks in her cell and the same reason she hung her fantasy men on the wall. Of course, we know that she would have preferred it to be women… In prison a woman will do almost anything to keep her mind occupied. By 1966, right about the time Wynonna was beginning to take her exams, it was the lovely Charles Heston. Or at least, that’s what I was told by the other women when I picked out the poster for her. I couldn’t really go by my own judgement could I?_

It was the day of the big test. Waverly had cleared one corner of the library to ensure that Wynonna had the quiet to enable her to concentrate. In her hand, Waverly gripped a stop watch to monitor the time whilst watching Wynonna pencil-scribbling. Around them, few old-timers were growing the shelves, using it was an excuse to check in on Wynonna’s progress. Wynonna tried to ignore them so she could concentrate. An unimpressed glare their way from Waverly soon sent them packing to the other side of the library.   
Checking her stop watch again, Waverly cleared her throat, ‘time’s up…’ a little startled Wynonna looked up at Waverly and dropped her pencil on the table. ‘Well?’  
‘Well… it’s for shit…’ angrily Wynonna rose from her chair in disgust. ‘Waste of a whole fucking year of my life with this bullshit!’  
‘It may not be as bad as you think,’ Waverly said softly trying to calm her down.  
‘No, it’s worse! I didn’t get a fucking thing right, may as well have been in Chinese!’ She smacked her chair in frustration almost toppling it over. The sound made a few of the library’s occupants jump.  
‘Let’s see how the score comes out,’ Waverly continued remaining calm.  
Waverly went to reach for the paper but Wynonna snatched it up before she could safely gather it in, ‘two points right there… that’s your goddam score!’ She waved the paper I’m the air before crumpling it it up angrily and throwing it in the bin. ‘Goddam cats crawling up trees, five times five is twenty five… fuck this place! Fuck it!’ Running her hand violently through her hair, Wynonna stormed out of the library furiously slamming the door behind her.   
Despite the stunned eyes on her, Waverly calmly walked round to the bin and took the paper out and in crumpled it on the table. ‘What do you think Dufresne?’ asked one of the onlookers. ‘Think the kid’s got a chance?’  
‘Mind your own business Taylor,’ Waverly snapped a bit irritated at the constant curiosity.

Out in the yard, it was clear to all around that Wynonna was furious at herself. Over the the gym section, the gym bag was getting quite the unenviable attention as she grunted angrily with every punch and kick. In the afternoon sun, sweat trickled down her face and through her hair which was now pulled up into a loose ponytail. She’d been at it for at least thirty minutes, her hands hurt, her arms ached but she did not want to stop. Then she would have to think about how she had failed.  
‘You’re going to hurt yourself if you carry on like this,’ Nicole said as she appeared on the other side of the bag holding it steady.   
‘Don’t fucking care,’ the next punch sent Nicole stumbling backwards through the power sent through the bag. Wynonna didn’t register this and persisted.  
Regaining her balance, Nicole took a seat in a safer place on a weight bench nearby, ‘what are you so angry about?’  
‘I let them down,’ Wynonna admitted throwing two high kicks at the bag.   
‘Surely being in prison already did that?’  
At this Wynonna looked irritated, ‘yeah… well, now it’s worse.’  
‘How?’  
‘Because even when I try to make it right… I screw up!’ She threw one last punch at the bag then turned to face Nicole throwing her arms up defeated. ‘I mean, what the fuck am I supposed to do?’  
Nicole sighed and remembered a similar feeling many times, ‘you keep fighting.’ Tired and fed up, Wynonna walked over sat down on the bench next to Nicole staring blankly out ahead. ‘You always keep fighting. You can’t let them or this shitty system get to you.’  
Tears began to show in Wynonna’s eyes, ‘but… Alice… what if I never…?’ Her faced creased with pain.  
‘You will…’ Nicole reassured her. ‘Because you feel like this… just think to yourself… you’re never going to let yourself feel like this again…’ Wynonna nodded, she believed Nicole’s words. Looking down she could see her hurt hands were trembling and so could Nicole. Gently, Nicole took them and began to take off the strapping. As she did so, out of the corner of her eye she saw Waverly enter the yard. She couldn’t help but take a moment to gaze at her wife.  
Once again, Wynonna caught the moment, ‘you are banging her aren’t you?’  
Rolling her eyes, Nicole continued with her task, ‘you young people… always a way with words.’  
Wynonna grinned, she knew she was right, ‘how long?’  
‘Seventeen years,’  
Eyes wide, Wynonna’s jaw nearly hit the floor, ‘fuck me man.’ She took this in for a moment. ‘That’s a lifetime.’  
‘Yeah well…. I’ve nearly spent my entire life in here,’ she removed the last bandage and threw it in the bin behind them. Wynonna took her hands back and began to check them over. ‘But most of it has been lucky enough to have her in it.’  
They both watched as Waverly took a seat next to Jeremy, ‘is it common knowledge or?’  
‘Oh fuck no… with how much bible bashing she does Lucado would go nuts… no, we have to be really careful… which means…’  
‘Mouth shut… got it,’ Wynonna put two thumbs up but winced at how sore it was to do so.   
‘If anything happened, if we were separated and she or I were sent elsewhere…’ Nicole said as she gazed across the yard. ‘That would be the worst sentence anyone could give me.’  
‘Well no on will hear it from me.’ She smiled at Nicole as she got up. ‘Thanks Red… appreciate the talk.’  
‘Any time,’ Nicole shrugged also getting to her feet. ‘Trust Waverly… okay?’ Wynonna looked at her for a moment before allowing herself to nod. With a half hearted smile she turned and disappeared across the yard leaving Nicole able to look across the yard at Waverly as she happily shared a joke with Jeremy. She loved to watch Waverly laugh.

 


	19. Chapter 19

_Wynonna was as good as her word and didn’t say a thing to anyone. In fact, I enjoyed having someone else know as it felt like more support. Maybe if Lucado did find out, then Waverly and I would have more people to stand up for us. Just like Dolls when she first arrived, Wynonna didn’t really want to associate herself with a particular group of cons but slowly she was becoming part of ours. I think she saw me as a big sister she’d always wanted and she needed it as she continued to berate herself for the test that she still saw as a failure. Poor kid was far too tough on herself._

 

‘I feel like I let her down,’ Wynonna said sipping her coke as they took a break in wood shop. It was one of those hot days that sapped the energy right out of the inmates as soon as they lifted a finger.

‘That’s crap, she’s proud of you,’ Wynonna shot Nicole an unconvinced look. ‘I told you how long we’ve been involved… I know her as good as anybody… in fact I think I know her better than I know myself.’

‘Smart gal ain’t she?’

Nicole smiled proudly, ‘smart as they come. That’s my Waverly. She used to work in a bank on the outside.’ She took a seat next to the young girl also sipping her own coke.

‘What’s she in for anyway?’ Wynonna asked.

‘Murder…’

Wynonna reared up surprised, ‘the hell you say!’

Nicole nodded in agreement, ‘you wouldn’t believe it to look at her… caught her husband in bed with another woman and greased them both… apparently. I don’t believe it for a second. I don’t believe a woman as gentle and amazing as Waverly could ever do that…’ She sighed and finished her coke before standing up. ‘Come on you, back to work.’ She slapped Wynonna firmly on the knee and started to walk away. A loud crash stopped her splitting the silence. Turning back she saw that the coke bottle Wynonna had been holding had slipped out of her hand and was now shattered into pieces on the floor.

‘Oh my god…’ Wynonna breathed out.

 

The library had been cleared so that only Wynonna, Waverly and Nicole were present. The sign had been turned to closed causing quiet to fall over the room. Wynonna sat on a chair backwards her arms resting on its back. Waverly and Nicole sat beside each other on one of the tables. They both looked at Wynonna attentively waiting for the young girl to begin talking.

Wynonna looked nervous as she began to speak, ‘about four years ago, I was in Thomaston on a two to three year stretch. Stole a car. Dumbfuck thing to do… but when your boyfriend says jump… you fucking dive off the cliff.’ She shook her head almost disgusted with herself. ‘Few months left to go, I get a new cellmate in. Shae Blatch. One of the most stunning pieces of ass I’ve ever seen on a woman. Also, one twitchy fucker. She was so intelligent… but something was also off y’know? Something in her eyes. The kind of roommate you pray you don’t get.’ Wynonna shuddered at the memory. ‘She was going six to twelve for armed burglary. She’d done hundreds of jobs and talked all the time, that’s the other thing. She never fucking shut up. Places she’d been, jobs she’d pulled, men and women she’d fucked. Even people she killed.’ She looked up at the couple in front of her. ‘I think you’re getting the picture?’ Nicole and Waverly looked at each other and nodded. ‘One night like a joke, I say… yeah Shae? Who you kill? So she says…’

 

Four years ago

 

Shae sat by the window on her bunk in the darkened cell with the proudest smirk on her face. On the other side of the room, Wynonna sat pressed against the wall on her own bunk as she watched the shifty character consider her question. It was clear Shae wanted to answer it, she was itching to. She wore her hair slick back and two of her teeth were plated gold giving her smile a menacing appearance. With her hollow eyes, one look made any other in mate feel uneasy in her presence.

After the long pause, Shae began to speak her voice calm and chilling, every word out of her mouth deliberate, ‘I got this job bustin tables at a country club. This was so I could case all the big rich pricks that come in,’ she began. ‘I loved checking out who I was going to grease or who I could fuck to then slip away with their money after a good satisfaction.’ She chuckled coldly. ‘So, I pick out this one guy, go in one night and do his place. He wakes me up and gives me shit. So I killed him. Him and the tasty bitch that he was with.’ She starts laughing uncontrollably as she speaks. ‘That’s the best part! He’s fucking his girl, as he thinks of himself as this big shot golf pro, but he’s married to some other broad. Some desk banker girl… and she’s the one they pinned it on!’ She had to take a moment to deal with her laughter so she could get more words out. ‘They got her banged up in Portland somewhere doing time for the crime… ain’t that a fix!’

 

Present day

 

Wynonna stared at Waverly as Waverly stared back at her. Beside her, also trying to deal with what she had just been told, Nicole reached across and placed a hand on Waverly’s leg. For a moment Waverly wondered if Wynonna was telling the truth. She so desperately wanted it to be the truth. The story seemed so farfetched, almost comical. However there were details in her story that only someone telling the truth could possibly know. Shae had to have been the one that did it. After also staring at Wynonna trying to read the young girl’s expression, hoping to gauge the honesty in it, Nicole turns her attention to Waverly.

‘Baby?’ Waverly looks at her speechless holding their gaze for a few seconds before getting up from the table and walking quickly out of the room.

 

_That moment must have felt like true vindication to Waverly but I can’t deny how it felt to me. I loved her, whether or not she had murdered her husband. That was a detail I had dismissed from my mind a long time ago. But now that it was true that she really hadn’t done it, if it was possible, I loved her even more. Unlike me, she was completely innocent and that made her even more perfect. Of course, a part of me always knew but to hear it for sure, meant the world._

‘Waves!’ Letting the library door close behind her, Nicole gave chase. ‘Waves!’ At the end of the corridor, Waverly had stopped and was staring at Nicole, eyes bleary with tears. ‘You okay?’

‘No,’ Waverly admitted wiping her eyes with her sleeve. ‘I hated him, but it’s still hard to hear how Champ died and who killed him. Some heartless bitch just after his money. It feels like a man’s life is worth more than that you know?’

‘I know,’ Nicole kissed her forehead and rubbed her arms to soothe her.

‘I need to see Lucado,’ Waverly said nervously.

Frowning, Nicole looked down at her, ‘why?’

‘She needs to know…’ Waverly explained. ‘I’m innocent Nicole, I always have been. She needs to know.’

Nicole felt a sting in her chest, ‘why what do you think will happen?’

Waverly shrugged, ‘I don’t know… maybe I’ll get a new trial… chance to clear my name.’

Reeling, Nicole took a step back from Waverly, ‘what… so you can be free you mean?’

Waverly caught her meaning immediately, ‘I know how this sounds Nicole… but I’m innocent…’

‘Waves, if you’re released then…’ she stepped back further away from Waverly suddenly very frightened.

Waverly felt numb. All she could think about was that she was in prison for someone else’s crime, someone who was heartless and cruel. Someone who could have released and was now out in the world and free. Unrestricted to act upon whatever malicious desires she had. And sitting back in the library was the person who held the truth of that. ‘Nicole… I can’t explain it… I just need to tell someone. I have to tell Lucado.’

‘But Wynonna told me too… I know…’ She pointed to herself becoming desperate. The realisation of what could happen in light of this new evidence had completely taken hold and it was unbearable. ‘You can’t leave me.’

Waverly stared at her wife, Nicole’s distraught eyes; her quivering lip as she tried not to cry. Her pain was tearing Waverly apart and the thought of being apart from Nicole terrified her as much as it did Nicole, but this was beyond that. She had been in Shawshank for nineteen years, for a crime she did not commit. The absolutely injustice of it, was completely overwhelming, like she was being consumed by it. Waverly needed the warden to know.

‘Listen…’ she approached Nicole, grabbing at and stroking her face. ‘We don’t know what this means… it could do nothing… or it could lead to something. But this is my life Nicole, my innocence. You have to understand that that means something to me.’ Unable to embrace Waverly, Nicole’s arms remained limp by her side as she cried into Waverly’s hands. ‘You’ll have another parole date coming up soon… we could be free together… we could have that life we talk about…’

‘What if I’m not Waves?’ Nicole wept.

It was a thought that hurt Waverly too. The conflict in her head was deafening. She desired to be recognised as innocent so much but until that moment when she found out it could actually happen, the only thing she had desired for seventeen years was Nicole. It was almost as if she was in autopilot. Her heart was screaming at her to ignore what she had just been told by Wynonna, but her body and mind needed justice.

There were also tears in Waverly’s eyes now, ‘I love you… and you know I’ll wait…’

‘Oh god…’ Nicole crumpled into Waverly’s arms burying her head into Waverly’s shoulder.

‘I’ll always wait for you…’ Waverly whispered. She pulled Nicole’s face up so that she could kiss her, slowly and lovingly taking in every feel of Nicole’s lips against her own. She felt Nicole grip at her back desperately; trying to hold onto her, show her how frantic she was that Waverly did not walk away down that corridor. Unable to take any more of what she knew she was doing to Nicole, Waverly pulled their faces apart. Placing their foreheads together, Waverly fought the pain that Nicole’s sobs brought her heart. ‘I’m sorry…’

As Waverly slowly let her hands fall away from Nicole’s face, Nicole clawed at the air where Waverly had stood, ‘no… please… no…’ Waverly didn’t look back, she couldn’t. Once she was out of sight, Nicole’s legs gave way.

 

_She was leaving me. I couldn’t believe that she was leaving me. I understood it. If I could find anything that could set me free, I would grab it with both hands and not let go of it for shit. But, her innocence meant her freedom and that would take her away from me. The turmoil in my head tore me up as I sat there on that cold floor. I’d never known anyone so sweet that deserved innocence so much. She didn’t belong in that prison, she never did. But while she was in that place, she was my reason, all my reasons. And they could soon be working out of the door._

Holding her breath, Waverly watched Lucado as she toyed over the words Waverly had just said. Waverly could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she waited for the warden’s reaction. The warden’s face had remained placid and unreadable as Waverly had explained the story Wynonna had just told her. It had been very unnerving as Waverly spoke, but her determination had allowed her to continue speaking. Now she waited, almost as if she was waiting for the verdict all over again.

‘Well, I have to say, that’s the most amazing story I’ve ever heard. What amazes me is that you were taken in by it,’ Lucado said. Waverly felt her heart sink and she closed her eyes heartbroken. ‘It’s obvious that this girl Wynonna Williams is impressed with you. She hears your tale of woe and quite naturally wants to cheer you up. She’s young, but not terribly bright. Not surprising he didn’t know what state he’d put you in.’

Waverly couldn’t believe what she was hearing, ‘I think she’s telling the truth,’ she protested.

‘Well let’s just say that for a moment this Shae Blatch does exist.’ She leaned forward on her desk placing her elbows on it. ‘You think he’d just fall to his knees and cry, yes I did it, I confess! Please add a life term to my sentence!’

Waverly squirmed in her chair, ‘it doesn’t matter. With Tommy’s testimony, I can get a new trial.’

‘That’s assuming Blatch is even still there. Chances are excellent that she’s been released by now.’

‘They’d have his last known address, names of relatives… there’s a chance isn’t there…?’ She watched in disbelief as Lucado shook her head. Waverly knew that Lucado’s reluctance to cooperate or help wasn’t just to do with the facts she had just discussed but by Lucado’s continued greed. If Waverly was released, she, Hadley and the prison would no longer be making the money that it currently was. Unwittingly, Waverly had created a monster. ‘How can you be so obtuse?’

The warden’s eyes widened in shock, ‘what did you call me?’

‘Obtuse!’ It was if her words weren’t her own. Just like with Nicole and her decision to see the warden at all, Waverly was being driven by her need for justice, to clear her name. The consequences didn’t matter.

Lucado rose from her chair furious, ‘Dufresne, if you want to indulge this fantasy, then that’s your business. Don’t make it mine. This meeting’s over.’

Waverly also took to her feet so that she remain as close to Lucado’s eye line as possible. She was desperate to find some hint of empathy in them that she could reach and appeal to. ‘Look… if it’s the squeeze, don’t worry. I’d never say what’s gone on here. I’d be just as indictable as you for laundering the money.’

Lucado’s face almost began to turn red with fury, ‘don’t you ever mention money again you sorry little bitch!’ she spat. ‘Not in this office… not anywhere!’ She slapped her hand down on the intercom to her left. ‘Get in here!’

Petrified, Waverly began to panic, ‘I was just trying to rest your mind at ease, that’s all…’

‘Too late Dufresne, too late.’ Behind her, two guards entered. ‘Solitary… a month!’

Looking back dismayed, Waverly rushed forwards and put her hands on Lucado’s desk to try and prevent what was coming, ‘What’s the matter with you?’ It’s my chance to get out, don’t you see that?’ As she spoke each guard took hold of an arm each and began to drag her away out of the room. ‘It’s my life! Don’t you understand, it’s my life!’ Lucado stood unmoved, still clearly enraged, but satisfied as she watched Waverly withdraw from sight. Slowly, shaking off the entire episode, she readjusted her expensive dress and sat back down. With a gratified smile she picked up her pen and continued her work.

 

_When I found out Waverly had got solitary for a month, the relief in me was bewildering. It meant that her attempts to regain her freedom had been unsuccessful. As you can probably understand this delighted me, but it also meant that something went down in that office which greatly displeased the warden. Waverly was still in prison, but she was out of my reach. I did feel betrayed by her, her immediate decision to try and get released without seeming to put any thought into what it would do to me. However, after the initial shock, I really did understand it. As I said before, if some kid appeared with a story that vindicated me, I would probably take it. Prison time is harsh time. It does things to your head. There’s no rational in here._

‘Fuck me… a month in a hole.’ Rosita sighed as the group sat splintered once again in the yard gathered with the rest of the inmates for mail call. ‘Longest damn stretch I ever heard of.’ Jeremy placed an arm around Nicole as she stared blankly ahead.

‘It’s all my fault,’ Wynonna sighed.

‘Like hell,’ Dolls spoke up. ‘You didn’t pull the trigger, you didn’t convict her.’

‘Red… are you saying Dufresne is innocent… I mean for real innocent?’ Rosita asked still trying to process it. Without looking round Nicole nodded enough so that they could see it. ‘Shit… how long has she been in here?’

‘Since forty seven…’ Nicole said emotionless. ‘Going on nineteen years.’

‘Fuck me,’ Rosita breathed again.

‘And you two?’ Jeremy chimed in.

Nicole paused as she thought out it. She knew the answer, the numbers just seemed to have more weight to them than they’d ever had before, ‘… seventeen years.’

‘Jesus…’ Rosita breathed. All four of them took a moment to contemplate these figures. They all knew people on the outside who hadn’t managed to make their marriages last that long and Waverly and Nicole had done it secretly and successfully within the confines of a prison.

‘Wynonna Williams!’ came the call from the mail caller up on the small wooden stage. With a frown Wynonna took herself off the bench and held her hand up to show her location. The mail caller tossed her an envelope which she caught successfully.

‘Board of Education,’ Dolls read over her shoulder.

Wynonna rolled her eyes, ‘the fucking bitch mailed it.’ The others knew she didn’t mean it nastily as it almost tried to turn away from it.

‘Looks that way,’ Jeremy smiled. ‘You gonna open it or stick your thumb up your butt?’

Wynonna made the mistake to look hesitant. Instantly, the women hemmed her in and Dolls used her strength and height to snatch the envelope away. A game ensued as Wynonna desperately tried to regain the envelope as it was passed between the group. Nicole remained distant on the benches, only able to watch. Finally after a few rounds amongst the friends the envelope returned to Dolls. She used her frame again to push Wynonna back who desperation for the envelope to be discarded were ignored.

Carefully, Dolls tore it open and removed the piece of paper inside to read it, ‘well… shit.’

 

Sitting with her back against the wall, Waverly’s facial expression mirrored the one Nicole had worn in the yard, blank and lost. She was scolding herself for making such a stupid mistake. In that office, she had not only lost her credibility with the warden and any respect the woman may have had for her but maybe also her wife. She had chosen to take the opportunity to gain freedom, rather than stay and be with the woman she loved. If she were Nicole, she would find that very hard to forgive. Even though the darkness and quiet was intolerable, it might have been better than the alternatives: freedom without Nicole or being back in the prison without Nicole’s love and affection.

Footsteps outside her door swayed her attention for a moment as the slot in her door opened. From outside an elderly guard peered through. A thin slice of light shone on Waverly to whom it was blinding. ‘Kid passed, C-plus average. Thought you’d like to know.’ She clanged the slot shut and Waverly heard the footsteps disappear back down the corridor. She registered the words, but was unable to process the enormity of them.

 

_The sun shone gently down onto the corn field which stretch out before the grounds of the house. The breeze caused it to sway softly as the sun’s position in the sky lessened as the evening approached. From the porch which wrapped round each side of the wooden house, Nicole continued to sand down the edge of the shelf she was putting together. She held it up in front of her eyes and examined her work before seeing some areas that still needed work. As she dropped it down from in front of her face, two figures appeared in front of her which caused her mouth to break into an instant delighted grin._

_Inside, Waverly sang sweetly to herself as took books off an unsteady shelf. She piled them up neatly in a box put aside on the floor ensuring that they were in order and packed away neatly. She then picked up a screw driver and endeavoured to try and start unscrewing the nails which secured it to the wall. With her dainty hands she struggled and grimaced as she tried to force the nails to turn. As it held steadfast she slipped and hit her hand into the wall. She cried out and shook her hand to absorb the pain._

_‘Honey…’ laughed Nicole as she entered the house. ‘I said, I’d do that…’ She walked over and took Waverly’s hand to examine it. Only a light red mark had appeared. Nicole kissed it and rubbed it gently with her thumb. ‘You’re too stubborn for your own good.’ Waverly pouted at the comment but still stared lovingly into Nicole’s eyes. ‘Hey… look who I found outside…’ she broke away to beckon to someone still outside the door._

_Waverly beamed as a little girl came tottering in. With dark brown eyes and an huge playful smile she was still a little wobbly on her feet as she made her way over to Waverly, ‘hey Alice!’ Waverly exclaimed bending down to welcome the little girl into her arms. She swept the dark haired girl up in her arms and spun her round. ‘How’s my big girl?’_

_From the other side of the room Nicole and Wynonna watched as Waverly lost herself, ‘she’s grown!’ Nicole commented._

_‘I know… tell me about it,’ Wynonna agreed. ‘Keep buying her clothes than she fucking grows out of them. I’m going to have to go back to B and E to keep up with her needs.’ She caught the look of horror on Nicole’s face. ‘Kidding… Jesus.’ She gazed at her daughter in Waverly’s arms. ‘I’m never leaving that little girl again…’ Nicole’s face relaxed. ‘Nope… this girl’s gone straight…’_

_Nicole smiled at her proudly, ‘How’s your husband’s bank job that Waverly set him up with?’ she asked._

_‘Good…’ Wynonna smiled. ‘He says he hates it, but he’s out of bed like a lightning bolt in the morning so I think he’s actually enjoying it. And at the weekend’s I pull pints at the local joint… it’s not much, but it’ll see her right.’_

_‘We’re so proud of you…’ Nicole reached out and squeezed Wynonna’s shoulder._

_Holding Alice’s hands whilst she walked, Waverly directed the little girl back over to where Nicole and Wynonna were standing, ‘where’s Mummy Alice? Where’s mummy?’ With a giggle, Alice let go of Waverly’s fingers and toddled into Wynonna’s leg grabbing hold of her mother’s boots. ‘Clever girl!’_

_With a playful groan, Wynonna picked up her daughter and held cuddled her close, ‘sorry… this could only be a flying visit… as we are on our way to see Daddy at work… as the idiot left his lunch at home…’ she looked at Nicole and Waverly with an irritated raise of an eyebrow, ‘as if I don’t have enough to do.’_

_‘If you ever need any help… we’d be more than happy to take her for a day… or two…’ Waverly suggested._

_‘You would?’_

_‘We would?’_

_Waverly shot Nicole a frisky scowl, ‘of course… we love Alice time.’ She ticked Alice’s tummy causing her to squeal happily. Nicole couldn’t help but be endeared by the sight._

_‘That’s great to know… thanks,’ Wynonna smiled and made her way to the door. Through many conversations, she knew that although Waverly was more than happy with her life with Nicole, the one thing Waverly did regret was never being able to have children. Prison time had taken that away from her, both with biology and her conviction. ‘Maybe next week?’ Waverly nodded whilst Nicole shrugged giving in. She didn’t really get on with children, but if it made Waverly happy, she would do it happily.’ Okay… say goodbye to Waverly and Nicole Alice…’ with a little help from Wynonna, Alice waved goodbye before she and Wynonna left the house._

_‘So we’re babysitters now huh?’ Nicole said turning to Waverly and raising her eyebrow._

_‘Are you going to deny me this Redding?’ Waverly challenged._

_Nicole caught sight of Waverly’s wedding ring. She took Waverly’s left hand and kissed the gold. ‘I won’t ever deny you anything…’ She smiled. ‘Except taking down that damn shelf because you are going to do yourself a damage!’_

_Waverly laughed playfully insulted, ‘what exactly are you saying about my DIY skills?’_

_‘Useless Dufresne… useless,’ Nicole chuckled. Gasping Waverly lightly slapped Nicole across the face. A little excited by the move, Nicole took hold of Waverly’s shoulders and pushed her gently back so she fell onto the sofa behind them…_

‘Rise and shine!’ the clanging of the slot in her door brought Waverly right back into her dark tomb. Looking up she saw that breakfast had been shoved through the slot and was waiting for to collect it. Waverly didn’t want to eat; she didn’t want to think… she almost didn’t want to live. Returning to the floor, she lay back down and closed her eyes willing her mind to take her back to the dream.


	20. Chapter 20

 

_Remember when I said that prison time is slow time? Well that was the fucking understatement of the century, because without Waverly, it was like time wasn’t passing at all. Without her smile, her eyes, the simple touch of her hand… it was excruciating. The girls did their best, even Wynonna. She still blamed herself. I could have blamed her, but she was only trying to help. She only told the truth. Then, acting as a little light on the dark horizon, she revealed that she had a little talent that she had been hiding from all of us._

Without Waverly available to continue her duty, Nicole had been put in charge of the library until her return. She’d always preferred it to wood shop but only because Waverly was there. Now it was just her and some old cons playing chess. It felt like the loneliest job in the world. She did what needed to be done for Waverly, she re-shelved the returned books, she filled out the library cards, she chased the unreturned, but most of the time she found herself sitting at Waverly’s desk staring into space. On this particular day which felt as empty and bleak as all the others, Nicole found herself holding Waverly’s clipboard, tracing her fingers over Waverly’s handwriting. She loved the delicacy of how the letters curled and flowed and how consistent it was in size and slant. It was indicant of the woman herself. As she gazed at it, it was only the approach of younger sprightlier legs that pulled her out of the day dream as Wynonna strutted her way in and slid into the chair opposite the desk.

‘You alright old timer?’ She asked with a king smile and a little jab of the fist to Nicole’s upper arm.

Nicole smiled weakly placing the clipboard down, ‘not the best of days…’

‘I feel you,’ Wynonna agreed with a long outbreath. She looked around the library. ‘This place does suck without her face around.’ She then smiled both to Nicole and herself. ‘Which is why I wanted to fix that…’ Apprehensively, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of prudently folded paper. ‘It’s not much, just a little something I’ve been working on… but…’ she sighed. Nicole could tell she was nervous. ‘I hope it helps…’ A little reluctantly she handed it over.

Surprised, Nicole took the piece of paper and little by little unfolded it. Her eyes widened stunned as her eyes fell upon a beautiful pencil drawing of Waverly. It captured her perfectly: a wide alluring smile, eyes fixed and radiant and her hair falling lusciously around her face and over her slight shoulders. She was staring out of the paper straight ahead. Nicole’s heart beat quickened. It was as if Waverly was staring right at her.

‘Wynonna… this is…’ Nicole could barely speak. She was so touched by the thought and at the beauty of the drawing. Nicole had never had a photo of Waverly, not exactly something she could ask for in prison, now she had the next best thing. In fact, something even better; even more special.

‘Glad you like it…’ Wynonna smiled.

‘How did you learn to draw like this?’ Nicole asked finally taking her eyes off the drawing.

Wynonna shrugged, ‘you spend enough time inside, you find these things out.’

‘Well… Waverly did say you needed a new profession… as you’re clearly not good at B and E…’ Nicole reminded her. She waved the paper carefully. ‘I think this might well be it.’

‘As a profession?’ Wynonna scoffed. ‘Nah… just a little hobby. I mainly draw Alice, the husband and my folks… just thought I’d branch out this time…’ Shrugging again she rose from her chair. ‘If you want another… just let me know… honestly, I’d be happy to.’

Nicole simply nodded again her eyes back to being fixed on the drawing. It was when she heard the library door open that she looked up, ‘Wynonna…’ she younger girl turned. ‘Thank you.’ Wynonna replied with a smile before leaving the library and Nicole to soak in how the drawing impeccably captured Waverly’s character and beauty. ‘I miss you so much Waves…’ She whispered. Delicately she brushed her fingers over the picture before folding it up and tucking it securely into her pocket.

 

_‘Okay coming to get you ready or not!’ Waverly called out as she uncovered her face from her hands. She moved out from behind the old barn and began to look around. She checked around Nicole’s blue truck parked just outside the outhouse, but nothing there. Then continuing on, she looked around the picnic table bending to look underneath, but nothing there either. As she stood up, she could hear giggling… in two different tones. Smiling to herself amused, Waverly ensured her footsteps made no sound as she gradually approached the neatly made small wooden climbing frame. She could hear the sound of an adult woman trying to quieten a young girl as they tried to remain hidden. Stooping low to hide herself, Waverly gradually made her way around the climbing frame until she pounced on Nicole and a four year old Alice huddling together. Alice squealed delighted and broke from Nicole’s arms as she ran away. Waverly gave chase and speedily caught up with the little girl, picking her up and spinning her round._

_‘Got you!’ Alice’s long dark hair flowed in the breeze as Waverly held her up in the air. She then brought her in so she could kiss Alice’s check before placing her on the ground. ‘A word of advice, don’t hide with Nicole… she’ll always give you away.’_

_Alice giggled, ‘again!’_

_‘Oh baby, I don’t know… that’s the tenth time now and dinner isn’t going to cook itself…’ Waverly said gesturing to her watch. ‘Maybe after okay… how about you go play princesses in your castle?’ She pointed to the climbing frame which Nicole had very proudly built using her skills learn in wood shop. It was a very impressive thing to behold with numerous levels and a slide. Alice nodded gleefully and ran off. She easily made it up to the second level and waved. Nicole joining Waverly’s side, they both waved back._

_‘Okay… you were right… children are fun,’ Nicole said watching as Alice went down the slide and then climbed back up to go again. ‘This one at least.’_

_‘Well who knows… we might be asked to look after the other one as well soon…’ Waverly said to tease Nicole, but to her surprise Nicole carried on smiling. ‘Okay, that was meant to freak you out… why are you not freaked out?… that’s freaking me out.’_

_‘If she’s this gorgeous, then surely her little brother mustn’t be that bad either,’ Nicole shrugged._

_‘You’re kidding me… you actually like children now?’ Waverly laughed folding her arms amazed._

_Nicole sensed that she was being defeated somehow and had to rectify the situation, ‘no… I like that child… one… and maybe another. I just haven’t met him yet, so I don’t know…’ pouting she turned away from Waverly and ran over to where Alice was playing. Shaking her head, continuously surprised by her wife, Waverly watched as Nicole pretended to be a dragon attacking the castle. Alice screamed and laughed with delight as she worked hard to defend it._

‘Two days to go Dufresne…’ came the sound of the elderly guard’s voice. ‘Hang in there…’ She pushed the food tray through the slot. This time Waverly sat up and took it. The food was even worse in solitary than it was in the canteen, but Waverly was so hungry she simply couldn’t refuse it. She went to pick up her spoon, but stopped when she saw a tiny corner of paper sticking out from underneath her bowl. She placed the spoon back down and moved the bowl off the tray to find a small piece of paper folded up. She placed the tray down so she could hold it in both hands. She quickly checked that no eyes were staring in at her to confiscate her new find before she’d had a chance to open it, and wiggled right to the side of the small cell to ensure that she couldn’t be seen. Using the light from the still open slot, Waverly slowly unfolded the piece of paper and gasped at what she saw within. From the paper, an exquisite drawing of Nicole looked up at her. Tears filled her eyes as she examined the flawless way the features had been drawn and Nicole’s beautiful smile. Just as Nicole had done, she traced her fingers over the drawing, wishing she was actually touching Nicole’s skin. Trying not to draw any attention, Waverly quietened her sobs as she kissed the drawing. Her appetite lost, she lay down holding the paper in the only sliver of light in the cell. As her head lay sideways, the tears from one eye fell into the other then onto the floor. Until she was released, Waverly would keep dreaming, dreaming of a life where she and Nicole were together and happy. She’d learned her lesson, there would be no early release and having been left to her own thoughts for so long, she’d concluded that she would give up that release for Nicole. She would give up anything for Nicole.

 

_Wynonna will never know what those pictures meant to us. That night in my cell I just lay in bed staring up at it. It scared me to think that if she had been released it was all I would have had of her. But in two days, Waverly would be released and I would tell her that I forgave her. I forgave her and I loved her, just as much as always. We would need to thank Wynonna somehow for her kind gesture. The drawings must have taken some time. Such a simple thing that had so much meaning. The kid really was something special._

Whistling contently to herself, Wynonna drew the mop over the tiled floor. After a couple of sweeps, she dipped it again into the bucket of water beside her and splashed it out. She almost danced happily with the mop to the tune coming out of her mouth. Maybe it was the thought that she wasn’t the useless waste of space she thought she was when she came to the prison. That she would be something for her little girl. She’d achieved her high school equivalency, she’d made a secure group of friends that really valued her and she had rediscovered her drawing and made two people truly happy with it. If she could build a life in here, she could build a life for her little girl on the outside. Something she was determined to do this time. This was definitely the last stretch she would ever do. Despite being locked up in a prison, life was good and Wynonna really felt like she had something worth whistling a happy tune about. This was until Eliza Mert came into view.

‘Hey Williams,’ she called hand on truncheon. ‘ Warden wants to talk.’ Looking up, Wynonna didn’t ask what about. Instead she threw her mop down and walked hastily to catch up with Mert’s fast stride. They seemed to walk forever until they reached one of the back gates. Mert unlocked it and sent Wynonna through then turned and headed back inside, her job clearly done. A little confused, Wynonna proceeded out to the loading dock, the access for the shops and mills. Some vehicles were parked around, but all was silent in the night air. Looking around, Wynonna wandered out a little further into the deserted area then stopped when she sensed a presence.

‘Warden?’ Wynonna called out peering into the darkness.

Lucado appeared, stepping into the light with a stern expression on her face, ‘Wynonna…’ she stated. ‘… we’ve got a bit of a situation. I think you can appreciate that.’

‘Yes ma’am I can,’ Wynonna nodded.

‘I tell you girl, this really came along and knocked my wind out. It’s got my up nights. That’s the truth.’ She took out a pack of cigarettes from her pocket. She offered one to Wynonna who refused. Something else she promised herself she would stop for her little girl. ‘The right decision. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what that is. You understand?’ Wynonna nodded. ‘Think hard Williams. If I am going to move on this, there can’t be least little shred of doubt. I have to know that if what you told Dufresne is the truth.’

‘Yes ma’am. Absolutely.’ Wynonna stated confidently.

‘Would you be willing to swear before a judge and jury… having placed your hand on the Good book and taken an oath before Almighty God himself?’ she asked.

‘Just gimme that chance,’ Wynonna assured her.

Lucado smiled, but it wasn’t one of relief, it was awkward and made Wynonna feel cold. ‘See… the problem with you Wynonna… is that you’re damn good at keeping secrets aren’t you…’ Wynonna frowned confused and at the sudden change of tone. Lucado reached into her pocket and pulled out a handful of Wynonna’s drawings. Wynonna swallowed now very anxious. ‘These I understand…’ She held up the drawings of Alice, her husband and her parents. ‘But these… you are going to have to explain these…’ she now held up pictures of Waverly and Nicole. She had been working on some new ones to thank them for all their support and to celebrate Waverly’s imminent release. ‘I mean… why would you have drawings of Dufresne and Redding?’ Her face seemed to crease, almost with disgust. ‘Are you a dyke Williams?’

Wynonna’s eyes widened horrified, ‘What?… no!’

‘Well why else would you have numerous drawings of them… looking, I must say, rather impressive.’ She studied the drawings gesturing to them. ‘Why else would you be drawing your inmates in such a way? And then hiding them?’ Wynonna closed her eyes realising they had searched her cell and found where the drawings that been hidden in a plastic bag in the cistern of her toilet. ‘Impure thoughts such as this have no place in my prison Williams.’

‘It’s not like that…’ Wynonna was beginning to panic, but she was determined not to betray them.

‘Well what’s it like then?’ Lucado demanded. ‘Please enlighten me…’ Wynonna shifted her weight unable to think of what to say. ‘Does he know?’ Lucado held up a picture of Wynonna’s husband. ‘Does he know that you’re a disgusting queer?’

‘I’m not!’ Wynonna protested. ‘I love him… and my little girl…’

‘Then please explain these drawings, because if you don’t… I swear girl, you’re going to solitary until your release and fuck me… for all those brains you gained working with Dufresne, they’ll be toast when you come out of that room…’

‘Please ma’am…’

‘Oh god… is that really what you and Dufresne were up to in that library…?’ Lucado began repulsed. ‘What would your husband say if he…?’

‘They’re in love!’ Wynonna screamed. As soon as she did, she clapped her hands over her mouth horrified that she had done it. ‘Oh god…’

Lucado stared at her stunned, the moment lingered as she processed the words, ‘in love?’

‘Please… don’t ask me to say anymore,’ Wynonna begged sobbing into her hands.

‘Oh you’re going to say more… solitary my girl… solitary…’ Lucado threatened menacingly.

‘They’re married…’ Wynonna forced out through her tears. Every word made her feel sick. She loved them. She truly loved them. But here she was betraying them. ‘I know how, or when… but they really love each other.’

‘Well…’ Lucado blinked astonished. ‘Isn’t that a thing…’ She looked down at the drawings in her hand. ‘So you were drawing these for them?’ Wynonna couldn’t say anymore, she stood limp, crying feeling disgusted with herself. ‘Right under my nose… fucking bitches.’ She shuffled the drawings and handed the ones of Wynonna’s husband and Alice back to her. ‘I’m keeping these.’ She held up the ones of Waverly and Nicole. ‘Thank you Wynonna, I now know for sure that you can be counted on to tell the truth…’ Wynonna looked down at the drawings in her hand. As Alice stared up at her, she felt like that she’d not only let down two of the best friends she had ever had, but also the woman she wanted to be for her daughter.

The warden watched as Wynonna continued to cry, standing vulnerable and alone in the middle of the yard. With a steely and detached look, Lucado slowly backed away from Wynonna. With a few steps she stopped and looked up to the guard’s tower above them. Wynonna was completely unaware of her movements as she continued to sob over the picture of her daughter. With one subtle nod her eyes met Hadley’s. From her position, Hadley raised her gun and fired. Three shots rang out into the night air. By the third, Wynonna had hit the floor. Blood from her lifeless body soaked into the drawings that now lay scattered around her.

Without any emotion or even recognition of what she had just done, Lucado turned away into the shadows. All that could be heard in the yard was the slow clatter of her shoes against the concrete as she walked away.

 

_When we all heard, the shock rippled through the prison like a disease. Everything seemed to stop for all of us. That kid brought so much life to the prison and she had such a bright future ahead of her. A future for herself, her husband and their beautiful little girl. Now that was all gone and there was a husband and baby out there now with no wife or mother. I don’t think there was a single woman in that prison who wasn’t torn apart._

As she heard footsteps coming down the hallway, Waverly quickly folded up the drawing she was staring at and stuffed it into her pocket. She pushed herself up against the wall into a seated position. She knew it was the day; somehow she had managed to keep count. The clang and clatter of the locks of her door opening were suddenly some of the most beautiful sounds that had ever hit her ears. As the door opened, Wavery raised her hands to protect her face from the light. It was vindicating and blinding all at the same time. Through the the gaps between her fingers she saw the outline of warden bend down in front of her.

‘I should imagine that you’ve heard…’ Lucado asked. Keeping her hands in place, Waverly shook her head. ‘About Miss Williams?’ Again, Waverly shook her head in reply. No one had said anything to her since she’d received the drawing two days ago. ‘Such a shame… that she would try and escape like that… with no many prospects.’ Waverly’s face creased with confusion as her eyes began to adjust to the light. Slowly she lowered her hands so that she could see Lucado fully and take in her words. ‘We had no choice but to shoot her… broke Captain Hadley’s heart, really did.’ For a moment, Waverly stopped breathing. ‘Sorry to tell you like this Dufresne.’ There wasn’t a single hint of genuine sympathy in her tone as Waverly tried to register what she was being told. It made no sense.

‘Why would she…?’ Waverly started her voice shaking.

‘Exactly what we were asking ourselves,’ Lucado shrugged. ‘But she did and now she’s dead and we have to move on.’ As Waverly looked up at her, she could sense something was very wrong. Lucado knew something. All of a sudden she realised and couldn’t believe that Lucado could be so greedy that it would lead her to murder a young inmate just because Wynonna could be a potential witness. She questioned her own thoughts. It seemed so absolutely ridiculous… but terrifyingly, somehow plausible.

‘I’m done…’ Waverly said. She had helped to create this monster. There was no way she could work for it any longer. ‘It all stops now. Get H and R block to do your income… I’m done.’

Furious, Lucado lunged forward causing Waverly to cower beneath her, ‘nothing stops Dufresne… nothing! You hear me. Or it will be the hardest time there is. No more protection from the guards. I’ll pull you out of that one-bunk Hilton and put you in with the nastiest inmate there is. You’ll be back to being a punching bag and this time no one will come to your rescue. And the library? Gone. Sealed off brick by brick. We’ll have us a little book-barbeque in the yard and dance around it like wild Indians. They’ll see the flames for miles. Do you understand me?’ From the floor with a whimper Waverly nodded. Lucado stood up straightening her suit. ‘And you know what else is going to stop?’ As Lucado stood, she stepped aside so that Waverly could see the door. To her horror, Nicole appeared beaten and bruised being held tightly by Hadley. ‘This disgusting little show you’ve got going on with Redding.’

‘Oh god…’ Waverly gasped. Nicole hung limp in Hadley’s arms clearly in agony. ‘Nicole…’

‘Now I don’t know how long this has been going on… and I don’t want to know… but it stops now… otherwise the two of you will spend the rest of your days in solitary… because not only is it a sin against God… it’s for the degenerate and sick.’ As she spoke, Waverly and Nicole stared at each other broken. ‘And if I catch wind that you are even attempting to even talk to each other… you will end up just like with Mercedes. Yes remember her? One of you will end your days drinking out of a straw…’ She looked at the distraught expressions of both the women’s faces, practically enjoying the torment she was exacting on them. Both Nicole and Waverly could barely breathe as they stared at each other. ‘Solitary for both… another month…’

‘No… no… Nicole!’ Waverly clambered to her feet and rushed at the door but was shoved back in by one of the other guards with such a force she fell back onto the floor.

‘Waverly!’ Nicole screamed as she was dragged away by Hadley. ‘Waverly!’

‘Oh… I almost forgot…’ Lucado re-entered Waverly’s cell , stood over her and forcefully searched the desperate woman’s pockets until she found the drawing. ‘Don’t want you having any fun time with this now do we…’ She pulled out the drawing and tore it up in front of her face before crumpling the pieces in her hand and taking them away with her. Gasping for breath, Waverly fell to the floor as her cell door was clanged shut and locked.

The slot in the door closed, Waverly was left in darkness once again, ‘Nicole!’ The scream pierced the ears of the guards outside the cell. They felt its meaning, its absolute hopelessness, its pain.

There weren’t many cells in solitary, but Lucado ensured that Nicole placed in the furthest one away from Waverly. The walls so thick between each cell, it would have been impossible for them to exchange any contact or any consoling words. She watched contented as Nicole was thrown in. She coughed in pain as she landed on her broken ribs. She remained there destroyed on the floor. Her drawing had also been confiscated and torn up in front of her when she was dragged into the room where she had been at the mercy of Hadley’s fists.

‘This is what happens to sinners,’ Lucado hissed. Nicole did not turn to look at her. ‘They get what they deserve in the eyes of the Lord. I can’t send you to hell, but I can do the next best thing.’ She nodded to the guard beside her who shut Nicole’s door with a rattle and bang. Waverly heard its distant echo as she too lay crumpled on the floor. Now she didn’t wish for the dreams. Now she wished she was dead.


	21. Chapter 21

‘Shit… shit… shit!’ Dolls screamed into the air as the three friends found themselves a little space in the yard away from the guards’ watchful eyes. ‘How could this happen?’

‘Wynonna dead and both of them in solitary…’ Jeremy sat with her hands on over her face. ‘How did Lucado find out?’ She looked at Rosita an accusatory way.

‘It was not Henry… before you start!’ Rosita seethed through her teeth.

‘What about Eliza then?’ Jeremy asked Dolls. ‘Both of you having been playing with fire with your liaisons.’

‘Look just because you’re jealous that we’re actually getting some… doesn’t mean you can start pointing the finger!’ Rosita snapped.

‘Oh fuck off… screwing on desks looking over my shoulder or in filthy laundry cupboards when anyone could walk in… yeah… so jealous…’ Jeremy spat back angrily.

‘Look stop it… both of you!’ Dolls cried stepping between them. She then checked around the wall hiding them to ensure that no one around had heard, especially the guards. ‘This is not helping. We’ve got one dead friend and two who are in solitary, poor Dufresne for another fucking month… we cannot let this tear us apart.’ Rosita and Jeremy were stunned when they saw tears in Dolls eyes. It was such a rare entity to see and showed the heinousness of the situation the friends found themselves in.

‘Well what the fuck do we do?’ Rosita asked already looking defeated.

‘We get those two together, even if it’s the last thing we do…’ Dolls told them resolutely.

‘But then we could end up in solitary…’ Rosita protested.

‘Aren’t we already?’ Dolls pointed out gesturing around her. The gesture was point out many things: the fact they were hiding, the fact that there were only three of them; the fact that they had lost so much already and now they had lost two more of the most important people in the world to them. ‘Think of everything that those two have done for us and this prison, particularly the library for Gus and the salon for Steph… all the stuff that Red has got you over the years… how she looked after Wynonna… we have to fight for them.’ Her tone was determined and strong. She believed in her own words and was desperate for the others to believe in them too. They could see it in her eyes. Jeremy and Rosita looked at each other and nodded knowing she was right. ‘I just hope the next twenty nine days go quickly for those two…’

‘And for us…’ Jeremy added sadly as she looked out across the yard. Without Waverly and Nicole, the place felt barren and empty. ‘I miss them…’

 

_As I opened my eyes and saw that she was standing in front of me, I knew I was dreaming. However, as she stood in the doorway the light encasing her body and causing her to glow, it was a dream I welcomed most ardently. It was like she moved in slow motion floating towards me as I sat back against the wall gripping my side as it throbbed in agony. I didn’t know how many ribs Hadley had broken, but it felt like all of them. In her right hand, Waverly held a damp white cloth dripping slightly due to the water it held. She knelt down in front of me and brought it to my brow. I closed my eyes as I welcomed its coolness against my forehead and her hand upon my check. I couldn’t help but wince as the touch stung, her fingers grazing a bruise beginning to form on my cheek bone just under my swollen eye I felt her adjust the position of her hand to the back of my neck. I loved the feel of her hands stroking the back of my head. There was no pain as it was the one area that had managed to stay unscathed by the captain. After some time had passed, I couldn’t keep my eyes closed any longer, I had to see her face._

_‘Hey,’ she smiled at me. Unlike the dishevelled woman I had seen in her cell before I was led away to mine, this Waverly was perfect. Her long brown hair was silky and straight, flowing around her face and falling as far as her waist, her skin clean and unblemished and her eyes full of the life and spark that I loved so much. I couldn’t smile due to my stinging split lip, but I hoped I showed it in my eyes. I hoped I showed truthfully how grateful I was to see her, to feel the loving touch of her hands._

_‘Hey you,’ I managed to whisper._

_Slowly, she bent down so that she was kneeling in front of me. Even though she was blocking out most of the light that came through the door, she appeared to be creating some all on her own as she glowed. The gentle dab of the cloth against my skin moved over my swollen eye. I grimaced but also welcomed it. ‘What have they done to my baby?’ She pushed my hair away from where it had stuck to congealed blood then rubbed firmly but tenderly to remove the blood from my skin._

_I coughed for a moment and groaned as it caused pain to sear through me. I saw the worry in Waverly’s eyes as she held me, gripping more tightly, trying to help numb the hurt. Once the worst passed, I was able to sit up a little and take a breath, ‘Lucado was pretty pissed at our secret…’ I explained. ‘She certainly wanted to let that resentment out.’_

_‘Did she do this?’ Waverly asked me horrified. The cloth was now on the floor, its work done. I could now feel her hands stroking my cheeks lightly as she examined my wounded face. She was taking in every cut, every bruise, every piece of evidence that something had made violent contact with my face._

_‘Of course not…’ I almost laughed. ‘Hadley.’ My half smile disappeared quickly as it came rushing back; lying on the cold concrete floor as I felt another blow from Hadley’s foot in my back. I could hear the tap of her feet walking round me to exact another from a different angle in my side, then my legs, then my stomach. I could feel my bones buckle and some snap and my skin scream at each impact. It was unrelenting, even when I curled up trying to protect my ribs. She grabbed my collar and held me up as she landed another fist on my cheek sending me crashing to the floor. I spat out the blood and closed my eyes praying that it was the last. It wasn’t the last; it wasn’t the last for a very long time. I think if Lucado hadn’t stopped her, Hadley probably would have killed me. She was taking pleasure in every blow._

_The memories hurt almost as much as the acts themselves. I whimpered and leant forward to bury myself in Waverly. She absorbed me completely, falling back against the side wall so that she could hold me properly as my left arm fell across her stomach, my right still wrapped around my aching sides. My head against her chest, I could hear her heartbeat and it was the most soothing sound I could take in. It was slow and peaceful. I stopped myself crying so that I could hear it more clearly. Reaching up, I was able to place my hand over it and feel it pulsing against my palm. It beat gentle against my skin. I was able to focus on it. The life of Waverly, her strength, the only thing that was helping me cling onto mine._

_‘It’ll be okay…’ Waverly’s soft voice whispered in my ear. It was so clear, so gentle, so angelic. ‘It’ll all be okay.’_

_I nodded, but wasn’t sure I believed it, ‘will you stay with me?’_

_There was a pause before she answered, ‘I wish I could.’_

_I looked up into despondent eyes that gazed down at me, ‘why can’t you…?’_

_‘They can’t find me here…’ she explained her voice still sweet almost fragile. Her hand was cupping my face again, cautiously but still with enough touch that I could feel it. With the back of her fingers, she stroked the side of my face. Keeping my right supporting my injuries, I reached up with my left hand to take hold of hers. I entwined our fingers and kissed her hand trying to show her that I didn’t care if they found her. If they did, we might have been dead… but without her, I already was._

_‘I don’t care…’ I said grabbing at her face gently. I needed her close. ‘It can’t get any worse…’_

_She smiled almost knowingly, ‘let’s not find out… I can’t stand it when they hurt you…’ I felt her fingers ghost over my face cautious not to touch it. I was grateful that I could actually touch hers. I loved tracing her elegant cheek bones, her endearing dimples and those perfect indulgent lips. My fingers trembled as they made contact with her skin; they knew that this wasn’t real._

_‘I’d die for you Waves…’_

_‘Then we’d both be dead…’ she told me softly. ‘As I’d die if anything happened to you.’ She leaned down and placed a tender kiss on my lips. I felt its love radiate through my face and down my body. I closed my eyes to take in every moment of the feeling. This was followed by the gentle caress of her forehead before she carefully laid me back on the ground. I reached out to stop her leaving, but all I could grab was air, her image had already melted into the door and with her disappearance all the light and warmth in the room had gone._

Hunched and beaten, Waverly stood in front of the Lucado. Dirt and grease stuck to every part of her skin and hair. Her clothes hung filthy and unkempt around her frail body which could barely stand up straight before the warden. Lucado’s eyes bore into her as her mouth almost wore a smirk of satisfaction.

‘You’ve still got fifteen days left in the hole Dufresne…’ she sneered. ‘But you can reduce that… if you dish the dirt on your little _wife_ …’ Waverly looked up mortified at the demand, especially at the tone in which Lucado spoke the last word. ‘I hear she’s a bit of a resource out there… gets things for people… is this true?’ She stood hands on hips, expectant of an answer. The choice for Waverly was easy. She said nothing. Lucado laughed nastily, ‘oh come on Dufresne, don’t start being all stoic now. Only a month ago you were in here mouthing off at me about how innocent you are… now you choose to be silent.’ Waverly glared at her through exhausted eyes remaining resilient. Lucado stared back. ‘Really? Another fifteen days in the hole after you’ve done forty five already?’

‘You may as well keep me in there, if I can’t see her…’ Waverly fumed through gritted teeth.

‘Oh… don’t tempt me,’ Lucado snarled. ‘However, I need you here… I need you to make me money… so I’m afraid that’s not an option.’ She thought for a moment. ‘Maybe you out here and her in there would be more torture for you…’

‘Don’t you do that to her…’ Waverly warned knowing she didn’t have any ground to stand on. However, she couldn’t simply stand there and listen to Lucado’s malicious notions without reply.

‘Or what?’ Waverly was silenced. She broke her stare from Lucado as her head began to drop. ‘You’re mine Dufresne… I own you. You have no say here. You do the books, you run the library, you make me and this place rich and you answer to me… that is it. You do not fuck red heads or think you have any kind of life here… you are an animal in a cage and I get to play with you.’ Lucado walked round and sadistically took hold of Waverly’s chin with her fingers and held a firm grip distorting the weary inmate’s mouth as she did so. ‘I can’t see what Red saw in you anyway… you’re just a pathetic, scrawny little mouse and one day… when I’m done with you, I’ll feed you to the dogs.’ She pushed Waverly’s face away and nodded to her guards. ‘Another fifteen days then… unless you change your mind…’ She watched as Waverly hung her head as she was dragged away once again.

 

_It didn’t matter how fast I stumbled, somehow her step seemed to be just one ahead. But she kept looking back, kept checking that I was with her. I extended my hand to try and grab the one she trailed behind, but it was just too far ahead. She floated but I staggered helplessly as we made our way through the prison. It was as if her feet weren’t even touching the floor but mine were made of lead. They felt so heavy. Finally she stopped and we were standing at the edge of the precipice. Right on the edge of the roof we both looked down at the ground below. She was perched as though ready to fall. I gazed at her for a few moments, taking in her beauty before I stepped forward and joined her._

_‘Do you remember?’ she asked her voice as soft as a song._

_‘Remember?’_

_‘When Hadley held me here?’ Waverly said holding her arm out to indicate the exact spot. The flash of the memory came into my head momentarily before it vanished as quickly as it had appeared. ‘Sometimes I wonder, what if she had let go?’_

_‘Then I would have never got to love you the way that I wanted to…’ Nicole said. After a pause she smiled. ‘I think… by then I already did. I just didn’t know that you might have loved me back.’_

_Waverly looked surprised as her hair flowed around her face in the breeze that washed gently over them, ‘really?’_

_‘I think I loved you the moment I saw you…’ Nicole added._

_Slowly, Waverly brought her hands up to take Nicole’s, ‘let’s fall together then… let’s leave this place…’_

_As Waverly pulled Nicole closer to the edge, pieces crumbling off the concrete under their feet, Nicole tugged back, ‘Waverly wait…’_

_Suddenly it wasn’t Nicole that had hold of Waverly. She had somehow been transported back several meters and it was Hadley holding onto Waverly’s collar just as she had that day when they had resurfaced the roof. Just like the day itself, the sun beat down on them as Hadley held Waverly over the edge. Waverly’s feet no longer able to get any purchase, they hung limply in the air. Nicole was frozen, unable to move as Waverly simply gazed back at her, not struggling, not screaming, seemingly resigned to her fate._

_‘Waverly…’ Nicole couldn’t even shout, only a croak escaped her mouth. As Hadley smirked back at her, Waverly gazed at her with eyes filled with love._

_‘Nicole…’ Waverly whispered. Even though she was meters away from Nicole, her voice was as though she was talking directly into Nicole’s ears. ‘Nicole… it’s okay… Nicole…’ it became louder and louder as Nicole stared at the radiant women helpless in Hadley’s grip. ‘Nicole… Nicole!’_

 

‘Nicole!’ It was her only opportunity and she was going to take it. ‘Nicole… baby!’ She writhed and fought against the guards, one being elderly meaning her grip was not as strong as it should be. As they approached the entrance to solitary, she would be only meters away from Nicole’s cell door.

In her cell, waking from her dream, Nicole lifted her head off the floor, ‘Waverly!’ Still holding her side, Nicole forced herself to stand up and go to her door. Through the smallest sliver, she saw Waverly’s flailing limbs appear into the corridor. ‘Waverly!’

Using all her strength, Waverly shook herself free of the elderly guard’s grip, then shoved the other against the wall to allow her to run to Nicole’s door. ‘Nicole… baby, can you hear me?’ Pressing her face against the door she could see the tiniest hint of brown eyes looking back at her. It was just enough.

‘I’m here Waves… I’m here…’ Behind Waverly the guards were quickly recovering and making their way over to the brunette as she knelt on the floor.

‘Hang in there for me okay… hang in there…’ she wished she could touch Nicole, just for a moment. She went to put her hand to the door, but it was quickly swept away as the guards regained their grip of her arms.

‘Come on Dufresne,’ their voices seemed to be compelled by duty rather than the want to carry out their task.

Waverly spun round and looked at them beseechingly, ‘please… just a moment… please…’ The shared an uncertain look. ‘Haven’t you ever loved someone so much that you would do anything for them?’ Waverly implored. ‘I would die for her…’ The two looked at each other again stunned. Stunned and moved. ‘I don’t care what happens to me…you can take me back to the warden… I just need to see her… please.’

Waverly felt them loosen their grip on her. She pulled away not daring to believe it until the elder one spoke, ‘you’ve got two minutes.’ Waverly breathed a sigh of relief at the evidence that there was some humanity left in the prison that was becoming darker and lonelier by the day.

‘We’re going to get in so much shit for this,’ the younger hissed.

‘Oh shut up girl… you’ve clearly never been in love,’ the elder shot back. She reached forward and unlocked the slot in Nicole’s door so that the couple’s eyes could now fall fully on each other.

‘Waves…’ Nicole beamed putting her hand up so Waverly could take it and kiss it devotedly.

‘Hey you…’ Waverly smiled back. ‘God… you are so beautiful.’ Despite Nicole’s scruffy and wounded appearance, she meant it. The blood had been cleaned from her face and the swelling around her eye had decreased, but the evidence of her beating was still very much evident.

‘So are you…’ She pushed her arm through further so she could touch Waverly’s face. Waverly cradled Nicole’s hand as she closed her eyes to feel of it against her cheek. ‘They didn’t do anything to you did they?’

‘No…’ Waverly assured her kissing Nicole’s hand again. ‘I’m fine…’

Their pained eyes met and held as they couldn’t help but feel the despair of the situation, ‘what are we going to do Waves?’

Waverly wished she had the answer, ‘I don’t know…’ she admitted with a whimper. ‘But… I love you okay? Just hold onto that… no matter how bad it gets… know that I love you.’ Nicole nodded taking the words in as the tears began to fall.

Remembering her dream, Nicole traced the outside of Waverly’s face with one tender finger, ‘oh Waves… I loved you from the moment I saw you…’ Amazed and overcome, Waverly reached up to touch Nicole’s face in return. Their eyes met and lingered, a moment they couldn’t bear to break.

Behind her arms reached down to take hold of Waverly’s, ‘time to go…’

‘No…’ Waverly begged holding onto Nicole’s hand. ‘No… I need more time…’

‘Sorry Dufresne…’ the other took hold of the other arm but Waverly refused to let go of Nicole’s hand. It was only when the guards had pulled hard enough that she was forced to do so as she could see it was hurting Nicole.

‘Nicole… I love you!’ Waverly screamed to such an extent she felt that her throat could burst.

‘I love you!’ Nicole cried back, her arm still extended trying to reach for her; grabbing frantically at the air.

As she was dragged away down the corridor, Waverly watched Nicole’s arm go limp releasing the moment was lost. From out of the darkness she saw Nicole’s eyes peering out until she was too far away to see them clearly.

‘Nicole…’ she whispered, terrified it might be the last time she ever saw her.

 

_The warden didn’t call for me again during those long excruciating days in solitary. If she had had her way I think she would have left me to rot in that cell. I think in my mind, I was the deviant one that had lured Waverly into my dark twisted world. After all Waverly had been straight and married to a man before she came to Shawshank. Then she met me and clearly I was the disease that infected her. As the days blurred together, it did feel like she and the world forgotten me. I swore that more than a month had passed whilst I was lying on the cold concrete before finally I heard the door unlock and the guard stand aside for me to exit._

‘They’re going to be watched all the time,’ Rosita argued. ‘There’s no way we can do this…’

‘So what?’ Dolls spat annoyed. ‘You just want to give up?’

Rosita pouted and crossed her arms, ‘no… I didn’t say that…’ she said sulkily.

‘Then shut the fuck up… because you’re really not helping right now…’

Jeremy’s eyes widened at the tension that had quickly formed in the conversation. She remained silent however as she understood its origin. The past two months had been awful for the trio. Seeing Nicole in such pain whilst Waverly was locked away, to both of them being gone and now being forced to separate, had really taken its toll on the three friends.

‘Did you see her when she got out of solitary?’ Dolls reminded them both. ‘It was like all the lights in those eyes had gone out. There was nothing there. I’ve never been so scared when looking into a friend’s eyes before. There was nothing of Nicole left.’

‘She’s fucking cracked man,’ Rosita nodded. She’d seen the same vacant look in Nicole’s eyes and it had also terrified her.

‘Which is why we have to help,’ Jeremy agreed. ‘If anyone can get her back… it’s Waverly.’

‘I’ve got it…’ They turned to see a pleased Eliza appear. ‘It’s sorted…’

 

Head down, Nicole over worked the chair leg she was working on. She had sanded it down so thoroughly that it was now no longer the required shape, but she hadn’t even noticed. She just continued to push the sand paper square back and forth methodically staring blankly at the space in front of her on the work top.

‘Redding!’ startled by the cry, Nicole shook herself out of her daze and looked round to see Henry standing in the entrance to the wood shop. Having spotted her, Henry marched over to where she was working.

‘Henry… what are you?’ she asked her voice cold and almost robotic.

Henry looked around to make sure they were mainly hidden from view, most of the women had gone back to work after being initially curious, ‘put your hand out…’ he whispered nervously.

‘My hand?’

‘Yes, your hand…’ he nodded. Nicole did so hesitantly. There was no expression on her face, but there was nervousness in the movements of her hand. Henry took it and grabbed the sanding sheet. ‘You will forgive me I promise,’ gripping her hand tightly he pushed down to her lap so it was hidden behind the desk and wiped the sanding cloth over it with force. Nicole cried out in agony as the paper burned away at least the top layer of her skin. Immediately, Henry jumped into character. ‘Oh Red… what have you done?’ He held up her hand to show the wood shop the nasty burn on its palm. ‘This is going to need medical attention.’

Nicole gripped her wrist tightly to try and deal with the pain. The pain seemed to have brought some humanity back into her eyes, ‘Henry… what the fuck are you…?’

‘Just trust me… okay!’ he snapped leading her out of the wood shop. At the door he addressed the guard. ‘Upon inspection, Nicole Redding is still vulnerable both physically and medically as evidenced in this wound… I will be taking her to the infirmary for further examination… that okay with you?’ The guard looked at the blood seeping down Nicole’s arm from the deep burn. ‘I said is that okay with you?’ The guard nodded shaken and allowed them to pass.

 

Dejectedly, Waverly sorted through the library cards on her desk. There was no system or reason to what she was doing; it was just something that her mind could fix on. For the past three days, every single movement she made had been monitored and supervised. Neither she nor Nicole had been allowed out in the yard during recess time or been allowed to sit together with their friends during meal times. The guards watching them had not even allowed them to sit where they could see each other. If they were trying to erase Waverly and Nicole from each other’s lives, in terms of day to day in the prison, they were being very successful.

‘Hey Dufresne…’ she looked up to see Eliza and Dolls appear.

‘How are you feeling, because I heard you weren’t feeling well earlier…’ Dolls spoke in a strangely loud tone and she kept looking over her shoulder to see if the other inmates in the library could hear.

‘Dolls… what?’

‘Oh that’s not good… I’m sorry you feel so unwell…’ Dolls continued completely ignoring Waverly’s bewildered expression.

‘Faint…’ Eliza whispered. Waverly ‘s eyes widened perplexed. ‘Pretend to faint…’

Waverly did nothing to Dolls’ dismay, ‘do as she says girl…’ she grabbed Waverly by the shoulder and pulled her towards her off the chair. Seeing that she was going to have to pretend whether she understood it or not, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to fall off the chair into Dolls’ arms.

‘Oh shit!’ Eliza cried in a tone that was very believable. Dolls winked at her impressed. They shared a flirty look before Eliza resumed the charade. ‘We better get her to the infirmary.’ Dolls nodded and swept Waverly up in her arms. Eliza helped by supporting Waverly’s head as they dashed through the library leaving the inmates present to watch completely dumbfounded.

 

‘Dolls, what the fuck is going on?’ Waverly asked as she bounced around in Dolls’ arms as the board woman continued to make her way quickly through the winding corridors.

‘Just stay still… this has to look believable,’ Dolls hissed.

Waverly realised she was going to get no answers and lay back in Dolls’ arms. She watched the lights on the ceiling flicker by and only stop when Dolls entered a new corridor due to the joining of the doorways. She allowed herself to get lost in the patterns going by until a loud crash brought her back as Dolls pushed her through the infirmary door. She checked around for a moment and saw Henry standing by the door of his office. He nodded. Dolls responded immediately by rushing forward into Henry’s office. Carefully she placed Waverly on the floor so that she was facing the figure already waiting inside.

‘Baby!’ Waverly erupted as soon as her eyes met Nicole’s. Nicole immediately dropped the cold cloth she was holding to her injured hand and welcomed in Waverly as she jumped into her arms.

‘Oh my god… Waves…’ she breathed into Waverly’s neck as they gripped tightly onto each other. She looked up and saw Henry smiling from the doorway. Then as she looked down at her hand and back up at the doctor, she realised what he had been up to. ‘You could have just told me!’ she smiled.

‘It had to be believable,’ Dolls told them both as she recovered from her long exercise of carrying Waverly and made her way to the door. ‘You guys don’t have long okay… Lucado is currently off site at a meeting which is why we chose now but you know she has fucking spies everywhere. We’ll give you as long as we can, but if we say we have to stop we have to stop okay?’

Both woman nodded and watched as Dolls left the room and closed the door. As soon as the door was closed, their lips met both passionately and lovingly. Waverly pushed into Nicole with such force that she fell back against Henry’s desk. She flinched at the pain in her hand but ignored it as nothing mattered except the fact she was kissing Waverly again. Their breathing deepened as the kiss became more hungry and fraught. Waverly clawed at Nicole’s face and neck whilst Nicole pulled her in closer by her waist. They so desperately wanted to lose themselves each other on that desk as they had done so many times in so many places, but Dolls’ warning of time rung in their ears.

‘I have missed you… so much…’ Waverly whispered.

‘Me too…’ Nicole nodded. ‘I don’t know how the fuck I’m going to survive this place if I can’t see you or speak to you every day…’

‘I know,’ Waverly agreed. ‘It’s worse to know you’re there but I’m not allowed to see you…’

‘That fucking bitch,’ Nicole growled.

‘Shhhh…’ Waverly kissed her again. ‘I don’t want to think about it…. I can’t think about it…’

 

_As Waverly kissed me again, it was like none of our troubles existed. It was just me and her and that room. As she pushed me against the desk and I felt her body in between my legs, we were young and in love for the first time again. We could have stayed like that, always like that. But now we were frightened, I felt it in her kisses and I know she felt it in mine._

They sat side by side leaning against the desk playing with each other’s fingers which rested between them. Here they felt hidden and a little safer.

‘Champ used to say that I was a hard woman to know. Like a closed book. Complained about it all the time,’ Waverly said softly. ‘I had no reason to open up…’ Her finger wandered from Nicole’s hand to the red head’s chin which she stroked tenderly. ‘I never thought I would ever open up to anyone.’ She looked sad. ‘I didn’t pull the trigger Nicole, but I did kill him.’ At Nicole’s confused expression she continued. ‘He found himself the in the arms of another woman because I didn’t love him and I didn’t have the guts to tell him. If I had, he would never have been at that country club and Shae would never have…’ she closed her eyes at the thought. ‘Do you have any idea how confusing this is for me?’

‘What is?’ Nicole asked timidly.

‘I love you… so much… but…’ her voice cracked. ‘I can’t be here Nicole… I can’t… not when it’s like this.’ Waverly made sure her hand didn’t leave Nicole’s face, caressing it lovingly. ‘Not when I can’t… be like this… and we’re living in fear all the time. It’s unbearable.’

There was real fear in Nicole’s eyes as they studied her wife, ‘what are you saying?’

‘I don’t know… I just feel like, I can’t be here…’ she sat back against the desk but still gripped Nicole’s hands in her own staring at the painting on the opposite wall of Henry’s office. It was a simple painting of a white sailing boat moored to a modest wooden pier. Around the edge of the painting were scattered coloured houses as the cliffs climbed up the left side. Around the boat the perfect blue sea was tranquil and serene. Not a wave in sight. ‘Do you know where I’d go?’ Nicole shook her head. ‘Zihuatanejo.’

‘Where?’

Waverly let a little laugh escape her lips at Nicole’s befuddlement, ‘Mexico.’ She spoke slowly and deliberately as her eyes remained fixed on the painting. ‘A little place right on the Pacific. You know what the Mexicans say about the Pacific? They say it has no memory. That’s where I’d like to finish my life. A warm place with no memory…’ she returned her gaze to Nicole’s eyes. ‘… except one…’ Nicole smiled at this. ‘I’d open a little hotel right on the beach. Buy some worthless old boat and fix it up like new. Take my guests out charter fishing… would have to work out how the hell to do it… but I’m sure I could.’

‘Sounds amazing…’

‘And you know… in a place like that… I would need a woman who knows how to get things,’ she smiled happily.

Nicole blinked delighted, ‘I’m in this dream?’

‘Whilst I was in solitary… you were in every dream about the future…’ hurt appeared on her face. ‘They also included Wynonna and us looking after little Alice…’

‘Oh baby…’ Nicole kissed her hands. ‘Those most have been amazing dreams.’

Waverly took a few deep breaths and calmed herself by focusing on Nicole’s kind face, ‘any dream is with you in it.’ They took a moment to let their lips caress in soft sweet movements.

‘I don’t know if I could hack it on the outside Waves,’ Nicole said as she lay her head on Waverly’s shoulder. ‘Been in here too long. I’m an institutional woman now. Like old Gus Hatlen was.’

‘Oh you underestimate yourself.’

‘Bullshit, in here I’m the gal who can get it for you. Out there, all you need are the Yellow Pages. I wouldn’t know where to begin. Pacific Ocean? Hell, something like that would probably scare me to death.’

‘Not me…’ Waverly disagreed gently. ‘I didn’t shoot Champ and I didn’t shoot his lover and whatever mistakes I’ve paid for and then some. That hotel and that boat… and you. I don’t think it’s too much to want. To look at the stars after the sunset. Touch the sand. Wade in the water. Feel free. The dream I wanted with you, Wynonna and little Alice is gone… now I have to find a new one.’

‘Goddam it Waverly!’ Nicole said standing up filled with frustration and dread. ‘You have to stop thinking and talking like this. Do you have any idea what it’s doing to me? And what it’s doing to yourself? Talking about shitty pipedreams. Mexico’s down there and you’re in here… and that’s the way it is.’

‘You’re right,’ Waverly said just as annoyed struggling to her feet. ‘It’s down there and I’m in here. I guess it comes down to simple choice… get busy living or get busy dying.’ She shot Nicole a heartbroken look before turning away, the disappointment in Nicole’s eyes causing her only more pain.

‘Waverly… baby I’m…’

At the touch of Nicole’s hand on her arm, Waverly spun back. The look on her face terrified Nicole instantly. It was dark and troubled. Waverly looked almost possessed as though she was looking right through Nicole… as though Nicole was a complete stranger. It was as if all feeling between them had drained away. ‘Nicole… if I get out of here, do me a favour. There’s this big hayfield up near Buxton. You know where Buxton is?’ All Nicole could do was nod as she dealt with absorbing the new creature stood in front of her. Eyes suddenly hollow and empty. ‘One in particular. Got a long wall with a big oak at the North end. Like something out of a Robert Frost poem. It’s where I’d escape from Champ. I would sit under that tree and I would wish the world away.’ Her eyes diverted from Nicole for a moment and she remembered what she was describing. Then purpose returned to them and she looked back at Nicole. ‘Promise me, Nicole. If you ever get out, find that spot. In the base of the wall you’ll find a rock that has no earthly business in a Maine hayfield. A piece of black volcanic glass. You’ll find something buried under it that I want you to have.’

‘What Waves? What’s buried there?’

‘You’ll just have to pry it up and see.’ Waverly told her.

Their time together was not up, but it appeared to Waverly that it was as she turned to walk away. ‘Waves…’ Nicole pulled her back forcefully. ‘You’re scaring me…’

Waverly tried to pull away, ‘Nicole… please…’

‘No… not until you tell me what’s…’ Waverly’s firm lips on her own stopped her words. Nicole welcomed it but as it carried on, it felt different. Nicole felt the love and warmth of Waverly’s mouth against her own, but there was something missing… like Waverly could no longer give herself over completely. It felt like goodbye.

After the last meeting of their tongues and caress of their lips, Waverly pulled herself out of Nicole’s arms and took herself to the door. With her hand on the door handle she looked back at the beautiful woman standing alone in the middle of the room. She opened her mouth to speak, but found there was nothing to say. Instead a weak disconsolate smile crept onto her face before she opened the door and disappeared out of it.


	22. Chapter 22

_That final look before she walked out of the door burned into my mind. Even when I closed my eyes, it was there like some foreboding message. I tried to read it. I tried to understand it. I thought I knew my wife better than I knew myself, but no matter how hard I thought on it. I could not understand what that sad smile meant._

‘I’m telling you… I’ve never seen her like that,’ Nicole told her friends. Gathered in the canteen, they puzzled over Nicole’s words. ‘I’m concerned… I really am.’ She looked around to see if should could catch any glimpse of Waverly, but she was nowhere to be seen. ‘And… it’s not like I can ask…’ She dropped her fork into her food disgusted with it and the situation. Her frustration was palpable and her friends could feel it.

‘We ought to keep any eye on her…’ Rosita suggested. ‘We can do that for you Red.’

It was a small consolation, but not enough, ‘it should be me doing that…’ she said sadly pushing her food tray away. She had barely picked at it. ‘Fuck… I hate this…’ She ran her hands through her hair and held her head in her hands whilst letting out an exasperated groan.

Rosita, Dolls and Jeremy shared a helpless look. As Nicole continued to grab her hair, Dolls placed a calming hand on her arm, ‘we hate this too…’ it calmed Nicole’s hands as she looked up to meet Doll’s gaze. ‘… and we’ll do whatever we can to make this right…’

‘How? It’s one thing to be able to keep an eye on her during the day… but what about at night?’ Nicole asked. ‘She’s got that cell all to herself and her thoughts…’

Rosita suddenly looked up from her food with a countenance of horror on her face, ‘oh Lord…’

‘What is Heywood?’ Jeremy asked scared just by her expression.

Rosita swallowed awkwardly aware of Nicole’s already frantic state, ‘Waverly came down to the loading dock today and asked me for a length of rope… six feet long.’

Staring at her, Nicole felt instant panic hit her stomach. ‘Shit!’ Dolls exclaimed whilst trying to keep her voice down. Guards trudged up down between the tables all over the mess hall. Most of them with extra attention to Red upon Lucado’s orders. ‘And you gave it to her?’

‘Sure did…’ Rosita shrugged innocently. ‘Why wouldn’t I? I didn’t know she was talking in this way.’ Nicole couldn’t hear anymore. Not caring how clumsily or loudly she did it, she quickly got up from the table wrenching her legs over the bench with such force she almost fell over. The others watched her go knowing there was nothing they could say that would console her thoughts.

Turning back, Dolls glared at Rosita infuriated, ‘Christ you idiot!’ she spat. ‘Remember Gus?’

‘How was I supposed to know?’

‘By using this you fucking dumbass,’ Dolls poked a firm finger into Rosita’s forehead. Rosita hung her head. In so many ways she had found the intelligent girl she had lost when she was teenager, but her common sense still seemed to be somewhat lacking.

‘Waverly would never do that…’ Jeremy said not sure who she was trying to convince. ‘Never.’

They both looked at Dolls as if she would have the answer, ‘every woman’s got their breaking point,’ she said as she got up from her seat in the bench to try and locate Nicole. As she disappeared away from the table, Rosita and Jeremy looked at each other lost for words. Unable to find any they both pushed away their half empty food trays suddenly out of appetite.

 

Frantic, Nicole threw herself at the guard who stood in her way. She knew she was insane for even attempting to get past to reach the office in front of her, but rational had left her mind a long time ago. This wasn’t about her safety or survival at the prison anymore, this was about the most important thing in the world.

‘Lucado!’ she screamed slapping at the guard’s hands that unceasingly pushed her back. ‘Warden Lucado!’

After several more shouts, Lucado’s door was pulled open and the exasperated face of the warden appeared from her office. ‘You have got to be fucking kidding me Redding.’ She pulled open the glass door that made up the last barrier between them. ‘Do you want to go back to solitary… do you?’

The guard holding Nicole back looked at the warden apologetically, ‘I’m sorry ma’am, I tried…’

‘It’s fine… you’re dismissed for now,’ she nodded at the guard who reluctantly let go of Nicole before making her way down the corridor and out of sight.

‘Please… you have to check on Waverly…’ Nicole begged as soon as the guard had gone.

Lucado laughed in disbelief, ‘… is this a joke?’

‘No… please…’ she was almost at the point of falling to her knees. ‘I think she’s going to hurt herself… please… you can’t let her do that…’

‘Why?’ Lucado crossed her arms true to her unsympathetic character. ‘Why should I do shit for you?’

Nicole was astounded, ‘because she’s one of your inmates and she’s in pain…’

‘Because I separated you two?’ Lucado asked nastily.

‘Yes! It’s fucking killing us!’

‘First… ‘ Lucado started stepping forward. ‘If you ever swear at me like that again, you can say goodbye to sunlight for at least two months…’ Nicole recoiled backwards at Lucado’s intimidating stance. ‘Two… it’s not killing you… its saving you… from a disgusting sin. You should be thanking me.’

‘How can I thank you if the woman I love kills herself?’ Nicole asked through tears.

Lucado sneered at her, ‘because then temptation will be gone and salvation will be easier to find…’ Nicole could only gasp at her lack any ability to care or take seriously what Nicole was saying. ‘Everything about you is wrong Redding… it’s about time you realised that.’ She nodded to the guard stood next to her. Nicole felt the strong hands grip her arms but she didn’t see them as her eyes were focused on the cold stare that came from Lucado. As Nicole stared back into her eyes she saw no humanity no sympathy, that had all be eaten away by greed and power. It seemed that Waverly now had made the warden so much money that Waverly herself was now expendable.

Defeated, Nicole became limp in the guard’s grip as she was led away down the corridor. When at the door to the corridor she found herself once again face down on a cold floor. She hadn’t even registered the guard pushing her down but when the sting of her hands hitting the cold tiles hit her she realised where she was. Unable to move for a few moments, Nicole just stared at the dull grey tiles and wondered what would happen if she just didn’t get up. She was frozen, helpless. She was about to lose the love of her life and she didn’t know what to do.

 

_There wasn’t even a human in that room as I was dragged away. She was the last one I could appeal to. But I had been appealing to a monster of greed. If it didn’t benefit her in some way, she wasn’t interested. Maybe Waverly had taught her enough about the books that she now felt that she could do it on her own. Maybe it was her last triumph, to kill one of us, or have one of us kill ourselves. Whatever it was, the woman was a monster. Now it was in our own hands and restricted by my constant entourage of eyes, it was up to the others. I’d always seen myself as able to handle anything myself. I prided myself on that. However, pride didn’t matter anymore and I needed them more than ever before._

 

‘Dammit… where is she?’ Dolls cried as they walked the corridors away from the library.

‘I don’t know… if she’s not in the library, where could she be? I mean it’s seven fucking o’clock… the library is never closed then!’ Rosita agreed as they grew more desperate.

‘Alright… stop!’ Jeremy said putting her hands up so they could take a moment to breathe. ‘We can’t solve this if we walk around losing our heads can we?’ She took a breath along with Dolls and Rosita. ‘Where would Waverly go if she wanted to be alone? Even away from Red?’

There was a pause as they all tried to think, then a thought hit Rosita and she raised her head. ‘The attic… the old library… where she and Red got married… surely?’

‘It’s worth a fucking try,’ Dolls smiled glad they had somewhere to try rather than the aimless wandering they had been doing for the last ten minutes.

They tried to keep their strides down to walking in order to avoid suspicion but when someone’s life is on the line it’s hard to do anything rationally. ‘Oh fuck it!’ Rosita cried and broke into a run. On any other day Dolls and Jeremy would have argued, but instead simply broke into the same run and tore down the corridor after her.

As they flew through the halls, the inmates stared and shouted after them but they ignored every single call and anyone that did get in their way, was unfortunately sent flying. Luckily for the other inmates this was only two and also luckily, the collision wasn’t with Dolls’ impressive frame. Jeremy and Rosita called back their apologies, but they were short as their minds returned quickly to the reason for their sprinting and breaking so many rules.

Finally, panting, they flew up the stairs and found themselves standing before the old library. It now stood unoccupied of any furniture or books as everything had been emptied to fill the new library. It was merely shell of the room they remembered.

The friends split to search the small area including the cupboard lurking at the back. After only a minute they were standing together again in the middle of the room, deflated and defeated.

‘Shit…’ Rosita breathed out.

‘What the fuck do we do now?’ Jeremy asked beginning to lose hope.

Dolls nodded understanding their frantic states, ‘okay… we think… we think and we don’t give up…’ she placed her strong hands on their shoulders and squeezed. ‘We are not losing Waverly Dufresne today, do you understand me?’ They nodded but weren’t convincing as they did so. ‘Right… Heywood… you and I, we need to use our available sources. I will go and talk to Eliza… you need to talk to Henry… we have to use everything we can.’

Rosita had barely nodded in agreement before she turned and ran out of the room. Dolls and Jeremy could hear her footsteps clattering down the stairs and out of earshot. ‘What about me?’

‘You just keep looking okay… just think about anywhere that Waverly might want to hide or escape…’ Dolls told her.

Then all of a sudden Dolls creased up her eyes in pain and stumbled backwards. Jeremy grabbed her arm and steadied her, ‘woah, you alright Dolls?’

Dolls brought her fingers up to her eyes and took a moment before opening them, Jeremy was surprised to see tears in the corners of them, ‘we can’t lose her Jeremy…’ pure emotion was written all over Dolls’ face, not something that she would allow habitually. ‘Waverly is something very special… to us… to this place… to Nicole. We cannot lose her.’

‘I know,’ Jeremy agreed. ‘We will do everything we can.’

‘Okay… go… go!’ she ordered Jeremy. Jeremy lingered a moment but Dolls gestured for her to leave. She was not going to argue anymore. Without another word she turned and followed Rosita’s path out of the room and down the stairs. Dolls allowed herself another few minutes before she took a deep breath and tore out of the room.

 

_Word filtered through the gossip of the inmates that Dolls, Rosita and Jeremy were tearing up the prison in search of someone. Everyone had figured out that it was Waverly. It was causing quite a stir amongst the women, but remarkably the guards seemed completely oblivious. Whether this was genuine or upon the warden’s orders was unclear. The ones holding me in the loading dock were certainly not saying anything as I was forced to offload another donation to the library. The boxes seemed the heaviest I had ever lifted as the pain of being held there whilst Waverly’s whereabouts were still unknown was intolerable._

 

As they made their way down the corridors ready for evening count the expressions they exchanged all said the same thing. No luck. They were out of time and Waverly was too. There was nothing more they could do.

Dolls had found Eliza, but she knew nothing of Waverly’s whereabouts and was needed in the loading dock to see in the last deliveries. Rosita had found Henry, but his hands were tied up with a new patient who had cut herself badly in wood shop that day. Both had apologised immensely and wished they could help their respective sweethearts but Dolls and Rosita understood their loyalty to their duties. The pair had done so much for them already. It appeared that fate was working against them.

‘Where’s Red?’ Rosita asked looking around. The red head was nowhere to be seen.

‘Last I knew she went to see the warden,’ Dolls shrugged. ‘Try to warn her about what Waverly might do.’

‘Fuck… so if she’s nowhere in sight…?’ Jeremy began horrified.

‘She might be in solitary again…’ Dolls nodded resigned to the same idea.

Rosita stopped walking as the rest of the inmates continued to walk around her. Some a little taken back by Rosita’s sudden halt. ‘That’s it… this place has defeated us…’

‘We can’t think like that…’ Dolls said trying to remain resolute.

‘Oh come on… I admire your resilience but surely a little part of you has to accept that… Waverly is going to…’

‘Don’t say it…’ Jeremy cried. ‘Please don’t fucking say it…’

‘Why?’ Rosita screamed causing some of the inmates still filing past to stop stunned. ‘Just move on bitches!’ They did so hastily. ‘She has the rope… because of me… she’s completely broken mentally. We have to accept that in the morning she’ll probably be found dead… and, it’s because of me…’ She put her hands to her face and began to cry into them.

‘Oh Heywood,’ Dolls rushed forward and took the distraught girl into her arms. ‘This is not your fault. You didn’t pull the trigger that put her in here, you didn’t make Lucado the bitch that she is to separate Nicole from her. If you didn’t give her the rope, she’d have found someone else who could. And even if we got it off her now… she would find some other way.’

‘That’s it…’ Rosita said looking up in realisation.

‘What?’

‘We tell the guards that she has the rope… then they’ll go in and confiscate it… come on, it’s worth a shot isn’t it?’ Without waiting for a reply from Dolls, Rosita wrenched herself out of Dolls’ embrace and pushed her way through the other inmates until she disappeared amongst them completely.

 

At her desk, as if driven by autopilot, Waverly filled in the books at her small desk in the corner of Hadley’s office. Since the revelation of her relationship with Nicole, the warden had been too disgusted to have her work directly out of her own office. So she had sent Waverly to Hadley to complete her tasks from there. Working under Hadley’s demeaning glare since her release from solitary had only pushed Waverly further down into her darkness. After only a few days Waverly had realised the prison wasn’t a place for emotions, at least not any positive ones. In order for her survive, she would have to push down everything she once held dear and guard her mind and heart. It simply couldn’t take any more.

‘Right Dufresne, let’s wrap this up…’ Willa ordered as she rose from her desk filing some paperwork away in her top desk drawer. ‘Warden and I have a dinner to get to.’ Waverly nodded and slowly rose collecting up her papers and books that were scattered on the desk. Willa pulled her jacket from the back of her chair and led Waverly down the corridor to the warden’s office. Waverly held her breath but was relieved to see that when they entered the office it was empty. She stood to attention as Willa turned the combination to the safe. Once open, Waverly stepped forward and placed the books into the safe as she had done year after year.

‘Three deposits for the warden today,’ she said quietly handing them to Willa.

‘Nice… I’ll see that she gets them,’ Waverly nodded but she didn’t believe a word that came out of Hadley’s mouth. She didn’t have the energy to argue. ‘Get my stuff to the laundry along with the warden’s will you. And shine my shoes…’ She picked up a box with a black pair of heels inside. ‘I want them to shine like mirrors.’ She walked to the door and looked back. ‘Warden has a pair too when you’re done.’ Holding the box that Hadley had handed her, Waverly nodded in acknowledgement but could not speak. Hadley frowned a little at this, but didn’t care enough to investigate. With a little scoff she was gone.

Slowly, Waverly looked down at the shoes and at the other box waiting for her on the floor beside the bag of laundry and two suits that Hadley had gestured at. Keeping her eyes on the shoes, Waverly took a seat and picked up the shining brush from the small table beside her. Delicately she set to work, moving the brush firmly but deliberately over every part of the black shoe as it began to shine more in the light. There was a strange smile on her face as she did so, as though her mind was finding some peace with her thoughts. Once done with Hadley’s shoes, she placed them back in the box and dragged Lucado’s over and began on them.

 

‘Hadley… Hadley!’

The captain turned unimpressed at the inmate calling her name, ‘this better be fucking important inmate for you to be creating such a commotion in my corridor…’ she sneered nastily. Having left Waverly in her office, she was now fulfilling her usual evening duties of ensuring that every inmate got to their cell without any trouble. She brandished her truncheon intimidatingly as a warning to anyone that might be even a little inclined. She would not take even the smallest amount of unrest lightly, not with her evening accompanying the warden to an important dinner imminent. Lucado didn’t often invite Hadley out to dinner. Trying to remain reserved and realistic and failing miserably, Hadley couldn’t help by wonder if a promotion might be the reason.

‘Dufresne…’ Rosita panted catching her breath. ‘You have to go and check on Dufresne.’

Hadley scoffed unimpressed, ‘and why in shit would I want to do that?’

‘She… we think she might do something to herself… this evening.’

Hadley looked almost amused. ‘And what would you give you that idea?’

Rosita knew that with the next words she could put herself in a very difficult situation when admitting she dished out prison resources from a department to another inmate, but this was about more than her wanting to stay out of trouble. She would take the time in solitary to save the life of her friend. ‘She came to the loading dock this afternoon and asked for a length of rope…’

‘She did what?’

‘She asked for a length of rope six feet long…’ Rosita explained. ‘Said it was for the library but didn’t think anything of it until… she heard she was talking funny to…’ she stopped herself, just in time. ‘… some of the other inmates.’ She gulped realising what she could have done.

‘A piece of rope…?’ Hadley questioning studying Rosita carefully. ‘Are you serious?’

‘Yes ma’am completely… we think she might do something tonight.’

Hadley continued to scrutinize Rosita thoroughly before her mouth broke into a smile and then a laugh, ‘Waverly Dufresne? Fuck off! You know, I’ve had about enough of your little gang… it is an absolute pain in my ass.’ Rosita stared at her bewildered. It seemed unreal that Hadley was not taking her seriously. ‘You’re now having no thrills getting Red and Dufresne together for their disgusting little trysts because we’ve put a stop to that… so you’re now winding us up with this crap so we go running all over the prison for your entertainment.’

‘No… you don’t understand we…’

‘You listen to me inmate…’ Hadley hissed angrily getting up in Rosita’s face. ‘Why in the hell would you admit to me that you stole prison property to give it to another inmate? You know the consequences… you know the shit I would rain down on you. So I’m thinking, you didn’t. You couldn’t possibly. This is just another joke to you. And I am not going to fall for it inmate.’ Suddenly she grabbed Rosita by the collar and shoved her up against the wall. Some of the passing inmates looked up and gasped, but didn’t dare linger to watch. ‘We’ve had enough of you and yours thinking you own this place. Lucado and I, you hear me?… we’re done… we’re done with it.’ She dropped Rosita down, ignoring the expression of dismay written all over the prisoner’s face. ‘Now get in line and I don’t want to hear another word from you… you understand.’ Her point was made only more strongly when she pulled her truncheon out of her belt and held it in Rosita’s face.

Rosita said no more. She wondered what it would feel like to have the truncheon strike her. She wondered if she would endure it to save the life of her friend. She came to the conclusion that she could, but what stopped her was the simple trust that Hadley couldn’t be reached. If there was any hope that Rosita could reach her, she would have tried but the captain’s eyes were dark, hollow and unfeeling. She tried one last desperate pleading look but Hadley laughed at just like the words and pushed her on before turning her attention to the rest of the inmates that filed past. Resigned to defeat, whilst tears fell down her cheeks, Rosita joined those that trudged past. She had failed and if anything happened to Waverly that night, she would never forgive herself.

 

Hearing the clang of the cell block gate, Nicole flew off her bed to the bars to look out of them down onto the first floor. She had been tossing and turning in her bunk, trying to reassure herself with all the reasons Waverly might not hurt herself that evening. However, every single reason that she did come up with were immediately washed away with that vacant, defeated expression she had seen in Henry’s office.

After a few agonising seconds, Waverly appeared. She waited for the cell block gate to be closed behind her and given the okay to make her way up to her own cell. Staring down at her, Nicole tried to read her body language, her walk, her movement, anything that could tell her what she needed to know. When Waverly looked up at her, Nicole almost wished she hadn’t. It made Nicole’s entire body go cold. There was so much anguish in the eyes that met her own. There was so much weariness in them, like all the strength had faded away. There was also a hint of an apology in them. This terrified Nicole the most. It was like Waverly had well and truly given up. Nicole was about to plead with her own eyes, but Waverly tore hers away as quickly as she had looked up as she disappeared out of view.

 

_That couldn’t be the last time I saw her. It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t nearly enough. I needed to tell her one last time that I loved her. I knew I’d said it so many times, but suddenly it didn’t seem enough. It felt like I hadn’t made it clear how much. Waverly must have been doing this because of me, because I let her down. I hadn’t loved her enough and she was going end her life because of me. I heard the call of Waverly’s cell door to be open, then a few moments later I heard it shut again. Like it was shutting her in her tomb._

Sitting on the edge of her bed, Waverly sat staring at the poster of Charles Heston on the wall. In her hands she held the length of rope tied up neatly in a knot. Her body was still and her face impassive. She wasn’t really staring at the poster. Her mind was already made up. There was no more conflict. No more turmoil. This was what she was going to do. As she sat with her mind at ease, she could hear the loud clang of the lights in the cell block being turned off. With the last bang, her cell was plunged into darkness and soon she would act.

 

Only a few walls down, Nicole sat on the floor leaning back against the wall her head in her hands. As soon as Waverly had disappeared out of sight, she had slid down the wall to land in a weakened heap. She could no longer cry, the fear gripped too hard. It didn’t matter how much she breathed, she couldn’t fill her lungs. Coupled with the sting stabbing into her chest, it felt that at any moment she could faint. She couldn’t faint, she couldn’t sleep. She didn’t even register the blinding flash of light from the storm raging outside. All she could see was a beautiful face slipping away from her.

 

_I have spent some long nights in stir. Alone in the dark with nothing but your thoughts, time can draw out like a blade. That was the longest night of my life._

Nicole didn’t even have to get dressed unlike the rest of the cons. As soon as the lights flickered on her hands were on the bars of her cell door. As the order came through to open them, she pulled away as it rolled open in front of her. Stumbling out, she hit the rail in front of her cell and gripped it as she dared herself to look left. Crushing sickness hit her stomach immediately as she saw the place in which Waverly should have be standing was empty.

‘Dufresne!’ came the cry of guard Haig, the woman in charge of the cell block. All down the level the cons looked over to the empty space in the line. Nicole continued to grip the rail looking down as from the floor below Rosita looked back. Their eyes said the same. It had happened. Waverly must have done what they were so afraid of. Guilt seeped into every part of Rosita’s body as she began to tremble. ‘Dufresne! Get your ass out here girl! You’re holding up the show!’ It seemed every pair of eyes in the room were on the space outside the unresponsive prisoner’s cell as there was continued silence. ‘Don’t you make me come down there now. I’ll thump your skull for you!’

‘No… god… no…’ Nicole’s legs gave way and she fell to her knees hands still on the rail.

‘Red… dammit get up!’ urged the inmate next to her. Nicole ignored her, she heard nothing and could no longer look to her left and truly believe it.

‘Fuck sake Dufresne!’ Haig roared as the rotund woman pulled herself up the steps to the second level. ‘Dammit, you’re putting me behind! You better be sick or dead in there… I shit you not!’ Using her arms to throw her forward into a quicker stride she marched her way down the level. Every inmate stepped back to let her through. All except one. When she reached Nicole, she was astonished to find her still on the floor gasping. ‘Red… for fuck’s sake woman, get to your feet!’ Nicole ignored her but not intentionally. She was too focused on the fear possessing her body. ‘Don’t you make me use force Red.’ Either side of her, the two inmates looked on horrified. Despite the threat, Nicole still didn’t move. ‘Right, that’s it… I haven’t got time for this shit show!’

As Haig brought her leg back to make contact with Nicole’s undefended ribs, both inmates rushed forward and pulled Red back so that she was slumped back out of Haig’s way. Haig looked on speechless. However, her anger could not remain on what they had denied her, she still had an inmate missing. Shaking off the insolence she had just encountered she marched on until she reached Waverly’s cell.

Arriving at the bars, Haig peered into the cell and her mouth dropped open, ‘oh my Holy god…’


	23. Chapter 23

_I watched her jaw drop and time stood still. Somehow I manage to stagger to my feet, but every part of me wanted to scream and stay on that floor. She was dead and with it I wanted to die. Had it not been for the pairs of hands on my arms and shoulders supporting me, I would have jumped forward and dived over that rail to fall happily to my death on the concrete floor below. Instead, I stood there numb._

It wasn’t long until Lucado appeared on the cell block marching down our way with a look of pure steel as she glowered past the women lined up in a row. This changed to an expression of pure contempt as she reached Nicole, only just standing up trying to breathe.

‘I want every woman on this cell block questioned… starting with that friend of hers,’ disdain dripped from her lips as she spoke.

‘Who?’ Haig asked.

Lucado stopped in front of Nicole pointing a menacing finger right in her face, ‘her.’ At her order, the guards with Lucdo and Haig seized Nicole by her arms yanking her up right from her slumped position to follow the warden to Waverly’s cell. Nicole fought against them; she couldn’t bear to see it. She’d most certainly die if she did. As she flailed they around uselessly, it seemed as though the floor was made of grease as her feet could not find any friction to stop her inevitable arrival at the cell at the end of the block.

‘No please…’ she begged quietly.

‘Oh stop your whining Red, or I’ll shut it you up for you!’ Hadley threatened from behind. Nicole hadn’t even been aware of her presence, so focused on her struggle to prevent what was about to happen. Her tongue was stilled but her mind raced.

Soon, the guards stopped walking and Nicole held herself limp in their arms twisting to look away over her shoulder. Her eyes caught Rosita’s eyes again. Rosita hadn’t moved from her spot outside her own cell, but her eyes had followed Nicole’s every move. Unable to see from where she was, her only answer would come from Nicole’s reaction. As she looked into Nicole’s distraught eyes, she wished for all the world that she could swap places with her. Take the pain instead of Nicole.

Their eyes were torn apart as Nicole was forced to turn round with a harsh jolt from the guard's holding her arms. She hung her head staring at the floor. Now all the noises around her began to lose their clarity as her eyes fixed on her feet. She could hear the warden’s shouting but not its meaning. She could hear Haig’s protests but not what they said. She could hear her breathing and feel its heaviness, her chest rising and falling with great difficulty. She could feel the clamminess of her hands and the shaking of her legs. She could taste the dryness of her mouth and smell the sweat from Haig as she stood close by absorbing the warden’s incessant onslaught. The only sense she wasn’t using was the one she would have to use when she looked up.

Everything around her became silent as she found some morsel of strength left in her body to lift her head and open her eyes. The gasp that left her lips as she looked into the cell, even as quiet as it was, could be heard through the entire block as it remained stood to attention. The cell was completely empty.

 

Just as any inmate was ordered to at the beginning of the day or when a cell inspection was due, Waverly had left the cell neat and tidy, even the bunk was made perfectly. Everything was in its rightful place, her books, her pictures and photos and her stone carvings lined up on the small barred window sill. Her tooth and hair brushes were neatly positioned on the small shelf next to the metal sink and a bible lay positioned exactly where the warden always believed it should be, poking out from under the pillow, to keep God close. There was nowhere for any inmate to hide, she was somehow completely and inexplicably gone.

Nicole didn’t know whether to breathe again or not. Utterly bewildered she stared into the empty room wondering how such a thing was possible. She remembered seeing Waverly come back into the cell block last night and her cell door opening and closing. Had she imagined it? Had she wanted to see it so much that her mind made it up? Waverly’s vacant expression was so vivid in her memory because it had haunted her the entire night. She had definitely seen it because all night she wished she hadn't.

‘What do you mean she just wasn’t here?’ Lucado questioned furious. ‘Don’t you say that to me Haig! Don’t you say that to me again!’

‘But ma’am… she just… wasn’t,’ Haig remonstrated whilst shrugging her shoulders completely void of an explanation.

‘I can see that!’ Lucado cried whilst standing in the middle of the cell gesturing to the empty space around her. ‘You think I’m blind? Is that what you’re saying? Am I blind Haig?’

Haig swallowed nervously, ‘no ma’am.’

Hadley pushed past Nicole and approached Lucado holding a clipboard, ‘last night’s count.’

Lucado snatched it from her and examined it, then handed it to Haig, ‘you see Dufresne’s name? I sure do!’ she indicated on the clipboard to make her point clear. ‘Right there, see? Dufresne. She was in her cell at lights out. Stands to reason that she’d still be here this morning.’ She took a breath then turned back to her audience. ‘I want her found… not tomorrow, not after breakfast… now!’

Needing no further instruction, Haig nodded and rushed out of the cell beckoning some of the guards to follow her. Lucado and Hadley watched them go, then looked back at the cell completely dumbfounded. Then as if only just remembering her presence, Lucado’s gaze turned to Nicole. She nodded to Hadley who took hold of Nicole and pulled her aggressively into the cell right up to Lucado’s livid face.

‘Well?’ Lucado demanded.

Nicole stared at her, ‘well what?'

‘Oh fuck off Red…’ Lucado ridiculed with an infuriated laugh. ‘You must have known about this. How could you not?’

‘No ma’am… I didn’t… I told you last night what I thought she was going to do.’

Lucado remembered but still did not look convinced, ‘you two are thick as thieves, I bet even when we tried to keep you apart, she must have said something.’

‘I swear… she didn’t…’ she looked around. Just like the warden, she was searching for clues. ‘Because you know if she was thinking of… doing anything… I would try to stop her... especially leaving.'

To her immense irritation, Lucado realised that Nicole was telling the truth, ‘Lord! It’s a miracle!’ she cried to the air. ‘The woman’s up and vanished like a fart in the wind. Nothing left but some damn rocks on the windowsill and that piece on the wall.’ She gestured to the poster of Charles Heston hanging a little awkwardly off the wall. ‘Maybe he knows. Let’s ask him? What do you say Mr Muscles eh? Feel like talking. Guess not… why would you be any different?’

Looking round, Nicole saw that the guards, even Hadley, were exchanging nervous and concerned looks. Not caring about their opinion or worries about her crumbling state of mind, Lucado walked over to the window and scooped up a handful of Waverly’s finished and unfinished stone carvings. With an angry groan, she began to hurling them at the wall. Some bounced, others shattered, but clearly it was not having the relieving affect she had craved as she continued to do so. Once her handful ran out, she grabbed another and turned on the people in the cell watching on.

‘It’s a conspiracy!’ she screamed now throwing the rocks in the direction of the people gathered. ‘That’s what this is!’ They moved and ducked to avoid a direct hit as the stones clattered and smashed around them. ‘One big damn conspiracy… and everyone’s in on it… including him!’

Bringing her arm back, Lucado let the strongest throw fly right at Charles, but this time… there was no smash. Instead came the sound of the stone disappearing and echoing as if it had been thrown down a well. It took a moment for this to sink in as every single person in the room seemed to stop breathing trying to comprehend what it was they had just heard. Slowly, all eyes turned to the poster, staring at it stunned. None more than Nicole. Right in the middle of Charles’ stomach was a hole where the stone should have bounced off the wall. It was as though the poster had swallowed it up. With slow steady steps, the warden reached forward and buried her finger into the hole. Instead of her finger stopping when it reached the wall that should have been there, as everyone expected, her hand followed her finger until her entire arm had vanished into the poster.

The eyes of every single person in the room widened at the perplexing sight and became even wider as Lucado used her arm to grip the poster and tear it away from the wall. Once it was removed, five pairs of eyes stared into the enormous hole stretching away from them, just big enough for a small woman to wriggle through, that had been hidden behind it.

 

_In 1966, Waverly Dufresne escaped from Shawshank Prison. I remember thinking it would take someone six hundred years to tunnel through that wall with the rock hammer that I had got her when she first arrived in the prison; Waverly did it in less than twenty. Oh how she loved geology and I imagine it appealed to her meticulous nature. An ice age here and a million years or mountain building there, plates of bedrock grinding against each there over a span of millennia… for geology is the study of pressure and time. That’s all it takes. Pressure and time. That and a big goddam poster._

Eighteen years ago

 

She listened to the bang of the lights going out down the hall, until they finally reached her cell, the last in the row. Waverly then waited for a few minutes until she heard the guards begin to file out of the block, leaving the last one left on duty by the main cell block gate. Then slowly she reached underneath her pillow and brought out the rock hammer. Turning it over in her hand she smiled at it amazed that Red had even managed to get it for her. After indulging her amusement, she looked up at the wall in front of her and saw that a few names had been scratched into it: Emily, Gretta and Maddy. She stood up and made her way over, using her finger to lightly trace the letters of the names. Upon touching the wall, she realised that it wouldn’t have taken a lot of force to carve them into the soft stone. Bringing the hammer up, she found an untouched space and began to scratch the letter W into the wall. She checked over her shoulder for a moment, but there was no movement on the walkway outside the cells. Appeased, she returned to her work and started on the A. As she did so, the hammer snagged on the stone and after struggling against it for a moment Waverly pulled it free, along with a good chuck of the wall which fell and crumbled at her feet. Intrigued, Waverly bent down and picked it up. Sitting back on her bed, she pressed and rubbed the material between her fingers finding that it easily became dust which she could brush off her hands.

 

_Like I said, a woman will do most anything to keep his mind occupied. It turns out Waverly’s favourite hobby was totin her wall out into the exercise yard a handful at a time. I always wondered why she insisted on having a little time to herself when we were let out. She said it was for exercise but always seemed to mind when I wanted to join her. Now I wish I’d been more observant. But as I fell in love with her, it was hardly her trousers and shoes I was focusing on. This was where she stored the rubble and discreetly shook it out as she made her rounds. It simply blended in with the rest of the yard as it scattered about her feet._

_Whilst the rest of us slept, Waverly spent years working the nightshift. Probably took her most of the year just to get her head through. I guess after her innocence was confirmed and rejected so cruelly, along with Wynonna being killed and us being found out and separated, she decided she’d been here just long enough._

The night before

 

At her desk, Waverly filled in the books at her small desk in the corner of Hadley’s office.

‘Right Dufresne, let’s wrap this up…’ Willa ordered as she rose from her desk filing some paperwork away in her top desk drawer. ‘Warden and I have a dinner to get to.’ Waverly nodded and slowly rose collecting up her papers and books that were scattered on the desk. She watched carefully as Willa exited the room for a moment to check the warden had vacated her office. Once Willa had gone, she reached behind her into her trousers and pulled out a file and black book identical to those that lay on the desk. Quickly she swapped them so the real file and book were tucked in and hidden underneath her uniform and the fake replacement lay on the desk as she gathered up all the paperwork.

Returning, Willa pulled her jacket from the back of her chair and led Waverly down the corridor to the warden’s office. She stood to attention as Willa turned the combination to the safe. Once open, Waverly stepped forward and placed the fake books into the safe as she had done so with the real ones year after year.

‘Three deposits for the warden today,’ she said quietly handing them to Willa as if she had done nothing at all untoward.

‘Nice… I’ll see that she gets them,’ Waverly nodded. ‘Get my stuff to the laundry along with the warden’s will you. And shine my shoes…’ She picked up a box with a black pair of heels inside. ‘I want them to shine like mirrors.’ She walked to the door and looked back. ‘Warden has a pair too when you’re done.’ Holding the box that Hadley had handed her, Waverly nodded in acknowledgement but could not speak. Hadley frowned a little at this, but didn’t care enough to investigate. With a little scoff she was gone.

Slowly, Waverly looked down at the shoes and at the other box waiting for her on the floor beside the bag of laundry and two suits that Hadley had gestured at. Keeping her eyes on the shoes, Waverly took a seat and picked up the shining brush from the small table beside her. Delicately she set to work, moving the brush firmly but deliberately over every part of the black shoe as it began to shine more in the light. Once done with Hadley’s shoes, she placed them back in the box and dragged Lucado’s over and began on them.

 

_Waverly did as she was told and buffed those shoes to a high mirror shine._

Once the shoes reflected the light brilliantly, Waverly choose the flattest pair and put those to one side putting her own worn, dull leather shoes in the box and closed it. Standing, she then sorted through the suits that Willa had asked to be cleaned and picked out a professional grey one that reminded her of the days when she would wear them working in the bank. With a smile, she began to remove her own clothes. She replaced her uniform over the suit and shirt with the skirt folded flat and unnoticeable around her waist. She then slipped into the polished shoes and began to make her way down the corridor back to the cell block where she knew they were waiting for her.

 

_The guard simply didn’t notice. Neither did I. I mean, seriously. How often do you really look at a woman’s shoes? I certainly didn’t. My focus was on the vacant look on her face that night. She could have been wearing clown shoes and I wouldn’t have even noticed the colour._

Once inside her cell, Waverly let out a deep breath relieved to be safely secluded away. As soon as the lights had gone out and a little time had passed to allow the guards to filter out, Waverly smiled up at Charles and sprang into action. She pulled the rope from underneath her pillow and sat down on her bed. She moved to start taking off her prison uniform to reveal the suit underneath when she stopped. A new name scratched into the wall, just poking out from the corner of the poster caught her eye. Placing the rope down she rose from the bed and slowly peeled back the corner of the poster to expose it. NICOLE. She had carved it in a romantic moment, after one of their first times together. Her mind was certainly not on escaping that day, in fact it was one of the things furthest from it. There had been only one thing on her mind and she had carved it near the hole to remind her of what she loved the day that she decided to escape, if she ever decided to. Slowly, Waverly extended her arm up so her fingers could trace each individual letter. Her hand trembled as she did so. With each letter came the flash of a memory; Nicole at her bedside in the infirmary, their first kiss, their first time in Eliza’s office, the first time they said I love you, getting married, making love in the hospital bed… then the last flash, was a montage of all the pain and suffering they had endured. Waverly saw Nicole’s beaten face from her cell in solitary, she felt her own desperation just to see her for a few moments, she could hear Lucado’s cruel and sadistic words and worst of all… she could feel the agony of being separated from Nicole against their will. Then all she could see was Lucado's cruel, sneering face, enjoying every moment of the pain she was inflicting on the pair. Waverly stopped tracing each letter and placed her whole hand over Nicole’s name a single tear falling down her cheek, ‘I’m so sorry baby… I have to… I love you… but I have to…’ she leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on the name before returning to the plan.

As the storm rolled in around the prison, lightning illuminating Waverly’s actions, the brunette began to stuff her most precious belongings along with the suit into a large industrial plastic zip-lock bag. After it went the shoes, chess pieces and black ledger and files which were safely wrapped up in their own plastic bag secured with tape. Then last but not least a bar of soap wrapped in a towel. She tied this all together ensuring the bag was securely fastened. Then with the six foot of rope that Heywood had given her, she tied it around her ankle so that she could pull it behind her. With one last deep breath, Waverly looked behind her first to check for any lurking guards but there were none. She allowed herself a few moments to take one last glance over the cell which had been home for nearly twenty years, then ducked under the poster and began to crawl uncomfortably down the small tunnel just wide enough for her to fit through.

Grimacing and groaning with the struggle which seemed to never end, she finally reached the other side of the wall and pulled herself out head first. Emerging to the waist, she stretched forward to the opposite wall and managed to find a steel conduit with her fingers. The cavern between the walls, with pipes and conduits snaking their way around her, seemed suddenly vast and unyielding. It hadn’t looked that way when she had first poked her head out of the end of her tunnel. She had been so pleased to see it, instead of the inside of another cell block and another inmate staring back at her stunned.

Carefully, after pulling her legs uneasily out of the tunnel, Waverly made her way down the conduit until she landed gently onto a large pipe stretching the length of the gap between the two walls. The plastic bag is still safely attached but Waverly made sure that it is by checking the knot was still securely tied. Down beside the ceramic sewer pipe lay a large hand sized rock which Waverly had resourced during one of her few explorations of the area. She picked it up and held it above her head. Staring up at the sky, she waited. The rain fell into her eyes her hair beginning to stick to her face but still she waited. Finally, it came. As the lightning flashed and clapped around her, with all her might, Waverly brought he rock down on the sewage pipe. A mere crack appeared. As though expecting this, Waverly raised her arm again. At the next flash she brought the rock down again with more force. A small hole appeared, but nothing like what she needed. One last time, she lifted her arm and waited. With the last impact, Waverly was sent reeling backwards as sewage erupted from the pipe. Repulsed, Waverly threw her arms up and fell back against the wall her arms and face already smeared in the filth. She took a few moments to realise exactly the nature of her path to freedom. But she had no choice.

Wiping some of the muck from her face, Waverly pulled a small torch from her shoe and leaned down into the pipe. The smell hit her like the force of one of Mercedes’ punches. She recoiled back gagging and heaving. Panting she returned to leaning against the wall. She looked up at the rain and lightning. ‘Oh Nicole… what am I doing?’ She asked into the air. ‘I wish you were here.’ A little shadow of doubt crept into her mind, but there was no going back now and she shook it off quickly. Spitting out the phlegm that had built up with her gagging Waverly put the torch in her mouth and slid through the hole into the pipe.

 

_Waverly crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of shit-smelling foulness that I can’t even imagine. Or maybe I just don’t want to. Five hundred yards. The length of five football pitches. That’s just shy of half a mile._

After crawling, twisting and writhing on her elbows in sewage up to her chest for what felt like miles, finally Waverly’s fingers found the edge of the pipe. She used this grip to pull her the last few feet. To her relief the pipe came out right above a small stream that ran bellow it. As the rain continued to pour down and the lightening crash around her, Waverly pulled her entire body out of the pipe, over the edge and allowed it to fall into the water. She remained under the surface for a while, until she came up spluttering for air sitting up in the waist deep water. Clumsily, Waverly managed to pull herself to her feet and begin wading upstream ripping her filthy clothes from her body. If she had looked right, she would have seen the looming outline of the prison in the distance still visible on the horizon. Its windows barely glowed through the torrential rain falling like a sheet. Despite being in the clean water the putrid material from the pipe clung to her shirt and trousers. Clawing at them she pulled them off so that she was left standing knee deep in the stream without trousers or a shirt. Her white tank top, drenched from the stream and rain, clung to her body as she raised her hands to sky. She welcomed the rain, she welcomed its cold feel against her skin, she welcomed the feeling of freedom it brought. The emotions were overwhelming. Relief. Exultation. Vindication. Triumph. Sadness.

 

_The next morning, right about the time that Charles was spilling his little secret a woman that nobody had ever laid eyes on before strolled into the Casco Bank of Portland. Until that moment, she didn’t exist, except on paper._

 

The female teller greeted her. Waverly, washed, dressed in Lucado’s suit and hair falling perfectly around her face once again, felt like she was talking to herself from twenty years ago. ‘May I help you?’

Smiling politely, Waverly nodded, ‘my name is Roseanne Stevens. I’ve come to close some accounts.’

 

_She had all the proper ID: driver’s license, birth certificate, social security card and the signature… was a spot on match._

‘I must say I’m sorry to be losing your business,’ the manager sighed with a professional smile as he handed over the last of the paperwork. ‘I hope you enjoy living abroad.’ Waverly took the paperwork and filed it away carefully.

‘Here’s your cashier’s cheque, ma’am. Will there be anything else?’

‘Please,’ Waverly replied as she filed away the cheque, replacing it with a large brown envelope in her hand. She extended it towards the teller. ‘Would you add this to your outgoing mail?’

The teller smiled as she took it, ‘I’d be happy to.’

‘Thank you,’ Waverly beamed as she got up from her chair and gracefully made her way out of the bank. She wore the shoes she’d stolen from Hadley with confidence as she strode out of the door.

 

_Miss Stevens visited nearly a dozen banks in the Portland area that morning. All told, she blew town with better than $370,000 of Warden Lucado’s money. Severance pay for the last nineteen years._

_The package Waverly had asked to be sent landed upon a young reporter called Dave’s desk. I bet he didn’t know what he was opening when he sat down with his coffee and bagel that morning. Once he had, and the brown file and black ledger along with the accompanying letter had fallen out onto the desk, it had the entire news room buzzing. It hit every morning paper the very next day._

Present day

 

Two days after the escape, they came for them. In her office, Lucado held the morning newspaper out in front of her staring at it mortified, before slamming it down on her desk. Her eyes continued to take in the headline screaming out at her, ‘CORRUPTION AND MURDER AT SHAWSHANK’. It took a moment for this to sink in and then she heard the sirens swelling in the distance. Racing to the window she could see them appearing like a swarm of wasps over the horizon flashing and blaring their way up the entrance road to the prison. A thin layer of sweat began to appear on Lucado’s brow as she felt her self being gripped by unadulterated panic. Her eyes then fell upon the safe on the back wall of the room. Clambering forward so fell against the wall and with trembling hands flicked the dial round to the correct combination then hauled the door open. It almost hitting her in the face due to her desperation, Lucado ducked under the door and pulled out the brown file and black ledger. She let the file fall to the floor as she took the black ledger in her hands. Her eyes widened as she realised that instead of the ledger she was expecting, she was holding a bible, Waverly’s bible. Opening it, she found an inscription written inside ‘Dear Lucado, you were right. Salvation did lie within.’ Lucado flipped to the middle of the book and dropped it horrified. Inside the pages had been hollowed out into the shape of a rock hammer. This is where Waverly had hidden her tool of salvation, for nearly nineteen years.

 

With a screech of breaks and sirens, more police cruisers joined those already parked in front of the prison. It appeared that the entire fleet had made its way to Shawshank. It indicated accurately the seriousness of the situation that had been outline in the morning’s paper. Out of one of the cars the district attorney slid out onto the gravel and crunched his way over to where Willa Hadley was already being held by two policemen. Her eyes wide and eye brows raised in fear, it was the first time had seen her completely vulnerable and afraid.

‘Willa Hadley?’ the D.A asked sternly approaching her battling his way through the media circus which had already gathered. Flanked by a contingent of state troopers, who struggled to keep the photographers and journalists at bay so he could do his job, he waited for Hadley’s acknowledgement. Her eyes flitting over all the people staring at her, she brought herself to nod. Upon this, the D.A took a small notebook out of his pocket and began to read. ‘You have the right to remain silent. If you give up that right, anything you say will be used against you in court…’

As she spoke a group of state troopers moved in to cuff Hadley’s hands behind her back. She struggled for a moment then realised pretty quickly that it was hopeless. With a stern shove, the troopers forced Hadley to start walking. As the cameras continued to flash around her and the voice of the D.A droned on about her rights, her face began to scrunch up as if she were about to cry.

 

_I wasn’t there to see it but I hear Willa Hadley was sobbing like a little girl when they took her away. I wish I had seen it. I would have looked on with the biggest and stupidest grin on my face for every finger she had ever laid on me or Waverly, especially after the revelation of our relationship. I was surprised to hear that she was very compliant when she got into some of the cruisers and they shut the door in her face. Lucado had no intention of going that quietly._

Looking duty bound rather than pleased with the task at hand, the D.A marched his way up the stairs to Lucado’s office followed by a surge of state troopers. Lucado’s nervous secretary quickly showed them to the door, but as the D.A went to open it they found it locked. Inside, standing at the window where she had watched Hadley being led away, Lucado jumped startled as she heard the banging on the other side of the door.

‘Jean Lucado!’ called the D.A banging the side of his fist on the door. ‘We have a warrant for your arrest! Open up! He looked behind him where a guard was arriving with a large bunch of keys, clinking on a ring.

‘I’m not sure which one it is…’ she admitted as she began to try them one by one.

On the other side of the door, Lucado fumbled with the drawers in her desk her hands shaking. In a calmer state she would have been able to find what she was looking for immediately, but in that time coherent thought completely eluded her. Finally, she tugged a drawer open to reveal a small black pistol and some scattered bullets within. She stared at them for a moment, then as another bang rang out accompanied by the scratching sound of guard trying another key, she reached in and placed the gun and bullets on the table. Keeping one eye on the door, Lucado flicked the barrel out of the gun and purposefully placed a bullet in each of the six spaces. One the barrel was full, she clicked it back into place and with her hand still resting on the table pointed it at the door on the other side of the room. Sweat dripped off her forehead and lip as her heart pounded.

‘Come on girl!’ the D.A urged as yet another key did not work.

‘I’m sorry… I’m new…’ she explained her hands beginning to shake.

Lucado continued to listen to the fracas outside the door with her gun still pointed at the door. Whoever appeared through the door would get it first and she would just keep shooting until they had all fallen. As the thought went through her head, sudden calm descended over the room, her eyes narrowing so that all she could see was the door. None of the rest of the room existed. Then, as this happened, so did a change of heart.

At the sound of the right key squeezing into the door lock and turning successfully, the direction of the point of the gun changed instantly as Lucado jammed it under her chin. The explosion stopped all those that burst into the room in their tracks as they all stared at Lucado’s lifeless body in the chair slumped backwards, the wall behind covered in blood. Some turned away horrified, others such as the D.A, stared on at the woman that had once stood so tall and thought herself so mighty. Now she was reduced to a limp corpse, as weak as the woman’s courage, draped motionless with its brains smeared all over the wall behind her.

 

_I like to think the last thing that went through her head… other than that bullet… was to wonder how Waverly Dufresne ever got the better of her._


	24. Chapter 24

_To say I was relieved that they didn’t find Waverly’s body hanging from the ceiling of her cell that morning is an understatement. The elation and relief I felt spread throughout all of us. I think Rosita, other than me, felt it more than all of us after being so much turmoil over that damn piece of rope. Instead, we revelled in how Waverly had successfully got the better of the warden and all of the guards. The place certainly lightened up with the departure of Hadley and Lucado’s sorry demise. We weren’t as afraid anymore._

_But quickly, this all disappeared as I realised, she was gone. She wasn’t being kept from me, she wasn’t in solitary, she wasn’t in the library when I had to be in wood shop… she was gone. I knew she loved me and I knew she must have been driven by so much desperation to undertake such a risky course of action, but it hurt. It hurt in every way it could hurt. She was alive… but she was gone._

_As time went on, I began to question one of my earlier statements. I knew she loved me. I began to wonder if that was true. If she had loved me, then why did she leave? I knew things were hard at the prison, harder than they had ever been, but surely we would have survived it. The others were so good at finding ways to get us together; we would have made it work. It’s a wretched thing, when your heart and mind begins to doubt the one you love. A wretched thing._

In the middle of the smaller inner yard, the mail caller stood risen above the inmates calling out the names and tossing out the mail to the correct recipients. All inmates were ordered to attend the ritual, but many slumped back around the outside of the yard knowing full well there was nothing in his bag for them. On the floor leaning against some of the metal fencing, Nicole tried to enjoy the lazy afternoon sunshine that splashed across her face. She could hear the bustle around her, but couldn’t pick out any particular sounds. She was a shadow of the woman she had been. She was no longer the woman who could get you things. With no real motivation to be anything she had withdrawn herself from the role. She simply wanted to serve her time as quietly as possible and try to forget that she ever knew or loved a person called Waverly Dufresne. Something she knew with all her heart would be easier said than done. For now, she was still filled with too many memories and too much pain.

‘Hey Red,’ two figures dropped to the floor either side of her. Red looked round to see Rosita rolling up her sleeves so she could catch the sun on her arms and Jeremy relaxing back against the fence. ‘How you doing mate?’ The voice wasn’t coming from either of the two sitting beside her. She looked up to see Dolls smiling down, blocking the sun so Nicole could comfortably see her face.

‘Shit,’ Nicole admitted looking back ahead blankly.

‘Yeah… we figured…’ Dolls nodded. ‘That’s why we thought this might cheer you up…’ From behind her, Dolls produced a postcard. ‘If I’m not mistaken… that is Waverly’s handwriting.’ She held the card out to Nicole, who rose to her feet and snatched it out of Dolls’ hand instantly.

Rosita and Jeremy jumped to their feet also peering over Nicole’s shoulder to examine the card. On one side was a picture of the ocean with a beautiful sunset, but there was no clue as to where the photograph was from so turning it over Nicole hoped for more clues, but it was completely blank. The only evidence that it was from Waverly, was the beautifully scribed address of the prison and the fact it was addressed to Nicole Redding.

‘I only saw the address,’ Dolls admitted. ‘What do you think it means?’

 

_It wasn’t long after the warden deprived us of her company that I got the postcard. It was blank, but the postmark said McNary, Texas. Now none of us had a clue where that was, so when we were next able we filed into the library and pulled out an Atlas. McNary. Right on the border. That’s where Waverly crossed._

‘Shit man… she made it,’ Dolls chuckled slapping Nicole lightly on the back as they sat huddled around the atlas in the far corner of the library away from prying ears.

‘Fuck me… she really did,’ Rosita said shaking her head.

‘And you really had no idea?’ Jeremy asked looking at Nicole.

With a look of indifference on her face, Nicole’s eyes remained fixed on the atlas, ‘not a damn clue.’

‘She couldn’t mate…’ Jeremy reassured her.

‘She probably did it to protect you…’ Dolls added.

Nicole didn’t speak another word. Slamming the atlas shut, she swiped it up from the table and dumped it in the returns box before marching out of the door. The others watched despondently. They could not even begin to comprehend the bewildering mix of emotions that Nicole was experiencing. They had seen the relief and elation after Waverly’s escape rather than her suicide but since then they’d observed her fall further into depression. A depression only a person with a broken heart could feel.

Leaning back in the leather seat, Waverly flicked the stick into gear and sat back, her hand resting leisurely on the steering wheel as she smiled into the wind that rustled through her hair. The impressive red convertible ripped along the coastal road as she steered it happily around the corners and bends that weaved its way around the cliffs. On her right side, the waves crashed gently against the rocks, a sound she was lapping up with great pleasure. The sun on her face was warm and comforting as adjusted the sunglasses on her face and drove on.

 

_When I pictured her heading south in her own car with the top down, it sometimes made me laugh. I knew it’s what she desired and what she needed. Shawshank had broken her and I had to admit that even I might not have been able to put her back together. As hard as it was, as much as it hurt, I knew she was better where she was. The next time, the rope might have been used for exactly the way we had all expected it to. It just killed me, every moment of every day that I was left behind._

_Waverly Dufresne, who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean the other side. Waverly Dufresne, love of my life, headed for the Pacific._

_Those who knew her best still talk about her often. I swear, the stuff she pulled. It always makes us laugh. For me, it eased the pain, even if only for a few moments. More often than not however, it’s too heart breaking, Waverly being gone. I know the girls felt it, but honestly, how could they feel it compared to me? Sometimes it made me so miserable that I could barely breathe. I just had to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged, especially the innocent ones. Their feathers are just too bright._

Sweat dripping off her brow, Nicole drove the hoe deep into the soil. Beside her she could hear the tired panting of Rosita, Jeremy and Dolls as they did the same in a field littered with cons. All around them guards patrolled on horseback as the inmates worked, some in the shadow of the prison walls. Although it was late afternoon, the evening summer sun still basked down on their skin. Most were stripped to their white tank tops, blue uniforms discarded on the ground or tied around their waists.

Suddenly, Nicole’s hoe hit something hard causing the impact to vibrate up her hoe to her hands. Shaking off the unpleasant feeling, she dropped to her knees to move the soil to see what had caused it. As she brushed the dry soil and grass aside, it revealed a rock, just like the ones they had once collected for Waverly. Bringing it up, Nicole took a moment to dust it clean in her hand. The sting in her chest caused her to freeze in the moment. She stared at its medley of smooth and course edges remembering how such a simple object would have made her wife so excited.

A kind but firm hand on her shoulder brought her back to reality, ‘she would have loved that one,’ Nicole heard Rosita say as she continued to stare at the stone in her palm.

‘Now she’ll have all the damn rocks she wants,’ Jeremy added.

They shared collective sighs before Nicole felt a tug on her arm, ‘come on mate… can’t let the guards see you stalling,’ Dolls warned. It took a few moments, but eventually Nicole allowed the rock to slip from her hand and land with a gentle thud back in the ground. She backed away from it to get back in line with her friends so that she could get to work on another patch of soil. As she tried to focus on her work, she couldn’t help but glance back at the spot where the stone lay as images of Waverly’s thrilled smile flashed into her mind. One she had seen and cherished so many times.

 

_When those birds fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice, but… still… the place you lived is that much more drab and empty now that they were gone._

_I guess I just really missed my wife._

Her walk was slow and unenthusiastic as she made her way down the corridor. Then as she moved to walk past one of the newest doors in the prison, a kind voice caused her to hesitate as it called her in. Turning she looked up at the sign, carved by herself, above the door ‘Steph’s Salon’ and couldn’t help but let the hint of a smile creep onto her mouth. They had made it happen, all thanks to Waverly and her persistence, it had happened.

‘Hey girl…’ Dolls smiled as she undid an inmate’s gown and brushed the hair clippings off her shoulders. She held a mirror to allow the inmate to admire Dolls’ work before she happily thanked her and made her way out of the room. ‘How you hanging in today?’

Nicole just nodded in reply and looked around the salon. It was decorated beautifully, with photos of inmates showing off the many styles Dolls and some of the other volunteers could create. Two chairs had been set up with large mirrors in front of them. The equipment was simple and nothing flashy, but for many of the women, this place was haven, somewhere for them to feel elegant and beautiful again. It was the perfect memory to honour Steph Lloyd.

‘How about I sit you in this chair and make you feel a bit better eh?’ Dolls smiled with a wink. Nicole looked hesitant, almost blank. ‘Come on…’ she gently took Nicole’s arm and pulled her into the chair. ‘Let’s make life just a little bit happier for you…’ she tied the apron securely around Nicole’s front and began to brush her hands through Nicole’s long silky hair. Nicole stared ahead at the mirror at the woman who stared back. The eyes were sunken and melancholy. The hair was limp and seemed lifeless. The skin which had once been of the clearest complexion now seemed dull and course. She barely recognised her own reflection. ‘Now how long have you had this hair style woman?’

Nicole shrugged, ‘dunno… twenty five years or more I guess…’

‘Shit,’ Dolls laughed. ‘That needs to change.’ Nicole remained unresponsive. Dolls looked suddenly mischievous but with the best intention. ‘Do you trust me?’

With a slight frown, Nicole gazed up at Dolls using the mirror, ‘what?’

Dolls realised that she clearly was not going to get any kind of decision out of Nicole so had to take complete control, ‘okay… just trust me…’ she reached to one side and picked up a pair of scissors. ‘I am going to give you a new look that will shake yours and everyone else’s boots in this prison…’

Dolls got to work, humming a tune as she snipped away. Nicole could see the locks of red hair falling to the floor out of the corner of her eye, but just as she had been ever since Waverly’s departure she was indifferent to any of the events that were taking place. Even as the scissors flashed and clipped beside her ear and over her forehead. She took the opportunity to enjoy the quiet moment and for her mind to retreat to happier times.

It didn’t take Dolls long and Nicole barely noticed that it had happened or that it was over. ‘There,’ Dolls stated proudly stepping back after one last bounce of the new curls. As her eyes regained their focus, Nicole blinked stunned at her new style. Previously, her hair had fallen straight well below her shoulders, now it stopped just below her chin and hung in well sculpted curls and waves. ‘Now… I think that is the new you that you needed.’ Dolls smiled hovering over her shoulder. Slowly but surely, a more prominent smile crept into Nicole’s face. She had to admit, she loved it. She reached a hand up and ran her fingers through some of the curls. Her first thought was to what Waverly would think but she deflected this knowing that this was not for anyone else. She had to use and enjoy this just for her. It was a upsetting thought that caused tears to rise but for the first time in a long time, they also reflected a glimmer of optimism.

Shrugging off the apron and the locks of hair from her arms and shoulders she rose from the chair. After placing the apron down she extended her arms and wrapped them tightly around Dolls’ broad stature, ‘thank you…’ she whispered weeping softly. Dolls closed her eyes into the embrace, relieved to see some semblance of the friend she loved so deeply. ‘I am so lucky to have a friend like you…’

‘We’re here for you Nicole…’ Dolls whispered back holding her tightly. ‘Always.’

Pulling away, Nicole let her eyes linger in Dolls’ for a moment before turning back to the mirror to admire her new style again. It was so simple, such unpretentious gesture. But due to it, Nicole felt a little human again.

 

_There were times I cursed her for the dreams she left behind. Dreams where I was lost in a warm place with no memory. An ocean so big it struck me dumb. Waves so quiet they struck me deaf. Sunshine so bright it struck me blind. It was a place that was blue beyond reason. Bluer than could possibly exists. Bluer than my mind could possibly grasp. I was terrified and there was no way home._

Sweat sticking to her forehead Nicole sat bolt upright in her bunk as her brain processed another nightmare. They had been coming thick and fast ever since Waverly had wriggled her way through the hole in the wall and out of the prison. In them, she was standing at the edge of a huge ocean on a deserted island with no way off but to swim. All around her she could hear Waverly’s voice calling, but she was nowhere to be seen. In some of the dreams, Nicole could run around the island her feet struggling to gain friction against the sand. In others she stood and screamed back. In the most recent, she simply stood and stared out at the vast expanse of water stretching away from her. Waverly was on the other side of that water, waiting, but Nicole lacked any idea of how to cross it.

As she pulled herself up in the dark to sitting, she wished more than ever that she had one of Wynonna’s drawings. It had been such an extraordinary present but she had only had it in her possession for such a short amount of time. And now, the images she had of Waverly were those she had in her memory. Some were as clear as daylight but others were blurred and difficult to find. There was only one that she remembered like it was yesterday, the lost vacant expression that Waverly had shown her that night before she escaped. Nicole would do anything to change that image for one of her wife smiling or laughing but those memories were becoming harder to picture.

Lying back down, Nicole’s eyes flickered shut despite her best efforts for them not to do so. She knew where she was going and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

 

_The water lapped against her feet as they rested at the edge of the sand. Brought right back to the moment that had woken her up, Nicole was short of breath as she slumped down onto the beach. Putting her head in her hands, she tried to block out the gentle sound of the waves and the call of the birds above but was surprised that one element was missing. She could no longer hear Waverly calling. Puzzled, Nicole lifted her head and began to look around, only to jump startled to see a completely unexpected figure sitting right beside her._

_‘Jesus girl,’ Gus laughed. ‘You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’ She sat happily in her prison uniform, trouser legs and sleeves rolled up digging her toes into the sand, loving the feel of the cool waves rolling over them. ‘This place is beautiful ain’t it?’_

_‘Gus… how are you here?’ Nicole breathed._

_‘This is a dream you idiot… how the fuck else would I be here?’ she playfully threw sand at Nicole. Realising the stupidity of her question, Nicole brushed it off her face relaxing with a smile. ‘You know… this place feels a bit like heaven…’_

_Nicole looked back out at the sea and shook her head, ‘it’s not… not to me…’_

_‘Ah… that’s because you’re not seeing it for what it is,’ Gus smiled patting Nicole on the back._

_‘What is it?’_

_‘Hope.’ She looked at Nicole and saw that her younger counter part was not convinced. ‘It’s hope, that even something this big, this intimating and seemingly impassable has what you want on the other side.’_

_Nicole looked out at it, trying to see what Gus was trying to describe, ‘Waverly…’_

_‘Waverly,’ Gus nodded._

_‘I can’t find her though Gus,’ Nicole said her voice breaking. She looked down at the sand hopeless._

_Reaching forward, Gus used a single finger to lift Nicole’s chin, ‘you will always find her…’ she smiled fondly as she held their gaze for a moment. ‘She’s waiting for you…’ She gave Nicole’s chin a little squeeze before she clambered unsteadily to her feet. Nicole remained seated looking up at her. ‘… and you’re going to find her.’_

_As Gus began to walk away, Nicole turned to call after her, ‘but how the fuck do I get off this island?’_

_‘Hope!’ Gus called back as she continued to walk away towards the middle of the island._

_‘Hope?’ Nicole threw her hands up in the air as she clambered unsteadily to her feet. ‘Fucking hope? Gus… I love you… but that’s shit! Hope will not get me off this fucking island!’ Her screams went unanswered as Gus was gone and Nicole was once again alone on the island. She fell down again to her knees still facing out to sea. As it stared back at her it seemed darker and more infinite than ever. ‘Fucking hope…’ she muttered to herself. ‘Fucking shit Gus…’_

‘You okay?’ Eliza tipped Dolls’ chin up as they lay bodies entangled on the floor of Eliza’s office. Blinds drawn and door locked, they were safe.

Stroking Eliza’s arm she nodded sadly, ‘it’s Red…’

‘She still struggling?’

‘She’s not the friend I remember,’ Dolls told her. ‘When Waverly left… she took a big part of Nicole with her.’

‘I know…’ Eliza agreed. ‘It was so shit… what Lucado did to them.’ She propped herself up so she could look down into Dolls’ eyes. ‘You know that I didn’t want that don’t you?’

Dolls reached up and ran her hand threw Eliza’s hair. Usually it was tied tightly up into a bun, but that afternoon it hung freely around her face. ‘I know… you did so much to try and help them.’

They kissed before Eliza lay her head gently back down on Dolls’ shoulder, ‘I just wish I could help now.’

‘Maybe dig a hole in her cell wall?’ Dolls suggested with a forced laugh. ‘Get her out of here somehow…’

At this, Eliza straightened, sitting bolt upright, ‘that’s it…’

‘What?’ Dolls asked also sitting up facing her.

Eliza looked almost excited as she gazed back at Dolls, ‘her parole board is coming up isn’t it?’

‘Is it?’ Dolls shrugged. ‘She hasn’t said anything…’

‘I shouldn’t imagine she would…’ Eliza said sadly. ‘Can you imagine if she’s not successful this time? That would be another ten years at least.’

‘Fuck…’ Dolls shook her head. ‘That would break her completely…’

‘It’s been nearly five months, can you imagine another ten years?’

Dolls reached up and stroked Eliza’s face, ‘I really couldn’t.’ They shared a tender kiss before their minds returned to Eliza’s excitement. ‘So what’s your idea?’

‘So… my youngest sister… just got married to Harry Harper…’ She started waiting for Dolls to catch on.

It didn’t take long, ‘Harper… as in Charles Harper… one of the main men on the parole board?’ Dolls checked.

‘Harry is his brother…’ Eliza grinned.

‘Fuck me…’ Dolls grinned.

‘We’re having a family barbeque next weekend. I will make sure he’s invited and will take him aside for a little chat.’

‘How are you going to convince him?’ Dolls asked confused.

‘Oh… lets’ just say, I have a little information on his rather unsavoury activities,’ she smiled walking her fingers up Dolls’ leg. Dolls raised an eyebrow. ‘No… not affairs… gambling. When I visited my sister last week I caught him stealing money out of his brother’s wallet. As he’s technically my colleague I promised that I would stay quiet… but now… I think I might use my little discovery to our advantage.’

Dolls stared at her in wonder, ‘you are amazing…’

‘I know,’ Eliza giggled accepting Dolls’ loving kiss as they fell back into each other’s arms.

Holding her hat in her hands, Nicole waited for the bars to roll away allowing her to walk forward. Obediently, she waited for the last door to be opened for her and for her to be given permission to then enter the room. Twenty years after she had first walked into that room, she was humbler, less resilient and more amenable as she sat down in front of the four people that stared at her from the desk. In the middle, Charles Harper examined the meek character that took a seat before them. They were aware of what had gone on in the prison for seventeen years. They were aware of her breaking the rules, sneaking away from duty, indulging in acts that were completely frowned upon… on the other hand, they were aware of the beatings, the abuse, the losses she had endured and the corruption she had tried to thwart alongside Waverly to no avail. She was a perplexing personality that they would have to figure out.

Tearing his eyes away from her, Charles picked up a piece of paper, ‘your file says you’ve served forty years of a life sentence. You feel you’ve been rehabilitated?’ Nicole thought back to when she was last asked that question. She’d been so desperate not to be released. So desperate to stay in Shawshank so she was not parted with Waverly. That day she had been so completely sure of her answer to utterly impede her chances of parole. Now she wasn’t sure what to say. ‘Shall I repeat the question?’

‘It’s okay… I heard you.’ Her voice was weak and soft as she considered her answer. ‘Rehabilitated? Let’s see now. You know, come to think of it… I have no idea what it means. Me, I think it’s just a made up word, a politician’s word. A word so young fellas like you can wear a suit and tie and have a job. What do you really want to know? Am I sorry for what I did?’

‘Well… are you?’ He tried to remember the words that Eliza had discussed with him a few days ago, but as he studied the inmate before him, he was left perplexed. She seemed so completely indifferent, unfeeling.

Nicole sighed as she played with the hem of her prison shirt in her lap, ‘not a day goes by I don’t feel regret and not because I’m in here or because you think I should. I look back at myself, the way I was, a stupid kid who did that terrible crime… wish I could talk sense into her. Tell her how things are, but I can’t… and to be quite honest with you… I’m not sure if I would.’

Charles and the three people with him frowned a little shocked, ‘what do you mean?’

‘I regret what I did every single day, don’t get me wrong. I wish the crime itself should never have happened because innocent people were affected…’ she explained. ‘I sure would take that back. But because of it… I wound up in here… and because of that… I met the most amazing woman I or any of you will ever meet.’ She smiled as she thought of Waverly. ‘I fell in love… because I was in here… So do I regret the crime? Every day. Do I regret that it put me in here? Not a single moment.’ Her smile disappeared slowly. ‘But now she’s gone… and I do feel more of the regret for the crime. It does haunt me more than before. And I’m so tired. The kid that fell in love and had the most wonderful wife in the world, even in this place, has gone and this aging woman is all that’s left and I have to live with that. I’m not going to hurt anyone else… I’ve been hurt more than the women of this country can handle and Waverly too. I’m not going to exact that on anyone.’ The four suited people in front of her stared at her as she talked. ‘I’m an exhausted washed up old con who wants to be left alone to her sadness and memories and remember that once upon a time, I was happy.’ She took a moment to allow a slow drawn out breath to enter and exit her lungs. ‘Rehabilitated? That’s a bullshit word… so you go on ahead and stamp your form there sonny and stop wasting my time… because truth is… I don’t give a shit. I’m going to die tired and alone in here or tired and alone out there… it doesn’t matter one tiny fucking bit to me.’

Swallowing, Charles’ eyes fixed upon Nicole as she looked down at her hands and began drumming her fingers on her legs. As she met the eyes of his colleagues, he could see that they were just as mystified as he was.

 

_After conversing with his colleagues for a good hour, they called me back into the room and I could see he was holding the red stamp in his hand with my parole form on the table in front of him. I studied their faces for any kind of clue to tell me what conclusion they had come to but they were all completely unreadable. I was studying them so thoroughly that I almost missed the chair as I went to sit down in front of them again. Charles’ eyes never left mine once I looked up into them. His looked as weary as mine did. I hoped our mutual turmoil might sway him to be sympathetic towards me. I later found out about Eliza’s involvement, but at the time I was completely unaware. All that existed to me in that room was Charles, my parole certificate and whether he would stamp it approved or unapproved._


	25. Chapter 25

_When the stamp had shown approved, I almost stopped breathing. Two failures and thirty years inside, you lose sight of any possibility that it might happen. Now, I was free and I was terrified._

_There was so much I wanted to say to them as they stood there in front of me. The kind faces that had been so invaluable during some of the hardest time any con is likely to see within prison walls. I knew they were dejected and heartbroken, I felt the sting of it in my own chest. But, I knew they would be okay._

 

Shaking off her own sadness, Rosita forced a smile as she gazed upon her friend. ‘You look good Red,’ She said as she admired Nicole in her trim dark blue trouser suit, with a white crisp shirt and black polished shoes. Her new hairstyle had been curled perfectly by Dolls’, styled to be half up brushing her fringe back over her head. She looked like any normal business woman about hit the treadmill of a working day.

‘Oh fuck off…’ Nicole scoffed lightly. ‘Not at my age… old woman like me.’

‘You look good to us Red,’ Dolls assured her. She sighed as she gazed at the woman before her. ‘This place ain’t going to be the same without you…’

Nicole looked up at the looming dark grey brick walls, the high rise fences, the loud speakers that had barked in her ears and the dull earth that lay beneath their feet. For so long it had been home. It felt so inexplicable to be leaving it, ‘I think I’ll miss it… in a strange way.’

‘You were the girl who knew how to get things,’ Jeremy reminded her.

Nicole nodded with a slight laugh, ‘yes… yes I was.’ She shook her head in disbelief. ‘Seems like a different life now.’

The four friends took a moment to smile and gaze at each other as they stood in the yard only meters away from where Nicole would soon be walking out of the front gate. The world was still around them. Somehow through everything, the four of them had survived long enough for one to be free.

‘What are you going to do?’ Rosita asked.

Nicole knew what she was trying to establish, ‘you mean… am I going to try and find her?’

‘Are you?’

With a pause, Nicole turned the question over in her head, ‘I don’t know…’ she admitted. ‘Do I want to? Yes. Will I? Can I?’ she shrugged. ‘I don’t know.’

‘You know she’d want you to,’ Dolls told her. ‘That’s why she sent the postcard.’

‘I know,’ Nicole agreed. She adjusted her stance awkwardly. ‘But she left me. I love her and I forgive her… but she left me behind. I still need to find a way to move past that.’

‘Well… we all hope you do, because she loved you Red…’ Jeremy said. ‘I think she escaped to live… so that one day, when you were released you could be together. If she had stayed, it might have turned out very different. This place would have broken her… she couldn’t leave you that way.’

Nicole gazed intensely at Jeremy as she spoke, desperate to believe what she was saying.

‘Get busy living…’ Rosita started.

‘Or get busy dying…’ Dolls finished.

Jeremy nodded at them both before looking back at Nicole, ‘She got busy living… for you…’

 

_As I embraced them, it was as if I was saying goodbye to family. I heard their tears and they saw my own. I told them they were strong, amazing women that they would be okay. I believed that with all of my heart._

_With their words regarding Waverly ringing in my ears, I picked up my small brown suitcase and turned towards the gate that loomed in front of me. I saw the guards move past to stop the others from trying to make a last minute attempt to get out there before me, but didn’t turn back. I couldn’t now. I remained on the same spot for a moment, then after a long exhalation of breath I allowed myself to walk forwards._

On the gate were Eliza and the elderly guard who had allowed Nicole and Waverly those precious moments together when they were locked away in solitary. They could see the anxiousness in my eyes as Nicole drew close as the smiles they greeted her with were kind and comforting. The elderly lady stood to one side whilst Eliza took a key and unlocked the gate that stood between Nicole and freedom.

‘Best wishes Red,’ Eliza said as Nicole stood rooted to the spot. ‘You deserve this more than anyone.’ Overcome Nicole couldn’t stop herself. Dropping the suitcase, she rushed forward and took Eliza up in an embrace. Behind them, the three friends left behind gasped. It was the first time any inmate had openly embraced a guard in front of others. Nicole didn’t care what it looked like, she simply had to show Eliza Mert the gratitude she felt towards her for everything she had done other the years.

Pulling away, Nicole held their eye contact, ‘thank you…’

Eliza nodded a little awkwardly, ‘you just care okay… I do not want to see you back in this place.’

‘Oh no… this con is too tired and old for that.’ She readjusted her suit and picked up her suitcase. After nodding to the other guard, she took one last deep breath and allowed herself to step beyond the threshold of the gate and outside prison walls for the first time in thirty years.

 

_I can’t describe the terror that gripped me on that bus ride into town. I was leaving behind everything I knew and going into the complete unknown. I held onto my little suitcase for dear life as we seemed to fly over every bump on the road and take an age to come back down again. Gus wasn’t wrong. The world really had got itself in a big fucking hurry._

Nicole tried to ignore the unflattering sounds that were coming out of the large black lady that led her up the stairs to her room. She had arrived, as directed, at The Brewster, the same place in which Gus had stayed after her release. When reaching the correct floor, the lady stopped, puffed and caught her breath before walking on digging out a set of keys from the front pocket of her tabard. She continued to wheeze and cough as she pulled out of the one she needed, set it in the lock and turned. As soon as it clicked, she opened the door and pushed it open to allow Nicole to walk inside.

‘No noise after ten and no visitors overnight either,’ she ordered with a harsh gruff voice. Nicole just blinked at the finger shoved in her face and nodded to show she had registered the command. She was examined for a few moments, before, with a disapproving shake of the head, the woman handed Nicole her key and disappeared back down the hall and stairs. Nicole could hear the lady’s stumpy legs and feet slap down on every single one of the wooden stairs as she descended.

Nicole looked down at the key in her hand. She had seen so many keys for so many years but none of them were in her control. Now this was hers and she could choose whether or not she would lock herself in this room. She took a breath, before entering and studying her new living quarters. It was small, old and dingy. It clearly hadn’t seen a lick of paint in years. As her eyes drifted over the small wooden wardrobe, chest of drawers, bed and window only letting a glimmer of light in, they then moved up and stopped. Her eyes fell on four simple words, but words that brought tears to her eyes. Placing the key and suitcase down carefully on the bed, Nicole pulled the old wooden chair into place and cautiously clambered so she could reach up with her hand and trace the words with her fingers. ‘Gus Hatlen was here’.

‘Oh Gus…’ Nicole whispered as her finger followed the grooves in the wood. ‘I wish you were.’ She thought back to her dream and Gus telling her to hold onto hope. But here alone, isolated and disorientated, hope, even in the thought of Waverly, seemed to be the furthest thing away.

 

Hands shaking at the speed of the work required Nicole stuffed the goods into the paper bags. She’d remembered to double bag but was struggling to keep up with the pace. However despite her worries the customer seemed content with her work and took the bags with a smile. Nicole took a moment to respire before she heard the dreaded beeps again as another customer’s items were being passed through the scanner. A little aggrieved, Nicole stood hands on hips and allowed herself to glare at the young girl behind the till. Chewing gum horribly the girl was completely oblivious to the old con’s plight. Nicole figured she was one of the feminist hippies she had heard about and was probably just as infuriated to be working there as she was.

Catching the store manager’s eyes, she gestured with her hand to get his attention, ‘sir? Restroom break please boss?’

Looking a little embarrassed in front of the customers, he motioned her over with a subtle flicker of his fingers. Nicole headed over apprehensively a little confused, ‘you don’t have to ask me every time you need to go to the bathroom. Just go. Understand?’ Nicole nodded timidly before heading towards the back of the store.

 

_Thirty years I’ve been asking permission to piss. I can’t squeeze a drop with say-so. Men, too, that’s the other thing. I forgot that they were half the human race. There’s men everywhere, every shape and every size. I was never that interested in them of course, but now they seemed more prominent than ever. Sometimes there’s so many, I wish I was back in that prison. The people around me twenty four hours a day might have all been cons and some of them seriously cracked in the head, but at least they were women._

Every day was the same; up at the crack of dawn, breakfast at the small café at the corner, then off to work bagging groceries at the Foodway for the entire day, either nine until three or ten until four. Sometimes Nicole would see the same people and they would give her a smile of recognition whereas other days it was a day of strangers who greeted her coldly and parted without a hint of thank you or have a nice day.

This day didn’t seem any different. She stood at the end of her usual counter as the goods came hurtling down the end of the till to where she bagged them. She wondered how Gus Hatlen with her arthritic hands ever kept up with the demand. Children ran and screamed around her legs as she tried to concentrate. Their high pitched voices pierced her ears. Children; that was another thing she had forgotten about in prison. She’d forgotten how incredibly provoking they were as her frustration built inside her. With no discipline they tore up the shop as they screeched and laughed darting in and out of the other shoppers and workers. What had started as a usual day was turning into one where Nicole feared she was going to lose her temper.

Nicole had prided herself in how she had managed to remain orderly and controlled throughout her few weeks at the shop despite how overwhelmed she truly felt. But that day, it seemed like every single one of her buttons were being pressed and at any moment she was going to blow.

Inhaling deeply she turned to where the two children had settled to climbing on the chairs in the window of the shop, ‘please you two, will you stop…’ she began before something outside the window caught her eye and stopped her in tracks. She stared at it and the rest of the world seemed to fall away.

Just across the road from the shop, she watched as a young couple of two women waited together at a bus stop. One was sitting on the provided seats, whilst the other, still standing, rested her hands on her girlfriend’s shoulders and leaned her legs against her knees. Their eyes completely lost in each other, it was clear they were unaware of the judgmental looks and stares they were attracting. As Nicole watched them intently, she realised she admired them.

As she continued to gaze at the pair, she realised she was no longer looking at two strangers. They had morphed into two women that looked very familiar at a time Nicole longed to return to. The pair had moulded into Waverly and herself when they were young women. Now Nicole was sitting on one of the bus shelter chairs, her hands wrapped around Waverly’s waist, looking up into the soulful brown eyes that looked back down. Waverly’s hands rested on Nicole’s shoulders, stroking and fondling her long wavy hair whilst her legs leaned against Nicole’s. They laughed and giggled, just at the expressions they were exchanging. This only stopped when Waverly leant down to place a soft kiss on Nicole’s lips, then cheek, then eye lid, then forehead so she could straighten and stand again. Nicole bit her lip at the touches, her fingers also tracing delicate skin. The skin Waverly’s high riding top revealed around her toned lower stomach. Her right hand resting on Waverly’s lower back, her left explored its way up to follow Waverly’s elegant curves. She heard the brunette sigh a little into the caress before they were giggling again.

Shaking her head, Nicole blinked again and looked out at the two strangers again. Overcome, her chest heaved up and down as she struggled to breathe. Confused, Nicole reached up and placed her hand on her chest as if trying to gain control of it. Soon she was gasping and she could feel the sweat beginning to drip off her brown and the clamminess building in her body.

‘Red… hey Red…’ Nicole could hear the manager, but couldn’t find him. ‘Hey… you alright?’ She caught his eyes for a moment and saw his concern. She appreciated it, but didn’t want it. Turning, she managed to find the strength to walk quickly away through the shop until she found herself out back and scrambling for the toilets. Once inside, she stumbled into a stall and slammed the door shut. Once she had done, she leaned back still continuing to gasp desperately.

‘Shit… Waverly,’ she hissed bending forward to place her hands on her knees. Shaking her head she was finally able to gain control of her breathing and the tightness in her chest eased.

Standing up straight, she pulled the stall door open and walked forward to the sinks on the opposite wall. She grimaced at the pale aging face that looked back from the mirrors and focused on the cool water running out of the taps. Gathering up a sufficient amount she splashed the cool water over her face and leant with both hands on the ceramic sink and closed her eyes.

‘I can’t do this Gus…’ she said to the empty air. ‘I can’t fucking do this…’

‘Who’s Gus?’ The call from behind Nicole startled her. She whirled round to see that she was looking at the same irritating cash register girl that almost threw the items being purchased at her. Like usual, she was chewing her gum loudly and standing with a posture that showed she had little respect for anyone. ‘You alright old woman?’

‘I’m fine…’ Nicole snapped turning back to the sink to wash more water over her face.

‘Could have fooled me,’ the girl continued leaning back against one of the sinks. ‘Looked like you were having a full on panic attack out there… scared the shit out of a few people.’

‘To be quite honest Annie… I couldn’t give a damn…’ Nicole groaned as she walked over to the towel dispenser to dab herself down.

Unmoved by Nicole’s manner, Annie studied her for a moment, her face seemed to soften, ‘you were looking out at those dykes weren’t you?’ Nicole looked up a little taken back. To her surprise, Annie laughed gently. ‘It’s okay old timer… I figured it as soon as you walked through the front door.’ Nicole could only allow herself to breathe. ‘Were you thinking about someone? You had that kind of look… like you were thinking about someone?’

Nicole was stunned at this new kind side of Annie, it was completely unexpected, ‘Yes… yes I was.’

‘Lost love eh?’ Annie smiled. Nicole still couldn’t align her thoughts to answer. ‘Where is she?’

‘I… I don’t know…’ she admitted.

Annie folded her arms, like an unimpressed parent, ‘don’t know… or don’t want to know?’ Once again, Nicole was taken back by the young girl’s intuition. Annie could see the surprise on Nicole’s face and chuckled a little sadly, ‘my parents are divorcing. Trust me, I’ve learnt more about the way adults think than probably they have in their entire life time. It’s been one of the most educational human car crashes to watch… fucking idiots... the both of them.’

Nicole nodded starting to relax to Annie. Behind the chewing gum and harsh exterior, there was clearly a very caring girl underneath. ‘She left me…’

‘She left you?’

‘Behind…’ Nicole went on fiddling with the paper towel in her hand. ‘we were… she left me behind. She could have stayed, but she didn’t.’

‘Did she say she was leaving you behind?’ Annie asked.

Nicole thought for a moment, then shook her head, ‘she just left…’

Annie smiled knowingly, ‘there… that’s what you adults are the best at. Carrying out actions for others to completely misinterpret not explaining what you meant… then you leave this one big shit storm for everyone else to sort out.’ She calmed herself for a moment remembering that this wasn’t about her. ‘Why did she leave?’

Nicole went to answer, then had to pause. She knew the reason in her head, but as she thought, she remembered the reasons everyone else had given her. She didn’t know which ones to listen to. She knew the ones she wanted to believe. ‘Some people have told me… to be with me… because she would have died if she stayed where she was…’

This perplexed Annie, ‘what do you mean?’

‘She left to live…’ Nicole went on.

Annie accepted she didn’t need to understand, ‘do you believe it?’

‘I don’t know…’ Nicole’s breath was quickening again as she thought about it. ‘I want to…’

Annie pushed herself away from the sink she was leaning on and moved a little closer to Nicole, ‘then believe it.’ She urged. ‘If I’ve learnt anything about adults from watching my parents tear themselves to shreds over the past few months, it’s that they won’t believe what is real… only what they want to see amongst the big fucking mess they’re creating. The main mistake they’re making… every day… is not listening to those from the outside… people who can see more clearly than them and they’re distorted emotions.’

As her heart beat began to quicken with her breath, Nicole’s eyes widened, ‘she left to live… so I could find her…’

Annie beamed agreeing, ‘… she probably did…’

‘How do you know?’ Nicole asked softly.

With a little chuckle, ‘because old timer… even at your age… even a straight girl like me can tell, you’re a catch.’ Nicole froze, stunned. ‘you need to leave this fucking dump and find your girl…’

‘But… what if I’m wrong?’ Nicole asked looking scared. ‘What if she really did just leave?’

‘You’re never going to know if you don’t try… I mean, do you want to try? Or do you want to stay here never knowing?’ Annie asked gesturing to the building around them. Nicole nodded as she dabbed her face again and placed the towel in the trash bin beside her. She readjusted her suit, looking at Annie with thankful eyes and moved past her to leave the bathroom. ‘Hey Red…’ Nicole looked back at the teenager, ‘good luck old timer. Hope you find what you’re looking for. Something tells me you deserve it.’

 

_Spreading her fingers, Nicole let the warm sand flow between her fingers. It felt like silk, no stones, no shells, no debris, just beautiful, smooth and white. She could also feel it against her heels as she dug them in not far from where the waves gentle rolled in, kissed the beach then rolled away. Like her fingers, Nicole spread her legs and arms so that her body sunk into the sand below her body, her eyes fixed on the most perfect blue sky she had ever seen. Only the odd wispy cloud drifted into view before the gentle breeze blew it away and the sky’s appearance reflected the vast expanse of ocean which stretched out below it. In only her white prison tank top, she could feel the hot sand on her arms and shoulders. She basked in it. She was peaceful. She wasn’t afraid. The feel of the sand, the feel of breeze and the sound of the waves, she greeted them happily. She was content to stay right where she was._

_Then, out of the corner of her eye, something made Nicole bring herself slowly up to seated. Her hands remained with their fingers spread in the sand, supporting her. Far down the beach, walking elegantly as the breeze blew her long brown hair around her face and wearing the smile that warmed Nicole’s heart, a familiar figure strolled leisurely closer. Due to the glare of the sun, her face was unclear, but due to her body, shape and movement, Nicole’s heart quickened at the immediate recognition. Dressed in tight blue jeans and white strap top which clung to every curve, Waverly moved almost in slow motion as Nicole felt her chest rise and fall heavily._

_As Nicole unhurriedly got to her feet, she realised upon closer inspection that both she and Waverly were young again, the age they were when they both met. Looking down at her hands, Nicole noticed that they were no longer aging and worn. Her skin’s complexion was smooth and reaching up to feel it, her face no longer showing the wrinkles she had gained with age. She let out a surprised laugh and saw that on Waverly, as the brunette drew ever closer, her face showed the same. Nicole’s laugh turned to a gasp as she took in the breath taking radiance that made its way along the beach until Waverly was standing in front of her._

_Both women stood for a moment, drinking each other as the sun continued to shine down upon their skin. The breeze was still evident as it rustled their hair lightly. It was the only sound as they stood and gazed at each other. Neither daring to move or break the moment._

_Nicole had to speak, ‘you… are… extraordinary.’ Waverly closed her eyes to feel of Nicole’s hand on her cheek. Nicole let it linger as her thumb stroked back and forth. ‘And you’re here…’ Opening her eyes, Waverly smiled up into the elated eyes that adored her. Stepping forward she rose to bring their lips together. Nicole didn’t move, wanting to enjoy every touch of Waverly’s lips on hers. She didn’t need any other contact. Waverly’s lips were soft, gentle and perfect. The subtle sensuality in the touch was just enough._

_Unable to hold back any longer, with Waverly’s hands on her face to pull them closer, Nicole slipped hers around the slender waist that stood so close to hers so she could close the gap between them completely. Gently, their stomachs collided as Waverly gently pressed her tongue into Nicole’s. Nicole met it, letting the caress loiter and dance as her hands ran themselves further up Waverly’s back to completely engulf the other woman’s body. With one around Waverly’s back and the other curling up to cup Waverly’s neck, they began to breathe more deeply into the kisses._

_After a few more breathless moments, Waverly broke away but kept hold of Nicole’s hand. Keeping eye contact she walked them a few paces away from the water’s edge. She sat down on the sand, pulling Nicole gently down after her. ‘Lay down with me,’ she said sweetly. She lay back against the beach, the sand giving way to her body. Nicole paused so that her eyes could take in the sight before her. Her eyes moved up and down the entire length of Waverly’s body before she slid down so that she was lying next to her._

_They lay there blissfully for a while, content with gazing into each other’s eyes. Waverly brought her arm nearest Nicole up so that she could use one finger to touch her face lovingly. Nicole closed her eyes to the touch and ran her tongue slowly across her lips. Waverly smiled gently aroused by the gesture. She turned so that she was on her side and able to place another sensual kiss on Nicole’s lips whilst cupping her face. Nicole followed her movements and wrapped and arm around Waverly’s waist to hold her. Untucking the light tank top, she moved her hand up under the material so she could feel the warmth of Waverly’s smooth skin against her palm. It radiated deliciously into her fingers._

_At this movement, Waverly did the same with Nicole’s top, pushing it up away from Nicole’s stomach so that her hand and fingers could gently explore it. She used every part of her fingers to explore the skin she found as their lips continued to gently come together. She used her fingertips, the back of her hand and knuckles to stroke and discover. With the soft friction of this teasing endearment and the warmth from the sun, Nicole could feel a different heat rising within her. Waverly received the message through the shallow gasp that Nicole breathed into their kisses._

_Parting their lips, Waverly bit hers in anticipation. As the brunette looked down she brought her hand up to run her fingers over Nicole’s lips and blinking a little, Nicole saw a brilliant flash of gold in the sunlight. Frowning intrigued, Nicole took hold of Waverly’s hand and examined it, surprised to see a simple wedding band gracing her ring finger. She her eyes returned to Waverly’s confused, but the grin on Waverly’s face told her what it meant. Then, with that thought, Nicole unwrapped her left arm from around Waverly’s face and looked at her own hand. She was wearing the same. She laughed again, confused but delighted._

_‘So it’s real,’ Waverly whispered turning the ring on Nicole’s finger then entwining their fingers so their rings hung on their hands next to each other. ‘It’ll always be real.’_

_Nicole chuckled happily, but slowly the smile disappeared as she continued to watch their hands dance. ‘Why did you leave me?’ Nicole brought herself to ask as she stared at the fingers. Still on her back, their hands were resting on Nicole’s chest as Waverly leaned into her._

_With a sadness in her eyes, Waverly leaned forward so she could place her head against the side of Nicole’s, ‘I didn’t… I would never leave you,’ she whispered._

_‘But you did…’_

_Waverly clasped their hands together more tightly, ‘think about it baby… did I leave… you?’ Her emphasis on the last word caused Nicole to think. This was evident in her expression as Waverly broke the clasp of their fingers so she could hold Nicole’s face, stroking her neck and wrapping her hand around her jaw line. ‘I didn’t leave you… I left that place… that awful place… I would never leave you…’_

_‘Then why does it feel like you did?’ Nicole asked dejectedly._

_‘I would…’ Waverly told her. ‘I would feel the same… but I need you to believe… in here…’ she moved her hand down and placed it over Nicole’s heart. It didn’t feel enough to have it over the material, so slowly she moved her hand under Nicole’s top so that she could feel more skin and the clearer thump of Nicole’s heartbeat. ‘… can you feel it in here?’ Truthfully, for a few seconds, all Nicole could feel was Waverly’s hand near her breast but this new touch did assist in making her have more belief in Waverly’s words._

_‘I can feel you,’ Nicole nodded. Her eyes on Waverly were suddenly filled with more intensity. ‘I need to feel you…’_

_At Nicole’s urgency, their lips came together in a more ardent kiss as she pulled Waverly in. She gripped at Waverly’s neck as the younger girl’s hands began to take in more of the skin underneath Nicole’s top. Nicole needed to feel it, to help her believe. They fell back against the sand as Nicole soaked up Waverly’s weight on her, engulfing Waverly in her arms to pull her in closer. As Waverly’s long hair fell around their faces causing a momentary hindrance, Nicole smoothly gathered it and swept it aside so they could bring their mouths together breathing deeply into each hungry kiss. Lips colliding and hands buried in each other’s bodies, they released themselves in each other._

_Catching her breath, Waverly carefully slid her body off of Nicole’s slightly and began to trace her left her hand down Nicole’s body in the way she loved to do. She loved the feel of every one of Nicole’s curves, from her chin, down to the skin on her lower stomach. Here she stroked her fingers back and forth, just above the waistband of Nicole’s prison trousers. Her fingers hesitated as she looked into Nicole’s eyes. The look back was submissive, almost pleading. Pleased, Waverly bit her lip and undid them so she could push her hand inside. She did not tease or draw out the moment causing Nicole to cry out in delight._

_Leaning down, Waverly brought their lips together again before letting their faces hover closely together, ‘you can scream here,’ she whispered with a devilish but still masterfully angelic smile._

_‘Oh Jesus Waves…’ her head rolled back as her right hand dug into the sand. She closed her eyes as she felt the soft, tender kisses Waverly was leaving on her neck only heightening the sensations coming from where Waverly’s left hand was working. Looking up, she could see more clouds than she had done earlier, but all of them were just blurs as she gasped into the warm air. She wasn’t holding back this time. She didn’t have to restrain her cries and as Waverly’s fingers stroked. She couldn’t._

_‘This is what I wanted…’ Waverly spoke softly. ‘You… me… no walls… just this…’ Nicole managed to focus on Waverly’s eyes and smile for a moment, before a new movement between her legs caused her to call out again and her head fall back against the sand._

_‘Baby… I…’ she stopped talking as quickly as she started unable to use any more breath on it. Her panting had become more intense and her grip on Waverly and the sand tighter. Waverly buried her head under Nicole’s chin; she wanted to hear Nicole’s heartbeat and her gasps for air as she took her near to the edge. The feel of Nicole’s body bucking and writhing beneath her with the measure of her fingers as they moved back and forth was glorious. The same gratifying ache coursing powerfully through Nicole’s core was beginning to rise in her own; a delicious want that yearned to be touched. She would ignore this. Nicole was so close to the edge and she would enjoy every second of taking her over it._

_‘Promise me…’ Waverly whispered as she felt Nicole’s body began to shudder. As the red head gave no reaction to her words, Waverly accepted that Nicole couldn’t hear what she was saying. After Nicole’s body had shaken violently, her back arched with an elated scream. Waverly beamed at the sound of her name disappearing into the air up towards the clouds. She calmed the movement of her fingers but absorbed the luscious feel of Nicole’s legs quivering either side of her hand as it came to rest. With some last deep gasps, Nicole was finally able to relax her body back into the sand shaking her head amazed. Waverly forgot what she wanted to say and beamed down at Nicole finally removing her hand, ensuring she savoured every touch, so she could use it to cup Nicole’s face in adoration._

_Nicole smiled back finally able to open her eyes, ‘promise you what Waves?’_

_Waverly blinked surprised, she had been listening, ‘find me,’ she said barely audibly moving to rest her head on Nicole’s heavily breathing chest again._

_‘Sorry baby, say that again?’_

_Waverly lifted her head so she could look deep into Nicole’s eyes, ‘find me…’_

_After her eyes fluttered with the words, Waverly morphed into the older woman that Nicole had seen for the last time before she disappeared from the prison. So many years older, but to Nicole, just as beautiful. Her complexion was still perfect, just adorned with more lines of age around her eyes and mouth. Her gorgeous brown hair still fell just as silkily around her face and with the same elegant length. The older eyes penetrated into Nicole’s, full of longing and love. It was almost overwhelming for Nicole to gaze back into them. For a few moments, Nicole was so captivated by them that she didn’t noticed that Waverly continued to age right in front of her. More lines appearing on her face and her hair beginning to grey, but the eyes remained youthful and doting._

_‘find me…’ although the lady that spoke them was old, the voice was still of the young Waverly, that had just made love to Nicole there on the sand. Except this time… there was more desperation as it was spoke. ‘Find me…’_

With a violent gasp, Nicole wrenched herself up in her bed. Placing her hand to her head, she felt like the rest of her body it was dripping with sweat. Reaching down she placed a hand between her legs and realised she had certainly enjoyed that dream until the end. She took a few moments to breathe deeply and catch her breath. Her eye line was then drawn to the words scratched on the middle beam not far from where she lay. She could only just pick it out in the early morning darkness, the sun having not risen high enough to completely light the room, but it was there.

As she stared at the words, a small smile curled its way onto her mouth, ‘get busy living… or get busy dying…’ she said into the air between herself and the carving. ‘You’re damn right Waves.’ Biting her lip excited, she threw her bed covers aside and slid out of bed.


	26. Chapter 26

 

_My hand trembled as I stood there on the table opening the pocket knife. I traced the letters Gus had scratched into the beam with my fingers before placing the knife to the wood and pressing down. It didn’t take long, not with my wood shop skills. After a few minutes, I stepped back carefully and admired my work. I smiled remembering Gus’ warmth and compassion. Something the prison and our lives had missed ever since her departure. How I would have loved to confide in her upon my release. I would always remember Annie and the surprise of the young teenager and her words, but I know Gus’ familiarity would have strengthened my resolve._

With a slight groan, Nicole stepped off the small table so her feet were on solid ground. One last time she looked up at the beam and the carvings that read out from it, ‘Gus Hatlen were here,’ and now next to it ‘So was Red.’ Such simple words, to anyone else who eyes would lay upon them, but to Red - for reasons she understood - Gus got busy dying, whilst she would get busy living. With a nod and a brush of her hat as a token of respect to her late friend, Nicole leant over to her bed and scooped up her small suitcase. It hadn’t taken her long to pack. It was compact, but it had all she needed. Without another glance back at the small room which had been her home for such a short amount of time, she turned away and made her departure.

 

_Terrible thing to live in fear. Gus Hatlen knew it. Knew it all too well. All I wanted was to be back where things made sense. Where I wouldn’t have to be afraid all of the time. The problem was, I didn’t know where that was. It wasn’t back at Shawshank. Yet it wasn’t in that room either. Waverly wasn’t in either of those places. That’s where the problem got worse; I didn’t know where Waverly was. That was the scariest part of it all._

 

Despite it being another hot day, Nicole remained dressed in her best suit, shoes and black women’s fedora. Leaning back against the truck’s cabin, she let her legs stretch out down the back of the pickup as it bounced and weaved smoothly along the roads of the stunning countryside that rolled around them. Nicole welcomed the feel of the vibrations and bumps against her legs; it reminded her that she was free.

The late afternoon sun lit up the golden corn fields that surrounded them and caused the leaves on the trees to shine as they danced in the breeze. Nicole closed her eyes as she adjusted her hat to shade her face and absorbed the chill of the breeze against her skin. The peaceful calm and quiet of the world that tumbled past was blissful. This was the most unrestricted she had felt in thirty years. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to soak in the feel of the sun against her skin and the wind passing through her hair.

The squeaking of the breaks caused Nicole to open her eyes, sit up and take notice as she saw the driver gesturing inside his cabin. Seeing that Nicole was a little confused, he rolled down his window and called out, ‘this is it love,’ he said pointing to a road going in the opposite direction than the truck was pointing.

Now understanding, Nicole gathered up her suitcase and ensured her hat was secure before she hopped out of the pickup and gave him a wave, ‘thank you,’ she called as he smiled back and started the truck again. The man gave Nicole an acknowledging wave, before the truck spluttered back into life and carried on down the road until it was out of sight. Nicole watched it go, allowing herself a few moments to gather herself. Standing on the road she was completely alone. Just herself and the long stretch of concrete that split the countryside.

With a short sigh, Nicole took a moment to gather her surroundings. There wasn’t another soul insight but it wasn’t long before her eyes fell on a sign.

‘Buxton,’ it read in strong loud capitals.

‘Here I am Waves…’ she looked around trying to gather clues from anything near her. There was nothing. She shrugged into the air. ‘Now I guess I just walk?’

As if she could hear, Nicole heard Waverly’s voice reply in the air. _‘There’s this big hayfield up near Buxton’_

‘Okay… hayfield…’ she picked up her suitcase and began to walk, then stopped suddenly irritated. ‘There’s a lot of fucking hayfields in Buxton Waves.’ As she spoke she prayed there was no one around as to them it would have sounded like complete madness.

_‘One in particular. Got a long rock wall with a big oak tree at the North end. Like something out of a Robert Frost poem.’_

Nicole nodded at the words she was hearing, ‘big oak tree at the North end… got ya.’ As she looked out at the landscape in front of her she let out a little groan as she spotted numerous oak trees in numerous fields. However, thankfully, very few of them appeared to be near a wall or if they did, they were more certainly not in the right place. Nicole realised this was not going to be easy. But the sun was shining, there was a cooling breeze rustling her hair and the leaves on the trees above her. Another saving grace was the fact her suitcase was not heavy at al. Also, there were also no walls, no guards and no one telling her what to do when. She would revel in this moment no matter where it took her.

With a determined nod of her head, Nicole shrugged off her jacket so that she stood in just her light white cotton shirt. She slung the jacket over her arm whilst the other took the weight of her suitcase. She adjusted her grip and began putting one foot in front of the other to begin her search.

 

High white clouds hung in the sky as the blazing sun’s heat began to dwindle as the day became late. Passing between them, Nicole noticed the leaves beginning to show the signs of Autumn, the occasional leaf on each of the passing trees’ branches alive with fiery colours. Continuing her pursuit, Nicole trudged through another field the dry yellow grass up to her knee. She took a moment to stretch out her hand and let the tips of the grass tickle her palm. She swayed her hands back and forth relishing the glorious touch against her skin before moving on until she reached the edge. A few feet from the edge of the field hidden in the shadows, a small stream trickled between this field and the next. Taking caution, Nicole found her balance on the few small tree branches that had been thrown across and tied together hap handily to make a bridge. The suitcase hindered her so with a swing she threw it across to the other side to land in soft grass allowing her to take more care and use her hands for balance. As she stepped off on the other side, her head turned and her eyes landed on exactly what she had been looking for. Standing proudly, stretching its arms high into the afternoon air, was a grand oak tree displaying its impressive expanse with great grandeur. It still wore all its leaves and stood the tallest of all the trees Nicole had passed.

Retrieving her suitcase Nicole made her way to the end of the wall which ended at the small gathering of trees that she had just walked through. The stream cut the trees in half but took a sharp right before the field, leaving the field untouched. Placing her left hand on the wall, Nicole began to follow the path to the foot of the great tree. Once at the foot of the tree, Nicole placed her suitcase against its trunk and closed her eyes to remember Waverly’s next instruction.

_‘In the base of the wall you’ll find a rock that has no earthly business in a Maine hayfield. A piece of black volcanic glass. You’ll find something buried under it that I want you to have.’_

Nodding as if Waverly could see her, Nicole lay her jacket on the stop of the wall and fell to her knees so that she could begin searching the loose rocks right where she had been told. At first look, they all looked the same. About the size of a large brick, all dull red, brown and grey colours. Leaning on one hand, Nicole used the other to push and pull the rocks to one side, looking for a glimpse of something that did not belong. She pushed rocks this way and that causing some to tip and tumble. Finally, as she used two hands to heave one of the larger rocks to one side, she saw it. Jet black and catching a glimpse of the afternoon sunlight off its shiny surface, Nicole’s eyes fell upon a rock made of volcanic glass. Carefully, she moved the rocks around it away so that she could wrap both her hands around it and pick it up to hold it up in front of her. Admiring its impressive texture and appearance, Nicole almost respectfully brushed the dust away so that it would appear even more striking. Then, her mind having wandered transfixed by the rock, Nicole remembered Waverly’s words and placed the rock down to one side. As she peered into the hole which the black rock had left, she saw the edge of a small tin box. Moving a few more of the rocks, Nicole was able to wiggle it free and bring it up into her hands. It was a curious object. The small tin box displayed a picture of the R.M.S Queen Mary, not something Nicole would have connected to Waverly, which left her even more puzzled.

Nervous, she checked around her, in case anyone had followed her or wandered into the field since she had started digging. Knowing her connection to Waverly, Nicole was apprehensive that any attempt by her to break her parole might be noticed by the authorities as a chance to contact her wife and for them to find her. Seeing that the coast was clear, she moved herself so that she was sitting leaning back against the wall with the tin on her lap. She looked it over once again, before slowly opening the metal lid to look inside. Concealed inside was a small plastic bag with a paper envelope within. Nicole opened it and shook out the contents. In the brown paper envelope, Nicole gasped to see a wad of fifties stashed away amounting to a considerable sum. She blinked a few times at the money before turning her attention to the other item that had tumbled out. Unfolding it, she realised it was a letter and began to read it.

 

_Hey baby,_

_If you’re reading this my heart fills with joy as it means you’ve gotten out and you’ve forgiven me enough to make the journey to this place. And maybe, if you’re come this far, maybe you’re willing to come a little further. You remember the name of the town don’t you?_

As tears of joy began to build in her eyes, Nicole put the letter down and spoke the name into the air.

 

_My intention was never to leave you, but to get myself to a better place so that when you find me, we can finally be together. It broke my heart to do what I did, but you must understand, I did it for us. I want us to build a life together and live it until our days run out. I could use a good woman to help me get my project on wheels. I’ll make sure you leave that institutional life behind you and that you can live free with me. I’ll keep an eye out for you and the Yellow Pages ready._

Looking up at the sky, Nicole laughed through her tears, ‘fuck you Waves,’ she chuckled shaking her head.

 

_Remember baby, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies. My love for you will never die, nor my belief that you will find me and we can have the life we dreamed of. I will be hoping that this letter finds you and finds you well so you know that. No matter what you decide, I will always love you and be yours. I will never love another. That hammer wasn’t my salvation, you were._

_All my love baby,_

_Your doting wife,_

_Waverly._

Overcome, Nicole let her head fall into her hands as she sobbed into them. She’d heard it from her friends, she’d heard it from strangers and she’d heard it from Waverly in her dreams but despite all the evidence she hadn’t yet been able to truly convince herself that Waverly hadn’t simply walked away. Now she held the proof in her hands that somewhere out in the world in a little town called Zihuatanejo, Waverly was really waiting for her. Nicole understood why Waverly had not been able to tell her of her plans. Any hint of Nicole knowing anything would have landed her in solitary or worse in the infirmary after a violent interrogation by Lucado and Hadley. Despite this, how she wished she’d known. She rued the time she had wasted thinking the worst, but at least now in her hand she held the answer. And the answer was the most beautiful thing she had ever read.

After taking a few breaths, Nicole drifted her eyes over the words again and then ensured that she had secured both the letter and the envelope of money safely in her suitcase. She had to guarantee that they could not be easily found in the event that she was. Standing up straight she glanced around again at her stunning surrounding. The sunlight had dimmed as the afternoon sun began to tire of the day allowing a soft golden orange haze to cast itself across the corn and the trees that rolled over the hills in front of her. With a content smile, Nicole breathed it in before returning her hat to her head and making her way back down the slight slope back the way she had come towards a road.

 

_Get busy living or get busy dying… that’s damn right._

_For the second time in my life, I was guilty of committing a crime. Parole violation. I doubt they’ll toss up any roadblocks for that. Not for an old crook like me._

It took all her might to remain calm and collected as she stood in line. In front of her was an elderly gentlemen renewing his bus ticket and behind her a young girl who reminded her of Annie. With her personal cassette player blasting out of her ears and the gum crashing between her teeth, Nicole understood that this was what had become of the country’s youth. Internally, she said a little prayer than in Zihuatanejo there would be no teenagers at all.

As the line moved forward, her heart rate escalated. She clenched her hands to try and ease the nerves coursing through her. She was torn between being elated that she was on her way to finding Waverly and petrified that she would be discovered and sent back to Shawshank. Or even worse for both of them, Nicole was followed and both of them exposed. Waverly would certainly not be released for a long time if she was sent back to prison. Something that broke Nicole’s heart, even at the thought of it. She could not come this far and know that Waverly still loved her and was waiting for her, just for it all to be snatched away.

‘Next,’ Nicole didn’t hear the call as her mind stuck on that very thought. ‘Next…’

‘Hey lady…’ came an irritated voice from behind her. Nicole looked back confused. Uncourteously, the girl motioned to the waiting vendor. A little startled at her rudeness, Nicole adjusted the suitcase in her hand and hurried over to the man sitting behind the glass. On any other occasion, Nicole would have put the young girl in her place, but as she was trying to remain discrete she had to swallow her words.

‘Where to?’

Nicole a moment to breathe, now the racing heart beat was definitely excitement, ‘McNary, Texas.’

 

Her suitcase resting on her knee, Nicole gazed out at the New England landscape which whizzed by gloriously. Fields and trees blended into one beautiful collage of colour. When the bus slowed, Nicole could make out their shapes and enjoy their appearance. Some were like the oak tree and the field in which she had found the letter, she smiled happily at these. She had allowed herself to remove the letter just once since its discovery as she adored the words written upon that paper, but afraid she would be spotted it now stayed buried deep within the few clothes and belongings in the suitcase along with the money. No one was going to take this away from her. Not now she had hope.

 

_I found I was so excited I could barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it was the excitement that only a free woman could feel. A free woman at the start of a long journey whole conclusion is uncertain. I knew she was waiting for me as I believed in that letter. What was uncertain was whether I would find her and find her safely. I wish I had had some music in my head. Maybe stolen than rude girl’s cassette player so I could play some real music and drown out the anxious thoughts churning in my mind. This was truly an adventure into the unknown as I had no idea what was waiting for me on the other side._

It felt like she had been travelling for months but after a week of bus rides, train stretches, riding in the back of pickups and walking, Nicole stepped down off the last bus as it pulled into town. She returned her hat to her head immediately as she blinked into the blinding sunlight up at the sigh in front of her Zihuatanejo. She had made it.

‘You alright there?’ Nicole hadn’t realised how long she had been staring at the sign until she looked up to see one of the bus drivers from the station walking over. ‘You need help at all love?’

Nicole smiled at him, ignoring his slight condescending tone, ‘I’m alright thanks… just point me in the direction of the sea.’

He chuckled lightly, ‘that would be in that direction,’ he pointed behind her. ‘You in town for any particular reason? You don’t look like you’re from around here?’

‘Nope… I am not…’ she nodded. ‘I’m here to find someone.’

‘Oh right, anyone we might know?’ he said. ‘We’re local.’ He gestured to a man sitting smoking a cigarette in the shade of the bus station. If Nicole didn’t know any better they could have been twins or the stereotype of every single bus driver in the country, short, fat, balding black hair, bushy moustache and smiles that radiated charisma.

‘In the nicest way… I hope not…’ she left the man standing with a very confused expression on his face as she made her way out of the station in direction in which he had pointed.

 

The moment her eyes fell upon it, she gasped. As she gazed out across the blistering white sands and perfect blue water, she could see instantly why Waverly had chosen this place. It looked like something out of a travel agent’s book; Nicole could hardly believe it was real. Behind the beach, palm trees, appearing to bow slightly to the magnificence of the seashore, lined it as far as the eye could see. This complimented by the glorious sky above, just as blue as the sea and littered with fluffy white clouds, moved this location into the realm of paradise, something Nicole thought she would never live to see.

Reaching down, she kicked off her shoes and pulled off her socks to allow them to sink into the sand. She prepared herself for it to be hot, but instead it was cool and felt delicious between her toes. She closed her eyes so she could absorb the feeling and listen to the waves. It was just like her dreams. She wondered when she opened her eyes if she would see Waverly walking up the beach towards her. The thought itself quickened her heart beat once again as it had so easily done over the past seven days. Slowly she opened her eyes to see that the beach was as empty as it had been when she closed them. There was no disappointment as she had not been expecting it. Then it occurred to her that beach stretched for miles in either direction along the coast and she didn’t have any inclination about which way she should go.

Looking around, Nicole looked for some assistance. She found it in a small, elderly Mexican woman sitting underneath a palm tree fixing what appeared to be fishing nets. Though her hands were old and arthritic, her smooth and skilful movements were masterful to watch as Nicole did as she grew closer. Mesmerized, her eyes followed the nimble fingers weaving the thread as though age had not touched her. She smiled, appreciating the remarkable sight.

‘Excuse me…?’ The woman didn’t look up, still concentrating on her work, so Nicole moved a little closer so she too stood in the shade. ‘Excuse me…?’ The woman looked up a little startled and confused looking over her shoulder towards a small wooden shack just a few meters away. ‘I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to…’

‘It’s okay!’ called a younger voice with a strong Mexican accent. Soon a young man jogged into sight following the sound of his call. ‘Abuela doesn’t speak any English.’ When he reached the elderly woman, he stroked her shoulders and bent down to whisper calm words in her ear. With a smile, she stroked his hand and returned to her work. ‘Can I help you?’

‘Your abuela is incredible,’ Nicole commented pointing to the work that had resumed.

The young man nodded, ‘I know… she’s been supporting my abuelo ever since they were married nearly sixty years ago… only thing she’s ever known.’

‘How lovely… to have been beside someone’s side that long.’

‘It’s amazing. He still goes out on the boats and she still mends his nets…’ he went on. ‘I don’t have the heart to tell them that this place doesn’t really sell local fish anymore… all marketed from elsewhere now. But it makes them happy and some of the loyal locals buy their catch.’

‘So lovely,’ Nicole smiled.

‘So what brings you here… something tells me it’s not for a holiday’ he gestured at her clothes. One of the only outfits she had, Nicole was dressed once again in a trouser suit with her hat shielding her head from the sun and shoes and suitcase in hand.

‘I’m here to find someone, but… I kind of don’t know where to start,’ she admitted.

The young man smiled proudly, ‘well you’ve come to the right man… I pretty much know everything that goes on here… I make it my business, whether people like it or not.’

Nicole chuckled lightly in response, ‘Well… she’s pretty new, about my age, was thinking of starting up a hotel with a boat…’

As she spoke the man started nodding and with each clue another smile spread on his face, ‘… you’re her…’

Nicole recoiled slightly, ‘I’m who?’

‘Her…’ she continued. ‘The one she’s been waiting for.’ He laughed to himself seemingly elated. ‘Oh she’s going to be so happy.’

‘You know Waverly?’ Nicole exclaimed surprised.

‘Yeah man… she turned up on this beach pretty much like you… just some money to her name and a dream. I helped get her started and ever since then… there’s only one person she has spoken of.’ Nicole simply stared at him, she could tell there were tears in her eyes as his image became a little blurred. ‘I take it you want to go there?’

‘Can you take me?’

‘I don’t need to… simply follow the beach that way,’ he pointed left to where the beach curved round a bend. There was nothing insight beyond the headland that jutted out slightly into the sea. ‘She’s there.’

‘Thank you.’

‘No problem… name’s Miguel if you need anything,’ he held his hand out the other still resting comfortingly on his grandma’s shoulder. Nicole took it but found herself pulling the young man in for an embrace. Neither of them could quite believe that she had done it until they stood with their arms around each other. Behind them, the elderly lady looked up bemused. After holding him tightly - more to ease her own excitement and nerves - Nicole finally let him go and made her way back out of the shade and into the sunlight on the beach.

 

 

What had first been a joy when she felt it between her toes was quickly becoming an immense irritation as Nicole continued to trudge her way along the beach. The feel of the sand was still glorious but it was not the easiest surface to walk on as the beach appeared to stretch out for miles with nothing of note on it. However, eventually, with sweat dripping off her forehead, Nicole reached the headland where the beach veered around to the left. Her trousers now rolled up to her knees and her shirt sleeves up to her elbows she ignored the immense anticipation building inside her and began to make her way round. Palm tree after palm tree past her peripheral vision as she traipsed through the warming white sand coupled with the never ending blue on the other side. Soon there was more blue than green and white telling Nicole that she had reached the bend and if she looked up she would be able to look clearly down the next stretch of beach. Allowing herself a few moments to breathe, she lifted her head and instantly dropped her suitcase, shoes and jacket coat on the sand. Unable to move, she stared and found that just briefly she was unable to breathe.

 

Not far away, just down the beach, there she was, knelt on top of an old wooden boat hauled up onto the beach. Dressed in ripped denim shorts and a white strap top, hair pulled up into a messy ponytail being blown gently by the breeze she was focused on her work removing the fading paintwork from the boat. Her tones arms moved the sander back and forth over the surface as she worked meticulously at the area. Even though she couldn’t see Waverly’s face, Nicole knew she was beautiful. She was always beautiful.


	27. Chapter 27

 

Pushing the curtains aside, Waverly took a moment to take in the sight that confronted her. Only meters away, across the gravel road and through the trees, was the serene beauty of the perfect blue ocean. Her eyes followed the slender trunks of the palm trees up into the clear sky as the window gently rustled through their leaves causing them to sway from side to side. Her new second floor bedroom was certainly a step up from the cell she once inhabited in Shawshank. Stretching up and wide, Waverly smiled to herself with the feeling that it was going to be another good day.

 

Skipping down the stairs, Waverly used her hand to throw herself around the last rail so that she could make her way into what she planned to be the guest living room. Bare and empty, tools lay strewn around the floor as workman were part of the way through restoring the old wooden floor ready for furniture to take pride of place on top. She stood in the centre of the room envisaging what it was to look like when finished. After enjoying this moment she walked through to the back of the large house to where the floor was already finished, polished and looking proud and the furniture of a dining room was already stacked around the edges against the walls. Looking a little worse for wear, the furniture would need to be a future project for Waverly in order to make them fit for purpose. Moving through again, Waverly entered the large old fashioned style kitchen with wooden cupboards, marble counters and a large island unit in the middle perfect for preparing a large volume of meals. At the fridge, Waverly fetched milk, bread and butter to make herself breakfast. She once again absorbed the room, imagining its appearance on completion.

 

The slam of the door caused Waverly to jump as she chewed down the last mouthfuls of her breakfast.

‘Good morning!’ came the call as two young men appeared dressed appropriately for manual work on a hot day.

‘Morning!’ Waverly called back as she replaced the milk and butter in the fridge. She heard them put their tools down on the floor and soft murmur as they discussed the day’s work. Reaching up, Waverly caught her hair and tied it up in a messy ponytail as she felt the heat of the day already hitting the back of her neck. She realised already that she needed to be outside working on the boat in the cool coastal breeze. ‘And how are you fellas this morning?’ She chirped as she entered the room.

‘Good ma’am,’ they smiled back, already working on levelling the floor and replacing the beams.

‘Are you guys okay if I head out to the boat?’ Waverly asked. ‘Anything you need?’

‘Nope… we know where you are if we need anything,’ the elder of the two replied. It was clear the younger, his son, did not speak as much English as his father so most of the talking was left to him.

‘Well okay then,’ relieved that she was free, Waverly retrieved her bag from by the door slipped on her light sandals and made her way out of the house. Standing proudly away from most of the houses and other hotels in the area, the dilapidated old building had been given up on by most business men and hotel owners, but Waverly had fallen for it the moment she saw it. At a cheap price and nothing but time on her hands, it was the ultimate project and thanks to the warden and her sticky fingers in prison, Waverly now had the money. Due to its size, Waverly had allowed herself to hire local help to support the community and to ensure the work was done properly. It also allowed her the freedom to work on her real project, the boat that sat down by the water on the beach.

‘Hi Miss Waverly,’ came a cheery voice from a little way down the gravel road as Waverly stepped out onto it.

Looking sideways to the origin of the voice, Waverly spotted a handsome middle aged man walking towards her, ‘hi Jose,’ she smiled politely.

‘And how are you today?’ he asked as he jogged up to her.

‘I’m good, how are you?’ she turned towards him as they spoke.

He smiled, pleased at her question. His greying styled hair shone in the morning sun along with his dark brown eyes as they remained fixed on Waverly. ‘I’m well… just wondering if you need any more help today? It’s not my week with the children, so I’m free over the next few days.’

Waverly was well aware of the angle he was pulling, but she was never one to turn down a kind hand offering help, ‘don’t you have a job or you know, actual work to do?’ she asked with a chuckle.

He returned it, ‘I’m a writer, I work from home. I choose when I work… and right now, things are pretty slow. So, if you want me, I’m all yours.’

Allowing her eyes to gaze over him for a moment, Waverly wondered why she was hesitating, ‘okay… yes please…’ but seeing how elated he was at being able to spend time with her, she had to adjust his expectations. ‘There are a lot of chairs that need some fixing, securing and painting in the dining room. If you could make a start on those, that would be amazing. Thank you.’ She flashed him a wide smile before lowering her head, to hide her laugh, as she headed off on her own towards the beach on her own.

Amused, Jose watched her go, ‘you’re killing me Waverly,’ he laughed. Waverly decided not to reply so simply shook her head and she disappeared into the trees.

 

The day like any other day was hot and perfect with a light breeze. Sweat glistened on her forehead, neck and arms as she forced the sander back and forth over the wooden boat. Waverly didn’t mind the heat; it was what she had longed for when crawling through that pipe to freedom. Every now and again between scrapes, she allowed herself to straighten and look around at hr surroundings. She loved watching the fishing boats going out to see. Due to large food stores there were so few of them so the sight of them heading out to Waverly was magnificent. She loved the quiet bustle of the locals and holiday makers on the sand as they enjoyed its beautiful silky texture and splashed in the cool of the gentle waves. The real heavy bustle of the Zihuatanejo was about a mile away from shore in the town centre. Waverly had not allowed herself to venture to near as she was still trying to keep a low profile and she couldn’t pry herself away from the coast. For supplies and groceries, she had taken the open top car for a spin each time along the coast to find smaller villages and smaller stores in which to shop. It allowed her to practise the Spanish she was determined to improve. Apart from these ventures, she was more than happy to keep herself to herself and enjoy her quiet freedom.

 

There was one bar she allowed herself to frequent, Bandido’s on the sea front just a little way down the beach from where her hotel was situated. Considering its proximity Waverly concluded that she should acquaint herself with its owner and ensure that it was a pleasurable place to visit. The day that Waverly did walk through its front doors she was very glad she did as she was greeted by its charming and wonderfully friendly barman Francisco. Every other night, she made the very short walk to his bar to engage in conversation, improve her Spanish and observe the locals that drank there nearly every night.

‘You said what to him?’ Francisco asked smirking in English. It was as much opportunity for him to practise also. With transport links and tourism improving, he was seeing a wider range of guests in his small humble bar.

‘I told him to go and paint chairs,’ she laughed taking a swig of her drink.

‘Oh Waverly… you really are a joy to behold,’ he grinned. Popular amongst all those that lived around, Francisco had lived in Zihuatanejo all sixty seven years of his life. Having lost his wife a few years before, he decided that he would spend his life around people and making them smile. It was what his wife would have wanted and he felt he was doing her memory an honour. He had called the bar after her nickname for him as she always said he had stolen her heart.

‘One day he won’t come back,’ she joked finishing off the last swig of her wine. She pushed the glass back over to him. He refilled it half way and slid back. ‘I’ll be left all on my own to finish off that big damn place by myself.’

When she looked up, Francisco’s eyes had moved towards the door and he looked rather entertained, ‘I don’t think that’s going to happen my dear,’ he raised his eyebrows and moved away down the bar.

Turning, Waverly saw that the man himself and just walked in. He beamed when his eyes fell upon her. Waverly nodded a little less enthusiastically and turned back to face Francisco with a face of thunder. She mouthed, ‘I hate you,’ playfully before reaching for her glass of wine and taking a long drink.

‘Wow… heavy drinker are you?’ Jose asked taking the seat next to her at the bar. ‘Maybe I should turn around and walk out of that door?’

Waverly could only read one thing in the devilish smile he sent her, ‘maybe you should.’ She said gently.

A little shocked, he adjusted himself in his chair, ‘wow… you are a harsh woman.’

Regretting her tone, Waverly softened, ‘I’m sorry… I just….’ She sighed deciding her words carefully. The man had been nothing but kind and generous to her since her arrival. ‘… I’m not available Jose.’

There was sadness on his face, but not shock, ‘I figured Waverly… I could tell… I just thought, if I got close to you and worked with you then maybe…’

‘It’s a woman,’ Waverly almost couldn’t believe she had said it and fear gripped her as she waited for his response.

It did take a few moments to register, but his face did not recoil nor did he get up to leave, ‘I have to say that’s surprising. You don’t look like a…’ he gestured to her body with his hand moving it up and down.

‘No, times are changing,’ she sniggered.

He nodded, ‘clearly…’ he raised his hand to get Francisco’s attention. The barman nodded, knowing Jose’s order. ‘Who was she?’

The thought of Nicole flooded her body and mind with warmth, ‘her name is Nicole…’

Accepting his drink from Francisco, Jose studied Waverly’s distant look, ‘where is she?’

‘Not here…’ Waverly didn’t want to reveal where she was. If she did, the men might put two and two together to realise where she had come from. ‘I’m waiting for her.’

‘Well… you’ve been here a while, what’s taking her so long?’ Jose asked. ‘If I were your partner, I wouldn’t keep you waiting a day because I couldn’t… she must be insane.’

Waverly laughed, if only he knew, she thought. She looked at her wine glass and stroked its neck slowly, ‘she’ll be here… I know she will.’

Jose took a long swig of his drink clearly but subtly irritated by Waverly’s faith. From the moment he saw her he had wanted her and had been determined to have her. Despite what he had just learnt, he was still determined to stick to that path. He just knew now it was going to be harder than he first anticipated.

‘So… has it always been women?’ he asked carefully.

Waverly chuckled, she knew why he was asking but his tone seemed genuine, ‘no…’ she replied. ‘I was married to a man once.’

‘Ah… another divorcee?’

‘No,’ she knew she had to be careful with this answer. ‘He died.’

Jose blinked a little surprised, ‘oh…’ he placed his now empty glass carefully down on the bar. ‘Can I ask what happened?’

‘He was shot,’ she went on. ‘Fucker never went down for it either… but that’s the world we live in.’

‘I’m sorry,’ with his manner Waverly could see that he meant his words. His face had softened as he looked at her. ‘That must have been…’

‘I never loved him, not really,’ she interrupted gently. ‘But no man deserved his fate.’

Jose’s intention returned back to his motives, ‘you never loved him?’

‘It was a marriage of convenience really,’ she explained. As her third glass of wine was rising to her head, Waverly thought about every word carefully as she spoke. ‘It was what was expected. I would grow up, marry a man, get a job, have children and that would be my life. I was told that, so I did it. However, as we settled into the marriage I realised I’d fallen in love with the dream, not the man.’ She smiled to herself as she gazed ahead. ‘Turns out it wasn’t a man I wanted at all… I just didn’t know it at the time.’

Jose let out a long sigh, ‘I thought my wife was the woman for me… turns out I wasn’t the man for her and so she found another…’ he paused for a moment. ‘My brother.’

‘Oh shit,’ Waverly let out, a little more harshly than she meant. ‘Sorry…’

‘No it’s fine… I don’t speak to him anymore and I only speak to her because of the children.’ He held his glass up to Francisco who came and took it for a refill.

‘How many do you have?’

‘Three… two boys and a girl, the reason I live,’ he told her with a little spark returning to his eyes. ‘Boys are thirteen and fifteen, growing up to be as strapping as me,’ Waverly saw the humour in his voice as he spoke. ‘And my little girl is eleven. She was a surprise I can tell you… but one of the best surprises I’ve ever had.’ He noticed how Waverly’s face had turned sad as she listened to him speak about his children. ‘Do you have children?’

She shook her head before her eyes returned to staring at her glass, ‘no… and a bit late now…’ she swigged down the last drop and place the glass softly on the bar. ‘Just something I’m going to have to accept that I’ll never have.’

‘Well, I’m looking for a replacement wife, just say the word have you’ll have two sons and a daughter.’

Waverly laughed at his joke but knew the real meaning behind it. Reaching into her pocket she pulled out some money and placed it on the counter next to her empty glass. ‘Goodnight Jose,’ she said plainly before walking to the door. She raised her arm to signal her goodbyes to Francisco and allowed herself to look back at Jose one more time. Sitting alone at the bar next to the seat where she was just sitting, the man looked so melancholy and well-meaning. Although he had made his intentions clear, which Waverly found very awkward to deal with, she could sense that deep down he had a heart of gold, one that had badly mistreated. She realised that they were the same, two lonely people waiting for love to come back into their lives. The difference was, the person she was waiting for somewhere, she knew as she still believed, loved her back.

 

Standing in the middle of the room, Waverly’s eyes washed over the sight that surrounded her. The floor smooth and polished shone in the afternoon sunlight now supporting a jumbled mix of coloured furniture which gave the room a wonderful homely feel. Holding her hands together under her chin, Waverly allowed herself to grin at the sight and feel a wave of accomplishment wash over her.

‘You like it then?’

Jose’s arrival behind startled her slightly, but he had done it softly as he entered the room. She smiled at him then returned her attention back to the guest’s living area all finished. ‘It’s amazing.’ Despite his advances, over the weeks Jose had become a good friend and very helpful hand in her project. She had just ensured that she kept him at arm’s length at all times.

‘I couldn’t believe how cheap we found the furniture,’ he continued patting one of the sofas proudly.

‘It’s more than I could have dreamed of,’ Waverly admitted.

‘Well just the kitchen to paint and the last few of the bedrooms to wallpaper and refurnish… then we can probably think about advertising this place,’ he grinned.

Waverly studied him a little warily, ‘we?’ she asked. ‘Since when was this we?’

He laughed realising his slip, ‘I’m sorry… you… you can advertise this place.’ He looked around him with a sigh. ‘I guess I’ve just spent so much time here I see this as kind of my project too… but it’s not, I know that.’

‘I am grateful for your help Jose,’ she allowed herself to step up to him and give him a cautious embrace. To her surprise he returned it but held back reserved. He did not try any moves or to hold her too tightly. It allowed her to relax and enjoy the moment.

‘She’ll be proud you know,’ Jose said as she continued to embrace.

At her mention, Waverly pulled out nodding sadly, ‘I know… I just wish she was here to see this… As more time passes, I wonder if…’ she stopped herself and almost shook off the thought.

‘Wonder what?’

She closed her eyes to collect her thoughts, ‘I wonder if she’s coming…’ she gazed up at him. It was comforting to see kind eyes looking back. Kind eyes that truly cared for her. ‘But I know I can’t think that. We loved each other. She will.’

‘Just keep believing it,’ Jose told her.

Waverly looked at him surprised, ‘you’ve never said anything like this before… what’s changed?’

He shrugged a little embarrassed, ‘when I realised I couldn’t have you a part of me didn’t want you as a friend either. It hurt too much. But then the thought of not having you in my life at all was worse… so I decided to get over myself.’ He smiled with a little humour. ‘The time we have spent doing this place up Waverly, has been the happiest time of my life since things broken down with my wife. Being busy, having a laugh… it’s sometimes all we need. It’s sometimes enough.’

Waverly found herself gazing at him as he spoke. His eyes suddenly filled with more sparkle and his face with more gentleness than she’d seen before. A little alarmed by her thoughts she tore her eyes away allowing them to fall upon one of the brushes and tins of paint resting by the side of the room.

Hurriedly, she picked one up, ‘room 3… green we decided yes?’

‘Er… yes?’ he frowned at her sudden haste to get busy.

‘And… room 4 we decided yellow, well this kind of pastel yellow… thing,’ her words were completely failing her as she picked up a brush and tin and held it out to him.

‘Er… yes,’ he took them from her. As soon as he did, Waverly picked hers up again and almost ran up the stairs like she was fleeing the scene of some disaster. At the bottom of the stairs Jose watched her go bemused. ‘What did I say?’

 

Slumped on the bar, Waverly ran her finger around the rim of her wine glass as Francisco looked on slightly amused.

‘What’s troubling you?’ he asked as he ran a cloth over the wooden surface next to her.

She looked up at him and then at the spot she had been staring at for almost an hour, ‘my mind is not my friend Francisco,’ she grumbled. ‘My mind is not my friend at all.’

‘How so my dear?’

Waverly looked reluctant to say the words as her head remained resting on her arm, ‘I’m starting to think she’s not coming…’

Francisco raised his eyebrow, ‘and when did this start?’

Keeping her head on her arm she raised her eyes to meet his, ‘since I escaped.’ She admitted. ‘It was only a tiny voice in my head, but recently it’s got louder and louder and now it’s shouting.’

‘We all have voices of doubt Waverly,’ Francisco said wisely. ‘It’s just a case of whether we can listen to them…’

Lifting her head from her arm, Waverly studied his kind worn face and found some but only a little solace, ‘what if she never does? I don’t think I can do this on my own.’

He chuckled and took her hand in his, ‘we often find our strength when we face this world alone.’ He looked behind him to where a picture of his wife hung lovingly amongst his other pictures and paintings adoring the walls. ‘I never thought I could open this place on my own. But I did. I had her watching over me.’

‘The difference is though, with the greatest respect, she passed away and cannot find you… whereas when Nicole can, she might not. She might make that choice to never come and find me,’ her face turned glum with the realisation. ‘I mean, I left… I wouldn’t blame her.’

‘After all you’ve told me and everything you went through; I don’t think that would be the case.’

Unmoved from her thought, Waverly stared at her hands, ‘something tells me different…’

Francisco smiled compassionately seeing the pain on her face, he reached forward over the bar and placed his finger underneath her chin so he could lift it as though he was talking as a father to a daughter, ‘hope my dear… isn’t that what you are always telling me? Hold onto hope.’ He waited for her to meet his eyes before he stroked her cheek gently and moved away.

Smiling weakly Waverly bowed her head, ‘hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and a good thing never dies,’ she said quietly. Francisco nodded and returned back to his cleaning but Waverly’s face had not lifted even with her own words. ‘But what if it has?’

 

With the cool breeze against her back, Waverly let the cold water brush over her feet. Her eyes fixed upon where the moonlight sparkled on the tranquil waves she let the tears run down her face. She hugged her knees in tightly hoping for some comfort, but everything that had once seemed so beautiful about the place around her suddenly seemed vast, empty and desolate. It was sights such as these that she had longed to share with Nicole so without her they seemed meaningless.

The last of her four glasses of wine caused her head to swim and eyes to blur. As the world seemed to spin she didn’t realise at first that someone had sat down beside her on the sand. It was only the flick of the grains causing them to splash across her legs that brought her attention back to her immediate surroundings. Glancing sideways she looked into the kind eyes of Jose as he pushed his own bare feet out into the water.

‘Beautiful isn’t it,’ he said. Waverly couldn’t speak as she looked back out to sea. ‘I used to come here after my wife…’ he stopped and cleared his throat. ‘There’s something to be said about water…’

‘It’s too big,’ Waverly croaked.

It was at the sound of her voice that Jose realised she was crying, ‘you alright? What’s wrong?’

She shook her head and almost rocked as she continued to hug her knees, ‘it’s too big,’ she repeated.

‘What is?’

‘All this, the sea, the beach, the sky, the hotel… it’s too big… I can’t…’ she buried her head into her arms as she clasped together.

Unnerved by her state, Jose inched a little closer and threw an arm around her shoulders. Due to the wine coursing through her body, Waverly fell easily into him and let her head rest against his chest. Through his shirt she could hear his heart beat. The sound caught her attention. Slowly, she reached up with her hand and placed it over where the sound was coming from.

‘That sound…’ she whispered. Jose was frozen as he felt her hand press against his skin. ‘Such a wonderful sound…’ Gradually, she looked up and their eyes met. It was only his eyes she could see as she gazed up. They were dark and soulful. They captured her. Her hand against his chest feeling his heartbeat and looking up into dark, brown eyes she suddenly felt at home. All the loneliness slipped away. The doubt and uncertainty were no longer a thought in her mind. For just a moment, she closed her eyes to give in and felt the breath from his mouth coming closer to her own.

‘Nicole…’ she breathed out. The heartbeat and its wonderful sound and the dark, brown eyes, there was only one person that would hold any meaning to them. It was Nicole she had seen in his eyes.

‘Nicole?’ Jose stopped in his tracks only a breath between their faces.

Waverly opened her eyes and clumsily pushed him away so she could scramble to her feet, ‘I’m so sorry…’

Jose too got to his feet incensed, ‘that’s who you were thinking about?’ he cried.

She gazed at him through teary eyes, ‘she’s all I think about,’ she said dejectedly. It used to be something to lighten her mood, a thought of Nicole, but recently it had felt more like a burden. A thought which saddened her every time she felt it. ‘She’s all I’ll ever think about.’

‘So what the fuck was that?’ he gestured angrily to where they had just been sitting.

Waverly paused as she stared at him. She regretted the heartbroken expression on his face. A man who had been nothing but kind and generous to her. In one awful drunken moment of weakness, she was the second woman to break him. ‘Enlightenment.’ She said finally.

‘What?’

She shrugged as if defeated. ‘That it always be her,’ Waverly explained. ‘Whether I’m alone or whether she’s in my arms… it’ll always be her.’ Her heart stung as she watched Jose bow his head in anguish. ‘I guess I needed a stupid selfish moment like that just to prove it… and I’m so sorry that it hurt you.’

Jose looked up to the sky, ‘you fucking women.’ She could see there were tears in his eyes. ‘You just throw yourselves around and you think it doesn’t matter to us… but you have no idea. No idea!’

‘I know…’ Waverly stumbled forward and placed her hands on his shoulders. She half expected him to push her away. But he stood limp before her as he cried into his hand. ‘We’re both victims of love here. You and me. But you have it better…’

He looked up bewildered, ‘how the fuck can you say that?’

‘Because you can move on, you know how I feel… you can find another,’ Waverly told him. ‘Me? I’m probably doomed to waiting and maybe I’ll never know… just here on my own. Because I can’t love another Jose. It’ll always be her. I’ll wait until I die… and she may never come. That’s my life now.’ She let go of him and staggered towards the waves realising the weight of her words. ‘So Jose yes, you fucking have it better!’

Looking up Jose watched as Waverly didn’t stop at the edge of the waves. Striding forward she began to walk out into the water, ‘Jesus Waves what are you doing?’ Thrashing through the waves as Waverly reached her waist he grabbed hold of her arm and pulled her back.

She stood steadfast in the water but turned to face him, ‘tell me you know you have it better…’

Holding her he looked down into her eyes, filled with tears and bleary from the alcohol he shook his head, ‘I can’t… because we’re both fucked.’ Unable to stop herself, Waverly broke in sad laughter and buried her head in his chest as she collapsed into his arms. Once again he wrapped his arms around her and placed his head against hers. ‘But you have me,’ he whispered. ‘I would rather be your friend than nothing at all. You’ll always have me. You will not be waiting alone.’ He kissed her head and held her more tightly. At his words Waverly let her arms snake around his waist to find solace in his arms as the cool ocean water lapped up against their bodies.

‘What if I’m waiting until I die?’ Waverly asked into his chest as her eyes stared out in the dark blue water watching the waves ripple past them towards the shore.

‘Then you and I will be two sad old people in rocking chairs on your hotel porch,’ he chuckled.

‘What if you get remarried?’

‘She’ll be in the kitchen fetching our drinks,’ he stated. ‘How else will we live with ourselves?’

Allowing herself to enjoy his joke, Waverly shook her head in amusement. She was terrified. She had been since the moment she escaped. Terrified that walking away from Nicole that night meant walking away from her for forever. She understood Nicole’s feelings of betrayal and anger but she had to take that risk. If she’d stayed in Shawshank she would have died whether it was by her own hand or the warden’s. She did escape to live and now she was living for Nicole to find her. Hope? Did she have it? She would do all she could to hold onto it even as she felt it slipping away. At least she knew now, she would never love another, even if that hope faded altogether.

 

As the breeze moved itself through another perfect day, Waverly rather groggily walked down her stairs holding onto the rail to guide her. Upon reaching the last step she looked out into the living area and smiled a little entertained at the sight that greeted her. Head back, snoring uncontrollably, Jose lay sprawled out. His usually perfect hair stuck out at all angles. A sight which she knew would horrify him. Entering the living area, Waverly folded her arms and coughed loudly. Jose’s eyes flew upon rapidly startled as his quick awakening almost caused him to roll completely off the sofa.

‘What?’ he cried. ‘What happened?’ he looked up at Waverly as the sun shone in on his face and instantly recoiled in agony. ‘Oh my god my head!’ he grabbed it with both hands and curled up over his knees.

‘Yep, that hit me about thirty minutes ago.’ She grabbed his shirt and threw it to him. ‘Come on… I’ll make some breakfast.’

‘Food?’ he gasped. ‘How can you think about food?’

‘Food helps!’ she called behind her as she walked through the dining area into the kitchen.

 

Placing his knife and fork down on the plate as he and Waverly sat on the hotel porch he nodded with a defeated expression, ‘okay… you were right, food helps.’

‘Always,’ Waverly grinned proudly.

‘What are you going to do today?’ Jose asked taking a long swig of coffee.

Waverly gazed out across the road to the beach, ‘work on my boat I think… I need some time to think, with a clear head.’ She looked back at Jose looking guilty. ‘Look about last night…’

He raised his hand to stop her talking, ‘don’t even…’ he assured her. ‘I get it. Wine, emotions… it’s fine. If anything, in a very bizarre way, I’m glad it happened.’ Waverly frowned confused. ‘Because now I know. I know for sure and you know for sure.’ He smiled a genuine smile. ‘You love her. You will always love her. And you have a clean conscience that nothing happened and nothing will ever happen with anyone.’ Waverly’s face softened, touched by his words. ‘Even if she never comes here Waverly… you’ve had one amazing relationship that some people will never have. I think even more than mine with my wife. You have so many memories. Hold onto those. Cherish those. Because real love… that only happens once in a lifetime.’

Waverly stared at him stunned by his honesty, ‘why the hell did your wife cheat on you?’ she asked.

Laughing he threw his head, ‘something I ask myself every single day.’

 

Jose’s kind words ringing in her eyes, despite the nausea of the night before in her stomach, Waverly felt buoyed and more positive as she walked across the road towards her boat. She allowed herself to look up and take in the magnificence of the trees towering above her. She allowed herself to smile and wave at the locals as they fixed their boats or tended to their houses. She allowed herself to once again enjoy the feel of the silky sand between her toes as she kicked off her sandals and stepped out onto the beach. She allowed herself to enjoy the feel of the warm sun on her face and the calming noise of the waves in her ears. Zihuatanejo was glorious again in all its splendour and beauty. She would remember this as she spent another day working on her more personal project that lay tethered to the sand not far from where the waves kissed the beach.

 

As so many times before, sweat dripped from her forehead onto the clean wood beneath her as Waverly pressed down to sand off the last area of the boat. Having been working on it since the morning, in the afternoon sun her arms screamed with exhaustion but she was not done. As soon as this area was complete she would be able to start painting it. A lot of work would need to be done inside the boat to make it usable for her hotel guests but the engine was in good working order and once sea worthy she would take it out properly for its first turn. To feel the wind in her hair as she bounced over the waves had been a dream ever since she had bought it and it was getting ever closer. Other than the thought of seeing Nicole again, it was one of the things that was keeping her going.

Her eyes fixed upon the last scratches she would need to exact then Waverly suddenly felt her entire body paralyse. It was such an extreme and unexpected sensation it almost knocked her over but she was able to lean forward onto her sander to gain her balance. Her chest lifted and fell heavily as she caught her breath and let the realisation hit her. She couldn’t move, she was too scared to move. But she knew she had to.

She closed her eyes for a moment before pushing her body away from the boat’s deck so that she could rise slowly to her feet. She kept her eyes facing the way she was for just a few moments longer staring out at the palm trees that disappeared along the beach. Then, her heart exploding in her chest, she slowly allowed herself to turn round and look in the opposite way along the beach. Her eyes followed the sand and the edge of the water before they settled on something that had not been there before. In the distance she saw a figure, with trousers pulled up her knees, shirt sleeves to her elbows and a black hat on her head, drop the few items she was holding onto the sand. For a moment, Waverly couldn’t breathe. The air in her throat and lungs was stuck. When the ability to inhale returned, Waverly was able to cautiously move to the edge of the boat only a few feet off the ground. Unable to hold back any longer, Waverly leapt off the boat, desperate to close the gap between them and began to run.


	28. Chapter 28

 

The sand was no longer silky as it seemed to stick to her bare feet pulling her down. Still her legs pumped her body forwards as she ran down the beach. Her heart beating faster than she had ever felt it did not help her to push breath through her lungs. Still she fought on, her eyes fixed on only reaching one thing.

The moment Waverly jumped down from the boat and started running, Nicole had done the same. Leaving her suitcase and jacket dumped on the sand, no thought to its safety or contents, she also urged to close the long distance between them. Her hat flew off her head and landed silently on the beach behind her, but she didn’t even notice. She too felt the sand dragging her down. She too felt her breath catch in her lungs and seem to stick, but she too was fixed on only reaching one thing.

It seemed to take an eternity before they finally covered the entirety of the beach between them. Both with tears beginning to pool in their eyes as they finally laid their hands on each other. Exhausted and panting, they both placed their hands on the other’s cheeks, cupping the other’s face, drinking in the sight before them. They gasped and wept as their eyes stared into each other and locked. They barely moved for minutes as thought frozen in time.

Waiting to be woken up from the dream, Waverly reached up a tender hand and brushed it over Nicole’s face as if to check it was really her. She traced Nicole’s cheeks and lips with her thumb knowing their touch and feel so completely. If she closed her eyes she would have known who they belonged to. Nicole too needed the tangible touch to check that she was really holding Waverly again. Her hands made similar movements as she felt the pooling tears in her eyes overflow and fall down her cheeks. She felt Waverly wipe them away. As Waverly did so, Nicole tipped her head into Waverly’s hand, such a comforting caress that she had loved and missed for such a long time.

Smiling beginning to believe it, Waverly moved her body and face closer to Nicole’s as the wind swirled around them. All sound was lost to them as they were lost in only each other. With another small step, Waverly could feel Nicole’s breath on her face. ‘You’re here,’ she whispered.

Nicole lifted her head from Waverly’s hand to meet her wife’s eyes again, ‘I’m here,’ she smiled back. With a gentle shake of the head, Waverly closed the aching gap between them. Nicole too bent down so that their lips, that had been parted for so long, could finally be reunited. The kiss was soft and loving as they savoured the feel of the other’s lips on their own once more. Waverly lost her fingers in Nicole’s still shortened hair, showing her approval of both this and her wife’s presence. To feel the entirety of Waverly’s body against her own, Nicole slipped her arms around her waist and up her back to pull her in close. As she did so, more passion seeped into the kiss as their chests pressed together. Waverly allowed her lips to part a little so Nicole could softly push her tongue amorously inside. Waverly welcomed it as a soft sigh escaped her lips. She had dreamed of this, longed for it, doubted it would happen, but here it was; the most delicious feeling she could ever experience.

They did not know how long they lingered in the kiss. Their lips and tongues met, parted and met with smiles and giggles repeatedly. Their hands absorbed the feel of the other with more urgency as the kiss continued. It was only the sound of others a little distance away that finally parted them as they gazed at each other breathless.

Nicole took a few moments to catch her breath, her hands not leaving Waverly as she gripped her arms, ‘I’m so sorry I didn’t get here sooner, I…’

‘Shhhhhh,’ Waverly placed a finger gently against Nicole’s mouth. ‘I don’t care…’ she smiled. ‘You’re here. That’s all that matters.’ Not caring who might see or what they might think, she hooked a hand around Nicole’s neck to pull her down into another kiss. This was their moment, the moment that had allowed her to keep living. The moment she crawled through a river of shit for in order to make happen. No one was going to take it away from them.

 

_She was more beautiful that I had ever remembered. You think that when you love someone for long enough, you can picture them clearly in your mind. It’s never accurate though. It’s a memory; what your mind wants to recall. It had been enough for me, but as I kissed her and felt her body in my hands again, I realised my memories had not been accurate at all. This was better than any memory._

 

Laughing, Waverly pushed Nicole through the door as she tugged at her shirt out of her trousers. Nicole staggered back carrying her suitcase, hat and jacket in her hands therefore unable to stop herself. Once through the door, Waverly took these off her and threw them onto the floor at one side of the hallway. Nicole then found her back against the wall as Waverly placed another fervent kiss on her lips pressing their bodies together. The feel of Waverly’s hips against her own once again caused Nicole to take a sharp intake of breath as she felt something which been missing stir inside her. Sensing her arousal, Waverly pulled away biting her lip delighted at Nicole’s response to her actions. She would have leaned in for more but a sudden loud bang from the back room rudely disturbed them.

Mortified, Waverly closed her eyes, ‘oh crap,’ she breathed out. Jose. ‘Just… stay here.’ Nicole frowned a little confused. With another mischievous smile Waverly kissed her before quickly disappearing into the living area and through to the back of the house. Regaining her composure, Nicole leaned back against the wall. She ran a thumb across her own lip. It was glorious to have such immediate memories of Waverly’s on them again.

Darting between the chairs splayed out in the dining area, as Waverly found it empty, she made her way into the kitchen. She was relieved to find two of her local handymen working on the pipes until the sink rather than the man she was expecting. She remembered that she had commissioned them to come that day.

‘Hi guys…’ she sighed relieved. They looked up and gave a friendly smile. ‘Look, I know I booked you for today, but could you possibly come back tomorrow?’ They looked at each other a little bewildered and Waverly could also sense a little irritation. ‘I’ll still pay you?’ she offered. At this their faces lightened immediately. Shrugging, they quickly packed up their things and with a nod left through the back door. Turning back to find her way back to Nicole, Waverly then saw a note left on the island in the middle of the kitchen.

‘ _Hi Waves, the wife came by to say one of my boys has had an accident. Don’t worry, he’ll be fine. Just have to take him to hospital. I’ll swing by later. Jose’_

With a grin, Waverly placed the note back down on the surface and almost ran back to Nicole who was still waiting obediently in the hallway. The coast was clear.

‘Who was that?’ she asked.

‘Workers, from town,’ Waverly replied placing her hands back on Nicole’s shirt. Just to believe she was really there she had to feel her, touch her, take all of her in. ‘They’re helping me do up this place.’

Nicole too needed to feel Waverly in her hands so placed her hands tenderly on her waist loving its shape and feel in her fingers. ‘You really did it huh?’ she smiled proudly before glancing briefly at their surroundings.

‘I did… it always my dream,’ she nodded. ‘But it was empty until now.’ Pushing herself up, she brought their lips together again before resting her head on Nicole’s. ‘Now this place can really be home... for us.’

The words caused Nicole’s heart to flutter, ‘you better show me round my new home then.’

Excited, Waverly grabbed her hand and dragged Nicole through to the living room. The most finished of the hotel, it would give Nicole the best feel of how Waverly wanted her hotel to look. As she walked in front Nicole, Nicole’s gaze fell down the length of Waverly’s body. They followed every curve from her neck, back, down her legs and back up again to how the length of her ponytail landed on her shoulders. Suddenly, she didn’t care about any room that Waverly had to show her except one.

‘Waves,’ she breathed out pulling her back. ‘I don’t care.’

‘You don’t care?’ For a second Waverly was a little hurt until she had completely turned back and seen the longing in Nicole’s eyes. ‘Oh…’ Nodding, Nicole engulfed her in another embrace pressing their lips hungrily together. The force of her kiss caused Waverly to stumble backwards until her body was resting against the back of the sofa. This allowed Nicole to press her body into Waverly’s feeling the fullness of its curves that she had just admired. Waverly leant back and closed her eyes as she felt the heavenly caresses of Nicole’s lips against her neck and shoulder. Delicately, Nicole moved the straps on one of Waverly’s shoulders down her arm to allow her more access to the area she explored.

Feeling the item of furniture in the small of her back, Waverly no longer wanted to be leaning against it. Taking Nicole’s hand she led her slowly round to the front of the sofa. With a chuckle, she gently pushed Nicole back she fell back into it. Delighted, Nicole looked back up at the sight that stood over her. Teasingly, Waverly unhurriedly placed one knee up on the sofa next to Nicole’s leg then the other on the other side of Nicole so she was kneeling over her. With an admiring smile, Nicole moved her hands up Waverly’s legs loving the feel of the skin Waverly’s shorts gave her access to. Waverly brought her hands to Nicole’s shoulders, once again lost in the brown eyes that were filled with so much comfort.

‘Oh god I’ve missed you,’ Waverly exhaled. She sat down on her Nicole’s legs so that their eyes could be more level. Although her body craved more, her heart just wanted to savour the moment. Take in the reality that the woman she loved more than anything in the world was sitting in front of her once again. ‘I love this,’ she smiled as she played with Nicole’s shorter curls behind the ear.

‘Dolls did it,’ Nicole smiled back. ‘She did it to cheer me up.’ Waverly’s face fell immediately as guilt gripped her entire body. ‘Hey…’ using a single finger, Nicole lifted Waverly’s chin as it dropped. ‘It’s okay… I know why you did it. You had to.’

Waverly couldn’t look in Nicole’s eyes, ‘I ate at me… every single day,’ she said despondently. ‘To know you were still in that place.’ She looked at Nicole briefly, but she couldn’t hold their gaze. ‘Sometimes I wanted to go back. I would take the beatings, take the cruelty, even solitary… just to see you one more time.’

Stunned, Nicole just stared at the guilt ridden woman resting on her lap, ‘baby, I’d never ask that of you…’

‘I know,’ Waverly nodded. She looked up with tears in her eyes. ‘But the pain of you not being with me caused me too much pain sometimes. I would have done anything to…’

Nicole silenced her with a gentle kiss, letting its simplicity linger and comfort. She brought both her hands to Waverly’s face to stroke and soothe it. ‘You escaped to live,’ she whispered holding their faces close. ‘That place would have destroyed you… and that would have destroyed me.’

‘You must have doubted me though, surely?’

Now it was Nicole’s turn to look away, the same but lighter feeling of guilt flooding her body, ‘I did,’ she agreed. ‘But I’m a silly old con who has learnt to doubt everything. I forgot about the one thing you taught me…’ She brought her eyes back to Waverly to see her wearing a questioning look. ‘Hope.’ Nicole smiled. ‘It took a seventeen year old with a bad chewing gum habit to open my eyes to it.’

‘Hope is a good thing…’ Waverly started.

‘Maybe the best of things…’ Nicole went on.

They paused for a moment as they gazed at each other, ‘we don’t need to finish it…’ Waverly said leaning in.

‘Nope… no we don’t…’ Nicole agreed wrapping her arms around Waverly and pulling her in so they could lose themselves in each other’s arms again.

 

As her trousers and shirt lay discarded on the floor alongside Waverly’s shorts and step top, Nicole gasped at the feel of the full weight of Waverly’s body pressing down on her own. Able to stretch out the full length of the sofa, their desire had not allowed them to make the short journey up the stairs to bedroom on the first floor. Their thoughts were only on each other and exploring every inch of skin they could have access to. Pressing herself up slightly, Waverly allowed her hand to drift from Nicole’s face, down her arm and her stomach so it could stroke and caress the slender leg it found. Approving the touch, Nicole’s squeeze of Waverly’s neck tightened a little as the heat inside her continued to rise. It was surging through them both with such vigour that they were both restraining themselves to ensure they could draw out and prolong the pleasure they were experiencing. The pleasure of the simplest of each touch, each stroke, each caress, each fond movement of their bodies against each other. Each drift over the fingers over their skin was gratifying and wonderful.

The feel of Waverly’s fingers on her thigh however provoked Nicole to move things along a little more quickly. Carefully she pushed herself up so she was sitting, Waverly once again kneeling over her body. With deft fingers that clearly hadn’t lost their skill, she unhooked Waverly’s bra so it could fall away from her body. At the move, Waverly bit her tongue approvingly. Nicole brought their lips together for a moment before letting them drift down to Waverly’s chest exploring the curves that they found. Cradling Waverly’s back she laid Waverly back on the sofa so she now assumed a position on top. This allowed Waverly to relax completely into the exploration of Nicole’s lips on her chest and stomach as her stimulation heightened. She began to gasp more audibly which pleased Nicole greatly. Nevertheless, she was not going to rush and wanted her lips to taste every inch of skin before her. She had been deprived of it for so long, she had to remind herself of every rise and dip of the skin’s surface. The feel of Waverly’s hips jerking beneath her only encouraged Nicole to affectionately tease her more.

After her appetite was satisfied, her lips made their way back up to Waverly’s passionately but still lovingly. Skilfully, reaching behind, Nicole unhooked her own bra and cast it aside slowly lowering her body down on Waverly’s. As breasts met breasts and stomach met stomach the two groaned in delight. Her hands trembling a little, Waverly stroked them up and down Nicole’s back loving its smooth and perfect feel against her palms.

‘I dreamt of this,’ Waverly whispered as Nicole kissed her neck.

Panting a little, Nicole gazed down at her, ‘you did?’

Waverly nodded gripping Nicole’s waist to pull her hips in, ‘feeling you, like this.’

With an appreciative grin, Nicole devoured Waverly’s lips with her own, ‘so did I.’ Their eyes burning into each other after the kiss, Nicole brought her hand up to Waverly’s cheek to stroke it once again. As she always had been, she was astounded at Waverly’s beauty. ‘What else did you dream of?’

Suddenly, Waverly looked a little shy as she bit her lip, but the feel of Nicole’s reassuring hand against her cheek allowed her to forget this quickly, ‘you touching me again…’

As if it were a declaration of consent, Nicole beamed before bringing their lips together. Their hands caressed, stroked and gripped each other for a few moments more, before Nicole’s fingers made their way to the edge of Waverly’s underwear. To heighten Waverly more, she simply traced her fingers back and forth between each hip over the lace band they found. She could feel Waverly’s ardency in their kisses and it only gratified her actions more. However, she longed to feel Waverly as much as Waverly was desperate for it. In a swift motion, Nicole sat up so that she could pull the final barrier off Waverly’s legs to join the rest of their clothing on the floor.

Once they were gone, her eyes traced the full length of Waverly’s elegant naked body. She felt her breath catch in her throat for a moment as she did so. Using one finger, she stroked a line up one of Waverly’s legs over her thigh and up to her hip. Raising her head briefly, she looked back at Waverly whose smile of adoration stopped her for a moment, ‘you okay?’ she asked a little worried.

‘I just um…’ Waverly shook her head. She was still struggling to believe it.

‘I know…’

Waverly pushed herself up a little; as though she needed to get closer to Nicole to believe her existence, ‘make love to me Nicole…’ her eyes flitted between Nicole’s eyes and her lips. ‘So I know I’m not dreaming…’

Nodding in total agreement, Nicole lay Waverly back down before moving her weight to the side. She lingered her touch on Waverly’s face, not to tease but to adulate just for a little longer before it began to find its way lower, giving Waverly the touch that she was gasping for. She held her face close to her wife’s so that she could feel Waverly’s pleasured breathing against her face as her fingers found the rhythm she knew Waverly needed. Her right hand around Nicole’s neck, Waverly used the other to grip the sofa. Her head resting back she closed her eyes to absorb every sensation that throbbed through her body. But the few seconds of her closing her eyes were a few too long. She opened them again so that her eyes could fix themselves on Nicole again, to relish every stroke and who was exacting them. As their eyes met and they breathed heavily together, the fact that Nicole was there and touching her again caused the sensations to become even more powerful. With an empty hotel and all the time in the world, no guards, no fellow inmates stalking the halls, no bells or time limits, the afternoon was theirs and they were going to lap up every minute of it.

 

_That, was the most exquisite she had ever felt. After she escaped in everything I did and in nearly every dream I had I thought about her lips, her neck, her breasts, her legs, my hand between them and the feel of her rising to my fingers every move. I lived for pleasuring her and it was incredible that I was doing it again. Every moan and sigh just provoked me even more. I watched her face for most of it, watching her mouth open and close with gasps and her eyes flicker. When her head tipped I went with her as if it wasn’t going to come back. I’d lived in fear of not seeing it for so long I wanted to see every expression, every piece of evidence that what I was doing was pleasuring her as much as I could. We’d waited for this for so long, it had to be perfect. And, after I had adjusted my movements in accordance to her moans, as she came against my fingers it helped to reaffirm that it was. Even then I stayed with her. I wanted to see every moment of it even if she wasn’t able to look back at me. When she was able again, a quiet tranquillity had come over her face. Her thoughts were clear and her mind was calmed. I could see it in the serenity of her peaceful expression. We had nothing to worry about or fear anymore._

 

Gasping for air, Nicole relaxed her arched back and fell back on the bed. In no hurry at all, Waverly released her grip on Nicole’s hips and kissed her way back up Nicole’s body before she fell softly on top of her. Her body still shaking, Nicole stared at the ceiling soaking in every sensation she experienced. It had been so much better than her dreams. They panted and breathed deeply together as Waverly completely collapsed on Nicole’s body resting her head just under Nicole’s neck. She closed her eyes as her chest rose and fell heavily restoring oxygen to her lungs. Moving her head a little, Waverly brought her hand up to Nicole’s heart and placed it over where she could feel its gentle but rapid beat. She cherished the feel of the heartbeat she had longed to hear and how it was just below her palm. A small content smile snuck onto her face as she closed her eyes to hear it more clearly.

‘Wow…’ Nicole panted.

‘I know,’ Waverly agreed.

‘If that’s how you get busy living…’ Nicole smiled. ‘I’m in.’

Laughing, Waverly lifted her head and rested it on her hands on Nicole’s chest so she could soak in Nicole’s face once again, ‘this is how it can be… all the time, every day…’

Shaking her head in wonder, stared at the exquisite face gazing at her, ‘oh fuck me… I’m so in…’

Waverly wrinkled her nose in amusement, ‘I do have a lot of rooms to break in…’ Nicole was now lost for words. She just grinned in approval. ‘Now that you’re here, this place can be perfect… it will be perfect.’

‘You will have to show me round… properly…’ Nicole said as seriously as she could. ‘When I can concentrate…’ which in her mind would be never as proven by the first attempt.

‘I want to make sure you can never concentrate…’ Waverly teased moving up to kiss her. Just as she was about to she heard the door slam downstairs and a man’s voice call her name. ‘What the…’ she looked at the clock and saw to her amazement that it had been at least four hours since she had brought Nicole to the hotel. ‘oh fuck…’ springing from the bed she scrabbled around for some clothes lying on the chair at the dressing table.

‘What is it?’ Nicole asked pushing herself up on her elbows.

‘Just… stay here,’ Waverly ordered gently as she pulled on a pair of shorts and simple white t-shirt.

Nicole didn’t have a chance to reply as Waverly stumbled out of the room. Looking down at her naked body spread out on the bed, she chuckled to herself, ‘considering the only clothes I have are downstairs… not going anywhere…’

 

With nimbler feet than those that had left the bedroom, Waverly made her way down the hall and the stairs to see Jose making his way through the living area towards the dining room with paint tin and brush in hand.

‘Jose,’ Waverly called making sure her voice was lowered. He turned and blinked at the sight of Waverly in very revealing shorts and a thin cotton t-shirt.

‘Wow Waves… um…’ he reverted his eyes. Waverly looked down and with widened embarrassed eyes she crossed her arms over her chest instantly. ‘That’s not a manual labour outfit…’

‘Depends what you take as um…’ she stopped and found herself grinning again. ‘She’s here.’

Jose allowed his eyes to return to Waverly, ‘who’s here…’ Waverly could only grin the excitement rendering her speechless. It didn’t take Jose long to catch up. ‘Oh my god… oh my god, really?’ Waverly nodded. Jose swallowed down his disappointment and instead turned his attention to the happiness of his friend. ‘Oh my god…’ his paint tin and brush fell to the floor as she rushed for to embrace her. As this opened Waverly’s arms, the touch of his body against hers caused him to recoil backwards immediately. ‘Sorry… I’m so sorry…’

‘Jose,’ Waverly giggled touching his arm. ‘It’s okay…’ She could tell his slightly discomfort with the entire situation and did sympathise. ‘I think it’s best if you go for today… we have um… a lot of catching up to do.’

‘Of course,’ he nodded. He placed the paint and brush to one side and gathered up his things. Waverly followed him as he made his way to the door. He paused as he opened it and looked back at her, the look of happiness on his face was genuine and Waverly could see it in his eyes, ‘I’m so happy for you…’

He went to leave, but Waverly suddenly recalled his note and caught his hand to pull him back, ‘how’s your son? I read your note. Is he okay?’

‘Oh he’s fine… broken arm, but he’ll make a full recovery,’ he breathed clearly relieved and touched by her question. ‘Thank you for asking.’

‘No… thank you for just being… you…’ she stepped forward and placed a kind friendly kiss on his cheek. He smiled at the touch and nodded his head in goodbye before closing the door behind him. Waverly watched him go before turned back to walk up the stairs, only to see Nicole, standing at the top wrapped in a sheet from the bed looking down at her.

‘Who was that?’

 

When she finished the story, Waverly was relieved that Nicole was still holding her hands. Throughout most of it, Nicole had looked pained and as though she would break their entwined fingers. But as they sat both wrapped in the sheet on the sofa, Nicole had stayed with her listening intently to every part.

‘I would never have kissed him,’ Waverly assured her. ‘It was a moment of weakness… it was just his eyes and his heartbeat. Just for a moment, it was like you were there… like you were close again…’

Her head bowed a little, Nicole stared at their hands as she moved her thumb back and forth over the top of Waverly’s hand, ‘I would have understood…’ she said.

‘Understood what?’

‘If you kissed him?’ The pause told her Waverly was a little taken back by this. ‘… if you thought I wasn’t coming… people need comfort, they need to feel someone close and…’

‘No…’ Waverly interrupted bringing one of her hands to cup Nicole’s face. ‘I promised. I stood there with you in that library and I promised. We made those vows and in that letter I wrote that I would never love another and I meant it. Champ was a mistake but you…’ she smiled adoringly at the woman beside her. ‘… this is real.’ She kissed her, to allow love to flow through their lips again.

‘We can do it properly…’ Nicole said brightening. ‘We can get married Waves…’

Waverly looked a little saddened however, ‘we can’t… it’s not legal here... or anywhere I don’t think.’ They held each other’s disappointed gaze before Waverly suddenly seemed to remember something. She brought Nicole’s hand up and kissed it before breaking free of the sheet and running back upstairs. Her naked body revealed again, Nicole wrapped the sheet around her and waited for the explanation she hoped was coming.

When Waverly reappeared she was holding a t-shirt and another pair of shorts in her hands. Nicole’s brow furrowed as she continued to try and work her wife’s actions out. ‘Put these on…’ Waverly held them out to her. ‘As much as I love you like that, I need you to be dressed… in something… for this.’

Slowly, Nicole rose and took the items from Waverly. Her standing up caused the sheet to fall from her body. Waverly stepped back and cast her eyes over Nicole’s body a little disappointed when some of it disappeared from view as Nicole pulled on the shorts and t-shirt.

‘There…’ Nicole said modelling them jokingly. ‘Now will you tell me what you are doing…’

Trying to hide her eagerness, Waverly reached into her pocket and pulled out a small blue velvet drawstring bag. She went to open it herself but realised that she wanted to watch Nicole discover it contents. She took Nicole’s hand and placed the bag on her palm. ‘Open it.’

With an intrigued look, Nicole carefully pulled the drawstrings open and looked inside. Her eyes widened instantaneously and looked back at Waverly stunned. Waverly motioned for her to continue so Nicole did. As silently instructed she cautiously tipped the bag upside down so two golden rings could fall into her hand.

‘Waverly…’ she started but she was lost for words.

Delighted by Nicole’s response, Waverly took the two fingers out of her mouth which she had been biting with a mixture of nerves and anticipation. ‘Those were the first things I bought when I escaped. Before the car or more clothes… it was all I wanted to buy with the money I stole from the warden. I wanted the best.’ Waverly explained stepping a little closer to Nicole. With her finger, Nicole adjusted them slightly so they were lying separately side by side. The magnificence of their colour and shine caught the sun streaming through the window gloriously. ‘We can’t get married by law… but as far as I’m concerned Dolls did marry us and I wanted us to wear these to remember that.’

There were tears in Nicole’s eyes when she looked up. She could see why Waverly wanted her dressed, in something, as this was a huge moment. As she took another step closer, Waverly held out her hand to Nicole. It took a moment for Nicole to put two coherent thoughts together, but after a pause, she did. Carefully securing one in left hand with her right she took the slightly smaller of the two and stepped forward to meet Waverly.

‘Do I need to say anything?’ She wanted to make sure this moment was as perfect for Waverly as it could be.

‘Do you want to say anything?’ Waverly asked.

‘I want to do this right for you.’

Waverly gazed at her, once again blown away by Nicole’s selflessness, ‘just be you.’

With the evening sun on their faces, standing in their new home, Nicole chose the simplicity of no words as she gracefully slipped the ring onto Waverly’s wedding finger. Her hands trembled as she did so. Once it was on, Nicole held Waverly’s hand to gaze at the ring adorning her finger.

‘Your turn,’ Waverly beamed. She held her hand out palm up for Nicole to give her the other ring. After she did so, Nicole held her hand out. She covered her mouth with the other as she felt completely overwhelmed. This caused tears to come to Waverly’s eyes moved by her wife’s happiness as she slipped the ring on Nicole’s correct finger, kissing it when it fell into place. Nicole’s weeping became more audible as she did, but weeping filled in unadulterated contentment.

Their eyes met again as their rings shone together in the sunlight before they fell into each other’s arms in a tight embrace.

‘I love you,’ Waverly whispered nuzzled into Nicole’s neck.

Nicole needed a few moments to collect herself wiping her face with her hand. When she did so, her ring caught her eye. She beamed through her tears, ‘you still continue to amaze me Waverly Dufresne…’

At the words, Waverly pulled out of the embrace but her hands found Nicole’s face once again, ‘no… not Dufresne, by law maybe, but not by my heart…’ She thought about for a moment and smiled as she first heard it in her head. ‘Redding… Waverly Redding.’

The kiss Nicole placed on Waverly’s lips assured Waverly that Nicole agreed of this whole heartedly. She held their faces close as they both soaked up the moment, ‘I love you too… so much.’

As the evening sun continued to dip, the two fell into another passionate embrace as their lips reconnected as if never to be parted. Standing in their new home with their new life the past was truly behind them. To many others around, they would just be friends but to those that mattered and to them, they were wives starting a new business and a new chapter. This was what Waverly escaped for. This was what Nicole battled the doubts for. This was what all the pain and suffering had led them to. For nineteen years, Waverly lived trapped in a life that she was never meant to live. Now everything around her was her choice, her desire, it was everything she wanted and more.

 

_That was the happiest moment of my life. I thought marrying her would have been. I mean people always say it’s supposed to be your wedding day don’t they? But we got married in a prison where we were never truly free to express our happiness. Now, although we would need to be reserved in some situations, we could truly be free and with those rings on our fingers and Waverly taking on my name, it was real. It was so gloriously real._

_We didn’t leave the hotel for two days, as you can probably understand. We enjoyed the honeymoon we never had. We made love in every room in that hotel. We even made love on her boat one night. With no one around, it was perfect. The sound of the water, under the stars, Jesus, I honestly did think I’d fallen asleep in my cell again. I dreamt of being next to her like that so many times and that’s all I thought they were… dreams. But she’d kissed me in that cupboard, we had made love on that desk, we had got married in that library, she had escaped and I had been released and we had found each other again. It had all happened and despite all the shit, here we were._

_Once I was there to help and with Jose’s help we got that hotel up and running within a few months. I met him and he was okay. Never fucking well left him alone with Waverly though, there’s something about him that I just don’t trust, even when he met his new girlfriend. Something told me he would always hold a candle for Waverly. Don’t blame him to be honest. He just needed to be reminded she was mine. I trust her. Just don’t freaking well trust him._

_We had bookings for the hotel straight away and the money, not that we needed it, started rolling in. Miguel became a very useful hand around the hotel, helping customers to their rooms and showing them around the town. Sometimes his abuela would come and sit on our porch to fix her nets. She loved to watch her grandson work. The days I hated were the ones that Waverly spent at sea with our guests fishing. I still didn’t trust the sea. So vast and unforgiving. I was always so relieved when she came back in the evening. I would show her as regularly as possible how much she meant to me. Something she didn’t mind of course._

_Yes, the hotel was a great success much to Waverly’s delight and because of this, to mine. Despite this, it is missing some familiar faces. Something we both agree on frequently. However, to Waverly’s knowledge the others still back at Shawshank have no idea where we are but I might have sent them a little letter. On the letter I had written a small riddle. It had taken me an entire day to write as I had to ensure it was something that only they would understand as I could not risk the discovery of myself and Waverly. With Rosita’s intelligence, Dolls’ wise know how and Jeremy’s common sense, I am sure that one day, just as Waverly had seen me, we will one day see them walking up to the beach. There’s a place for all of them here._

_For now, Waverly and I just indulge ourselves in our little piece of paradise. Something that we still pinch ourselves is real. On many late evenings, leaving Miguel or other staff in charge, Waverly and I walk hand in hand along the beach, our feet in the water and the moon on our faces. Sometimes we lie together on the sand, other times we sit in her boat which now floats on the water a little way from shore. On the odd occasion, she convinces me to take a moonlight dip in the sea… but that’s only with the promise that all clothes will be left on the beach. I still don’t fully trust the sea. But with Waverly’s arms around me, I feel like I can conquer anything._

_She escaped and left me and I was stupid enough to doubt. Of course she never left me. She always loved me and this is what she escaped for. You must never give up on hope, even in the darkest of times. Redemption was in being in prison, but salvation was found from being with her. The youth I was is gone; truly rehabilitated in her arms. She tells me I was her salvation every day, something which fills me with love and pride. Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and because of it, instead of getting busy dying… we are busy living… every single day… together._

 

 

 


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